What Hurts the Most
by Twilightsavedme
Summary: *Completed*The events of my life have made me who I am today. The over the top, crazy, feisty girl that he loves. The one he can't live without. The only problem is, he's not mine. Edward has a past that he can't seem to shake, and Bella has a past she's unwilling to face. Will Edwards deceit push her away, or will her past be too much for him to handle? Beta-d by EdwardsFirstKiss
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:**

 **All thanks to EdwardsFirstKiss for making this story a thousand times better with your amazing editing skills. I owe you more than you know :)**

Disclaimer

The characters in this story belong to Stephanie Meyers, but the plot belongs to Twilightsavedme.

Chapter 1: Special

Horns. Lots of them. Buzzing, whizzing, splashes of water. Drip, drop. It's raining? I'm wet. I need to get up.

I open my eyes slightly, and look down at my body. No cuts or bruises. I'm okay, I think. My head hurts. It's pounding. I grab the back of my head as I slowly sit up.

I was knocked out, remembering it now. Sighing heavily, I grab my purse, looking through it. I know I won't find my money there. Rose is going to kill me. Fuck! No no no! My rent money is gone.

I slowly stand, gripping onto the walls of the alley to walk forward. Walking down the streets slowly, I try to make it as close as possible to my job. I'm already hours late, but if I can just get there and explain myself, - Mike will understand. He has to.

I almost fall back down to the ground when a car speeds past, dousing me down with rain water from head to toe.

"Fuck!" I shout, raising my arms. He won't let me work looking like this. He'll send me home. Fucking hell! I need that money. I was just mugged for god sakes!

This day can't get any worst. It isn't possible. "Fuck Fuck Fucking Fuuuck!" I shout to the heavens before falling back down to the ground and crying. I feel my mascara and eyeliner sting my eyes and I know my makeup is running down my face. I'd hate to see my reflection right now.

Then, I look to the left and my eyes widen. I see my reflection in the window of a hotel, and Jesus, I look fucking terrible. In horror, I frantically scramble closer to the window on my knees, scratching them up on the sidewalk. I don't mind the burning of my scraping flesh because I'm too wrapped up in my appearance. My makeup is running, hair is like a bird's nest, and torn up a drenched outfit. Mike is definitely not going to let me work. I need to try to clean myself up a bit.

I stand quickly, wiping at my face to remove my smeared makeup, and then smooth down my clothes a bit.

I watch as people, high class and well dressed, walk into this fancy hotel. I know instantly that I won't fit in. But I just need to clean myself up a bit, so I can get to work. Then, I'm out of this fancy schmancy place.

I walk up to the intimidating glass door, opting for entering that way instead of going through the weird revolving thing a ma jig next to it. It looks like a death trap, and something that clumsy, unlucky people like me need to stay away from.

I stumble through the door. Then there's another door which is opened for me by a man dressed in a gray suit. He smiles kindly at me, and I nod at him before looking back through to the open lobby of the hotel.

The bright lights quickly hit me. My head pounds so hard I could throw up, but shove the feeling down, shuffling to the front desk to ask for the bathroom.

There's a woman standing there. She looks up at me, rolls her eyes, and then goes back to clicking away on her computer. Ignoring me.

I huff loudly, thinking I clearly don't need any more shit handed to me after the night I've had. I slept on the fucking streets after being knocked out and mugged. Now, I have to deal with this bitch.

I could just walk away. Walk away and find the bathroom myself. But, I decide right then and there to be just as much of a petty bitch as she is. Never mind causing a scene, I'm used to it. I'm sure pressing this bitch's buttons and causing a scene this late at night will be the highlight of someone's day.

A petty, patronizing smile sets on my face. I stare at the side of her face as she looks at me out of the corner of her eye. She's trying her hardest to ignore me.

She turns her face to look at me but doesn't speak, glancing down at the phone next to her when it rings. I swear to god if she answers it without acknowledging me, I'm going to really make some noise, and everyone will be aware of my presence.

"I fucking dare you." I say through my fake Barbie bitch smile. She smirks. Then she surprises me. It's a surprise because she doesn't look like the gutsy type. She answers the phone with a cheerful greeting - the way she should've greeted me - staring straight at me.

I roll my eyes. It's time for petty Bella to come out and play. I reach forward and grab the phone from her hand, trying to calm down the thoughts of bashing her on the head with it. She stares at me in horror.

"I've been standing here-"

"I'm sure there's nothing we can help you with. It's best you leave before you embarrass yourself." She says in a voice that should make me feel small, but it only riles me up.

"Sweetie, you work the fucking front desk. I'm sure I make more money than you do."

"Prostitute." she says under her breath before snickering and going back to tapping away on her computer.

That's it! I see the object of my noise maker and I go for it. It's a bell. I snatch it from behind the counter and begin ringing it.

"I need service! Service me! Service me!" I shout, trying to get attention. I'm succeeding. I can see men licking their lips at me and I realize my words have a double meaning. If I were ashamed I would blush, but I'm on a rampage.

I look back at the woman and she stares at me with her mouth wide open as if she can't believe what I'm fucking doing.

Once I'm satisfied with the amount of attention I've gained, I stumble over to a chair in the middle of the room. Falling back into the comfy chair.

I throw my purse on the table in front of me, removing my shoes and throwing them to the side where there's a lady looking at me. Her eyes are wide in disbelief and her mouth is agape.

I jump at her, "The fuck are you looking at?" She stands. "Go on." I say, jumping again. I'm slightly embarrassed now, but it's too late. I have to save face.

The bitch wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was so I'll just fix myself up right here in the center of the hotel.

I stand, stretching my arms up to remove my shirt. Leaving me in a wet tank top that's clinging to my body, looking down to see my neon green bra showing through my tank. I toss my shirt where my purse is. Falling back into the chair to take a few calming breaths. I need a cig.

I launch myself at my purse, hoping to god those idiots didn't take my new carton of cigarettes.

After a minute of frantically searching and then turning my purse over to dump the contents in the middle of the floor, I give up. Sitting on the floor, I clutch my purse to my body. Surrounded by all the lint, receipts, gum wrappers, bottle caps, and other bullshit I turned over from my purse.

This is just fucking great. I don't even have money for a new pack of cigarettes.

"Fuck," I curse. Then I notice people walking past me, staring. Business men look on in amusement while the women stare in shock. Some look upset as if what I'm doing is harming them. Give me a fucking break! They have no idea how my day has gone. Fuck! They have no idea how my week has gone. My month. Shit, my year. I've been in hell for so long, I can't remember a time when I wasn't...

Then, I see it. My little piece of heaven peeking out through the front zipper of my purse. It's a cig. It's a bit worn out, but who gives a shit. It's a cig and I can smoke it.

As people walk by, I ask the snooty bastards for a light. Some keep walking, not even acknowledging me, but those who do haven't got one.

I try to be polite because I really fucking need a lighter, figuring asking sweetly is the way to go.

"Excuse me," I call softly from my place on the floor. People continue to walk past not paying any attention to me.

Then, someone does. He stops and gives me a lighter, and offers a kind smile. "You should go outside to smoke," he says. I shrug as he walks away. I light the cigarette, not giving a shit. It instantly calms me down. I close my eyes and breathe. Yes, this is what I fucking needed.

"Fuck yeah," I look down at my cigarette with a smile. I'm brought out of my happy place when two feet appear before me.

"Miss," a man says. I look up to see a security guard. "I have to ask you to leave."

"Why is that?" I roll my eyes at him, sit back on my hands and look up at him. "I'm not doing anything wrong."

"Miss, I won't ask again." He steps closer. I blow out a puff of smoke. Jail for the night seems like the way to go. I probably need to report my missing money anyway, even though I know nothing will be done about it. "You need to leave this hotel immediately."

"Or what?" I push, staring up at him defiantly. Not having the energy to move at the moment, being physically removed doesn't seem like a bad idea.

He makes a grab for me and I flinch back. We're both halted by a deep silky male voice that demands attention. Both of our heads whip in the direction of the voice.

"Leave her," I hear him say as he steps from beside the security guard more into my direct line of vision. I stare up at him, feeling his penetrating gaze set firmly on me. His eyes hold fierce determination. They pin me where I am on the floor. I make no move to get up. He makes no move at all. We just stare. I take that moment to let my eyes roam around his facial features. He is fucking spectacular. I mean, this man looks like every one of my made up fantasy men wrapped up into one. Anything I could have imagined, and so much more is standing literally right in front of me.

His eyebrows are knit together as he tries to figure me out. I can pinpoint the exact moment that he comes up blank. But mesmerized by the look on his face, I wish he'd speak so his husky voice could distract me from looking at him. I'm in a trance-like state that only he can break.

"Fuck," I mumble when his body inches down towards mine in a crouch-like position right in front of me. He did it so slowly, I was able to see his suit pants cling to his thighs, his arms flex in his suit jacket as he stretches them before he rests them on his legs. He lets them fall limp as he looks at me intently with a tilt of his head. His eyebrows are still knit together in confusion. I think I even see worry in his eyes.

He is so motherfucking sexy. Who the fuck created such a perfect man? He had to be created in a lab because nobody looks this fucking perfect. Even the movie stars that I crush on have nothing on this fucking guy. Who the fuck is he?

I finally get the will to look away from him. Realizing my cig is still burning. I lift it to my lips and take a pull. But soon after, I find it pulled out from between my fingers and given to the security guard. The god-like man before me makes a face of disgust before he looks back at me. Instead of worry, I now see a very business-like look on his face. He's suddenly very straight faced and serious.

He looks down and presses his palms to his thighs. "Up," he says in that demanding tone. Then, he stands upright looking down at me expectantly. I stare up at him, making a face. He expects me to listen to him? I didn't even listen to the fucking security guard.

I scoff and roll my eyes. His eyes widen at my disobedience. "I said get up," he says in a deep rumbling voice that causes my body to move on its own accord. My brain is not all that happy about this development. I was comfortable. I almost pout.

"I'm not a child," I mumble. As I get to my feet and straighten my clothes before I look back at him. He smirks, and shakes his head.

"If you don't want me to speak to you like a child, then don't act like one," he says in an accusing tone. I just stare at him in surprise. Who the fuck does he think he is?

I scoff. Beginning to gather my things up harshly, I slam things, moving in a rush to get the hell away from him. "Fucking asshole . . . I don't need this shit." I hastily start to scramble to collect my things. I think I hear him laugh. I look up into his very amused eyes as he waves the security guard away. Is he fucking laughing at me? I narrow my eyes at him.

"Leave it," he says, holding a hand down towards the rest of my things. He raises a hand towards the front desk. A guy runs over to us. "He will get your things."

I look between him and the guy he ushered over in confusion. "I'm sorry, what?"

He sighs exasperatedly as if I'm annoying him. Then he places both of his hands in his pants pockets, and fixes his eyes on me. "He will bring your things." He waits for me to comprehend which I don't. "Come." He turns to the side, and holds a hand out for me.

"What are you-" I can't form sentences. "Do you think I'm a-" I'm heating with rage. I'm offended. "You think I'm a hooker, don't you?"

He actually laughs. His hand falls back to his side as does his head and his shoulders begin to shake. Then he looks back over at me.

"Do I look like the kind of man that needs to resort to paying for sex?" His eyes dare me to respond, but I don't. He surely doesn't look like he needs help in that department. How cocky of him. "Come on." He holds a hand out for me again. I slowly inch closer to him before I lightly take his outstretched hand.

He gives my hand a gentle squeeze, and stares at me as he speaks. "Steven, take that up to my usual suite." He calls out directions to the man, his eyes not leaving mine. "Let's go." He starts to walk and pulls me along with him.

"Go where?" I ask cautiously. "Your suite? I can't do that. I have to get to work!" I tell him as I frantically try to pull away from this stranger.

He chuckles lightly, his eyes roaming down my body. "Then you'd better get cleaned up." He pulls me again with a light tug, right into the elevator. It swiftly takes off to the number he pushes, and stops at his floor.

My head pounds lightly again when I step off of the elevator. I falter back and grab the side of my head. "Oh shit," I curse.

"Take it easy," he says. He presses a hand to my waist and guides me closer to him to help me walk. I'm paralyzed by the pain. This happens often, but is seemingly worsened by the night's events.

All of a sudden, my feet leave the ground and my face is pressed against a warm chest. I look on as we pass two doors before stopping in front of large double doors. He uses a key to unlock them, push them open and walks in. I see my purse and shirt on the desk near the window, and realize the bellhop guy has already come and gone.

He sits me on the bed, and steps back to observe me. I press a hand to my head. "Your head," he points. "What's wrong with it?"

"If I knew, I would do something about it," I spit back. He smirks.

"You're a feisty little thing." He shoves his hands in his pockets, and watches me with a small smile. I feel like I'm sitting before a predator. A very sexy predator that wants to eat me up whole. I should be scared. But, I'm not. He's amused by my behavior, even though there's nothing amusing about the way I've acted. Now that I've had time to think about the performance I put on downstairs, it's a wonder I wasn't thrown out. I acted horribly. It wasn't out of character for me to react that way. I was emotional. When that happens, I tend to show my ass. I hate to be seen as weak or vulnerable, so I act out, and show absolutely no fear.

I ignore his comment and take a moment to look around the large room. "Why am I here?"

He doesn't answer, just stands there and stares at me with those eyes. Those deep green orbs pierce through me which causes me to sit up straighter and zip my lips. I feel like I'm under a wicked sex spell. One only he can break it.

He walks towards the dresser, and loosens his tie.

"You should shower." He leaves no room for back talk. It's not a question, it's a demand. One that I find myself quickly following. "Everything you should need will be in there," he says and points towards a door to my left.

This is what I need, right? A shower to clean myself up and put on my work clothes. Then, I can leave.

I silently curse my heart for dropping at the thought of leaving this man's presence. I don't even know him. A mental pep talk will do me some good. Get it together, Swan!

I hurriedly hop in the shower, and let the hot water fall down my body and happily rub myself down. I mentally chastise myself for letting the green eyed man invade my thoughts as I knead my breasts.

I moan, licking my lips. But then realize I don't have much time for this. I need to get to work. It has to be almost midnight. Fuck! I drop my head. It's pretty pointless to go to work now.

I hear the bathroom door open. I freeze and peek out of the shower curtain. I see the man with his naked back to me, peeing in the toilet as if I'm not a few feet away from him, showering. My eyes land on his ass, and fuck, it's the most magnificent ass I've ever fucking seen. I lick my lips as I shamelessly stare at it.

He turns quickly. I get an eye full of his impressive cock. He just smiles at me as if it's no big deal. As if I should be comfortable with this. I am slightly which is shocking. But still, he doesn't need to know that.

My eyes snap to his deliciously smug face. I try hard not to look at his abs. Must not look at abs. Must not look at this stranger's abs. That will be my undoing. It will cause me to act like the whore he must think I am which I most certainly am not.

"Have you no shame?" I call to him as I close the curtain back and continue my shower.

I hear him laugh. The closer his laugh gets to the curtain, the more tense I become. Oh god. No, don't do this!

"I'm comfortable with my body," he says cockily. I roll my eyes. "Can't say the same for you." It's a challenge. I hear it in his thick voice. He's challenging me for more reasons than one. I don't know why my brain decides this is a good idea, but I swiftly shut off the water and throw the curtain back with my hands on my hips.

His eyes don't leave my face, but I see a satisfied grin that tells me he is looking at my goods and pleased by my acceptance of his challenge.

"What were you saying?" I shove him to the side, and walk past him to my purse to grab both my work skirt and the wet shirt I had on over my tank. "Do you bring all women who look like tramps up to your room or am I special?" I turn to face him, but I still don't dare look at his chest.

The corner of his mouth turns up in a smile. "You're definitely special." He says, and slowly walks towards my naked body. I detect sarcasm in his voice and I intend to point it out.

"By your definition, special means slow."

He reaches me, braces his hands on the desk at my sides, and stares me in the eyes. I take that moment to finally look at his body. Fucking perfect. I'm done for. I've never been one to throw myself at someone, but I need to make an exception. He is dangling a fresh piece of meat in my greedy face. I'm ready to pounce on him, and feast on the magnificence that is this man.

"Doesn't matter. Just know that I'm two seconds away from throwing you on my desk and fucking you until you beg me to let you cum, "he breathes. I melt at his feet, literally. No other man has ever had this effect on me. I feel like I've been unplugged my whole life, but have been buzzing since I met him. I feel charged, amped up, electrified.

I won't deny what my body wants; even if my mind screams it's a bad idea. My body wants this man. From his words, and the look on his face, he wants me too. He looks ready to devour me.

I can tell the very moment he realizes I'm on board with whatever this is because he smiles, and it's a pretty fucking cocky smile. I want to kiss that look off of his smug face.

He stands to his full height, and looks down, and breathes on me. He then takes a step closer. I feel his massive erection at my stomach. My breath catches in my throat. I find myself licking my lips in anticipation.

"How do you want it?" He asks with that same self-assured look on his face I saw earlier. My eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"I don't um . . . what-" I'm not sure what he's asking.

"Fast, slow, hard..." He growls into my ear. I shiver.

"Surprise me." He grinds against me, and leans his head back slowly to arch an eyebrow.

"I have a feeling this pussy is going to cause me to lose my fucking mind." I feel his hand sliding to the inside of my thigh. I throw my head back, my eyes rolling into the back of my head. "But you'll be the one begging me to fuck you all night."

"Yes," I whisper.

"Grab my cock. Good. Pump it. Fuck baby, just like that." He hisses instructions and I follow. I get pleasure from seeing how good I make him feel, so I continue.

He roughly lifts me by my hips and shoves my back onto the desk. He lays his hand on my belly to lie me down flat.

"Shit," he hisses, running a finger up and down my pussy. "I am going to have so much fun with you."

His gaze zeroes in on my face as his finger works lazy circles around my clit. Desire jolts down my spine, and causes my back to arch off of the desk like a possessed woman. He continues to bring me pleasure with just his fingers. I feel coiled heat simmer through my abdomen.

"Oh god," I moan.

Before I know it, his mouth is on me. I buck my hips forward, looking down to see his green eyes hot with lust, as he stares at me and laps at my core. He's on his knees with my leg over his shoulder. Still staring at me. Watching my reaction and swirling his tongue around me, licking, and moaning like I'm his favorite flavor.

My body jerks and bucks from the vibration he sends through me. My nipples tighten at the feeling of his tongue moving in and out of me. I can't fucking breathe. This is too good. His tongue continues to stroke, and swirls circles over my already sensitive clit. I cry out from the orgasm that pulses through me as ripples of pleasure flow through me from the glorious sensation of his tongue. I shake and shudder around his tongue as he hungrily laps up my juices.

"Fucking delicious," he says, before he stands and roughly takes handfuls of my breasts. Squeezing my nipples as he does. And fuck, it feels so fucking good. I'm so delirious, drunk on lust, and I need him inside of me now.

I hear a wrapper. My eyes snap open and search for the source of the sound. He sees my face and squeezes my thigh. "Relax. It's a condom." He chuckles lightly, sliding it on his length before swirling teasing circles at my entrance.

I throw my head back with a thud, and forget about my earlier headache. I moan. I can tell he loves this.

"Stop teasing and fuck me," I shout at him, losing my patience. I need him inside of me, now. I feel like I'll explode otherwise.

"Ask nicely." He continues with his teasing.

I look up with furrowed eyebrows. "No," I say defiantly. He shakes his head. I feel his head slowly slip in. I gasp, but then he pulls out and teases me again. My head whips from side to side. "No no no." I'm on the verge of tears. "Fuck me."

"Say please." He teases. He halts at my entrance like he knows I'm going to submit which I am. I can't take another second of him teasing me.

"Please, please, please," I beg. In one swift motion, he's completely impaled me and it takes my breath away.

"Ahh," I shout from the brute force of his thrust.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" He hisses, and completely halts his movements. At first, I thought it was to let me adjust to his fucking massive dick, but it's not. I look up to see him with his head thrown back and his eyes tightly shut.

He moves again. Pulling back slowly before roughly plunging deep inside of me. "Shit," I hiss. This feels so fucking good, and he's just getting started. I look up to see him trying to control himself. He looks like he wants to fuck me so hard I'll break in two. His hand slides up my body and reaches my breast to squeeze it as he drives deep inside of me.

"So fucking good." He finally looks down at me. His eyes are dark, fierce, and hungry. He's about to fuck me into oblivion. "Grab the desk," he says in a thick sexual voice. Before I'm able to really grasp his words to do what he says, he rams into me hard, and begins to pick up the pace. "God damn it, you're incredible."

His hand goes up further, and wraps around my throat when he sees me sliding up the desk with the force of his thrusts. I can't hold on to the desk tight enough because of the force behind them.

"Oh my fucking god, yes!" I shout, feeling a violent orgasm creeping up on me. "Please don't stop," I pant.

He groans a rich, deep, erotic sound. It's so fucking sexy. "Come for me baby. Come all over my fucking dick." His deep voice drips with sex, and causes me to toss my head back with a deep throaty moan, as I painfully grip onto the desk.

"Shit shit shit shit . . . yes!" My body convulses with surges of heat pooling low in my belly. I shudder violently, coming so hard; the air is literally knocked out of me. He doesn't stop his pace, and continues to chase his orgasm as he pounds into me mercilessly. His eyes never leave mine. His hand never leaves my throat. Even when a strangled groan erupts from his chest and he falls forward and sinks his teeth into my flesh.

"Ahh," I moan, as I feel his seed empty into the condom. His teeth sink deep into my flesh. I feel his heavy chest, rise and fall quickly, as he tries to catch his breath.

"Oh my fucking god. That was amazing. You are amazing." He kisses my lips. It's a soft kiss, like a thank you kiss. Thanking me for what? For offering him my body? Was that in exchange for a fucking shower? Or maybe getting me out of trouble with the security guard? Either way I don't fucking like it and it leaves me feeling cheap.

All of a sudden my thoughts and the tension in my body because of them cause the air between us to become awkward.

He sits up, and scratches the back of his head. Then he pulls out of me, removes the condom, ties it up and tosses it in the bin by the desk. He holds a hand out to me, which I don't accept.

I swivel my legs to the side, quickly hop off of the desk, grab my clothes, and make my way to the bathroom.

I need to leave. That was just too . . . too intense, too perfect. Then he ruined it by making me feel like a whore. Fuck, what I did classifies me as a whore. I don't even know his fucking name.

When I'm done dressing, I step out of the bathroom and look around. But I don't see him. I walk to where my bag is, and see a business card. On it, written in perfect penmanship is:

 **Make yourself comfortable.**

I don't bother reading the business card, or looking at his name because it doesn't matter now does it?

Oh god, did he really just leave? What the fuck? If I felt like a whore before, this further proves the fact that he thinks I'm one. He just left me here without a word.

I decide to leave my own little note. He said this was his usual suite so he should see my note if and when he returns.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:**

 **All thanks to EdwardsFirstKiss for taking on this story. I know it was a challenge, and I am so thankful!**

Disclaimer

The characters in this story belong to Stephanie Meyers, but the plot belongs to Twilightsavedme.

Chapter 2: Universe

Bella Pov

"What are you having handsome," I ask as I shuffle around, fixing an apple martini for the fucking Barbie doll sitting next to him.

"What are you offering?" He asks and leans forward on his elbows smiling at me suggestively. He's giving me that-you know where I'm going with this- look. The creepy look I'm used to seeing every fucking night. The look that I respond to with my fake smile, and a shake of my head when really, I want to tell him to get lost.

"I can offer you a variety of drinks if you tell me what you like." I smile politely, and reach over to hand Barbie her drink. She slaps the money on the counter and disappears into the crowd. "Decided yet?" I ask when I get back in front of him. I go to wipe my hands off on my apron when I realize I don't have it on. I left it in the hotel room. Fuck.

I try to push away the thoughts of the green eyed man before things start to stir up between my legs, but it's instantly too late, and I mentally curse myself.

Focus Bella!

The guy nods at me. Finally, he knows what he wants. "What will it be?"

"What's your drink?"

"Oh, I'm a shot girl." I'm not flirting with him, but he's well dressed, and I see a rolex peeking out from under his suit jacket, so I'm sure the tip will be lovely. I tilt my head to the side on a shrug and watch him grin. "Occasional beer."

"Whiskey." He calls out, pointing at himself, and I smile.

"Coming up." I quickly fix his drink, noting another customer nearby, and slide his glass to him. He hands me a bill and holds his glass up in thanks before disappearing.

A twenty. Why thank you kind sir! A good tip and he got the hint without me having to turn into Bella bitch.

I silently pray Rose and I will be able to make the rent money back between today and tomorrow...hopefully. Rose didn't show up for her shift tonight, and I can't even be pissed seeing as I didn't show up until about thirty minutes ago.

Thankfully, Mike is nowhere to be found. I didn't want to hear his fucking mouth. Not tonight. I can't take any more bullshit tonight.

When my shift's over, I clean up and cash out, making my way home when I realize something. If Rose wasn't at work, then she definitely isn't going to be at home. I know where she is, and that doesn't fucking work for me.

I decide it's probably best and a lot safer to collect her in the morning, than at three AM, considering the rough neighborhood she's at. I'm definitely not looking to get mugged twice in one night.

I make my way home, and up the stairs to the shitty two-bedroom apartment that I share with Rose, when I'm halted by a piece of paper momentarily, but I don't stop to read it. I take out my keys to unlock the door and the darn thing won't turn. It won't fucking turn.

I frantically look at each key on my ring, as if there're fifty keys on the ring when really there's only six. I don't use the other keys, and haven't for a long time, yet here I am searching through them like a crazy person.

I look heavenward, silently cursing. I need a fucking do-over day. This is fucking unbelievable. "Do over" I shout as if it will solve my issue. Then something snaps in me and my emotional side takes over. I stomp my foot, and kick at the door repeatedly as if that'll help. "Fuck Fuck Fuck!"

When I realize that I'm only doing damage to myself, I slide down to the ground, and sit on the floor with my legs spread not giving a fuck that it's unladylike. I drop my head into my hands and cry. This has been the day to rival all days. This is the day from hell. The only good thing that came of this day was the mind blowing fuck not even four hours ago. I was able to go to work stress, and tension free, even though my day had been shitty beforehand, but now...now I'm back in hell. I'm back in hell with no cock in sight. Who am I kidding? Not just any cock will do. I want his.

X

I end up sleeping on the floor in front of my apartment. I plan on being on my landlord's doorstep so that he can explain why in the fucking hell my key doesn't work. I want answers.

In my dazed and emotional state last night, no rational part of me thought to read the letter I found on my door.

I jump up quickly and snatch the letter off before falling back to the ground to read it. In big letters sprawled across the page, it says Evicted.

"Non fucking payment? Non fucking payment?" I shout, holding the paper up as if the answer will fall from the ceiling. _"Unfuckingbelievable"_ I stand with determination. I give Rose my half of the rent every fucking month. This is insane.

I march down to the office and walk in like I own the place. Two sets of wide eyes come into view. Probably because I threw the door open, and burst through without closing the door behind me.

I hold the paper up for them to see. "What the fuck is this?"

Neither of them speaks and it just causes my blood to boil even further that it already is. I am about to explode. "Hello!" I snap, quickly shifting my eyes to look between the two.

"Ma'am-" The guy starts.

"I'm not a fucking ma'am okay! You're old enough to be my fucking father. Tell me what the hell this was doing on my door!" I walk closer to him, shoving it in his face, happy that at least one of them isn't a fucking mute.

He takes a seat at as his desk and types away on his computer, occasionally glancing down at the paper. I shift my feet uncomfortably, and notice the woman that didn't speak staring at me out of the corner of her eye. She clicks her mouse, and side eyes me warily like I'm an unhinged, deranged woman, and she has a right to. I'm damn near losing my fucking mind, and my patience is nonexistant.

"Ah, see here." He turns the computer towards me. I look and see Rose's name, and our apartment number followed by a ridiculously large balance.

"What the fuck? We've been paying rent!" I snatch the eviction paper up like a crazy person and begin shredding it up, before snapping my gaze to the middle-aged man in the rolling chair. "Unlock my door."

"Ma'am, it doesn't quite work like that." He holds his hands up.

"You have the key to my apartment. Unfuckinglock it." It's official. Two murders are being planned right now. One of these assholes needs to unlock my door. I am severely low on sleep and it's making me twitchy. I'm sure I'm acting like a crazy person but at the moment, I could care less. I need a bed. Now!

"You haven't been paying your rent ma'am." He says in a tiny voice. "Do you have any way to prove that you've paid?"

Rose pays each and every time because it was originally her apartment that she shared with her brother and I moved in with her when he decided to get his own place. Now, I know why he moved out. His sister is insufferable. I love Rose to death, but if she's been spending our rent money, I'll have to add her to the long line of deaths being planned.

X

Bang. Bang. Bang.

I bang on the door knowing my best friend is behind it.

"Hey asshole, open up," I yell still banging on the door. I am completely revved up and running on zero tolerance for bullshit.

The door swings open and there Rosalie stands being held up by Royce. Her makeup is smeared all over her face and she looks like she's about to pass out, but he has a firm grip on her arm.

"Next time I won't be so nice Bella, "He wags his finger in my face and quickly reaches back slinging Rose's tall form into my arms knocking my breath away.

"Stop giving her fucking drugs Royce! I'm not fucking around" I say rudely and he scuffs looking down at the ground before fixing me with a death glare. I don't back down though. I'm not scared of this motherfucker.

"Just get her the fuck out of here." He says forcefully before slamming the door in my face. Literally in my face. The door literally hits me in the face. Son of a bitch!

I don't need this shit! "Thanks for nothing you asshole!"

"Fuck you bitch!" He shouts. Bitch? He knows what that word does to me. I. See. Red. I launch back, not caring in the slightest that Rose has slid down the wall and is now sitting on the ground holding her head. I kick the door in a fit, shouting obscene words.

A couple walks past me, and I do my signature jump, and it has its usual effect. They scurry off quickly without a look in my direction.

"Get away from my door!" He shouts drom the other side.

"I'm going to kill you, you low life son of a bitch!" I shout, and he shouts threats right back. I'm overreacting a bit, but fuck, I have literally lost everything. I have no money, no car, nowhere to live, no family, and if I'm late one more time, I'm sure I'll be jobless. It's my life on repeat. I feel like my head is above water, and then in a flash, I'm drowning again. I can't get ahead to save my life. I'm going to be back on the streets at this rate. I'm going to be sleeping at bus stops, and slumming it, sort of like what Rose is doing right now.

I bend down to get right in her face. Her eyes are closed. Is she sleeping? Oh hell no. If I can't sleep, neither can she. So I slap her. Right across the face.

Her eyes fly open, but they are hazy. "God damn it Rose! What are you on?" I ask her and she moans, but doesn't answer.

"Answer me!"

"I need to get up" She says, trying to gain leg strength to push herself up. I take that moment to look down at her attire. She had every intention of going to work, and I can tell because she has on a black skirt, a white blazer, black vest, and tie. She made a stop here, and got lost.

I help her stand, and when she's completely on her feet, she pushes her hair out of her face but keeps her hand at her temple, squinting her eyes to look at me. "Is it morning?"

"Yes." I reply and she closes her eyes and groans, running her hand back down her face.

"Am I fired?"

"I don't fucking know. Mike wasn't there last night." I tell her as we walk towards the stairs.

"Fuck, my mouth taste like shit. I need to go home and get my shit together." She walks ahead of me and I freeze.

"Rose, you haven't been paying the rent." I say and she freezes ahead of me mid-step.

"Fuck." She mutters, and puts a hand on the back of her head before slowly turning to face me.

"What have you been doing with our rent money, Rose?" I ask and she bites the corner of her mouth nervously.

"Can we talk about this when we get home?" She asks like it's no big deal and then turns.

"What home? What fucking home Rose? We were fucking evicted!" I shout, and she turns around with wide eyes. Then she sees my face, and her face falls.

I know I must look like a mad woman, but fuck if I care. The rug keeps getting pulled from under my feet and I am this close-thumb and index finger close- to losing my sanity, and murdering people. Maybe that's the road that I was headed towards in the first place. My mom surely snapped and lost her fucking sanity, and you know what that led to? My very very tragic life. Maybe we can share a padded cell one day. The crazies. Like mother like daughter. Perfect!

"Shit!" She at least has the decency to look remorseful. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

"You're damn right it's your fault! What were you thinking?" I shout and she holds her head.

"Can we just go?"

"Go where? Where the fuck can we go Rose?" I hold my arms out, completely open to any ideas because I'm coming up blank.

"I don't know, but can you quit yelling at me?"

"No!" I shout and my emotions take over for the twelve billionth time today. "Fuuuuck," I curse the heavens.

"Shut up Bella!" Rose comes over and clamps her hand over my mouth. "It's too early for your hissy fits."

I stare at her like she's lost her fucking mind. This is all her fault. I slap her hand away and make my way down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" She asks as she follows me. "Wait up."

I continue to move on, letting my feet take me where my heart wants to go. My brain isn't on board, but is slowly giving in as desperation sets in.

X

Thirty minutes later Rose and I are standing outside of the hotel that I stormed out of eight hours ago. Rose glances up the tall building looking impressed.

"You have a rich uncle that I don't know about?" She asks and I roll my eyes and grab her hand, moving forward.

"Come on." I drag her through the two sets of doors. I don't see the snooty bitch from last night behind the desk and for that, I'm grateful. She'd surely recognize me and call security in a flash.

We bypass the desk and go straight to the set of elevators I was taken to last night.

We get in without a word, but I feel Rose's eyes on me. She doesn't speak. "You wanna tell me why we're here?"

"No," I say as the elevator opens on the top floor, and we step out. I specifically remember passing two doors before being met with double doors. Here!

I knock, and step back, taking calming breaths.

"Bella what the fuck? I'm not breaking into a hotel room! "She tugs my arm. I hold up my index finger trying to see if I can hear movement behind the door. I don't.

I knock again.

"Bella," She tugs my arm, and I snatch it away.

"He's going to answer." I shout at her, turning around to see her eyes widen.

"He who?"

"I don't know his name." I wave my hands around hysterically.

She hits her forehead, and shakes it. "Bella, we talked about this." She grabs my hands, looking me in the eyes.

She thinks I'm crazy.

I snatch my hand away and knock again. Nothing. Fuck! He was literally my only hope. I just need a few hours of peaceful sleep so that I can collect myself. Doesn't look like I'm going to be granted this small favor. The universe has once again fucked me at every turn. I raise my middle finger towards the ceiling.

"Fuck you universe!" I shout, and Rose once again clamps her hand over my mouth.

"Promise me that if I remove my hand, you'll quit shouting? "She stares between my eyes and I nod. "Breathe," She tells me, and I follow orders. "We'll figure this out okay?" She assures me, but I have little to no faith in her words at the moment.

She removes her hand and we silently walk back to the elevator. I press the ground floor button, and I hear the machine working behind the shut doors, and then a ding. The doors open, and my prayers- well not prayers- I don't know what shouting, 'fuck you' to the universe would be considered but I'm grateful when I see a pair of green eyes staring back at me.

 **Thank you guys for reading! Please join my facebook group Twilightsavedme**

 **Also My friend and I are collaborating on a few stories so if you want to go ahead and check us out you can. Savedbychocolatesandtwilight**

 **Thank again**


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:**

 **Thank you so much EdwardsFirstKiss for taking on this story. You rock! :)**

Disclaimer

The characters in this story belong to Stephanie Meyers, but the plot belongs to Twilightsavedme.

Chapter 3: Sex God

Bella Pov

"Oh thank god!" I launch myself in his arms, and they instinctively wrap around me. Surprisingly I feel safe in his arms. I feel like I can be vulnerable, and cry without facing judgment, without being told how small and insignificant my problems are.

He slowly pulls back to look into my eyes, and the look on his face almost brings me to tears. It's as if he knows I can't take the sympathetic look that I'm sure anyone else would give me. The only thing I see in his eyes is understanding.

He doesn't speak or acknowledge Rose, but I know she's following as he walks me to his door and opens it with the key while I'm still wrapped under his protective arm.

He sits me on the bed, and then leaves me, and I instantly feel empty. I feel like a piece or extension of me is missing, and that's absurd because I don't even know him.

He comes back in my line of vision with a bottle of water. He hands it to me, and slowly crouches in front of me the way he'd done last night.

"How's your head?" He asks me, staring deep into my brown eyes.

I nod, not able to speak because of the intensity of his stare. I'm locked, and taken, just as I'd been last night, except I have no witty comebacks. I'm completely void of any sass at the moment.

I feel an untamable urge, no -urge isn't a strong enough word- need is more like it. I need him. I need contact. Skin to skin. It's as if all of my past problems, worries, and fears are being cleansed and washed away underneath his stare. I feel refreshed. I feel new. I feel...whole. I didn't recognize this last night. I couldn't. I was too proud after my emotional breakdown in the lobby. But as I stare into his eyes, and remember how he held me in the elevator...I realize this is where I need to be.

He nods his head, and breaks our eye contact, looking down at his hands with the shake of his head. I see his jaw tick and his nose flare before he quickly stands.

"I'm going to take a shower. As I said last night, make yourself comfortable." He says looking between Rose and me, before turning and walking to the bathroom. I just realized his shirt is drenched in sweat and he has on shorts, and running shoes. He went out for a run. I tackled him after what looks like an intense run, and didn't even realize he was drenched in sweat.

Rose watches him as he disappears behind the bathroom door, her mouth wide open in shock.

Her eyes fly to mine when the shower cuts on. "Close your mouth," I tell her, shifting on the bed to indeed make myself comfortable. I'm going to see if I can be comfortable here for a while. I don't think I have the strength to leave this man again. Stranger or not, I'm hooked.

She mouths the words 'oh my god' and I roll my eyes.

"He is a god, but don't say that too loud. His head is big enough." I tell her as she walks over to me and hops on the bed.

"You've been holding out on me Bella babe, you have a boy toy," She looks around. "And from the looks of it, you have a very well off boy toy," She slaps my thigh. "You've done well."

I shove her playfully. "Shut up. We just met."

She sits up and fixes me with a wide-eyed stare. "You threw yourself at a complete stranger?"

"I didn't know what else to do Rose. Do you have a better idea?"

"We can go stay with my brother." She shrugs.

"In his one bedroom apartment Rose? I think not. That may be okay for you, but I can't do that. I can't take away his privacy like that."

"So what are you going to do? Stay here?" She looks around as if she wishes she were in my shoes.

I shrug. "I'm thinking about asking him, yeah."

"He lives here?" She asks and I shrug.

"I don't even know his name."

"Where'd you meet him?" She stands and walks to his bar, grabbing a glass and filling it with brown liquor.

"Rose, you can't just-"I scold her but she interrupts me.

"He told us to make ourselves comfortable. This happens to make me very comfortable." She drinks.

"It's nine in the morning." I deadpan, shooting her a look that she mocks in return.

"Your point?"

I roll my eyes. Then the bathroom door opens and my back straightens. His eyes instantly find mine as he walks in with only a towel wrapped around his waist. At least he's covered this time. I snicker, as last night's events play in my head. I can't resist calling him out on it.

"No show this morning?" I pout and he looks over at me with his usual -drop your panties- grin, obviously understanding my reference. His purposeful stride doesn't falter a bit as he speaks.

"You left something here." He says as he reaches the dresser drawers. I pout. I thought we were going to have our little banter like we did last night. No such luck.

He tosses my apron on the bed, before flicking his gaze over to Rose. She's blatantly eye fucking the guy. "Sorry." She holds the glass up and then looks at it, then at me. "I'm going to get going." She sets the glass down and walks over to me. "Call Jasper's phone if you need anything, okay?"

I nod, and she bends down to kiss my cheek.

"Do you have a cigarette?" I ask her, and she frowns before shaking her head then she walks over to my sex god, and puts her hand on her hip. Wait, back up, rewind! Did I just call him 'MY sex god?'

"Are you a murderer?" She asks him seriously, and he cracks a smile. His shoulders slightly shake but no sound leaves his mouth.

"Of course not. Are you?" He asks with a hint of amusement.

"I will be if you hurt her."

That's my cue to get her the fuck out of here. I stand quickly, march over to her and pull her away, towards the door. I catch the unhappy or maybe offended look on the poor guy's face, before turning to Rose.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I whisper shout.

She lightly slaps my face. "Babe, you've really got to learn how to bring it down a notch. Mellow out, do some yoga, calm your nerves. Your too fucking wound up. Have mister sex god over there pound a few orgasms out of you, and see if you don't chill the fuck out, you fucking crazy woman."

My eyes don't even widen in shock because I've heard most of this before. I just point to the door. "Out."

She holds her hands up in surrender. "Fine! Don't listen to me. But I'll be saying I told you so when you have your first heart attack at thirty."

I don't even reply, I just close the door in her face. "I love you too Bee." I smack a palm to the door in warning, hoping she goes away.

I turn my back to the door to see Mr. green eyes. He is a good foot away and staring at me in that way that makes me want to fall to my knees and worship him. It's that fucking intense.

He points at me. "You left."

I blush. Yeah, I definitely didn't expect to see him again so soon. He closes the distance between us, breathing down my face. "You weren't supposed to leave. You were supposed to beg me to fuck you all night. You aren't supposed to have the use of your limbs this morning."

He grasps me by my neck and I can't tell if I'm holding my breath or if his touch snatched it away, but I can't breathe.

He lightly trails his hand from my throat to my breast, giving it a gentle squeeze, moving all the way down to my waist. He yanks my body flush against his, and oh my...he is solid beneath his towel.

"This is what you left me with last night."

"I'm sorry?" I say it like a question because I have no clue what he wants me to say.

A grin graces his face, and it's a sleek crooked grin, with a wrinkle, and it's so unbelievably sexy. "Not yet." He shakes his head. "But you will be."

"Are you going to fuck me?" I whisper in a tiny voice. I need him to say yes. I need one of his mind blowing, earth shattering orgasms to make my day better. I need this. I need him.

His eyes close, and he inhales sharply, as if he's sucking in my words and letting them run rampant in his head. "I am." He nods, and then lets his eyes roam down my chest, and then back up to my face. "But, I want you to ask nicely."

"Please fuck me?" I ask without hesitation, and I see a satisfied gleam in his eyes as he backs away from me, letting his towel fall.

He points to me. "Strip."

I lift my shirt, and take off my bra, then I shimmy out of my skirt, and pull down my panties. I stand shamelessly across from him completely naked, just as I'd done last night.

His eyes roam shamelessly up and down my body. "I am breaking a lot of rules." He mumbles more to himself than to me, but I hear him nonetheless. I start to ask him what he means by that but he doesn't give me a chance.

"I want you on the bed, on your knees." He says, and I willingly comply. I don't care how he takes me. All I know is that I need him to fuck me. I have had a hand full of orgasms in my lifetime, and I swear none of them, and I mean _none_ of them felt as good as the orgasms this man gave me last night. None came even close. I was rendered speechless, and nearly blacked out. I'm hoping for the same result today, and from the look on his face, I'm going to get it.

I look over my shoulder at him and see a look of pure unadulterated lust. The deepest and darkest kind. He wants to devour me. He looks absolutely primal as he stalks towards me, and palms my ass.

"Something else for me to mark." And before I register his words, he sinks his teeth into my ass cheek, just as he'd done to my breasts last night. My back arches, and my ass involuntarily sticks out further. I gasp, and look at him with questioning eyes. He doesn't explain. He just steps back to admire his work, before meeting my gaze.

"Are you wet for me?" He asks, and apparently I don't answer quickly enough because he takes a feel for himself, diving right in with two fingers.

"Ahh," I moan, and my chest falls to the bed.

I feel him reach a hand under me, and lift me up, palm to my chest. When he's satisfied with how far I come up he moves his hand back to my wet center, and I gasp again, but I don't dare fall forward in fear of him removing his fingers again.

"Come for me baby." He whispers in my ear as he pumps in and out, in and out, nibbling at my jaw, my ear, and fuck it's too much. I can't... I can't...

Oh shit! The pressure is too much, it's building, and building, and I have to...

"Oh god, I'm gonna..." If he doesn't move I'm going to fucking humiliate myself. I try to move from his grasp, because I swear to god I feel like I have to pee. I need to move, but fuck it feels so good. He presses his palm to my back, and continues to thrust his fingers. Shit shit shit shit...

I scream out in pleasure, and my body is overtaken by an overwhelming force and I shake and shudder, and I faintly hear a whoosh, and pit-a-patter of water hitting the bed between my legs, but I ignore it as my body quakes from my amazing orgasm, brought on by his expert fingers. I fucking needed that. I fall forward on the bed, panting.

"Holy fuck! What did you do to me?" I ask him, giggling a bit. I thought I had to pee, and yet I'm here giggling like that wouldn't have been the most embarrassing moment of my life. That's something to tell Rose. He was pleasuring me past the point of no return, and I rewarded him by peeing on his talented fingers. Yea, not a great story.

I look back to see him grinning at me, before slapping my ass and walking over to his desk leaving me there on the bed spread out for him after a mind numbing orgasm. He comes back with a condom, and he covers himself without acknowledging my question.

He lines up at my center, and reaches forward, holding onto my hips. "I made you squirt." He plunges forward into me, and I cry out in pleasure. He fills me so completely, leaving no room between us. "And now that I know you're capable, I'm going to make it happen very, very often" He slams into me and I choke on my breath.

He begins to pound into me ruthlessly, cursing under his breath, groaning loudly in my ear, and it's so fucking erotic I could come just from the sounds he makes.

"Yes yes yes, oh my god!" I scream so loudly it echoes and rings in my ears.

He reaches up and grips my shoulders, pulling me towards him as he thrusts into me over and over again. I hear a low rumble building in his chest, and the eruption of the sound leaving his lips, coupled with the relentless pounding cause me to come undone beneath him.

I scream again, and shake violently, hearing the familiar whoosh.

"Fuuuuuck!" I'm still shaking, but he's not inside of me anymore. I didn't even realize that the force of my orgasm pushed his dick out, until he shoves back into me so hard my eyes roll to the back of my head and I fall to the bed feeling limp, and sated.

He grasps my hair in his fist, pulling my body up from the bed. He thrusts up into me, moving his hands to my breasts, squeezing, and pulling me up until I'm practically touching his chest.

"Oh god! Yes! Yes! Yes!" I shout feeling the familiar heat rise in the pit of my stomach. He continues his brutal force, and relentless pace, and I cry out from the mixture of pleasure and pain. He wasn't this rough last night, but fucking hell, I love it.

"Come again for me baby." He groans in my ear, and then pulls my hair roughly to one side to sink his teeth into my neck, and I fucking lose my everlasting mind.

"Shit!" He hisses against my neck, and then his lips are gone and his head is thrown back as he grips the fuck out of my hips. He pumps a few more times, before stilling completely, holding me in place with his death grip as he cums. He falls forward releasing me, and we fall flat on the bed. He rolls off of me and onto his back, panting heavily, and I look over to see his chest rising and falling quickly, and he's squeezing his eyes shut.

"You. Are. Going. To. Kill. Me." He pants out between breaths.

"Me?" I ask incredulously, still trying to catch my breath.

"Yes. You!" He counters. "I ran ten miles this morning to relieve myself of some of the built up tension you created by leaving last night, and then you turn up at my door this morning." He breathes; and finally opens his eyes, and turns his head to look at me.

"I didn't plan on getting fucked." I tell him, and he gives me an incredulous look as if he doesn't believe me.

Silence passes between us as we stare into each other's eyes. I don't know what he's thinking about, but I'm memorizing every line and feature of his face in case this thing between us ends soon. I don't want to forget this beautiful being in front of me. Not only do I want to use him for future fantasies, but I just want to remember him. Remember how good and comfortable it feels to just lay with someone and not have to say anything. I spend my days and nights constantly speaking, constantly yelling, and shouting, and being my normal crazy self, but I never experience this. I never experience absolute peace. It's wonderful. I sigh heavily, and it seems to snap him out of his trance. He quickly looks away.

"Have you had breakfast?" He asks as he sits up, removes the condom and stands to toss it in the bin.

"No." I answer shortly.

"I'll order something." He starts to walk away but halts when I speak.

"Is it okay for me to take a shower?"

He turns slowly, his sexy lips curve into a crooked grin. "You're asking if it's okay to clean yourself?"

I sit up and roll my eyes. "Shut up. You know what I mean."

He licks his lips and nods his head slowly. "Of course. That's what I mean by making yourself comfortable. If you ask me to shower again, I just might spank you."

I laugh, and he raises and eyebrow. "You want to spank me?" I ask him, and I see that his grin has grown wider as he watches me come apart with laughter.

"You have a very infectious laugh. " He points out, ignoring my question. He does that often, and it's beginning to get a little annoying. I'm lying. Nothing about him is annoying.

"You have an incredible body." I admit without completely meaning to. I mean, I thought it, but saying it out loud was an accident. I can literally see how much I've stroked his ego.

"I work hard for it. What do you do?" He ask me with knit eyebrows. He's curious about something but I'm still focused on his fucking body. He looks sculpted, as in completely unreal, as in mouthwatering, as in fuck, I want him again.

"What?" My eyes lazily ascend from his hardening cock, slowly up his abs, to his firm chest, then straight to his eyes. He's smirking at me.

"How do you keep up your amazing body?" He asks and I blush. He just called my body amazing. Melt, sigh, double fucking sigh, I'm a goner.

"I uh-I don't know. I don't eat much?" I say it more like a question because I really don't have a diet plan or anything, and my workout plan is a bunch of nothing, so yea...I pretty much starve myself which isn't healthy at all. I have to choose between rent, lights and food, and most of the time rent and lights win. The nights that I work at the bar I feast on peanuts, and sometimes I ask Mike if I can cook something and he usually allows it if it's something simple like wings. His rule is simple, you can eat it, if you cook it. His other rule is don't be wasteful. He's a cheap guy, but pretty reasonable.

My answer seemingly pisses my sex god off. I can tell by his ticking jaw. He points to the bathroom. "Take a shower."

"Are you going to tell me your name?"

"I left it for you on the card that you so charmingly wrote fuck you on. You didn't want to know it." He shrugs and makes a move to walk away.

"No, I do want to know."

He grins, and once again, points to the bathroom without answering me.

"Fine! Have it your way." I hop off of the bed, and turn towards the bathroom, when I feel the sting of a slap on my ass.

"What the hell?" I start to rub my stinging ass, but he does it for me, and it's oddly sensual. Who am I kidding? Any time this man touches me I feel like I'm going to explode.

"You should've gotten up the first time I told you to go shower."

I pull away from him and stubbornly walk into the bathroom slamming the door behind me.

X

We're sitting at a table; he's reading the newspaper while I chow down on eggs, bacon, toast, and an assortment of fruit. I lick my lips. Fucking delicious.

"How old are you?" I ask him around a piece of fruit.

"I'm guessing you're five." He replies and I roll my eyes. "Chew your food." He has a very amused glint in his eyes, and a smile playing on his lips. I dramatically chew, and swallow my food, before opening my mouth wide to show him that my mouth is void of food.

"How old are you?" I ask again.

"Twenty-nine" He answers and my eyes widen in surprise, but then they fall, and I repeat this as I try to mentally replay all of our encounters. "Is there a point to that face?"

"You act a lot older than that, so I'm just a bit confused." I shrug, and he smiles but says nothing.

"How's the food?" He asks as he grabs a grape and chews it while staring at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.

"It's fucking spectacular." I grab a piece of bacon and chew, rolling my eyes in the back of my head to prove just how good it is.

He grins, and runs a hand down his jaw, before his eyes flick around my face with amusement in his perfect green orbs.

"I amuse you." It's not a question, but he replies with the widening of his smile.

"What gave it away?"

I shrug, forcing myself to look down at my plate instead of his eyes. He makes me want to do things to him. Dirty things. I have to control myself.

"Your language is very colorful." He says slowly and deliberately pauses before his last word, fixing me with a stare.

"Does it bother you?" My eyes flick up to his when he doesn't reply. He's smiling at me.

"No. I like it."

"Good. You should get used to it."

"So you're sticking around?" He asks and I freeze. I want him to ask me to stay with him. I want things with this man that I probably shouldn't want, but I do. I want them desperately.

"I can leave." I tell him, and I see something flash across his face quickly before he masks it. He looked anxious, and wary, but quickly flashed back to his usual confident, self-assured look.

"No. Finish your breakfast." He says with knit eyebrows, motioning towards my plate.

I don't move. I'm frozen. I don't want to leave, but I know it's coming. I don't know this man, and he clearly just wanted to use my body. Now that he's had his fill, I'm sure I'll be out on my ass.

"What's wrong?"

"I-" I should just tell him, or make some sort of arrangement with him. I don't want to leave him. I love how he makes me feel, and I don't want that to stop.

"Do you do this with a lot of women?" I ask in a very uncharacteristically quiet voice. For some reason I fear his answer.

He bites into a piece of toast and chews it, staring right into my eyes. He swallows before answering simply, "Do what?"

"Bring them up here." I wave a hand around the room. "Show them a good time, feed them breakfast, and send them on their way with a handful of amazing orgasms to gush about to their girlfriends." I sit back in my seat and fold my arms across my chest. He smirks, and he can tell that I'm trying to get a reaction out of him. He won't give me the satisfaction.

"Is that what you did?" He asks with a sly grin.

"Did I do what?"

"Gush about your amazing orgasms?" He takes a napkin and wipes his mouth. I wish he would wipe away that smug grin. I take that back. It's sexy as hell. He can keep it.

"No," I answer quickly and defensively. Then a devious thought occurs to me. I grin at him and blink up at him through my lashes. "Not yet anyway?"

His smirk turns into a smile, and he nods approvingly.

"I have to take off." He says as he smooths down his tie, and stands, seemingly taking up all of the space in the dining area of the hotel suite. I stare up at him, and I almost pout. I'm actually disappointed that he's leaving.

He stares at me for a long while, and I begin to wonder if he's waiting for me to get up, but then he looks away and I see his jaw tick, and I swear I hear him curse under his breath.

"I'll be back later. Make yourself comfortable."

"I will." I smile brightly, and then take a big bite of food before looking back at him. His shoulders shake with laughter, and he looks down, placing a hand in his pocket. I can't do anything but stare at him in amazement. God, why did you create such a perfect man? I've known him less than twenty-four hours and he's already managed to ruin me for all other men.

"You're quite charming." He says as he walks to the back of my chair. I swivel sideways in my seat to gaze at him. It gives me the perfect angle to look at him now, and watch him when he decides to walk out of the hotel room.

I detect sarcasm in his earlier comment, so I make a face and open my mouth. His eyes flick to my mouth and he screws his face up. Not in disgust, but sort of in surprise, or shock, which is weird because I expected him to look away, completely grossed out by my lack of proper table etiquette.

"Open your mouth like that again and I'll be shoving something in it." He rests his arms on the back of my chair and leans forward, his shoulders widen, and his gaze penetrates through my entire being. I stifle a moan. Too. Fucking. Sexy.

"Please?" I whisper, and watch as the corner of his mouth twitches up in a gloriously crooked smile, displaying perfect laugh lines. I want to fucking lick him. Not just his lips, but everywhere.

Oh boy am I in trouble! I cannot resist this man. He is the definition of perfection in all his perfect male glory.

I silently beg him not to leave. I want him to take me in every way imaginable. I want him so fucking badly.

"Later." He whispers the promise across my face and my eyes roll to the back of my head from the assault of his scent, the play on his words, the sound of his voice, his close proximity, and the electrifying tingle spreading throughout my body...

I want him.

When I open my eyes, he's gone, and I frown. Was I dazed? I feel like I imagined that happening. It was too fucking intense. He's too fucking intense.

I'm in a whole heap of trouble.

I make up in my mind right then and there that I'm going to be gone before he comes back. I can make a bit of tip money tonight, and get a motel room for a week. I can't stay here. I can't keep letting him fuck my brains out just to leave me feeling hollow and useless. I've never felt more vulnerable than I feel after he's left me, and that shouldn't be.

I slap my forehead. I still don't know his fucking name! We've had sex twice, and he's brought ne to the point of pleasurable bliss five times all in less than twelve hours, and I don't even know his name.

I am such a slut!

I need to get out of here. My heart screams at me, but my mind screams stay and rest, because I'm fucking exhausted. My mind wins this time, giving every logical reason why staying a few hours is a great idea.

I'll just rest up and then leave and never look back. There! I've had a sensible conversation with myself.

Apparently this guy fucked some sense into me because I'm actually able to think clearly now. Coming here was a mistake. Offering my body to him again was another mistake. Leaving will set things back in motion for me. I can't live in this fucking fantasy world with a prince in a fucking tower. I have a life that has once again spun out of control, and it's time I get my shit together.

I laugh to myself when I think of what my note will say this time.

If I'm special,

come and find me!

 **Thank you all for reading! :) Please drop a review if you can!**


	4. Chapter 4

Two chapters tonight because I'm so so excited about this story. Hopefully it's going well, I'm not too sure yet. The response from this story is sort of mixed, so I don't know how well its liked or not.

I am enjoying this version of Edward though, and he has so many secrets to unlock, but then again so does Bella, so lets see how this goes :)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Bella Pov

They're struggling again. I can hear them in mama's room. Things are breaking and shattering and I just listen to every loud noise in fear, hoping mama doesn't escape again. What she did to me last time she escaped is still fresh in my mind. Fresh on my skin. It will never go away. She can't escape!

She screams and I jump up to lock the door, before cowaring away from the door into a corner, pulling my knees to my chest. I stare at the door, waiting on my dad's knock, but it doesn't come. It doesn't come!

It's quiet. Too quiet. Quieter than its been in awhile. "Daddy" I call out, but there's no answer. "Daddy" I call again. No answer.

No no no no no! He always answers me. Something's wrong. "Daddy" I scream, but I don't dare cry. Daddy says to be strong and never show fear, so I don't. I will never show fear.

I inch towards the door with every intention of opening it. I know daddy won't like this, but I have to make sure that he's okay. I unlock the door and twist the knob slowly.

Please let daddy be okay. I silently pray to god. Please please please! I open the door, but faulter back, falling to the ground when my eyes meet the icy blue eyes of mama.

I bolt upright in the unfamiliar bed in a cold sweat, crying my eyes out. "No no no no no" I repeat the words over and over again, staring off into space. I pull my knees to my chest and rock back and fourth.

I'm not sure how long I sit like this, staring off into space, rocking, mumbling, trembling.

I hear the door open faintly, and I hear foot steps slowly approach, and abruptly stop, but I can't look up to where the noise is coming from. I can't shake those blue eyes. Those blood shot, icy blue eyes. "No no no" I begin to cry again, feeling helpless as if I'm still that little girl rocking in that corner, begging my dad to open the door. But he doesn't.

I feel the bed dip next to me, and I feel my head hit a strong chest, and I grip tightly, holding on for dear life, as I sob. I feel safe. I feel fearless once again. I feel peaceful.

The tension slowly leaves my body, as the fear of my nightmare flees my mind. I don't come to reality though. I fade away again, back into a deep sleep.

X

I wake on a stretch, looking around the dark room. I don't sit up right away, I just look around the room trying to let my eyes adjust to my surroundings, and fall further into the sheet, pulling the covers closer to my body with a snuggle.

These covers are so thick, so warm, so soft. I sink further, pulling the covers closer to my nose on an inhale, closing my eyes for the full affect. These covers smell like him. I take a sniff of the air surrounding me, and...smells like him. Like he's been here recently.

I sit up and look around. That's when I hear it. I hear the distinct sound of the shower turning on. My eyes widen and I stare at the door wondering what I should do.

I should leave. I said that I would, and now the time has come. I scoot out of the bed, and run my hands over my face.

I wonder what time it is?

I get up and walk around the room looking for a clock and realize in my haste I forgot to check the night stand. Of course there's a clock on the night stand. I walk back over and look at the clock. It's a little after eight. I've been asleep for eight hours uninterrupted? That's never happened? Eight peaceful hours of sleep?

Wait! It wasn't peaceful. I remember now. I had a dream. Well, a nightmare. But thats not what I'm focusing on. I'm focusing on the fact that my face was crushed against a warm body when I awoke from my not so peaceful sleep. He was here. He held me until I fell back asleep. Or did he hold me the entire time that I slept? Is he in there now washing off the sweat I'd got on him from my night terror? Fuck! Now I'm embarrassed.

I sit on the edge of the bed and don't even register the water shutting off or the bathroom door being opened.

I feel his presence, but I don't look up, and he doesn't speak. I'm glad he doesn't because. I wouldn't know what to say. I faintly hear drawers opening and closing, and I don't know how much time passes with me staring into space as I replay the events from my dream over in my mind like a movie. It's as if the events didn't happen to me. It's like I'm watching this through someone else's eyes. This is the first time it's every happened though. Usually I can't think about that stuff without going on a rampage and destroying stuff. Yet, here I am, reliving the events in my head, and I'm...coping? Is this peace? Is this what it feels like to have peace of mind? What it feels like to be safe?

He does his signature crouch, and doesn't fail to gain my attention with his gaze. My eyes snap to his, and I try to snap out of my mind to assure him that I'm okay. My mind is just turning over quickly and the dull throb of a headache is forming, but I feel okay. I feel better than I have in awhile actually.

He puts his hands on my thighs, and cranes his neck to get right into my dazed line of vision. He doesn't think I'm looking at him but I am. I see the worried look on his face. "How are you feeling"

I nod my head slowly, staring at him, not blinking.

"You should eat" He says as he grabs my hand and starts to stand, but I tug my hand, and he stops trying to pull me, but he furrows his eyes in confusion. Then he moves to sit next to me, holding my hand in both of his, looking at me expectantly.

I should say something. But what?

"I'll eat at work" I assure him, and he looks away on a nod, before snapping his eyes back to me. He must have mentally calculated how long before I go to work, because his jaw is ticking, and I'm starting to recognize this look.

He opens his mouth to speak but I talk instead. "I'm okay"

"I'm ordering dinner" He ignores my statement and stands, but doesn't try to pull me this time.

"Don't" I say, and mentally curse myself for how bitchy I sound. I'm feeling emotional, and I have bo clue how to cope with it right now. He stands in front of me, looking right at me, with his hands on his hips. He looks so worried, I hate it. I don't want that look. I'm not used to that look. I'm used to this sex god looking at me like he can't wait to ravish me. I want his look of absolute hunger. Not this look. Never this look.

I stand with confidence, stalking towards him with my eyes locked on him. I push away my nervousness, knowing full well how much this guy loves sex. I don't fear rejection, not one bit. I don't have room for fear in my mind, I just want him. I need him. I need every bit of distraction that he can bring me. I need every bit of pleasure he will give me. I need it now.

I stop a foot away from him and take off my clothes, keeping my eyes locked on him. His breathing picks up, and I see his chest rise and fall heavier, faster, and his nostrils flare. He's trying to control himself, but failing.

I want him to fail. I want him to need me and my body as much as I need him. I want a desperate fuck. I want to clutch to his being, his soul. I want him so far within me we become intertwined, and neither of us know where I begin and he ends.

I drop to my knees and begin unzipping his jeans that he'd just put on minutes ago.

"Stop" He takes a step back, and I walk forward on my knees like the desperate woman that I am.

"Let me do this. Please" I beg. I need to feel close to him. I need to feel something. I need to lose myself in a task. I don't want to be overtaken by emotions.

"Get up" He says forcefully, and reaches for my arm. He yanks me up and glares at me, his jaw ticks angrily, and I blink up at him. He's angry? Why?

I try again, this time I dive in for a kiss, and he puts his arms out to hault me.

"Why can't I touch you" I ask him, and he looks away. "Let me touch you" I lean forward trying to kiss him again. "Why don't you kiss me" I sound desperate because I am. Feircely so. I'm throwing myself at him, and he's pulling away. This is not what was supposed to happen.

I'm being rejected. This is what rejection feels like? It doesn't hurt, it fucking stings, burns, courses through my veins, and overheats me. He doesn't want me any more. I've shown him my peice of crazy and he's disgusted by me.

I'm not even hurt anymore. I'm angry. It's okay for him to use my body whenever he needs it, but when I need him, things change. He wants me on his terms, and thats not going to fucking work for me. I can't be hooked to someone like that. He will destroy a person like me.

Through all of this, he still hasn't answered me. But it doesn't matter. I got my answer through his silence. He's done. He's had his fun. It's time I left.

I step back away from him, feeling embarrassed, but trying my hardeat to stay calm and reign in my emotions. At least until I get far away from him. If he sees the hissy fit I'm about to throw, the one thats been building since i woke up, he's going to think I'm as crazy as I feel.

I start quickly pulling my clothes on, not paying attention to him, and ignoring his stare. He hasn't moved from his spot with his hands on his hips.

He doesn't even speak, or try to explain why he's pushed me away. What man would turn down a blowjob? Oh yeah, a guy who just witnessed a crazy bitch rocking in bed like a fucking psycho. That thought fills me with rage and I figure by him not speaking he's making this easier on me. Making it easier for me to leave without breaking shit. Fucking asshole!

When I'm dressed, I grab my bag from the foot of the bed, and shove my feet in my shoes, chancing a glance at him.

He's not glaring anymore, but I am. I shove past him, as if we were in a tight space, eventhough there was plenty of walking space. It did nothing though. He's like a fucking unwavering wall, and it pisses me off more.

"Where are you going" He follows me to the door, and when I open it, he palms the door, closing it above my head. "We need to talk" He bites out roughly and I turn around to face him, shaking with anger. He's about to bring the ultimate bitch out of me, and I don't even feel sorry for him. I will be completely unapologetic.

I narrow my eyes at him, and take a step until I'm chest to chest with him. I hold my head up high, looking right into his eyes.

"Fuck. You" I spit out venomously, staring into his eyes for a reaction, but nothing comes. He doesn't even flinch away. If anything I see his eyes darken like he's beginning to get turned on. That does it for me. I shove his chest roughly, and because he wasn't expecting it, he faulters for one step, but it's enough for me to get out of the door.

He doesn't follow me, and eventhough that's what I wanted, it still stung a bit. I don't cry though. I just take my bag and launch it down the hallway and begin to pace the long hallway, before retrieving my bag again, and pressing the down button for the elevator.

It opens and I get on it, closing my eyes to slow down my crazy thoughts of the many people I would strangle at the moment if they were in my presence. Green eyed god would be one of them.

"Fucking asshole" I shout just as the elevator dings open, gaining the attention of the few people in the lobby. The woman from last night is here, and she stares at me the entire walk from the elevator. I stop and jump at her just because I hate her. I hate everything that she is. A snooty little bitch.

"Bitch" I call out to on my way out of the lobby door. The same doorman from last night smiles fondly at me, as if he didn't hear my little act last night or today, and as if I don't have the most ridiculous scowl on my face.

"Have a good evening Miss" He tells me, and I find myself returning his smile inspite of myself. He doesn't deserve my bitchy attitude, so I spare him.

X

I arrive in front of Jaspers home an hour later, sort of wishing I'd taken the asshole up on his offer of food because I am starving something fierce.

I knock on the door and step back, waiting for it to open. Rose opens it with curlers in her hair and a joint hanging from her lips.

She takes one look at my face and shoves the joint between my lips pulling me into the house. I instantly look around for Jasper.

"Where's Jaz" I ask between puffs, taking a seat on the couch next to her.

"He went to the library" She tells me as she proceeds to roll another joint. I see a few more bags laying around on the table in front of her, and my eyes widen. There isn't just marijuana up here.

"Rose, where'd you get all of this" I ask her as I put the joint out and turn my worried face to her.

"Oh this" She asks, pointing to the weed, as she tries to stealthily move the other things out of my line of sight.

"No Rose, not just the fucking weed. What are you doing with this stuff." She can't have money for this. There's no way.

"Oh, I got it from Royce" She says it like it's no big deal when really it is. He's a fucking drug dealer. He wouldn't just give her all of this for nothing.

"And what are you doing for him in return" I ask her, knowing I will not like the answer that I get.

She shrugs. "I sell here and there. No biggie" She says, and I stand quickly. She didn't try this shit when we had a place together because she knows how I feel about strangers coming where I live. But here she is selling out of Jaspers apartment. Why would she want to ruin his life like this? He can't know what she's doing. He wouldn't allow it. He has a lot going for himself.

"Does Jaz know you're selling again" I ask her, and she snorts, rolling her eyes, before licking the joint.

"Fuck no! He would kill me. He's never even here Bella, I swear. He lives at the library"

"But what if something happens?" I ask her, and I even consider ratting my friend out because honestly Jasper is a damn good person. Eventhough I would lose a friendship, I would stop something really bad from happening like, Jasper getting arrested for something he had no clue was going on right under his nose.

I drop the topic from now, knowing that Rose can get just as bitchy as I can, only difference is that she can back her bark up with one hell of a bite. I talk a good game, but fighting has never been something I enjoyed doing. She doesn't really ever start a confrontation, but she always finishes it. She's tough as nails, and in that sense, I wish I was more like her. Her irresponsible nature is what fucks here over in the end. I wonder if she even told Jasper the truth about why we were evicted. She probably told him that I'm the one that spent the rent money, so that she could stay with him.

"So how's it going with Mister sex on legs" She asks, sitting back on the couch and admiring her handy blunt rolling skills.

"Yeah, that's over. It was fun while it lasted" I say like it's nothing, brushing it off, hoping she moves to another topic. But of course not! This is Rose were talking about. God forbid her nosey ass doesn't get every bit of information.

She asks, and of course I spill. I tell her everything from how I was mugged, to how I ended up in the middle of the lobby floor, how he had me follow him upstairs. I tell her about our run in in the bathroom and what it led to. I even tell her how I left. Her mouth is open by the end of it, but I assure her that's not the end.

I tell her everything that happened today, including the nightmares, and him holding me, all the way to me throwing myself at him, and his rejection. Not once do I mention how any of it made me feel. Telling that would reveal my vulnerability, and fuck if I'm going to give Rose that power over me. No one is allowed to see me vulnerable. Except someone did. A few times now. My sex god.

Fuck!

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I need to get him out of my mind and fast.

Please review, that give me life! :)


	5. Chapter 5

I just can't seem to stop writing. Your reviews are everything. I want so badly to make this a story you guys like all the way through. I know some will be pissed at things to come, but so ive gotten used to it. But if i can keep the majority of yiu reading that would be great :)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

Hours later I'm at work in the shittiest mood imaginable, eventhough I have the words 'fuck off' written on my forehead, people still think it's okay to come up to me with bullshit.

I'm equally pissed off because now I'm an hour into my shift and I've not gotten one tip. Not one. It's like the universe knows I'm trying to do better for myself and is giving me the middle finger right back.

"You look like shit" Jessica pipes in, leaning her hip on the counter with her arms folded.

"And you smell like it, so I guess we both have things to work on" I say without looking up from my task. She scuffs, but I see her sniff her shirt, and when she sees that I caught her she rolls her eyes, and stands up straight, before turning and walking away.

She goes right up to Mike, and hugs up with him. I roll my eyes. I swear she gets paid to do absolute nothing. I think twice before calling her a slut when I think about what I've been up to in the last twenty four hours.

I take a towel and wipe off the wet counter, trying to busy myself because we're not all that busy today. I look up after awhile and my attention is caught by the same guy from the night before. He waves at me, and i respond with a smile.

I didn't get a good look at him before, but now that I look at him I don't see a hint of creepiness. He's very handsome, manly, and fucking huge. His skin is dark, well darker than my skin, but fuck, everyone's skin is darker than mine. He has silky black hair cut short, a perfect slightly nervous smile displaying perfectly white teeth, and high cheek bones that lift gloriously when he smiles.

How did I not notice him before. Oh, right, I was stuck on stupid. Stuck on Mister green eyes.

I smile at him. "Hey"

"How are you" He asks, folding his arms on the bar and leaning forward towards me.

I nod, still smiling. "I'm good." I continue nodding, and his smile widens, showing off his sharp prestine white teeth. "What will it be? Whiskey" I keep it friendly, noting how good of a tipper he was.

He nods. "Sure. I have a few friends meeting me here tonight. I want you to meet them"

I furrow my eyebrows at him, but I don't stray away from my task at hand.

"You're the nicest bartender here. They'll tip you well" He says and I smile, and mentally fist pump. If they all dress as well as this guy, then my luck is turning around.

Just as I think the words, I feel a tingle in my spine that I only feel when a certain person is near me. I know where he is because I can feel him. I feel our connection. I feel his eyes. I glance over at him. He does not look happy.

His glare turns to the man in front of me, and I see the familiar ticking of his jaw. He begins to walk over and my heart picks up speed. What is he doing here?

He stops in front of the big guy and glares down at him. I look between the two of them nervously. The big guy squares his shoulders, and leans back slightly, one arm on the chair, the other resting on the bar, and smirks.

My sex god doesn't seem to like that at all, and I watch as he tilts his head to the side, and narrows his eyes at the big guy.

"Can I help you" I decide to break the tension between the two guys. I wave my hand to get either of their attention, but no such luck.

"When's your break" Mister green eyes asks without looking at me.

I stand there frozen and confused. Why the hell does he want to know? "I don't know" I look behind me towards the clock. "Maybe in an hour or so. Why"

I barely get the words out, before he speaks again, and he still hasn't looked at me. These two are seemingly having a silent conversation, and I have a feeling it involves me. Not another pissing match! And with strangers again. I don't know either of these guys well enough for them to have this kind of reaction.

"Take it now" Is all he says, and he finally looks at me. The look on his face tells me to not fuck around, but I'm feeling defiant, particularly towards him for his earlier actions, so I tell him exactly what I'm thinking.

"Fuck off" I tell him. I gauge his reaction, and there's nothing. He's stands there emotionless, with his hands in his pockets. Oh he was serious?

I hear the faint laughter of the big guy, but I don't acknowledge him. My eyes are locked on my god, and I can't for the life of me look away. I'm captivated once again, stuck in his spell, transfixed by his beauty.

Fuck! Why, oh why did he have to show up?

"You'll take it now" He presses in a calm tone, and I find myself nodding. I can't help myself. His compulsion is too strong, and I can't fucking think straight. He starts to walk, and turns his head to make sure that I'm following on the opposite side of the bar.

I'm so utterly fucked!

When I reach the end of the bar he grabs my arm and pulls me out towards the exit, gaining my coworkers and a lot of the customers attention.

Once outside I yank my arm from his grasp and fold my arms across my chest, glaring at him while he paces the sidewalk like a mad man. I have yet to see this side of him, and I must say it's comforting. Knowing that I'm not the only one that can lose control and throw a fit at any given moment gives me hope that I'm not as crazy as I think I am.

He stops pacing, and it gives me a moment to take in his sexiness in one gulp. His hair is all tosseled and crazy like from all the pulling he's doing, and his frown line is in full force, but still, he's incredibly sexy, and my god I am overheating with desire. I'd let him fuck me right here, right now, without a doubt. if he wanted to. But he doesn't. He rejected me.

Now I'm pissed again. Bitchy Bella is in full force.

"What is your problem" I ask finally, after a long staring match.

He runs a hand down his face, and then scratches his chin on a chuckle.

"You think you're fucking cute running off like that" He asks taking purposeful strides until he's right in front of me, breathing down on me. He's pissed. But for what? I ran out because he pushed me away in disgust, and now he's here, and he has the nerve to be pissed at me?

Silence stretches between us and we stare at each other for a long time. We're both consumed by our own anger.

"Why are you here" I ask him. "How do you know where I work?" I ask, and he turns his face away from me, and I see his jaw tick, and his nostrils flare in anger. I take comfort in the familiar act, and surprisingly it calms me down a bit. I just want to know what he wants from me. "Did you...follow me? Are you following me" I ask in a small unsure voice. It sounds stupid coming out of my mouth, but in my head it sounded sort of sweet, like, he went out of his way to find me or something.

He turns back towards me and laughs, looking above my head at his surroundings.

"I wouldn't have to follow you to get what I want. That's a point that's been well made" He says slowly and completely sure of himself, almost arrogantly.

I roll my eyes at him. "Why did you drag me out here"

"I don't want you talking to him" He demands through grit teeth, and we're back to the ticking jaw.

"Who the fuck are you to tell me who I can and can't talk to"

He shakes his head, and rubs his eyes. "Get your shit! We need to talk"

He points to the bar entrance, as if I'm supposed to just follow his orders. I don't fucking think so. I will however go back in there and work, but he's out of his mind if he thinks I'm going to just leave work and go off with him to god knows where. He's a fucking stranger for god sakes.

I shove past him back into my place of work, and go back behind the bar to work. I feel eyes all over me, and I feel a little self conscious about it, but I can't let it bother me. I go back to my tasks, trying my best to ignore everyone.

My moment of alone time is short lived when I feel that familiar pull on my insides. God, what the fuck is that, and how the hell do I shake it off?

I know he's there. I can feel the shift in the air. I can feel that deep rooted connection, that electricity buzzing freely between us. More over, I feel his eyes begging me to look at him.

When I can no longer stand the silence, my eyes snap to his. "What" What the fuck does he want from me?

"I don't say this often, so consider yourself lucky, but I feel this is needed" I stare at him expectantly, folding my arms across my chest. "I'm sorry" He looks sincere, and I see him pulling out slight puppy dog eyes, and I almost laugh. He's usually so sexy and sure of himself, this look is different. He looks his age, he looks boyish. It's adorable. But I don't say so. I keep it to myself.

"Do you always talk out of your ass or do you just make that special exception for me?" I chose to not acknowledge his apology at all, going for a legit question.

He gives me a knowing smile that suggests he can read my mind, but he still decides to go with it. He leans forward, resting his arms on the bar. He grins at me with THAT grin. You know the one that makes me want to jump him. The one that I haven't seen in a few hours because he's been showing me a new side of him.

"You're definitely special" He answers shortly, widening his grin when I roll my eyes.

"How? How am I special? Im no different than any woman in this room" I look around to prove my point, but he doesn't follow my gaze around the room, he just chuckles lightly.

"You are the only woman in this room that knows what I am capable of" He says the last few words slowly and suggestively.

"Capable of? You mean sexually" I ask him and he nods slowly.

"Every woman in here is just aching to find out. Therefore..." He pauses dramatically to lick his lips. His eyes snap from the bar table, to my eyes. "...You are special" He says, and I roll my eyes. "I gave you just a taste, which is more than any of them can say."

"Whatever! I don't care. Fuck them all! What do you want? You want me to grab one for you to fuck tonight? Is that why you're here? You run out of preppy social elite bitches to screw? Is that it" He listens to my entire rant without flinching, but I can't tell my words affected him by the furrow in his brow. Or maybe he's trying to understand me? I sort of recognize this look from the elevator. Its his worried and understanding face. Well at least that's what I think it is.

"I don't want them. I want you" He announces, and my eyes widen to the point of pain. I've never been so surprised in my entire life.

I look down and quickly try to mask my shock. Where did that come from? It didn't seem like he wanted me earlier.

"Wow! Well, it seems you are the only man in here that doesn't see the words 'fuck off' stamped on my forehead." I try to shove his words aside as if they didn't affect me, when really the words are playing over and over in my head, causing mayhem.

He furrows his eyebrow, but not in confusion. He looks calm, cool and collected with a small smile on his lips and a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "You think that's whats keeping them away"

"What else could it be" I ask quickly. I'm thankful for the change in conversation. His little admission about wanting me has conpletely fucked me up, and I'd rather we not visit the topic for awhile just incase he's fucking with me.

He squares his shoulders, and gives me a cocky smile. "Ive marked you"

I'm taken aback by his words. What did he just say? "Excuse me" I ask louder than necessary.

He's all of a sudden very serious, and almost pissed off like I've offended him, or bruised his ego, or whatever. I really don't know what his deal is.

"You. Are. Mine"He pauses between each word, and my eyes close for a secind, letting that sink in. He's marked me? I am...his? Do I want that?

"How can I be yours and you don't even know my name"

"It wasn't needed last night, and tonight is no different"

"You think im just going to go home with you"

"No." He breathes out, and I let out a breath because honestly, I almost got my hopes up. I'm actually a little disappointed. But then he smiles, obviously noting the disappointed look on my face. "I know you're going to go home with me"

I sigh heavily, feeling like he's taking me on an emotional rollercoaster. I refuse to seem overly pleased by his words. "Just like that huh"

He nods his head and licks his lips, and that's when I notice the dark look in his eyes.

"You're pretty sure of yourself"

"Yes. I am"

"Why is that?"

"Because I always get what I want"

"And you want me" I ask him, amd watch as he slowly nods his head, staring into my eyes with that deep intensity that stirs up my insides, boils my veins, and causes a damp mess between my legs.

"Why me? I can tell women are just disposable pleasure for you. You can have anyone"

"But will any of them offer meaningful pursuit."

"Will I"

He smiles knowingly, and leans forward, til he's a breath away from me. He reaches a hand forward, and cups my face, which is a contrast to his usual rough handlings with me. "You will. There's something here between us, Bella. Don't deny it" His hand falls away from my face.

My eyes widen. "You know my name"

His smile turns lopsided, and his eyes flick to my chest. I look down and see my name tag. "Oh" Then I laugh. I forgot about that. I wave him off. "Well, I don't think there's anything beyond great sex"

He sits back in his chair happily, as if I'd just made a point. "So let's explore that"

"We have, and it was fun"

"It was... fun?" He laughs, a full laugh. "Right" He takes his bottom lip into his mouth eyeing me.

"I don't think we should explore anymore than we already have"

"Your lips say that, but your body is telling me a different story" He tilts his head to the side. "You should be glad this bar is between us, because its the only thing keeping me from pinning you against that wall, and pounding my cock so deep inside of that pretty little pussy of yours until you cum so violently you can't see straight"

I shudder where I stand, and that damp mess between my legs turns into a full on pool. My panties are fucking soaked, and I bet money he can smell my arousal.

Oh fuck! Why does he know exactly what to say to bring out the whore in me?

"Bella" I hear my name being called, but I can't look away from the hungry piercing green eyes staring back at me. I'm panting heavily, and he's sitting there all calm and controlled as if he didn't just say those words to me. "Bella"

I snap out of it, slowly, and reluctantly my gaze shifts. "Yeah"

"Get back to work" It's Mike, and he's looking between me and ny sex god with obvious annoyance. Jessica stands next to him with a smile on her face, her arms folded across her chest, with a satisfied gleam in her eyes. No doubt the bitch snitched, as if we're busy right now.

"She's leaving" And now his new name is control freak. What the hell does he think he's doing? He can't pull this shit. Not here. Not where I work. Mike stares at him in confusion. He just holds two fingers up towards Mike and motions for him to come over.

Mike gulps, but begin to walk over. He looks...scared, intimidated, nervous. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"When is Bella's next shift" He asks, and I visibly see Mike sweating under my gods scrutiny.

"Tomorrow" Mike answers in a small voice.

"Time" He asks impatiently.

"Midnight"

I stand with my mouth wide open watching the exchange, completely confused. What is he doing?

He stands quickly. "Great! Bella will be back here for her shift tomorrow" Then he reaches over the bar, taking a hold of my waist and lifts me like I weigh nothing to him. He motions for me to swivel my legs, so I do. I don't want to cause a bigger scene than necessary.

He grabs a hold of my hips again, pulling me off of the bar to stand right in front of him facing Mike's stupified face. He holds a hand out to Mike.

"My name is Edward by the way." They shake hands, and I freeze, realizing what he just let slip. Edward? That's his name? "Bella" He says, stepping beside me to intertwine our hands as we walk. "Where are your things" He asks as we begin to walk. I glance over at him to see him glaring at the guy from earlier, Jacob, I think that was his name. What's that about? I need to ask him.

X

Please review


	6. Chapter 6

Last one for now. Let me know hats going on in your head after reading these chapters guys. Please and thankvyou. It would be a huge help to me.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

He's on his back, I'm on top of him, grinding hard, chasing my orgasm like my life depends on it, and in a way it does. I don't dwell on singular thoughts though. I can't. Eventhough they say women have a million other thoughts while in the middle of intercourse. It doesn't happen with my sex god. He demands my attention.

He pounds into me holding my hips down, then with the rise of his knees, he fills me to the hilt. It takes all of my strength not to fall forward ontop of him from the force of my climax.

"Yeah baby, just like that" He guides me just how he wants me, amd I comply quickly, and greedily, because it brings us both pleasure in the end. I grind my hips in a circular motion as he reaches up to suck on my breast, giving them each attention. His tongue swirls around one, while he stares up into my eyes, flicking my taut nipple with his tongue, then nipping at it, while the fingers of his other hand pinch my nipple causing another orgasm to set my body on fire.

"Fuuuck!" I cry out from the powerful climax, shaking above him. My limbs are about to give out from fatigue, and he's still going like the fucking energizer bunny, and I love it. I fucking love it.

He pulls his knees back up, and places my hands on his chest while he plows into me over and over again, making the slapping noise that I found out he enjoys hearing. "Shit!" He hisses.

I see sweat trickling down his face, and building up above his brow. I lean forward to lick it, but I'm haulted by him sitting up, and reaching behind me to yank my head back by hair. He has one hand fisted in my hair behind my back, and the other squeezing the dear life out of my hip.

"God damn it! Fucking love your pussy baby. Shit!" He then lets go of my hair and waist, and grabs onto my shoulders, pulling me down on his dick, as it thrusts into me so deliciously, I can't help but watch him and lick my lips.

"Oh my god...Yesss! Fuck me!" I feel him hitting places so deep inside of me. Places that have never been reached. I feel like the life is literally being fucked out of me, and it's so fucking good.

He falls back on to the pillow grasping, my hips, looking up at me almost savagely. He grins as I begin to grind on him. "I can go all night baby. Tell me how many more times you want to come, and you can have it"

I mumble incoherent words, chasing yet another orgasm and he chuckles, but it quickly turns into a moan. "Your pussy is unbelievable. I could stay in here all fucking night." He punctuates the last few words with each thrust. I throw my head back in delight. I feel the same way. I'm spent, but nothing, and I mean nothing, has every felt so good, so right in my entire life. "You. Feel. So. Fucking. Good" He leans forward and bites my nipple, and I gasp in shock from the pain, but then he licks it, caresses it tenderly, and it sends a shockwave of pleasure rippling through me.

"Oh my god" My hips act on their own accord, rising and falling above him hard. I'm like a possed woman, and I'm so eager to reach the finish line. It's right there. I can't taste it.

"God damn it baby! Fucking hell! You want to come?" He asks and I scream yes at the top of my lungs.

His face is unreadable, but those green eyes are telling a whole other story. The sweat gathering on his forhead, the slight crease there in his brow. He's trying to control himself because he really does want to fuck me all night, and I think he'd try.

His eyes are seeping into the deepest part of me, and spilling with both awe and raw hunger. "Tell me what you want"

He sits back up and bites on my neck, marking me as he's done countless parts of my body at this point. I can't speak. He's rendered me speechless, breathless. He wants an answer, but I can barely breathe. I'm panting, and my eyes are rolling to the back of my head, and I'm writhing in pleasure.

His knees lift, and I know whats coming so I brace myself for his punishing pace, wondering when this man will run out of energy.

"Fuck, yea baby. Tell me what you want" He demands an answer through his punishing thrusts. The he's nipping at my jaw, my earlobe, licking down my neck, oh god, is he really expecting me to be able to answer? I'm having sensory overload, and stars are literally about to burst before my closed eyes.

"I want to come. Oh, please!" I beg through my shallow breaths, barely able to get the words out. He finds a spot within me and hits it repeatedly, and I let him know just how good he's making me feel by gripping his hair in my fists, and shake my head from side to side, rubbing my face against his sweaty forehead, not giving a shit. I am on another planet right now, some place out of this fucking world. Nothing can be better than this.

"Don't stop, don't stop!" I say through strangled moans and deep breaths. I'm buzzing, and sizzling, and right there on the edge of the most epic climax of my existence. He keeps hitting that fucking spot and I swear I'm going to shoot through the fucking roof.

"You like that?" He begans to stroke the spot with his thrusts, slowing down a bit. He's never gone this slow. Not during the throws of pleasure. It's sensual, and erotic, mixed with his voice, oh my god, I don't think I can take any more. My eyes are closed, but I feel his gaze burning through me.

"Just like that. Yes!" I hiss, meeting him thrust for thrust.

"Like that baby? Holy fuck!" He groans out, and I open my eyes to see his head thrown back and his face is ecstacy ridden. I round my hips against his thrusts, and he grips my hips, still hitting that stop. I'm so close. So fucking close. I open my mouth to tell him, but no words come out.

"Come for me. Fucking hell, baby!" His words are so deep, so strained, they push me over the edge, and I grip his shoulders to me, my mouth open wide as I cry out from the sheer amazingness that is my orgasm.

He grips me in that punishing grip lock on my hips that lets me know he's about to unload, and he throws his head back on a strangled moan. His hips jerk up a few times, and he pushes me down on his erection, emptying everything he's got.

When he's done, he falls back on the bed, bringing me with him, and I see a superbly satisfied grin on his face as he rubs my back lightly.

"I. can't. move" I say through pants, unable to catch my breath. I turn my face so that instead of my chin being in his chest, now my head is resting there and I can hear his heart beat. It's beating rapidly, and he's panting, but he's still like a fucking machine, and I tell him so. "You're a machine"

He laughs at that, shaking us as his chest expands , and shoulders shake.

"You're pretty incredible yourself"

X

Two hours after I left work and three out of this world orgasms later, I am beyond spent and laying across the hotel bed like I own the place. Which reminds me. "Do you live here" I ask him, watching as he slowly walks towards me gloriously naked. When he reaches the bed he falls down to lay next to me, turning on his side. He sighs heavily and closes his eyes and begins shaking his head no.

I silently wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn't.

"So, where do you live? Why are you staying here"

He sits up and rubs his eyes with the palm of his hands. A sign that he's irritated, I've learned.

"Because I can. I have the means to do so. I stay here every night."

I nod, understanding, but not really understanding. He's not really answering my question, but he's frustrated, and I don't want him to be pissed the entire night. I'm here to make him happy, and he's here to distract me.

I climb onto his lap straddling him. I wrap my arms around his neck, and his lock at my backside. "Why wont you kiss me" I ask, staring into his eyes. He had to know this was coming. We've had sex so many times in the past two days and he's only kissed me once, and it was a peck.

He stares at me for a long time, and inhales deeply, before blowing it out of his nose slowly and shaking his head. "I don't know. I just think it's a really intimate act"

"And we're not intimate" I ask because thats exactly what I thought we were. Our sex is feirce and passionate, and rough, and amazing. Our connection is beyond anything I've ever known to exist, and he even said so. He said something was there between us, but he's worried about being intimate.

"I've never been in a real relationship. Not one that I wanted anyway" He says, and then curses under his breath. Apparently he's said too much, but about what I don't know. I'm stuck on the relationship part. I've never been afraid to ask for something that I want, mostly because I'm not all that fortunate to have things. But when I want something I make it known, I want a relationship with this man, and I want him to know thats my intention.

"So we're in a relationship" I ask him with a smile, and he freezes up on me, and releases me completely, rubbing at his face, and pulling his hair. I climb off of his body, put off by his attitude. "Or not"

"Don't you dare leave" He says in a demanding tone, and I turn to face him with my arms folded. His eyes rake down my body slowly, and darken. There goes that hungry look again, i recognize it instantly. Then I look down at his lap, knowing whats next. Sure enough. His hard again.

I feel his gaze still burning heat , and fire through me. There's not a piece of me that his eyes don't touch, and I overheat from the trail, knowing any minute now he's going to get up and fuck my brains out. I look forward to it.

"God damn it, I lost my train of thought. What were we talking about" His eyes continue to roam, but when I don't answer him, his eyes dart to mine, and he raises an eyebrow.

I make a sound of frustration, and walk away from him. He follows of course.

"It's not my fault you're sexy as fuck. I can't even-" He pauses, and runs a hand down his face, and licks his lips while staring at me, before quickly turning around "I can't think when I'm looking at you. You're too beautiful" He calls over his shoulder. "And you're naked, and your body is so..." He trails off, and I don't know rather I want to kiss him or smack him, but then I realize that's the basis of our argument. I can't kiss him, and I don't know why. "Fuck! Put your fucking clothes on woman. Then we can talk"

X

Minutes later, instead of throwing on clothes, I decide on a shower. I told him he needed to get his shit together before we attempted another conversation. Apparently he can only think with his dick and I'm all too willing to give into him. We both need a calming shower, but I insisted we shower separately because that would only lead to us feeding our sexual appetite. He agreed quickly, and threw himself on the bed, watching me as I slowly closed the bathroom door to shower.

When I'm done bathing, I brush my teeth, and quickly seek out my sex god. I'm sorry, I know I said that we needed a break but break time is officially over. I need my fill of him.

I look for him everywhere, but I don't dare say his name. I haven't said it once since he let it slip, and I'm wondering if I'll every say it. I don't really want to though. I want to give him a nickname. Something that's only between us.

I smile at the thought of there being an us. Given his reaction to relationships, I'm sure there wont truly be an us for a long time. I'm okay with that. Really, I am! I mean, we only just met, and we dont know each other outside of this bedroom. I can wait. I can be patient.

AN :))))) i cant stop smiling. Your reviews do this to me! they make me write and miss out on sleep lol. My husbands looking over at me like 'be done woman' he's pissed so good night guys. I hope u enjoy! :))


	7. Chapter 7

I am loving where this is headed. I really wish you guys could see into my head. I am having so much fun with this Bella.

Please be patient, this is going somewhere. I'm trying my best not to bore you. I'm thoroughly entertained each time I re-read it, so I hope you're getting the same vibe.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

When Edward walks back into the hotel room I don't acknowledge his presence, eventhough I'm eager to get some answers out of him. I want to know everything about him, but I feel silly for feeling that way.

I'm sort of embarrassed by how I've acted around him since the very beginning, and now all of it is rushing to the forefront of my mind.

I threw a fit in the hotel lobby, came to his room and jumped his bones, had a crying fit in the middle of the day, then I threw myself at him. I sigh. Thats not even the full extent of my embarrassment.

He doesn't want a relationship with a wild person like me. He's well bred, well mannered, and classy. I'm the complete opposite. I'm the hooker he hides in a hotel room and plays with behind closed doors. And you know what? I'm actually okay with it.

He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me, leaning his head on my shoulder, looking over at me with a smile. His smile quickly falls when he sees my face.

"What's wrong?" He asks, pulling away, and grabbing my hand to pull me to the bed.

"Nothing. It's late. Don't you have a job to get to in the morning" I snap at him in a harsher than necessary tone. He furrows his eyebrows at me, and shakes his head.

"I'm off tomorrow" He says quickly, searching my face for some semblance of an answer for my mood change. I don't give him one. I have no right to be mad at him for any reason, but I just want answers, and I know he doesn't want to give them. I stand up quickly and put my hands on my hips looking down at him. I'm not completely sure I'm okay with fucking around with someone I know nothing about.

He stares back up at me and licks his lips slowly and suggestively. Then a grin spreads across his sexy face, and he reaches up to stroke his chin slowly. God I just hate him. He's so sexy. Everything he does is so deliberate, so precise, and sensual. He has that look on his face again. He's insatiable. I roll my eyes, and mush him in the face. He has got to stop looking at me like that.

"You promised if I put on clothes that we would talk" I fold my arms across my chest and raise an eyebrow waiting on a response.

His grin widens showing off those sexy laugh lines. He knows what he's doing. He's aware of how good he looks, and knows how to use it against me. He leans back on the bed slowly with his eyes penetrating me where I stand. He puts his hands behind his head and then flicks his eyes towards his groin suggestively.

"Honestly baby, I just want to fuck" He says with that same deep green stare that tells me more than his body language does. He could eat me up, and he would if I'd let him.

I raise my arms and drop them dramatically. "You make sure I know my place don't you? I'm a whore to you. It's obvious. But fucking hell dude, you're not even paying me for it. How unfair"

He seemingly ignores my words, and reaches up for my shirt, pulling me towards him roughly, as he sits back up, holding me close to him with the cup of my ass. "Don't say shit like that. I mean it"

I roll my eyes, and refuse to look at him. I know what will happen if I look at his perfectly sculpted face. I'm going to see those sexy as hell eyes low and hooded, deep and dark, and full of filthy promises. Then I'm going to see that jaw bone, that perfectly chiseled jaw with a days worth of scruff just begging to rub against the inside of my thigh to relieve me of the pressure caused by the panty wetting look in his low and seductive eyes. And don't get me started on his lips. Seriously, don't get me started! They are perfect and full, and it just pisses me off that I can't kiss him, and he won't kiss me.

"Look at me" He demands in a lowly raspy voice that sends tremors through me. I can't. I can't. I can't. I take in a deep breath before I comply, but then quickly look away again.

It's just as bad as I thought! Or good, depending on how you look at the situation. Those eyes, that face, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! I think I stop breathing altogether because of the look on his face. I think- I'm not sure- but I think I'm dying. His stare is just that fucking potent.

How do women resist him? I sort of feel like I need to start some sort of support group, or write a how to guide, because women are going to want to know. Fuck, I want to know. I can already feel myself becoming addicted to all things godlike. And yes, he's definitely godlike. I will never be able to have sex with a mere mortal. This thought makes me sigh. Heavily. Exasperatedly. How will I go on? Will I ever cum again? Good bye orgasm!

I look away momentarily, just to catch a breath, because I was unable to do so while looking down into his eyes. When I look back down at him, his eyebrows are raised but his eyes are so soft, the softest I've ever seen them. How much more perfect can he get? My god, he has a fucking sensitive side too? Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! This is not good. My heart is sending out smoke signals, and screaming 'Abort!' But my brain thinks I can handle it. I can handle him, and all that he dishes.

He holds on to that tender look and shakes his head from side to side, lightly rubbing on my ass. I'm not sure which is going to distract me from his words more, the look in his eyes, or the touching. "You are not just a piece of ass to me, and I'm sorry for making you feel like you are."He says sincerely, and I drop my arms and my upset facade.

Neither rhe eyes, nor the touch was a distraction, or my undoing. Its that fucking voice! His voice trumps all. That soft and steady, deep, yet velvet like voice...shit! I could cum just from his voice, I'm convinced. Think Robert Pattinson, you hear his voice? Yeah! That's my predicament exactly!

And he continues to hold me hostage with that look. Damn that look!

"Forgive me" Its not a plea, its another command and I almost laugh. He said he doesn't apologize often, but he's said it to me twice in the matter of hours.

I nod, and roll my eyes defiantly, pretending I'm not affected when really, I'm hot and bothered. He bites his bottom lip and smacks my ass hard and I look down at him with my mouth open wide in shock. I push against his shoulders, trying to wiggle away from him, but its ridiculously ineffective. "Forgive me, and mean it" He holds me tighter in place as I try to wiggle away from him. "Say it"

I don't say anything. I won't give him the satisfaction. He's not just going to boss me around, and throw me around like a rag doll. Oh and dare I forget the merciless fucks he dishes out, controling nearly everything involving our...'situation.' Situation? No, what is this? This is a predicament. I can't forget that I'm in deep trouble with this guy.

He slaps my ass again, when I don't reply within his 'time limit.' I'm getting pissed again because his blows to my ass actually hurt, like alot. It's still stinging.

Before I know whats happening, he's lifted me in the air, and tossed me on the bed with a plop, rumpling the covers around. I squeal in surprise, and make an oof sound from the impact. See what I mean? He throws me around like a fucking rag doll.

He straddles me, and begins tickling me everywhere. For fucks sake, are we twelve? Shit, I didn't even know I was so ticklish. I squirm and writhed beneath him screaming and squealing and begging him to stop.

"Please, Please, stop Edward!" I beg him through my giggles, pants, and gasps for air, and his hands immediately release me. I open my eyes and try to look at him, but my tears cloud my vision. I continue to laugh, and wipe the tears from my eyes to get a better look at him.

That. Fucking. Look. Oh, I want him! When he looks like that, I'll drop my panties anywhere, and show him just how much of a hooker I can really be. In the doctors office, at a restaurant, in a parking lot, at a movie theater? I am so- my god- I'm so aroused beyond all imagination. I won't have the power to stop him this time.

His eyes hold me captive, under lock and key, under his wicked spell. I'm sure he could tell me to jump out of the window, and my body would act without thinking. He clearly is a god. No mere mortal could control me mind, body and soul. Not like this. Not after just two days. Two days? It's so easy to forget that I haven't known him long at all. It's only been two fucking days and I'm stuck.

I thought I was just addicted to his peen, but I was sadly, sadly mistaken. His eyes are captivating pools of wonder. They shock and aww me like it's their job to do so. No, their responsbility.

Fuck, I'm a done deal. I'm finished. He never has to fuck me again, he can just look at me like this forever and I'll be content.

His eyes are so dark, the darkest I've ever seen them, and his lips are parted as his heavy breath washes across my face as he stares into my eyes. He is clearly fucking aroused right now, and I've been aroused since the day I met him, so I'm sure there's a mind blowing orgasm in my very near future. Especially if he keeps fucking staring at me.

I start to ask what that look is for, and why he's stuck frozen above me, when he finally opens his mouth to speak. "Say it again" He commands. His voice is so thick, like honey, and so soft I barely hear it. Yea, he's definitely turned on. If his eyes and voice wasn't an indication, the hard tip of his dick nudging at my stomach gave it away.

I force myself out of my dazed, severely aroused state, and I furrow my eyebrows at him confused. I'm mildly aware that I'm panting like a wild horse, but I can't focus on it. I need to know what he's talking about. "Say what"

"My name. Say it" He licks his lips, and oh god, I feel his erection pulsate against me, all thick and begging to be sucked. We are about to get really hot and heavy and we've yet to talk about anything. Wasn't that the main reason I left work early?

"Edward" I whisper like a prayer, and watch as it affects him. He smiles down at me.

"Now it'll be my name falling from your pretty little lips when I'm fucking you" He growls in my ear as he runs his hands up my sides to my breasts.

I know that I said I wouldn't, but, oh god-he's rubbing my nipples. He is rubbing my fucking nipples in circles- help me sweet baby jesus. Lord give me strength! I have to stop this. I have to stop it now, or nothing will be accomplished. He sits up on a grin, looking down at me with hooded lustful eyes. "When I'm fucking you stupid"

I roll my eyes at him, and push at his chest. It's like a fucking wall. He won't budge. "You're crazy"

"Crazy for you" He answers quickly, holding on to my hand, staring at me with this cute boyish expression on his face, and I die on the inside. He's being sweet. I'm not used to this side of him. It's unnerving seeing how much he hates intimacy. He brings my hands to his mouth and sucks my index finger into his mouth, staring into my eyes, and there's that look again. Oh, no you don't!

My eyes roll into the back of my head involuntarily, and I stammer and stutter over my words. "Can we please talk" I beg of him, but he won't budge.

I have to look serious, not seriously turned on. "Please Edward" I say his name again, giving him the most serious look that I can muster up. I need to give my lady parts a fucking break.

He gets off of me, and off of the bed, pulling my arms so I sit up.

His face is serious now too, and I see a crease in his brow. "I want to go first" He says, and I hold a hand out for him to continue. But what he asks is so not what I was expecting.

"What were you dreaming about today?"

Shit! Dive right in, why dont you!

I begin twiddling my fingers. A tell tell that says I'm a dirty fucking liar, but he won't notice. "I don't remember"

He stares for a beat, then shifts his bottom lip upward looking away from me. When he looks back at me, he pinches the bridge of his nose, sucks his teeth, while squinting his eyes at me. He's about to call me out.

"Yeah, I don't believe you" He shakes his head. He points at me, leaning to one side. "I think you know exactly what your dream was about, and you're going to tell me"

I immediately shake my head no. "No, I'm not" I say like a petulant child.

He chuckles lightly, his high cheek bones causes his eyes to squint a bit, and he looks away, shaking his head. He scratches his bare stomach, and looks back over at me. "You're cute when you get like that"

"Like what" I question, thanking god above for the subject change.

"Don't try to change the subject" He says and I hit the bed with both fists, completely frustrated that my victory was short lived.

"You changed the subject" I point out, and he grins, it's wicked and sexy, and completely distracting.

"I stated a fact" He purses his lips, and nods his head, as if his explanation was enough. "Now. Tell me about your dream"

"Will you tell me why you won't kiss me" I ask him, folding my arms across my chest, looking at him expectantly.

He lets out a mock laugh, and rolls his eyes. "I already told you" Then he shrugs. "But I'll be happy to remind you"

"I think it's stupid" I tell him, and wait for a reaction out of him. It doesn't come.

"You're trying to get a rise out of me. I won't have it"

I roll my eyes, then close them tightly, sigh heavily, and fall back on the bed as I let out a deep breath. "I'm tired"

I feel his breath against my face, so I open my eyes and I see him looking down at me with an unreadable facial expression. He tilts his head to the side with an amused grin. "Don't let me hold you up. By all means, go to bed"

"Are you-" I begin nervously. He looks down at me in confusion, eyebrows knit, and he's waiting patiently for me to continue. "-will you sleep with me"

He smiles. "Where else would I sleep"

I shrug. "I don't know. I just thought cuddling would be too-"

"-intimate" He finishes on a nod, and I join in, nodding with him, staring at him expectantly. He scratches the side of his neck. "It is" He shrugs. "But I can't seem to think of your naked body against my own as a bad idea" A slow, very cocky smile spreads across his face. "Who knows? I may wake up with an itch that only you can scratch"

I roll my eyes at him. "Could this be a sexual itch"

"It most definitely will be one. I'm sure of it"

X

"Bella, I'll be right back, okay. You stay in the room and finish your homework. You do not open this door unless you're sure that it's me. You understand?" Its the same drill any and every time he leaves me to tend to her.

Mama hates me. I don't know why but she does. All she ever does is scream how much she wish i were dead. She says I ruined her life. She says all I do is cry, day and night, but I can't remember a time that I've cried. I've heard her cry more times than I can count. Not small sobs that my dad cries at night by her bedroom door, but loud cries in the throws of pain. Gut wrenching, over the top cries from deep rooted pain. Crying that no one can calm down. Not even daddy.

When she gets too loud, he has to go in and calm her down. Those are the worst times for me, because he leaves me, and I have to wait.

I can't focus on my homework while I listen to loud crashes, and shattering of glass, banging against the walls, screaming and shouting, mostly struggling. He's struggling! He doesn't want to hurt her, because he loves her. He loves her inspite of her crazy.

I lock the door quickly, and cowardly crawl into my corner with my legs tightly to my chest.

I hear cackling, which is new. Thats a new sound, and it's scary. It whooshes through the air, chilling me to my core. All I can think is 'Daddy' but no sound leaves my mouth. It won't come out. I'm stunned by fear. Struck silent.

Then its quiet. No more shuffling. No more banging, smashing, screaming. Nothing. It's silent in my home.

"Daddy?" I call out, waiting for an answer. It doesn't come.

No tears. Stay strong Bella! Thats what daddy would want. "Daddy" No answer.

"No no no no no" Over and over I repeat this, as images of what could be behind this door fill my head. I don't want to inch towards it, but I do. I have my hand on the knob. "No no no" I don't want to open it. Daddy told me not to.

But I still open it.

Icy blues.

I shoot up in bed, drenched in sweat. My defense mechanism kicks in, and I automatically wrap my arms around my leg, as my chest rises and falls quickly and heavily. "No no no no no" Then I begin to rock back and fourth, back and fourth, back and fourth. My hair falls into my eyes, but I don't care enough to move it. I'm in a trans. "No no no"

Arms wrap around me. Body presses against me, or maybe my body presses against them. Its a warm chest, and a male scent. I'm at peace now. I grip. Tight. Tighter. My knuckles hurt, but I need to get closer. I need to feel.

X

I wake feeling refreshed as ever, and overheated by the male hunk of a body wrapped all around me. I roll my eyes at the display. What the hell? We went to bed on two separate ends of the bed, and woke up with him half on top of me. How did this happen?

He's hot, and we're both slippery and sweaty. What the hell is the air on? I feel it blowing, but shit, its fucking hot.

I slap his arm once, twice, three times. Nothing! That's when I decide to use force. I push at his head, which is planted firmly between my breasts, and no luck. "Move" I push. "Get up"

He doesn't even stir. Shit. His leg is wrapped around my bottom half, and his head, and half of his body is on my top half. Im trapped. Its as if he made sure I was unable to leave.

I buck upward, lifting off of the bed as much as possible, and thats when he finally stirs. He groans quietly, sexily, and rubs his head in a side to side motion between my breasts. Then he reaches both hands up and palms my breasts in his huge hands, massaging them. "Mmm" He moans.

"Stop it"

"Stop what" Fucking hell! I thought he couldn't sound sexier. He proved me so totally wrong. "I wake up to these, and you expect me not to touch them"

"You woke up to them because you slept with your face there" I point out grumpily. He groans, and it sends delicious vibrations straight to my center.

"I can stay like this all fucking morning" He says groggily. He exhales, and all of the warmth hits my chest.

"Well I can't stay here all day. I need to pick up a shift at work earlier than midnight" I shove at him again, but he doesn't budge.

"Why" He mumbles the question out against my chest.

"None of your business, now move" I'm getting irritated now. I really need to get my day going.

"I told you that I was off today. I expected you to spend the day with me"

"You expected me to" I ask him with narrowed eyes, but he can't see me. "You expected me to" I can't wrap my head around that statement. "You didn't ask"

I fill his shoulders shake, which is the usual indication that he's laghing at me. I'm so glad that I can't see his face, because it would surely knock my anger down quite a few notches, and right now I need to be upset.

"I did"

I replay each and every one of our conversation, searching my brain for any sort of recollections, and I come up blank, as I knew I would.

"You didn't"

He sighs exasperatedly. "When I made sure you weren't working until midnight-"

I interrupt him. "That's your way of asking" I'm blown away by this guy. Really?

I feel his shoulder lift in a shrug, and it reminds me that he's still on me. "Move" I shove him, and again, his firm body doesn't move an inch, but I feel his body moving. He's laughing.

"Say please"

"Fuck you" I say loudly, and it just makes him laugh harder.

"Keep talking like that baby. You're making my dick hard"

I make a loud sound of frustration. "Fucking move. I have to pee"

"Then you should learn this simple word. Please. Say it with me"

"All of a sudden I need manners? Where are yours" All while I'm talking I'm pushing at his body, before slumping back to bed out of breath.

"You're really quite stubborn aren't you" He tilta his face up, and I finally get a look, but I instantly look away. Do not look into those dreamy pools of wonder. They suck you in and claim you, force you into submission. I need a clear head right now.

If I don't just suck it up and say please, I'm going to be stuck like this for a long time, and eventually I'm not going to care, because he'll fix me with those eyes and I'll be a goner.

"Please move" I finally say, but he doesn't move.

"Spend the day with me" He demands, and I roll my eyes.

"What? Spend the day having sex with you?" I ask rather offended. His shoulders shake.

"Of course not."

"Then what" I ask quietly, because what else is there to us.

"We can go somewhere. Do something. I don't know" He actually sounds a little nervous. Whoa! What the hell? This is a new development.

"Like a date" I ask, because I'm curious, and I don't believe in that curiosity killed the cat, shit. If I'm curious, there's a reason, and I want answers.

He groans. "Why must women label everything" He laughs and I roll my eyes.

"Get the fuck off of me" I shove him, and now I've resorted to hitting him.

"Now you're back to this rude shit" He growls, and before I know it, both of my hands are pinned above my head and clasped in one of his huge manly hands. I squirm under his sexy, low-eyed, hooded stare.

He runs his index finger along my cheek to my jaw, to my lip, pinching my bottom lip between his thumb and index finger. I watch him stare at my bottom lip, and lick his lips. While he's distracted, I reach my head up and try to bite his finger but he moves it quickly, and I end up biting air.

"Feisty fucking woman. Damn, you make my dick hard as a fucking rock" He groans, and I know he's telling the truth because I can feel it. "Now. Are you going to spend the day with me" His eyes bore into me, and will me to answer him in the way he wants me to.

"I have to look for an apartment today" I answer truthfully, and he raises and eyebrow.

"So, we go apartment hunting. It's settled" And he's off of me in a flash. I'm left laying there, completely confused, and dazed, and stunned. What the hell just happened?

"You, I, we can't" I stutter, still blinking my eyes, still in the same stop he left me as if I'm handcuffed.

"Why not" I hear him moving around me, but I don't dare look at him. Not while he's naked.

"I have to work first. Apartments want down payments, and shit like that. I'm not prepared to just go apartment hunting"

"Why are you rushing to get an apartment? You can stay here" He tells me , and now I decide to move, and sit up to look at him. He can't be serious? This is a fucking hotel. Which reminds me.

"What do you do" I ask him cuiously. Like I said. I'm curious, or nosey, whatever. I always have been. "Do you manage this hotel"

"I own it" He says from the entrance of the bathroom, leaning both arms near the top, arms wide, revealing his rippling muscles, the hard planes of his six pack, deep, accented, and fucking devine, and his amazing bulging cock at full rise and attention.

"I want to lick you" I stare at him in a daze, and when I see the amused look in his eyes, the crooked grin and his raised eyebrow, I realize what I said, and that I said it out loud. I'm not even ashamed though, and he can tell. His smile widens.

"Come shower with me"He says, and again, not a question.

"No" I say defiantly, and fold my arms across my chest. He growls, and its sexy as hell. I need a distraction. "Tell me about your hotel. Do you only own this one"

"Shower. With. Me" He walks in front of the bed and grabs both of my ankles.

"You wouldn't" I stare at him with my mouth open wide. He fucking wouldn't. Would he?

"All it takes is a dare baby" He challenges. Well mister, I'm always game...

"I fucking dare-" Before I can get the words out, I'm yanked to the foot of the bed, hoisted into his arms, and walked into the bathroom. He smacks my ass a few times for good measure.

"I hate you" I tell him, and he laughs.

"Good" He says, then smacks my ass again. He gets into the shower with me, and I just stand there glaring at him.

"I'm not having sex with you"

"Good thing I know that's not all you're good for" He counters and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"What does that mean" I ask loudly, and he smirks.

"You know exactly what that means, baby girl" He says, leaning forward til he's right in my face, with that damn glint in his eyes, and that fucking smile. I'm here for amusement. He likes the laughs he gets when I'm around. I'm just a slutty clown to him. I don't share my thoughts though, I however turn away from him, and begin bathing.

I ignore him the entire time, and I think he can tell that I'm pissed because he doesn't once try to touch me, and I'm grateful.

When I'm done, I get out and towel off, then I go to the mirror to brush my teeth. I stare at myself in the mirror, and huff, looking at my crazy hair. It was in a messy bun kast night, now it's all birds ness like. I should've washed it. I sigh.

"You're beautiful" He says, as he watches me the entire time in the mirror. I catch his eye, and I flick him the bird. God, I've been waiting to do that. It actually makes me smile. I look down with a very happy, very genuine smile. For the first time in a long time, I'm truly happy.

Reviews are welcome, actually im begging for them. This is me begging you to send me love :)))) Goodnight


	8. Chapter 8

No A/N tonight, I just hope you enjoy the chapter.:)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

"This is it" I tell him, when we reach the apartments right next door to where I used to live with Rose. They're decent, I guess. A little smaller than my apartment with Rose, but smaller is better. It's just for me after all.

"This?" Edward questions, looking from me to the apartments, back to me, then to the apartments again. Then he puts his hands on his hips, and looks down, then rolls his neck to look up at me on the steps of the entrance to the leasing office.

He shakes his head 'no' several times as he walks up the stairs towards me, and he grabs my hand, pulling me back down the steps.

I snatch my hand away. "What are you doing"

He looks back up and around at the two story apartment building. "You can't stay here"

I'm taken aback by his words, and his tone. Um, excuse me? Last I checked, I was a an adult, with all of my wits about me. I ignore his protests, and make my way up the stairs. "You're serious" He questions, mouth open in complete bewilderment. He rubs his chin, and scoffs.

I turn back to face him. "You're beginning to annoy me"

"Same here, baby" He says lowly, his voice full of amusement, and I see him tip his head, and I roll my eyes at him, and let out an overexaggerated sigh. I've done nothing to annoy him.

Just then his phone starts ringing and he looks down at it, holding a finger up to me. Is he telling me to wait, as in he's putting me on hold? Uh no! Fuck that!

I make my way up the stairs to the office, without a glance back in his direction.

I'm first shown all of the floor plans, and I settle on the cheapest one which happens to be a really tiny studio apartment. I'm given all of the quotes, outlining how much the rent is, and I'm advised to do an application, so I do. The leasing agent asks if I'd like a tour, and I eagerly accept, standing quickly to follow him out of the front door.

Edward looks up when we step outside, and instantly see him eyeing the poor guy, even with the phone still attached to his ear. "Yeah, I'm still here." He continues to talk into the phone. "Yeah, I'll be there"

He quickly turns to me, with wide eyes, and comes towards me with his arms outstretched. "I have to go" He says looking regret stricken.

I nod my head in understanding. I'm sad that he has to go, but I'll live, I'm sure of it.

"Can I drop you off somewhere" He asks, looking at the leasing agent, and I can tell that he clearly doesn't want to leave me here with him. I roll my eyes at him, but decide it's best to let him drop me of at Jaspers, so I don't have to make that long walk on my own. My body is aching all over, so I know that walk won't be a pleasant one.

"Yeah, give me a second" I tell him, then I turn to the leasing agent, Aaron. "Can I come by tomorrow" I ask, and he nods. It's what needs to be done any way. I have no money to dish out to move there now, and seriously unprepared to move.

I turn back to Edward , and I see his awaiting hand, and I take it in mine. This is aweful intimate. I think to myself. What is his game? I'm so utterly confused by him.

X

"Rose, you here?" I push the door the rest of the way, and I walk in to see her sitting in a lounger, smoking to her hearts content.

"Hey boo, how are you? Oh wait, I need to ask you this before I forget. Am I fired?" She sits up straight in her seat with wide eyes.

I shrug, and take a seat next to her. "Not sure. Haven't been to work much"

She wiggles her eyebrows. "You've probably been stuck in that hotel room getting dicked down. Don't try and deny it. It's written all over your face" She points a finger at me and twirls it in my face.

I grin, because its true. Nothing has ever been more true.

"Are you two dating" She asks excitedly, but her face falls when she sees my face. "What?"

"He has intimacy issues, and probably a bunch of other shit." I admit to her, amd myself. I refuse to hope he'll have a miraculous change of heart, and want more than a fuck buddy.

"Like what" She asks, and I think hard about how weird all of this is. Why does he stay in a hotel room? Why doesn't he like to kiss? Why is he afraid of intimacy? Why won't he talk about his job?

"I don't know."I tap my front tooth with my nail as I think. "I think he's hiding something, and you know I'm nosey as hell, so I'm trying to get all of the information, but he's so secretive."

"Just make him tell you" She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. Rose is a strong advocate of power to the pussy. She think women run the world because we have a vagina, and thats something no man can resist. It's a proven fact, but I'm not going to use it against the poor guy.

"Can't. There's shit that I don't want to say, so I can't ask for all of his secrets." He wants to know things about me that I am so not ready to talk about. I don't think I'll ever be ready to talk about my mother.

"But you can find them out. We can follow him"

"No, absolutely not!" I slap her arm, alarmed by her comment. I'm not going to stalk this man. "I'm not following him"

"Sounds like you want to be in the dark forever. This could have been so much fun" She throws her head back and makes a sound of frustration. "You just suck the fun right out of everything, Bella"

I shove her, laughing at her dramatic act. "Where's Jaz"

"Oh, that reminds me. I found a great paying server job for us at a hotel restaurant. Jasper said the job is basically ours if we want it" she knows how bad I want a new job. I want a job that has daytime hours so I don't have to walk home late after a shift on my own.

"Both of us" I ask and she nods. "How did that work out"

"Jasper just got hired as the manager. He said that they're looking for servers. I mean, I've never served before, but how hard can it really be?"

X

How hard can it be? A question that should never ever be asked, because when you're thrust into action, you not only get your answer, you get...

"Table 15, order up!" Some semblance of this statement is yelled in my ear atleast thirty times a day. That's the minimum. I've been working here two weeks now, and I'm still not completely used to the hustle and bustle of this restaurant.

"Bella!" I hear my name being called as I'm grabbing the tray with my table's food on it. I look towards the kitchen door, and I see Rose standing there with wide eyes. "They sat you again"

My eyebrows raise into my hairline. "What the fuck" I shout at her, and she's taken aback by my tone.

"I'm just the messenger. They've been sitting there for awhile now." she thrust a piece of paper to me. "I took their order, and I'm getting their drinks for you now"

I sigh in relieve, and give her a thankful look. "Thanks Rose"

"No problem, babe. Just get your ass out there" she swats my ass, and I laugh as I move around her to get to the door. I push the door open, balancing the tray on one hand, and make my way over to table 15. I place their food down, and distribute it, smiling brightly at each of them.

"Can I get you anything else" I ask both the man and the woman, who look like they are having a quiet business lunch.

They shoo me a way with the flick of their wrist, and I plaster on a fake as fuck smile as I back away from the table, but as soon as my back is to them I frown and roll my eyes.

I wipe away the sweat from my brow with the back of ny hand, and make my way back to the kitchen. I need a drink of water, before I fucking pass out.

X

Three more hours pass of the same shit, over and over just like the previous days, and I am drained of all of my energy. Rose offers to walk with me to my apartment, but I let her know that I'm meeting Edward at his hotel room instead. I need him. It's been two days since I've seen him. Two days since he's been inside of me. Two fucking days, and I hate to admit it but I sort of miss him. Actually, that's a lie. I miss him like crazy. And not just his peen, but him. I miss his bossy ways, and his genuine laughter. I miss his eyes, and his body, and his swoon worthy ways, and just-everything! I miss everything that is god-like. I miss Edward.

When I reach his hotel room, I insert the key that he'd given me last week when I moved into my apartment, and push the door open on a huff. Fuck, I'm tired.

I practically fall into the bed, and snuggle up to the covers. I didn't realize that his scent was so strong, so potent. I sniff. The fucking covers smell like him.

I close my eyes and melt into the comfortable bed, then spread my arms across it, letting a lazy smile form on my lips. I miss this fucking bed. My bed at home isn't nearly as comfortable.

I hear the door open and shut closed. My eyes pop open, and quickly search for a green gaze. When I'm met with his familiar eyes, I almost jump into his arms, but I don't. I keep calm, and watch him stroll slowly towards me as he pulls at his tie. His eyes watch me intently, and the closer he gets, the more defined his features become. I see dark rings around his beautiful eyes, and I frown.

"Are you okay" I ask him warily, but I receive no reply. Edward just shrugs out of his suit jacket, and falls into the bed, practically ontop of me. He pushes my legs apart and settles in between my legs with his head laying on my chest in his favorite spot right between my breast. I run a soothing hand through his hair, and he moans.

"That feels good, baby" He places a kiss between my breasts and wraps his arms around my waist, holding me tighter, as he snuggles in closer. I giggle.

"How was work" I ask cautiously, because he looks like shit. It can't be good.

"Fine" Is his fantastic reply.

"Well, guess I won't be asking again" I reply snidely, and I feel his shoulders shake with laughter.

"Don't be like that"He pinches my side, and I squirm out of his hold slightly, but he quickly tucks me back in.

"Like what" I ask, still giggling from his touch. He squeeze me, and I sigh in contentment. I could get used to this. But I won't. Every since I asked him what we were, and what were doing, and he shut me down, I have yet to ask again.

He said that labels complicate things. I let those words swirl around in my head, trying to figure out how that is, but I came up blank. I still come up blank. How would defining clear lines about what we are to each other, possibly complicate things? I stopped questioning it though, and decided to just be with him in whatever way he'll allow. We are having fun, and that's really all the defining that I need.

He lifts his head, and gives me a look as if to say, 'Don't play stupid'

I laugh at his facial expression, and poke his cheek with my index finger. "I missed this face" I tell him, and he grins a ridiculously sexy grin that causes an ache so strong between my legs I have to squeeze my thighs together. His grin widens, because no doubt, he felt that.

"I miss fucking you" He says, then licks his lips. Damn him and his tongue! I roll my eyes, trying to seem unaffected, when really I'm burning with desire.

"How very crude" I say, shaking my head disapprovingly. His shoulders shake with laughter, and then he drops his head back down to my chest, and bites my nipple. I gasp loudly as pain ripples through me, but then he caresses my nipple with his tongue and I'm left writhing beneath him, and two seconds away from begging him to fuck me. It's been too long.

"I'm so tired" He says with a roar of a yawn, and I laugh. I go back to running my hands lightly throw his hair.

After awhile I feel his chest rise and fall steadily, and his breathing evens out. Is he? "Edward" I poke him, but he doesn't budge. He's asleep, and I'm trapped beneath him. He does this so often, I'm not sure why I don't come to expect it.

I don't bother him after that. I remember the tired look on his face and I grow sad instantly. What's causing him to be so tired all of the time?

Twenty minutes deep into his sleep, and my hand has begun to cramp up, so I stop rubbing, and just rest my palm on his warm back.

I find myself yawning seconds later, and then my eyes start to flutter closed. Just as I'm falling into a state of unconsciousness, I hear a phone buzz. It's Edwards.

I feel into his pants pocket for his phone. It could be work, and it could be something important. Maybe that's why he's been so tired? He could be working on something, and right now he's missing a fucking call because his big ass is scrawled across my body, knocked out, and I can't find his phone.

But then I do. I find it in his right pocket of his pants, and I look at the screen, ready to answer the call for him. I almost roll my eyes at the situation. What am I? His assistant?

Just as I have the thought, and decide to just put his phone back up, -because I am not in fact his assistant- a message pops up.

Sweetie, I'm just calling to check we're still on for dinner. Call me xoxo -Tanya

Sweetie? Dinner? Hugs AND kisses? Problem? I think so.

I start to reply. Who is this? -Edward

But I quickly delete the words, as a better plan comes to mind. Sure honey, where are we meeting again? -Edward.

It's time I take Rose up on her offer, because I want to know who else Edward is spending his time with.

The woman replies with Alexanders, which is inside of this hotel, so it would be ridiculously easy to spy. Why would he have dinner with another woman with me in such close proximity?

I roll my eyes and chalk it up to him just being stupid. Men are stupid.

Please revie :)


	9. Chapter 9

I really hope you guys are enjoying this story. It will be a pretty lengthy fic, so please stick with me. I prefer long stories, so I tend to write them.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella POV

An hour later, Edward wakes up from his nap, stretching over me like the big bear of a man that he is. He yawns, and blows all of his hot lion breath in my face, and I scrunch my nose up, causing him to smirk at me.

He gets out of bed, and stretches again. "How long was I out" He asks, as he slowly begins to remove his clothes. He feels around in his pockets for his phone, but I know for sure that it's not there. I have it tucked under a pillow behind my back, ready to get a panicked reaction out of him.

I smile devilishly as I watch him search for his phone, but my face slowly falls when he shrugs it off without asking for it, and removes his shirt, pulling it slowly over his head.

I want to get a reaction out of him, and the phone didn't do the trick. Being the tactless person that I am, I decide to come right out with whats on my mind, and see where it takes me.

"So dinner" I ask, watching his face for any sign that he might have plans with someone else, and just neglected to inform me.

"Is that a question" He asks, glancing at me as he pulls down, and then steps out of his slacks. "You want to go out for dinner" He raises an eyebrow skeptically. I'd once told him that I hated going out, and apparently he remembered because he has that amused look on his face as he watches me. Then he shakes his head. "You're a very confusing woman"

"Me" I ask in disbelief. Has he met him? He's not only confusing, but he's complicated, and still just a complete mystery.

He laughs, and then crawls over to me in a very primal, very sexy way, with his fists in the bed, planted on each side of me as he stares into me eyes. He reaches forward and bites my bottom lip, slowly grazing his teeth against it, before releasing it on a groan. "Yes, you. He slaps my thigh. "Fuck, I miss this body" He squeezes my thighs, and my eyes almost roll into the back of my head, because his hands on me in any capacity, causes me to lose my fucking mind.

"Whatever" I look away, pissed that he's able to distract me so easily, and he doesn't even know what he's distracting me from. I want to be pissed at him. I want to curse at him, and throw his phone at him.

How can he expect me to be his, and only his, but he can freely do whatever he wants, label free. He doesn't want labels because they're complicated? No, thats a load of bullshit! He doesn't want a label because then he'd be considered a cheater when he fucks around.

"Why do you live here? Why are you living out of a hotel" I ask him, and I'm aware that I sound like a nagging girlfriend, but I just can not keep doing this to myself. I'm falling for a man I know nothing about.

I see him do his signature move to show just how much he doesn't want to talk to me. I shut his sexual advance down to talk about something that he'd really rather not talk about. He scrubs at his eyes with his palms. "God damn it!" He mutters.

"The truth Edward, or-" I start to threaten him, but his head snaps up and there's a fierce look in his eyes that tells me that I better not finish that sentence.

"Or you'll what? You'll leave?" he asks with a slightly raised voice. His eyes pin me where I sit, and his chest is heaving a bit. "You leave Bella, and I swear I'll find you and drag you right back here to my bed, and I will fuck you until you understand that that is not the way to get my attention. It just pisses me off"

I roll my eyes at his words, but squeeze my thighs together because his words cause a deep throb between my legs. I have to pretend that I'm unaffected by him sometimes, because if I don't, he'll fuck me all day and all night, and I'll let him.

"Why wont you go home" I ask him, and watch as he throws his head back in frustration.

He groans loudly, then his head snaps back and he looks at me and shakes his head from side to side. "It really doesn't fucking matter" He says, and I shove his chest, and start to get up, but he holds both of my hands at my side, leaning into me, staring down at me.

"I will not go back home until the person living there leaves" He breathes the words across my face, and I slowly try to understand what he means by that. I come up blank.

"Who lives there"

"Someone that I rather not live with anymore" so maybe he has a roommate that he fell out with or something. That's understandable.

"Can't you just tell them to leave?" I really want to know why he has to resort to hotel rooms, when he has a home of his own.

He grins at me, opens his mouth to speak then snaps it shut with pursed lips.

Then his face turns deadly serious and he squints his eyes at me. Fuck me side ways, I just came, I think. Just when I thought he'd flashed me every sexy look under the sun, but god damn it this look, oh my God, this fucking look is so sexy, I actually begin to imagine us fucking while he speaks. I miss what he says, because I'm zoned in on his face, mostly his eyes. His eyes are fucking deadly.

What the fuck is he saying? His lips are moving, but I can't hear anything, I'm trapped by his eyes. I ignore him, and go straight to my main question. I need to know where I stand.

"What are we" i ask, and watch his entire body tense up before my eyes. I've only asked this question one other time, and I recieved the same response.

He looks up at me and flashes me a nervous smile, but his eyes are completely unreadable.

"What do you mean"

"What are we doing? Are we together? Are we in a relationship" I really need to know where I stand so I don't feel so bad about texts and phone calls from unknown women. Maybe that was a close friend, or a relative. I have no way of knowing.

"Is that what you want" he asks me slowly, and I nod, watching his face to see how he reacts. His smile grows, showing off his perfect white teeth.

"Yes, I want it! I want it more than anything." I'm desperate for him to be mine, and only mine. The thought of other women having his body, time or attention, makes me think violently.

"Then you have it" he says slowly, crawling closer to me. Kiss me! I silently beg him. I bite my bottom lip, and stare at his lips, but he doesn't kiss me. He just rolls onto his back, and pulls me up to straddle him.

"So you're mine" I ask, and he nods slowly, staring into my eyes with enough intensity to knock me over. I lean down and bite his chest, trying to mark him like he does me all the time. "Mine" I growl when I'm done, and I feel his body shake with laughter. It's not funny though. I'm deadly serious. I've gotten bit by the jealous bug, or some shit like that, and I'm not able to deal.

I keep thinking about all of the women he's been with, and it's pissing me off.

"How many women have you had sex with" I ask him out of irritation. All of the darkness leaves his eyes, and I swear I see a flash of fear in his eyes, but it's quickly replaced by annoyance. He rubs his palms against his eyes. He doesn't want to talk, as always, he just wants to fuck. That's his thing. He's even said the words. They ring loud in my ears.

"Baby, I just want to fuck"

He really means that, he wasn't just saying it.

Well, my vagina is closed until he tells me something. For three weeks I've been fucking him to sleep, literally, and not once did I nag him, or push him to talk. But now, I want answers.

"I don't know. Alot" He shrugs, and then removes his hands to look at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction to his answer. There is no reaction, because I expected that answer.

I nod my head in acknowledgement to his answer. It was truthful, as truthful as he can get, I'm sure. He's slept with so many, he's lost count.

He's eager for a subject change. I can tell. He doesn't want to talk about this, or anything close for that matter.

"Are you off tonight" He asks, probably remembering that I'd asked about dinner, and is trying to revive that little conversation. Or maybe he's trying to make sure that I'm busy tonight so he can go off gallivanting with Tanya. Ugh! I almost scream the question. Who the fuck is she?

"I sure am" I fold my arms across my chest defensively and raise an eyebrow. He mirrors my look with an amused glint in his eyes.

"Stop being cute" He says to me with a crooked smile. Damn those delicious laugh lines! I accidentally smile back. What ? I can't help myself. The man is deliriously sexy. I can't resist him, and suddenly I forgot why I even tried. Oh yea! Tanya!

"I'm mad at you right now" I say while staring at his chest, because surprisingly its easier to look at then his face. With his body, I drool, but with his eyes, and his beautiful face, I swoon, and right now, I need to be pissed. I don't need him using his compulsion on me. I don't want to bend to his will.

He tilts my head up by my chin, and he has a devastated look on his beautiful face. Then he fucks my head up completely. "You can be mad at me another night. I need you tonight." He smiles, but I don't return it. "At least give me an opportunity to make it better"

Make what better? Does he even know what I'm mad about? What am I even mad about again? What did he do wrong? Am I still mad at him? I can't be mad at him, look at that face! That fucking face!

Shit!

For the love of all that is holy, this man has got me questioning myself.

I start to ask him if he even knows why I'm mad, when he completely surprises the fuck out of me. "I know you weren't serious about going out, so I'll just order in. What are you in the mood for? I know you love Thai."

Well I'll be damned! This man knows just how to butter me up.

My face must light up like a fucking Christmas tree, because the smile he gives me warms my heart to new levels.

X

An hour later we are settled on the couch eating our take out and scrolling through the channels, trying to find something to settle on.

"Oh shit!" I curse, and Edward stops eating to turn his attention on me. "Shit, shit shit!" My fucking mouth is on fire.

He turns his body completely to look at me. He places his food down on the coffee table and turns to me, bringing my legs into his lap, and looking at me with questioning yet worried eyes.

"Fuck, my tongue" I fan my tongue, and realization dawns on him. My food is spicy as fuck. I decided to try something new, and this is what I get.

He laughs at me, a proper laugh, throwing his head back, full body shakes, loud laughter, and my mouth is still burning.

"Help" I shove him. My eyes are tearing up because its too fucking spicy.

He stands quickly, and I continue to fan my tongue as it that will help at all. I silently beg him to hurry with a remedy of some sort. He comes back empty handed, and I give him a look as if it to say 'what are you doing, you idiot'

He rolls his eyes, and points to his mouth, then he shows me his tongue. He has ice cubes on his mouth. He crooks his finger at me with a darkened gaze, and I crawl to the edge of the couch where he's standing, with my knees planted firmly holding me up. My tongue is all but forgotten, and is replaced with a ripple of excitement, and a flame of desire deep within me. Fuck my tongue, give me you!

I shake my head at my thought. He's turned my into a sex addict. Well, not really a sex addict, because I don't want anyone else's peen but his. I don't know what I am at this point, but I know I've been in a shitty mood for two days because I've been without his dick. I'm sure that's the reason. Rose even pointed it out to me.

Back to my mouth, which is now a dull burn, because I'm so wrapped up in this man. I'm still confused though. How's a few ice cubes going to sooth my mouth?

He stares at my confused face, with a hint of amusement in his eyes, and a whole hell of a lot of lust. There's no doubt in my mind that he's about to cool my mouth down, but warm my body up.

He grips my jaw in his firm hand, staring at me with so much intensity, I swear it could melt my panties off. My mouth falls open instantly and obediently, and he nods in approval. He then brings his mouth slowly down to mine, our eyes still locked on each other. Then he tilts his head completely, slowly and deliberately dropping the ice cubes onto my tongue, as our lips lightly brush. I almost die from the touch of his lush lips. Fuck me, he's delicious. I can't help but think about how badly I want those lips all over my body tonight.

Our tongues collide, and his tongue softly caresses mine, and fuck me, its erotic as hell. I've forgotten all about the main reason for the ice cubes in the first place, and maybe that was his intention all along.

In my mind this seems it would be tricky to do things like this without actually kissing me, but he finds a way. He always finds a way to make something extremely erotic, without it being intimate. Its sexy as hell, but mind boggling. Is it too much to ask for both? Yeah, probably.

"Better" He asks huskily, and I'm rendered speechless yet again by this magnificent man. I nod my head slowly, with wide, stunned eyes. I'm not sure what the full image of my face looks like, but it must be funny because he laughs a quietly laugh. "I told you not to get that, and what did you do."

That snaps me right out of my daze. I got it for the simple fact that he said I couldn't handle it, and fuck if I'm going to ever say no to a challenge.

"I'm still going to finish it" I tell him, with a piece of ice swishing along my tongue to cool it off. He shakes his head.

"Instead of just admitting defeat" he asks, and I roll my eyes at him. He smirks. "Stubborn woman" he mutters lowly, and then he suprises me by aggressively pulling my body up from the couch. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist. He cups my ass in his palms and squeezes. "You'll fucking listen to me one day" Its not a question, its a statement. Sure I will! I shake my head. Not!

He walks around the back of the couch to his side, and sits down, then he turns me in his lap so that my back is against his warm, hard chest. I reach up to grab our food, and then sit back against him, snuggling into his arms. "You want a taste" I ask him. I'd like to see him be able to handle this shit. I felt like I would choke and die, it was so spicy.

He shrugs, and opens his mouth for me to feed him, and I do. He chews quickly, and doesn't make a face at all, not even when he swallows. "Yeah, baby, thats hot" He says, with no facial expression and I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not. I sit there staring at him in shock. He's probably already had this before. He dared me to eat this, knowing how spicy it was.

"Yeah baby, it's hot" I mock his tone. "Fuck you" I hit him. With a pillow. To the side of the face.

"What the hell" he raises his voice, and then he begins moving fast and I know whats coming. He holds me close against his chest with one arm, while the other hand puts his food down on the table as I try to wiggle free to run away from him.

Through my laughter, I find a way to put my food down, because if I don't he's going to make me knock it on the ground. "Stop it" He tickles my side until I fall onto the ground on my side laughing like an idiot.

He rolls me to my back, and pins my hands above my head. "Apologize"

"For fucking what" I ask him. I'm not apologizing for shit.

"You hit me with a god damn pillow" He's not angry, he never is. He's amused, and maybe a little aroused.

His hand skims the side of my body, and I squirm away from his touch because its lighting my body up. He's leaving a hot burning trail and its sending ripples to my throbbing center. Just fuck me already! I want to shout at him. I keep pressing his buttons, he keeps getting turned on, yet, we haven't had sex. Why is that?

"Apologize" He brings me back to the here and now. I'm pissed at him.

"You're such a baby" I tell him, and he laughs. Probably because I sound like a baby right now, not him.

I'm surprising myself by letting my train of thought rule me, and make me emotional. I haven't forgotten about this Tanya bitch. Is he not fucking me because he's getting his fill somewhere else?

I can't lose my shit. I can not let my emotions get the best of me. I start acting like a nutcase when I'm emotional, and I'm certain that's not something that he wants to see. I have to admit to myself that I honestly don't want him to see. Usually I don't care what anyone thinks of me, but with him, things are different. If I show him my complete crazy, he'll leave me, and I definitely don't want that.

His amused look fleas quickly, and is replaced by worry. "You're mad about something" Again, not a question.

I shake my head no, twiddling my fingers. I'm a fucking liar, but apparently so is he, and that thought does me in. I shove his chest, and surprisingly he moves back and lets me up. I leave him there on his knees, scratching the back of his head. He doesn't know what to do with himself. He doesn't know what do with me?

I sigh heavily. I've fucked up the night. Now he's definitely going to run off to this Tanya bitch.

I can't let him think I'm mad at him. Well, I am still, sort of, but I'm not going to let it ruin our evening. If he had plans with the other woman he obviously didn't think she was more important than me, because he's here. He's right here with me, eating dinner, playing around and watching tv. I don't want to push him away by being childish. I'm not playing games here. No! At this point, I'm playing for keeps. I want him, and I want him bad. Anyone in my way will get fucking crushed, squashed, trampled, all of the above. No one else can have him, but me!

"I'm sorry" I tell him softly. He shakes his head, and slowly eases up from the floor.

"Don't be" He replies, and then sits back next to me, grabs my food, and hands it to me, then he grabs his and we dig in.

I scroll through the channels as we eat, and discover that cable is shit, and there's nothing on.

"Stop" He shouts, watching the tv closely. "Toy Story" he says, and a smile spreads across his face as he watches the movie.

"Oh, you're serious" I'm confused. This man is damn near thirty, and his face lights up from the most child-like movie imaginable.

He looks over at me sadly. "You don't like Toy Story" He asks, and I roll my eyes at his sad eyes, and sad voice. What the hell? He's a big fucking kid.

Then the wheels turn in my head, and I come up with the nickname that I've been searching for for weeks.

"I'm calling you Woody from now on" I tell him, and then silliness sets in, and I imagine him with a cowboy hat on.

"Woody? Why Woody?" he's clearly confused, but I'm having way too much fun.

"I'm not going to call you Buzz Lightyear, or Mr. Potato head."

He pulls me close, and fixes me with that crooked smile. "Call me whatever you want, baby"

X

Only time daddy leaves the outside of her bed room door is when he goes to work, and thats because he absolutely has to. He can't just stop going to work. How will we eat? How will we live? These are things that I understand completely, even at my young age, but mama, she doesn't get it. She wants him there. She wants him close. Even if she can't see him. Well, atleast that's what daddy told me.

She can tell when he's not outside of her door. I don't know how but she can. She cries, and screams and kicks at the door. There's no way to block out the noise, and they are such strangled cries, one would think she was physically in pain.

I made a mistake one day after school. Her cries were so extreme, so terror filled, I was sure she was dying. Thats her way of getting what she wants. I realize that now. She wants to get out. She wants to get out of that room. Thats her main goal, and now I know why.

"Bella, I'll be right back"

Lock the door.

Crawl into the corner.

Don't cry! Be strong. It's okay! Daddy's okay!

Cackling! It's loud. So loud. It's all I can hear! Make it stop! Daddy, please make it stop!

"Daddy"

Quiet.

Silence.

"Daddy?"

"Daddy" No answer.

"No no no no no" What's behind that door? What if it's not him. What if it's not daddy?

Hand on the knob. "No no no" I don't want to open it. Daddy told me not to.

But I still open it.

This time I register the weapon of her choice. And this time I scream because it feels so real. That's because it is real. She is real, and she wants me dead.

"Ah!" I wake up screaming, panting, crying, shaking, and alone. I'm alone. No warm chest. No strong arms. I'm all alone in the dark.

"No, no, no, no, no"

It's pitch black in the room, and I'm rocking back and fourth trying to rid myself of the terrible nightmare. That was the worst it's been in awhile. Most nights when I sleep with Edward I don't even have nightmares, but tonight I had one. Tonight I'm alone. The sheets are cold. He's been gone for awhile.

I look at the night stand. It's almost midnight. Where could he be?

Thinking of him takes my mind off of my dream, and I have the will to unclench my muscles, and stretch my arms and legs.

If he can leave in the middle of the night with no explanation, so can I.

Please review.


	10. Chapter 10

I really really really really hope you all are liking the story. :) I promise you answers really soon guys. Its coming. Not the end, no we're not even close to the end. Edward wont be a mystery too much longer...well he will be, but he'll be less of a mystery.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

"Wake up, Bella!" I hear a voice say, and my eyes slowly flutter open. I'm met with piercing, dreamy green eyes. Is this real? I swear I left the hotel room.

I gaze around the dimly lit room, and realize that I am home. That means...

My eyes snap to his. "You broke into my-" a hand quickly covers my mouth. What does he think, I'm going to scream? I thought about it. I should do it, because he broke into my fucking house.

I bite his hand, and narrow my eyes at him. He snatches his hand back and examines it, before looking back at me. "How did you-"

"I made myself a key" he answers honestly, and laughs at my expression change. My eyes are wide because I'm so fucking shocked.

"You just-you made yourself a fucking key? You took my keys? When?" I quickly get up in search of a light switch.

"When I gave you a key to the hotel." he answers quickly, and with a sort of brush off like its not a big deal. "Now you tell me something. When the hell were you going to tell me you quit the bar"

"Why is that any of your business" now I'm defensive.

"Any of my business? Bella, you are my business" I've only heard him raise his voice at me a few times, but never like this. He's really upset. He turns his back to me, and runs a hand through his hair with a tug, before quickly turning back towards me. "Why did you leave me"

That's what he's angry about? Really? Did he forget that he left me first? "Why did you leave me"

Realization dawns on him, and his face falls a bit. I want to know why. "I had a last minute meeting. But you know that already. You had my phone"

"And you left me for this little meeting late at night" now I'm pissed. "And you expected me to just wait for you?"

"Baby, you were asleep" he says like its the answers for all of our problems. That, it is not!

"And I woke up in a terrible state, and you weren't there" i all but shout at him as my emotions get the best of me. I pick up the closest thing to me and I launch it at him. He's about to get a touch of the crazy.

He ducks quickly, and whatever I threw at him goes flying over his head. I throw something else, I think I even throw my purse. "Damn it, Bella!" he shouts and comes full force towards me grabbing my arms. "Stop"

"Is that why you haven't had sex with me?" I ask him, and he looks all around my face, confusion written all over his. "Is that why you're so tired" I ask quietly, in defeat, and he releases me from his hold. His head drops, and he shakes it.

"I've been tired because I can't fucking sleep without you" He admits. "I haven't had sex with you, because I don't want you thinking that I just want you for your body."

He smiles, and I return it genuinely, pushing back my craziness. I don't want to be mad at him. I just want him to only want me. I want him to understand that just like I'm his, he's mine. No one else can have him.

"I'm sorry" I cover my face to hide my teary eyes. They won't spill over though. I refuse to let them. I've survived worst than this. I will not let this be what breaks me down. Be strong, Bella!

He moves my hands, and pulls my bidy towards him, hugging me close. "You don't know what you mean to me"

How can I know, if he doesn't tell me? He has all of these secrets, and I'm just supposed to forget that they exist?

I'm aware that by not coming right out and asking who Tanya is, I'm allowing this situation to pass, but I know for a fact that I will not like the answer I'll get.

Isn't that what women do? Dig and dig until we find out the truth, because we can't fucking help ourselves. Then when we find out the truth, we get upset because it's not the truth that we hoped for. I don't want to be that woman. I'm blissfully ignorant, and it doesn't bother me much, because I've got him. He's mine, in every sense of the word.

"Come to my birthday party as my date, this weekend" it's not a question, but I find myself smiling brightly and nodding, actually excited.

"Ok"

X

"You want to buy me a dress"

I'm standing in front of a very fancy storefront boutique with Edward by my side trying to push me in, but I'm frozen. Lindsey's, that's the name of the store, and I can already tell that I can't afford a fucking thing in there.

"From here"

"Yes baby, now come on." he tries to pull my arm, but I'm still frozen in front if the store. I catch one of the sales ladies, fixing her cleavage, well, more like making sure her tits are on perfect display. Definitely not for my benefit.

I almost laugh at the attempt to catch my mans attention. He loves my thighs and ass, and the fact that my tits are real is an added bonus. But I know my man. His attention would not be caught by a flash of boob. My man is most definitely more of an ass man.

"Can I help you" the one with the big tits comes over and speaks only to Edward. He laughs, and then turns to me.

"Me? No. There's nothing in here that you can help me with, but my girlfriend needs a very nice dress for a very big night" He flashes me a big dazzling smile, so big in fact, that it almost overshadows the fact that he just called me his girlfriend. He just called me his girlfriend!

I slowly walk into the store, my mouth hanging open as I stare at him. He grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. He still hasn't kissed my lips, and eventhough I'm a little disappointed, I know it's coming. It has to be.

After an hour of trying on dresses, I settle on a very blue, think royal blue, one shoulder cocktail dress, with an amazing split on the side. Actually it's an asymmetric split that alnost gave Edward a heartache. I just laughed at his facial expressions.

"I can't believe you're buying me a dress and it's your birthday" I tell him as we follow behind the sales lady to the counter to ring us up.

I refuse to look at the price, instead I focus my attention on Edwards glorious face.

"I'm happy to do it. I wish you'd let me buy you more than one" he hands the lady his card, but never once looks away from me to her.

"Maybe next time"

The corner of his mouth twitches into a lopsided smile."There's no maybe Bella. I'll spoil you as often as I please"

I roll my eyes, and grab the dress from the lady. I turn to smile at her, but her eyes are glued on Edward. I know what she's thinking, because I've been thinking it every day since I fucking met him. He's a fine male specimen sent from God himself. He is gods gift to women all over. Wait, scratch that! He's gods gift to me. I plan on keeping him.

X

"Order up, Table 10"

I'm annoyed. Like really annoyed. Emotional, and annoyed! So I've been stomping around with a scowl on my face, daring someone to try me. My patience is thin, and really, really close to none, so I've given the hostess a warning. Two tables max. Its going to fuck up my money, but at least I slim my chances of being written up for losing my cool, and ripping a customer a new asshole.

On my way to the kitchen, I catch a glimpse of bronze hair and realize that I know that head of unruly, untamable sexy hair. I know it really well actually, especially after this mornings activities. He came to my apartment, woke me up, and soon after he had his head between my legs, lapping, and sucking on my clit like his life depended on it.

When he finished, he told me my pussy was fucking addicting and if he didn't get his fix early in the morning he'd be going through withdrawals all day.

I fussed at him again for making a copy of my house key without my permission, and he waved me off quickly, and then proceeded to fuck me lifeless. He will give my key back, and wait for me to offer him one. Every since he told me that he made a copy, he's just been showing up unannounced, like he lives there, which he most certainly does not. He has a home that he refuses to go to for whatever reason.

On his way out of my door, fully dressed in a grey suite, which made him look a bit older than his twenty nine years, but still sexy as hell, he said that he was working all day. As I look on at him smiling with his company, I see nothing work related going on, and I immediately notice my error. I let him get away with this. I am letting him just fuck me whenever he pleases, while fucking others as well.

He has his hand at the small of her back, guiding her to the hostess stand. The woman is stunning, and she actually makes me feel like shit the longer I stare at her.

She doesn't make me feel like shit because of how good looking she is, but more so how good she looks with him. They make a stunning couple. They are both impeccably dressed, well groomed and polished from head to toe, and it makes me think twice about my daily attire.

This is the gap between our worlds that I often think about when we're not together. Not when we're together though. No, my thoughts have no way of straying when we're together. He makes sure to capture my undivided attention.

Rose comes out at the exact moment they are being seated at her table, and she has my table's drink orders. I stop her and point.

"Look"

She does, and when she sees him, her eyes widen. "Who's that? Sister maybe"

"Absolutely not" I can tell they are cozy, from the way his hand is resting on her back side, and now by how they are leaning in to speak to each other. "Who has that table?" I ask Rose, and watch as a mischievous grin spreads across her face.

"Bree has that table, but I'm sure she won't mind switching" Rose starts to go back in the kitchen, probably to get Bree, but I stop her.

"No, let her keep it" I tell Rose, and her smile widens.

"What's going on in that devious mind of yours"

I shake my head, and look back at the table. The woman is leaning close across the table with her hand resting ontop of Edwards. I loose all of my wits about me. No one else touches him! My emotions take over me, mind, and body. I'm thinking violently, and possessively, and I don't think there's a way to reign these emotions in. I want to physically hurt him for letting her touch him, and I want cut off her hand for touching him.

I can actually see mental images of me coming out of the kitchen, knife in hand, ready to chop away.

"Bella, you're shaking, sweetie" Rose points out, and I slowly tear my eyes away from the happy couple, and look at my friend.

"That's because I feel like murdering him" I tell Rose, and her eyes widen. I'm shaken up by my own eerily calm voice. I'm so not calm.

I see Bree approach their table happily and take their drink orders. Edward laughs at something Bree says, but the woman just looks on with her nose stuck up in the air. Snooty little bitch!

Bree comes bouncing over in my direction, and Rose stops her. "Bree, whatever Bella says, do it" Rose commands.

Bree sizes me up. She doesn't like me very much, and I have no fucking clue why not. "Why should I"

Rose looks like she wants to smack Bree for having an attitude, but I don't want a fight to break out so I jump in.

"I'll give you my tip money" i say quickly, and both of them look at me like I'm crazy. Bree smiles.

"Deal. I don't fucking care what it is" she rubs her hands together, excited.

"That table over there" I point towards the object of my distress. She nods. "Find out what she is to him"

Bree looks up at me, her eyebrows furrowed. "That's it?"Bree's voice is high pitch now. "I was going to ask anyway. God damn it, he's one sexy son of a bitch."

"You can't have him" I tell her forcefully, and through grit teeth. Where's all of this possessiveness coming from all of a sudden?

"Fine, fine. I'll be right back" she goes into the kitchen, and comes out with two glasses of water, heading to Edwards table.

Edward thanks Bree, while the snooty bitch continues to look through her menu.

Bree says something, and places her hand on Edwards shoulder. I tense up wondering what the fuck she's doing. She's fucking flirty with him. She's flirting with my man.

I start to just say, 'fuck this shit' and walk over when I see that something Bree said or did, got the womans attention. She drops the menu, and holds up her left hand. There's clearly a big ass rock there. I mean, a big ass fucking rock, on her ring finger. What in the almighty fuck? He's married?

I lose my shit quickly, not able to control my feet. I walk and walk until I'm standing right behind Bree. Neither of them see me yet, but snooty bitch does. She eyes me carefully, and then glares at me, like she knows who I am.

I clear my throat, ready to end this shit. Fuck him, and fuck her! I'm so fucking angry, I find myself even saying fuck this job. I'm about to make a scene.

"Bree, I would get out of the line of fire if I were you"

As soon as she moves and Edward sees me, he stands quickly with wide eyes. The sight of him almost brings tears to my eyes. He's so beautiful, so amazing, so smart, so bossy, so loveable, so caring, and so not mine. The saddest thing about it is that I trusted him wholeheartedly. From the very beginning. This is something that should have been said in the beginning, and it wasn't. He'd used me, and tricked me, and betrayed me. He's a liar, and a manipulator.

"Edward" I say softly, and surprisingly my voice is controlled. I expected it to be shaky, like my emotions. They are rattling within, ready to burst, and not in the form of tears. Oh no! He's not that lucky.

I grab his shoulders and shove him back in the seat. "Sit" I tell him, and he huffs, looking up at me, fear in his eyes. He should be afraid.

"Um, hello! Who are you?" The woman asks, but I ignore her. Edward does as well. We're just staring at each other, having a silent conversation. Mostly it's going like this...

"Let me explain"

"Fuck you"

"Baby, I'm sorry"

"I'm going to kill you"

"Let me make it up to you"

"You're a low-life, son of a bitch"

Can you guess which is the voice in my head? Its the one not begging.

He can try and let his eyes beg and plead for him, but it's no good. I'm pissed off.

In the midst of our silent conversation, I see him open his mouth, ready to speak, but he's cut off by a smack. A very hard smack. A very hard smack delivered by my palm.

I use his momentarily distracted state, and climb up on his table so that everyone in the restaurant can see me. I am in my arena, my playground, my field. This is what I do best, and he is so not prepared. Well, he should be. When he met me, I was causing a scene, and I was ridiculously emotional then, and not coping well, but this...this is worst. This is my heart at work, speaking for me.

I point down at him, and he stands, trying to grab me off of the table.

"Someone get her off the table" I hear Edwards wife say. "She is fired. I want her fired!"

This pisses me off further, so I take both of the waters on the table and hold them upside down over Edward, watching as the liquid, and the ice fall over his very very expensive suit. I kind of wish I had something other than water to pour. Something that would actually damage the suit. This will do for now.

"Bella, get the fuck off the table" he makes a grab for me, but I back up, almost falling on his wife.

"Why? Were you planning on fucking me on this table in front of your wife? That would be something new for us" he drops his head, and shakes it from side to side.

"This man" I point at Edward, and look around the restaurant to all of the stunned faces. "Is a lying, cheating, scumbag" I announce to the room, before I'm yanked off of the table and into a hard chest, rather roughly. I shove away from Edward, and see that he looks almost in pain. This is a new look.

"You're a fucking loser" I smack him again, then I look at the woman. "Does he kiss you" I have to know. Then it dawns on me. This is why. I look back at Edward, and will myself not to cry. "This is why you won't kiss me. Of course you're intimate with your wife, but not with the whore you keep locked in a hotel room." I shout in his face. I am quickly losing my shit.

The woman sits there wide eyed, staring at us in horror. We've attracted a bit of attention-no wait! What I meant to say was that I attracted alot of attention.

I feel like I've just been punched in the gut. My eyes snap to the woman, then back to look at Edward, and I see him running a hand through his hair, and tugging.

"Bella, it's not what it-" he shakes his head, trying to get words out, but I don't want to hear it.

"Shut up!" I shout at him. "A wife, Edward? You have a wife!" I shout, and he grabs each of my wrists, knowing full well that I was probably going to hit him again.

I tug my arms away, and walk backwards til I hit a table. I turn and see a couple sitting there watching the scene with wide eyes.

I grab a drink from their table, and throw it in his face. Then I throw the glass onto the ground, and it shatters loudly, causing people around us to gasp. Snooty bitch has her left hand over her mouth, to hide her shock, and the flash of her diamond is the last blow to my gut. "Go to hell!"

Please Review :))))


	11. Chapter 11

Hi guys, I am sorry for the slow build up, I will try to keep it interesting throughtout. I know some chapter aren't as great as others, but I am trying. I will definitely be revealing a lot in the next two chapters, so be prepared.

The next chapter is Edwards birthday party, so expect a bit of confrontation. I kbow some love drama, some, angst, and some romance, so I'm trying to keep it balanced. Not sure how I'm doing though. As the characters talk in my head, I write so I hope I'm telling their story correctly. I think someone asked how long this story will be, and right now I'm anticipating another ten chapters of 3-5k words. We'll see how well it goes.

So far it hasn't been much of a hassel to juggle work, school, and writing, but then again school just started back on monday, so I'm hoping I can create a schedule and stick to it for the future.

Please review, likes, dislikes, comments, concerns...

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

"Stop" I hear his demanding voice call from behind me. His voice is thick with emotion, but still full of command and power that stops me dead in my angry tracks. I'm powerless under the sound of his voice. He's rendered me immobile, and speechless. I can hardly breathe under the gaze seeping through my body, pinning me where I stand.

I was able to make it out of the restaurant, but he'd caught me. He caught me just as I was reaching the sliding glass doors of the lobby entrance.

"Turn around" he says in that same voice. Somehow his compulsion has transferred from his eyes to his voice, because I find myself slowly turning around to face him. I'm so unbelievably angry with him, but I can't help the control, the power he holds over my body. My body responds to him against my own will. Eventhough I want to throw shit, and hit him, I also want to jump in his arms, and beg him to fuck me right here right now. I'm heated, and hot, and horny, and oh god, he's licking his lips.

Stop it Bella! Snap out of it! Look away! It's the only way to survive this untouched.

He walks forward towards me slowly, with one hand in his pocket. His steps are slow, deliberate, forceful, powerful, as if he means business. I've only ever seen this side of him a handful of times, and each time its had the same affect. I am so affected by him in general, but this look, this presence about him at this very moment, can be very detrimental to my vagina. He is going to fuck me. It's in his eyes. Determination, and a quiet storm, a quiet hurricane, and he's about to tear through me and completely expose me.

I need to leave. For some reason my feet are set in the ground, immovable, as if they are all of a sudden made of lead, or locked in with cement. I am completely at his mercy, and he knows this. Even after my little show, he still knows the control that he has.

If anything, my show just made him more determined to try and control me. I've grown accustom to his looks, and I know this one. He will not let go.

His eyes are trained on mine, intense, and piercing, with hidden implications, things I still don't know and don't understand.

I want to slap him again, and hard. I want to see his face whip to the side with my hand print on his cheek. I shake with anger, and try my hardest to push aside these feelings for him. I try so hard to stop my body from overheating, stop my body from aching for him, but it's no use. Not when he speaks in this tone, and walks like he does, and looks how he is right now.

When he's right in front of me, and the heat of his body emanates through his clothes, and the heat is enough to warm me, my eyes fall closed, and my lips part. God, I'm so affected by him, and I hate it. I hate him. So I tell him.

"I hate you" I spit out the venomous words. He's not at all affected by my words, he just stares at me, and tilts his head to the side, looking at every inch of my face, scrutinizing me.

"You're so fucking beautiful" he groans out as if it's painful to say. Then he reaches a hand up, and I feel it before I see it. I have to stop this. If he touches me, I'll forgive him, I know I will. I will forgive him with no explanation, no regret. I will forget just how crazy mad I am right now, and I'll let him take me to his bed, and fuck me. It's that simple. It's the major layer in our relationship. We both love sex.

"Don't you dare touch me" I grit out angrily, but he doesn't listen. He tucks a stray hair behind my ear, and watches me closely. My body shudders, and he notices. He's satisfied knowing that even though I'm so unbelievably pissed, he still controls my body.

"You don't get to dictate if I can touch you or not, Bella. You are mine" he says through clenched teeth.

"Fuck you" I take a threatening step towards him, and I feel the wetness of his suite, and remember that I'd just poured three drinks on him.

"Please, keep talking like that. You and I both know what happens when you do"

I make a sound of frustration, and make claws with my hands near his face.

"Urgh! You are so fucking infuriating. God, I hate you so fucking much. I wish I never met you" I beat on his chest with my fists, and he lets me.

People walk around us staring at the scene. We really must look crazy, he's soak and wet from head to toe, and I'm beating on him like a crazy person.

"Come on" he reaches down and grabs my hand, trying to pull me out of the entrance. I pull my hand away.

"I'm not going anywhere with you"

"Baby, I told you before. You can run, but I will find you, and I will drag you back to my bed, and fuck you senseless. Do you fucking understand me"

"Do you fucking understand me? I'm not going anywhere with you. Are you out of your mind" I tell him, and back away, but he just grabs my hand, ignoring my words, and yanks me completely out of the door. I struggle to pull my hand away.

"Let go of me" I scream, and he takes that moment to release my hand, and pick me up, throwing me over his shoulder. "Stop" i beat on his back, and attract the eyes of people passing by.

A black limo appears out of fucking nowhere, and I hear the distinct sound of a door opening. Before I know whats happening, I'm being tossed inside, and Edward is sliding in beside me.

I move as far away from him as possible, and cross my arms over my chest, and glare at him.

"You're cute when you sulk" he tells me, folding his arms across his chest, and raising an eyebrow.

"Fuck. You" I pronounced the words carefully so he gets the full affect of my anger. It does nothing. He just sits back, and smirks at me, turning his head to look out of the window.

"I love it when you talk like that" he turns his gaze back to me and I'm shocked by the look in his eyes. His eyes are a dark shade of green, and they are hungry. The hungriest, deepest set of hooded, desire filled, lust pooled eyes. I'm wrapped in them, unable to suface.

I look away quickly. Pull yourself together Bella! He lied to you. He betrayed you!

I take a deep breath before saying what needs to be said.

"I am not having sex with you" I promise him. And yes, it's a promise. I will not have sex with a married man...again. I will not have sex with a married man again! I didn't know that he was married before, yet I still feel guilty. Did I break up a marriage? Oh god!

"You will" he promises, and I almost freak out. I can't do that to myself. I can't have sex with him.

"What do you want from me" I'm getting annoyed by him as we speak, as we glare, as the air around us buzzes with sexual tension. It's so thick, and palpable in the air, oh god, I swear I can almost taste him on my tongue, and I want him. I want to feel every inch of his body. I want his cock so deep inside of me, I forget all about todays events. All I want to think about is him.

"Everything. I want everything. I want you" he admits. I just stare at him, confused. Confused about him, my feelings for him, his feelings for me, if any at all. I am just so torn up inside.

If someone had asked me three weeks ago if I could live without this man, without hesitation, I'd be able to say yes. Now, I'm not so sure. I am addicted to this man. I don't know how I'll feel without him. I don't know what to do without him. This thought breaks me in two, and I feel particularly spiteful.

"Apologize to your wife for me when you see her" I tell him, and watch as the corner of his mouth twitches. He's containing laughter. This isn't funny. "Tell her, I didn't know that I was involved with a cheating scumbag"

"Bella, we've been separated for months" he tells me, and then folds his arms across his chest, looking at me expectantly.

"I-I-I-" I stutter over words, open and close my mouth several times. I don't know what to say. "Then why are you leaving in the middle of the night to meet her, and-" Why is he still seeing her?

"We had a very civil break-up. There's things about us that you wouldn't understand." he explains calmly, and with finality, as if that explains everything, as if the conversation is over. That, it is not!

"Try me" What won't I understand? How complicated can it be?

He sighs heavily. "You owe me an apology" like always he changes the topic. It's all about what he wants to talk about. I hate that.

"What won't I understand" I steer the conversation back on track. He is a master manipulator, master of distraction, but not today. I just humiliated myself, and I'd like to know if it was all for nothing.

He sighs heavily again, and rubs his hand down his face, stopping at his chin. Then he stares at me for a long time. The same look that he gave me when he first met me. It's a perplexed look, which I don't understand. I am very easy to read, yet he looks at me like I'm an unsolved mystery. He does it often, and it always makes me feel self conscious. I don't like it. I don't like being looked at like I'm otherworldly, or something he's never seen before, or like some fucking mystical creature. I'm a normal person, and it's something I've tried to convince myself of for years. However when he looks at me like this, like I'm the worlds hardest puzzle, I begin to wonder if all of my convincing was in vain. Is something wrong with me? Am I the issue in this situation? Is it just me being crazy?

No, it's not me. It's him. He's the mystery. He's the one that makes this- whatever this is between us- difficult. Why does he even want there to be an us if he's married?

"Because I have never wanted something as bad as I want you" he says softly, and completely out of left field. My eyes widen. He slowly slides closer to me as he continues to speak. "I have never met anyone that takes control of me so completely. It's not a feeling that I'm used to. I am always in control, but with you..." he trails off, and looks away, his eyebrows knit in confusion. "I want to tell you everything. You make me want to tell you everything."

"You can trust me" I tell him. I need him to trust that he can tell me everything about him, so that we can move forward.

"I need time" he says softly, looking back at me. "There are things that-" he pauses. "There are things you wouldn't understand, and I refuse to lose you"

My heart stops for a second, and I gasp, then my heart kicks back up and thuds on overdrive. He doesn't want to lose me? What kind of secret is he hiding?

"Did you kill someone" I ask him lightly joking, wondering if thats what he's hiding. He cracks a smile, a boyish crooked smile that displays his adorable laugh lines, and I see his shoulders shake with laughter. He looks down, and his eyelashes flutter slightly with his laughter. Gaaah, he's so fucking sexy-just, ugh that word is an insult. He is perfection, spectacular, exquisite, and strangely those words don't even do him justice.

I lose my breath at the mere sight of him, my breath hitches when he flashes a smile of any kind, and those eyes. God, I shouldn't dwell on them for too long. They make me lose myself. How am I to let him go? How? Someone tell me!

"No baby, I told you I wasn't a murderer" he finally says, with the smile still in place, but his eyes are on me, boy are they ever on me. Jesus help me. Give me strength, and restraint.

"You told Rose you weren't, not me. You could've been lying" I'm unable to help myself from teasing him. It's just the way we are with each other.

He doesn't reply, he just smiles brighter, with that amused glint in his eyes, shaking his head from side to side.

"Who's Tanya" I ask him, and watch as he takes a deep breath, and blinks at me a few times with pursed lips.

"My wife" he answers in a clipped tone. "Soon and very soon to be ex wife" he further explains with slightly raised eyebrows.

"Why couldn't you just tell me that you were married" I really want to know where his mind was. Was he ever going to tell me? How far in a relationship would we have gotten without him telling me this?

"I don't quite understand you, and that scares me. You don't respond to me the way that other women do, and it's frustrating."

That explains nothing. "I don't like sharing. I didn't want to share you. Telling you about her would ruin things"

What does that even mean?

"Edward the past few weeks have been based on a lie" it hurts to say, but it's so true.

"No they haven't. We have a connection" he says, and I roll my eyes, looking away. "You can't tell me this is just my imagination, Bella. This chemistry that we have, this thing between us..." he trails off with a slight groan to express just how powerful it is. I know exactly what he's talking about, but its the very thing that will leave me hurt in the end.

"I thought this was just sex" I downplay the past three weeks of our time together.

"Is it" he questions with a raised eyebrow. "Is that what you think" he says with a mixture of emotions on his beautiful face.

I sigh heavily, exasperatedly, out of confusion and frustration.

"I just-" I stop to take a deep calming breath, needing desperately to collect my thoughts. I feel like going back to the way things were between us is sort of giving into the idea that I'm okay with dating a married man. Rather he's getting divorced or not, I'm not at all comfortable with this. Then again, I'm not prepared to let him go.

"Okay, listen, Edward, I want to start over...slowly. There is nothing conventional about our relationship, and this situation makes it worst. I don't know..." i trail off, looking away from him. I start to say that I don't know if it's a good idea to date until he is divorced.

"Then we start over" just as he says this, I feel the car stop. I look out of the window, and I see that we're in front of my apartment.

I try to slide out, but he catches my arm, and pulls til we're eye level. His eyes search mine, and my breathing becomes heavy from the intensity, and our close proximity. Is he going to kiss me? Do I want him to kiss me? No. I need time to think about all of this.

"You should know, Bella-" he begins, but stops, closing his eyes tightly. When he re-opens his eyes they are unbelievably tender. The look stops my heart in its tracks, and then jumpstarts it. I feel emotions of my own bubbling up slowly, and goosebumps rise from his touch. "You own me" his voice is so deep, so gruff, so thick, and I just melt. I melt from his words, the sound of his voice, the raw emotion there. I can literally feel a shift in the air between us, and I just want to stay here with him. I want him to hold me, and whisper words like that to me all night. "Its a scary feeling because I've never needed anyone else. I've never needed anyone ever. Selfishly, I've always been about me. It's only ever been about me."

I take a moment to let his words completely sink in. "What about your wife" I ask him in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. His face contorts into a look of disgust.

"She's just as selfish" he spits out. Then his face softens. "I'm selfish Bella, and greedy, and I shouldn't want you the way that I do, but I-" he says it all quickly in one breath, but finally takes a breath, and his cheeks puff out with a huff. "I can't help myself. You are addicting, you're like a drug to me. One that is personally for me, and I can not, and will not let you go"

I'm stunned. It's not like he hasn't been saying things like this for weeks, but I figured he was saying it for my benefit. I thought he was just being a man, and didn't want to share. I thought he just really liked having sex with me. Now I'm thinking, I may have been wrong.

"Oh boy" I huff out in a tiny voice, and look down at his hand on me. "I don't know what to say"

"Say that you still want me" he puts my hand on his chest, pulling me closer.

"I do" I whisper softly, and watch a slow smile spread across his sexy face.

"That's all I need to hear" he releases me. "I'll be back later"

"Where are you going" I ask him.

"I have to get back to my lunch meeting. First, I need to get out of these wet clothes" he pulls off his jacket, and I catch myself staring at his biceps, and I practically salivate at the sight.

"You mean the same meeting where I just humiliated myself in front of your wife?" I practically groan the words. What was I thinking getting up on the table like that? I'm sure I lost my job today. Fuck! I'm going to have to go back to Mike, and beg for my job. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I was doing so well.

His eyebrows drop low on his face, and he shakes his head. "She's not my wife"

Wait, what did he just say? "I'm sorry, what?"

"I said, she's not-"

"-I heard what you said" I raise my voice at him. This is so fucked up. "What is she? Is she like, your sister, or..."

"A friend" he answers with a nonchalant shrug. Now I'm really confused. She flashed a ring. What was that about? I start to ask, but I don't get to further question him because his phone rings.

He doesn't make a move to answer it, but I motion for him to answer. "Go ahead." I open the door the limo, and step out.

"Hold on" he says into the phone, before turning to me. "I'll see you later, okay"

I nod, and he smiles. I turn to walk away, and I feel the sting of a slap against my ass. I stop, and turn to flick him off.

"Such a dick" I say before reaching for the door, and slamming it closed.

The car takes off seconds later, and I'm left standing on the curb watching as the car turns the corner. What have I got myself into?

X

Mike generously allowed me to have my job back, only problem is that I don't get my normal amount of hours. He says I have to earn my full week back. Right now he's only giving me two days a week, and that is going to kill me. I don't think I can live off only two days a week. I will definitely be doing some heavy job searching this week.

I'm on my way out of the bar to go home when I'm stopped by none other than Jacob. I smile politely, and then try to maneuver around him.

"Wait, I-" he touches my arm, and then takes a step towards me clearing his throat.

"Yes" I look at him expectantly.

"I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me this weekend" he asks.

My eyes widen in surprise. He's a really good looking guy, and he's well-dressed, but, I don't know, I sort of feel like I owe Edward my loyalty. We're involved. I shouldn't be dating someone, when I have feelings for someone else. It won't be right. I'll probably spend the entire time comparing him to Edward.

"I uh, well, I'm sort of involved with someone"

He snorts, and looks away, before folding his big bulging arms across his chest.

"With Edward, huh" he asks, and nods his head, as if he knows something. He may very well know something because I know absolutely nothing about Edward, other than how good he fucks.

"Sort of" I shrug, and take a step away, because I'm not comfortable explaining or defending my relationship with anyone. We're so new, so fragile, I just want to keep everything about us to myself.

He laughs a humorless laugh, showing off his very pearly white teeth, and looks down. "He's married" he says it as if he's dropping a bombshell. Now its me folding my arms across my chest. This morning the news about Edward would've shocked me to my core, but now, now I just want to run away. This news seems to feel like a slap in the face every time I think about it.

"I know" I reply, and watch his eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, and he rocks back on his heels.

"Wow" He overexaggerates the word. His mouth staying open a second too long. He's shocked. "He actually told you." I nod. "Did he tell you about Heidi too"

I narrow my eyes at him. "Okay, I'm going to leave now. You enjoy the rest of your day" I don't want to hear anything he has to say. Edward didn't want me talking to him in the first place. Obviously they know each other, and don't like each other. I don't want anything to do with someone thats against Edward. I am team Edward all the way.

"Wait!" he calls after me, and stupidly I stop mid turn. "You don't know him like you think you do" he says, and I drop my head, sadness fills me completely. I already know this. "He breaks marriages. He has no regard for the feelings of others, and you seem like a very very nice girl. I would hate to see you get hurt."

"I won't get hurt. I'm also a very very smart girl" I assure him. He grins, and nods.

"I don't doubt that" he scratches his nose, and lowers his brows. "Just be careful." he purses his lips.

"Okay, I will" I turn towards the door, and start to walk out of the door, when his words stop me.

"So, no to dinner? What about lunch" he asks my back. I smile, and bite my lip. Lunch? Lunch? Lunch?

"Um-"

Please review. :)


	12. Chapter 12

Okay so last chapter i spoke too soon. This will not be the birthday party chapter. It will definitely be in the next one though. Good news though. If i can get a decent amount of feedback on this chapter, i will post two more chapters by monday. I really use your reviews to help with the direction of the story. I like to get a fill for what you guys want to eead and incorporate it into what I already have drafted, and whats in my head. You don't realize how much of a help you really are. Thank you all for reading :)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

You ever wanted something so bad you couldn't imagine not having it? I know it's silly, but for years I've felt that way about a piece of jewelry. A watch that my father owned. I'd lost it when he died, and never saw it again. A few days ago I saw this particular watch sitting in the window of a small shop near my old apartment with Rose, and almost cried. It looks like the exact replica.

Today, after the day I've had, I needed to just be close to my dad in a way that didn't make me want to break down and cry. I needed to remember our good times. I needed a reminder of how strong love, of any kind, can truly be.

I'd come by and just looked at it through the window. I've never been in the store, but I just feel content looking at the watch through the window. I felt content imagining it on my dads wrist. Imagined him smiling down at it, his little piece of heaven, his great memories. I wanted to hold on to his memories, as well as my own.

I tilt my head to the side, fully examining the thick, manly watch on display. I let memories flood my mind, and close my eyes to relive them.

The watch brings back good memories, and overshadow the sad ones of my terrible nightmares. This watch, well not this one exactly, but one just like it, adorned my fathers wrist for years. He loved that watch. He had plenty of other watches, but this one was his favorite.

I'd picked it up one day, and held it in my tiny hands, wondering what was so special about it. I wanted to know why only a few things seemed to make my father happy, and this watch was one of them.

He'd caught me trying to put the watch on, and he freaked out. He told me that Renee had given it to him. He cherished that watch because it was something the love of his life had given him. Now that I'm older, I realize, other than the gift of a baby girl, that watch was probably the last gift she'd given to him. The last gift before she'd gone crazy.

A tear falls down my face slowly, and I don't dare wipe it away. I don't cry often, but when I do, its like this. Emotionless tears.

"Bella" I hear my name being called from behind me. I don't turn away from the window to see who it is, because I already know. I know exactly who it is.

I sigh before speaking. "Are you following me" It's a lazy tone. I don't have the energy to say much to him. He is interrupting my moment, he's invading my bubble, and stepping in on my alone time.

"What are you staring at" he ignores my question. I'm in a trance as I stare at the watch, letting flash backs, and memories flood my mind.

I don't answer him. "Baby, let me take you home" I feel his hand at my waist, and I jerk away, but my eyes remain locked on the watch.

"Please go away" I beg of him. He has invaded so much of my life, so much of my time, and I just want him to go away. I was doing great without him, and now he's here, and I don't know what that means for me.

"I want to be alone" I whisper, and wait for him to walk away, but he doesn't. I still feel him behind me. He waits, and waits, and waits. God, he has the patience of a saint. How does he do it?

"Leave, please! God, haven't you done enough? Haven't you fucked my world up enough?" I just want him to go away.

Todays events have really weighed down on me, and now that I'm thinking about my father, I just want to be alone. I want to shake this hold that Edward has over me, and go back to the person I once was. A smart girl. A tough girl. Not this girl. Not this weak girl that begs a guy for a relationship, and takes his bullshit replies as simple truths. Edward's a liar, and a cheater, no matter how I look at the situation.

After talking to Jake, and having a late lunch with him, I realize now that he can not be trusted. He said so himself. He is selfish. Everything he does, and says is for his benefit only. It's to get what he wants. He doesn't care about me.

"I know everything Edward" I say, surprising myself with how soft and detached my voice is. "The woman at lunch today." I begin. "You had an affair with her. She's the reason that you and your wife are getting a divorce, right?" Jake took great pleasure in divulging this information. I'm not sure if he was pleased more so because he wants me, and was happy to see my loyalty towards Edward crumble before his eyes, or if it's just because of how much he loathes Edward.

One thing Jake didn't tell me was how he knows Edward, and why he hates him so much. The mystery of that is still unknown, and honestly, I don't think I could take anymore news after the day I've had. I didn't press him for more information other than who Heidi is, and why she may have been at lunch with Edward today.

Heidi must be married because she flashed the ring several times. I saw the ring clearly. God, this is just too much. My life was simple before him. I don't need this headache. I just wanted sex, great sex. That's all.

"Are you going to give me a chance to explain" he asks, and I scoff, and finally turn to face him.

"You have had chance, after chance, after chance" I'm tired of this. Whatever this is. I don't think it's something that I need in my life.

I start to walk away, but he reaches for me by my shirt, pulling me to him. I feel his hard body against mine, and I swear I can't breath, I can't even think. I'm intoxicated. "I told you. I need time" he says in my ear.

I shove away from him, and look him dead in his sad green eyes. "Well, you don't have time. I'm done" I try to step back, but he holds on and grips tighter on my waist, almost painfully.

"I need you, Bella. Don't do this to me" he says in that thick, deep voice, almost a plead, but I have no choice but to ignore the desperation. He's a manipulator, a master at it. I have to let go.

I yank away from him, and narrow my eyes at his hurt facial expression. I point at him, letting anger overtake me. "Why do you do that? Why? Why do you say things like that, and pretend that this is about more than just sex for you"

"Who's pretending?"

"You are! You are married! You cheated on your wife! You still see your wife, and your mistress, who is also married. You're all disgusting."

"It's not as bad as it sounds. Just let me take you home, and I'll explain everything. I will tell you anything you want to know"

"Fuck you" I grit out angrily, and with so much distaste. I don't know why I do that. Those eords only rile him up, and turn him on, which will in turn fuck me over. I need to go.

I turn to walk away, but he grabs my hand, and pulls me to him. I pull my hand away, but I'm not quick enough. He backs me up into the front window of the store that I was just looking into. He's close to me. He's so close that I can feel the heat of his body, the rise and fall of his chest, the air as he exhales angrily through his nose. I watch his jaw tick angrily, and try to focus on something other then his close proximity. I try to stop my nipples from hardening, and slow my erratic breathing, but I can't.

His eyes are dark, and full of anger. "Did you forget who you belong to, Bella? Don't ever fucking pull away from me."

The nerve of this fucking guy! I try to wiggle out of his hold, but he presses his lower half into me, pinning me against the wall. I gasp loudly when I feel his erection hard against me.

"Now, we can either fix my problem right here, right now, or you can allow me to take you home, and properly fuck you. Which will it be?" he's serious. These are actual words coming out of his mouth. I'm not imagining it.

"Go fuck yourself" I try to tell myself that he's presence, and his words aren't affecting me, but it's completely false. I am affected by everything god-like, and I have been for awhile now.

Before I know whats happening, I feel Edwards hand slip underneath my skirt, and his finger skim my lips through my panties. I hiss, and pant out, fucking frustrated with my body, and the war going on inside of me.

Then both hands are under my skirt. "I'll fuck you right here. Stop tempting me"

I stare him right in the eyes, and with all of the anger flowing inside of me, I spit out. "I won't enjoy it" another lie.

A slow smug grin spreads across his face. "You will" its a promise. A promise that I know he will fullfill. Every experience with him is pleasurable. He exudes sex in everything he does. The air around us is seemingly always sexually charged, and electric. Even when I'm not aware of him, my body is.

It's frustrating in times like these. Times when I am so unbelievably pissed at him. Still, I can't kid myself into thinking that I'm immune to him, even while pissed. I will never be immune to him. I still fucking want him. Especially when he looks like this. Like he wants to bang the hell out of me.

He breathes into the crook of my neck and I whimper, letting his breath wash over me. Goosebumps spread over my body, and I began to tingle from head to toe. I tried so so hard to ignore the painful throb between my legs, aching, amd begging for his touch. Any touch. I hate that I need him this fucking bad.

He begins to suck on my neck, and with every lash of his tongue, I grow hotter, and the ache between my legs turns into a painful throb. I find myself gripping him closer to me, and arching my neck to give him better access. This is what I like and he knows it. He knows just what to do to drive me crazy.

"Tell me that you don't want me, and I'll grant you your wish. You'll never have to see me again." He breathes out heavily, panting for air. I hesitate. "I want you to want me. I want you to be with me willingly. Say you'll be with me, and I'll explain everything. I swear it isn't how it sounds."

"Then why did you hide it from me" I'm still panting heavily, trying to control my breathing. He pulls back slightly to look down at me.

"Because I was trying to protect you from the truth. Protect you from my crazy life, and the people in it. Bella, I want you more than anything, and I feared the look you gave me minutes ago" he admits. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, trying to remember what look I'd given him. " A look of disgust. I have a colorful past, but it's just that Bella. It's my past. I want to move forward with you. I don't deserve it, but tell me you want that."

"Yes" I speak before really thinking it over, but even as I think about it, I can't find it in me to regret my answer. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't still want him. I'd be denying myself what I want, what I've claimed. He is mine as far as I'm concerned. He left his wife far before he even knew me, so there's no way that I broke that marriage. It was already broken. And as far as this Heidi woman goes, I'll be getting answers from him. I want to know why he had lunch with her today, and I want to know how he knows Jacob.

X

"Where to start" he says, shrugging out of his suite jacket, and sitting on my bed across from me. It feels strange having Edwards large frame in my small studio apartment. He seems to dominate all of the surrounding space, and my body is so aware of him.

"The beginning" it's always a good place to start. I want to know everything.

He takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes.

"My family owns a very successful string of hotels and resorts, and so does Tanya's family. Our parents pushed us together for years, in hope of us one day getting married, and merging. So we did."

"You got married because it's what your family wanted for you" I ask, and he nods, but then looks away thoughtfully.

"Honestly, I wanted it too. It was a good business deal."

"But you don't love her"

"No, I don't. I respect her as a person, respect her loyalty to her family, but I don't love her."

"When did you two get married"

"When we were twenty-one." he says, and I can't help but think of how young that is to ve forced into marriage. I can't even see myself married at twenty three.

"So you've been married for eight years, and didn't fall in love"

"No." he says quickly.

"How is that" I'm curious. I've heard of people growing to love someone over years, as well as growing out of love.

He laughs a mocking laugh, and grasp my hand in both of his, kissing my knuckles with his eyes closed. When his lips leave my hand, his eyes snap to mine and they're smoldering.

"I've known her for almost twenty years. We don't have that kind of relationship" he explains as if it's something that I should just know. "It was a great arrangement. It has brought our families a generous living, and we've expanded exponentially."

"Okay, so why are you two getting a divorce?" she called him Sweetie. There has to still be something there between them.

"We separated six months ago, because I was tired of the front we put on for the world, for our family, and friends. She was trying to change my mind, she wants to go to counseling, but there is no way to fix this."

"You said you two are civil. How is that when you want two different things"

"She broke my trust, and she knows that she messed up. We have an agreement, and she knows if she doesn't play by my rules, she gets nothing" he looks down, then back up at me. "I care about her. How could I not? But I can't be with her. Not anymore. Not after meeting you. I was willing to go to counseling with her, before I met you. But not after this" he motions between us. "I have felt more for you in these few weeks, than I've felt for her in all my years of knowing her."

"You were going to go to counseling with her" I ask him softly.

"Yes. I met with her that night to tell her that I refuse to go to counseling with her. She uh-" he shakes his head looking away from me deep in thought. "She did not take that well"

"Wow. So she still had hope for you two"

"She thinks that I care more about appearances than being happy. I can't live like that anymore. I want to be happy. I want to be happy with you"

"So who were you having lunch with? Heidi?" I ask, and watch as his eyes darken, his jaw ticks angrily, and his nostrils flare.

"Who-who-uh-" he stutters angrily, blinking his eyes at me, and folding his arms across his chest. "How, uh-how do you know about Heidi" he looks down and away from me, giving me his ear as if it's the only way that he can hear me properly.

I blink up at him, "I had lunch with Jacob today" my uncharacteristically small voice is back.

I know saying this will get a reaction out of him, but somehow, I underestimated just how angry he'd get at the mention of Jacobs name. It's as if Jacobs name was a trigger word for him. His head snapped up so quickly, it was as if I'd slapped him across the face. His eyes murderous, and wide, I physically flinch at the sight of him. His face is contorted in a mixture of anger, and disgust.

"I told you not to speak to him" Edward's voice has a dangerous edge to it, then he grips at his hair, tugging roughly.

I swallow past the lump in my throat. Why do I all of a sudden feel guilty for seeing Jacob? I feel like I disappointed Edward, like I let him down.

I scramble for the right words to say to make his anger pass, but I can't think of anything. His dark eyes look so detached, hard and lifeless, cold, and deadly. I've never seen this look.

"Fuck" he jumps out of my bed quickly, and begins to pace the small floor before me. "I fucking told you" he thrusts and angry finger towards me. "God damn it Bella"

"I wanted to know more about you."

"You could've asked me" he roars loudly and I flinch away from the harsh tone.

"I am not a child, Edward. You can't just tell me who I can't talk-"

"You are mine" He growls at me, stepping back over to the bed. He leans down, planting his fist on either side of me, getting at eye level with me. "You are fucking mine. He wants to take you away from me"

"Why? Why does he want that? Why does he hate you?" I ask him.

He exhales loudly, and moves away from me, showing his absolute displeasure with the turn of this conversation.

"It's not important, Bella" he palms his face, scrubbing downward in his usual way of showing his frustration.

"Tell me"

"It doesn't fucking matter! I don't want you talking to him"

"Why" I shout. He is withholding information, and he told me that he would tell me everything. "Why does he hate you so much"

"Because his wife left him for me"

"Why would she do that" I whisper, but I know that he can hear me.

He sits up, and turns his back to me, placing his hand to his temple. "Fuck" he mutters, then drops his hand, and his head. He turns back to me quickly. "I was a bastard, Bella. I was so fucking selfish, and greedy." he drops his head again in defeat. When he looks back up at me, his eyes are sad, and remorseful. "But not anymore. Give me a chance to redeem myself"

Does Edward deserve redemption? Please review.:)


	13. Chapter 13

Here's another chapter guys. Thank you guys for all of your reviews, they were very helpful. Im glad you're all enjoying the story. :) I apologize for any and all grammatical errors. It is really difficult to type all of this on my phone. I will try to go back and edit as soon as I get done with my school work. I couldn't wait to post again though. I'm really excited to get to the birthday chapter...sadly, this is not it...

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

"Let me get this straight." Rose waves her hand around, and tucks her feet under her body, shifting on the couch to face me completely. "He's married?" I nod with a raised eyebrow. Is she deaf? I just told her that. "And he has a mistress who is also married" she asks, and I continue to nod. "And you think that Jake is the husband of the mistress" I nod again. She screws her face up. "This is so fucked up"

"Tell me about it" I fall back on the couch with my hands to my temples. Then I sit up and face her. "I feel stupid for still wanting him."

"Don't feel too bad, Bella. He's sexy as hell, and fucking rich. If it wasn't for all of this shit, I'd be telling you to marry this man. He's the perfect catch" she speaks woth her entire body, and I shske my head at her expressiveness. She's not as chill as she usually is after she's had bud. She's bouncing around, unable to sit still, and it worries me a little, but I don't bring it up.

"Except he's not!" I sigh, pointing to a carton of cigarettes. "Can I" I ask, and she nods, while lighting a joint. "I think I'm going to just forget about him. Atleast I'm going to try to."

"But is that what you want? Do you want to forget about him? I mean Bells, seriously, I'm your bestfriend so I'm going to give it to you straight" her eyes are wide as she speaks.

"Please" I need her to give it to me straight.

"I've never seen you so happy, sweetie. Before all of this shit, we were two miserable girls. Now, I'm miserable by myself" she laughs, but its not a real laugh at all.

I know how Rose can be, and she knows as well. She's self-destructive. Every bit of pain and misery that she's experienced is due to the fact that she can't help but ruin her life, and the life of the people around her.

I have given up on Rose so many times since I met her a few years back, I almost can't believe we're still friends. She's fucked me over quite a few times, but I can't help but love her. She's like family. The only family that I have.

I remember the first time that I gave up on her and our friendship, I received a call from Jasper, after staying in a homeless shelter for a few days, just to get away from her. Rose apparently overdosed, and was rushed to the hospital.

When I found out where she was and who she was with, I instantly felt guilty. I'd been the one to introduce her to Royce. I'd even encouraged their relationship at one point. I felt responsible, and I held onto that guilt for a long time, allowing Rose to screw me over at every turn.

I'd become so use to her ways, as did Jasper. We're used to her stealing shit, and selling our shit, and selling drugs. We're used to her drug abuse, and alcohol abuse. Jasper even threatened to send her to rehab a few times, but she straightened up. Of course that only lasted a few weeks, then she was back to her old ways.

"But I felt hopeful of my life taking a turn after how happy I've seen you lately." she gives me a proud momma bear smile, and I roll my eyes. "You remember some of the shit we used to get into"

"I've calmed down my wild ways" I assure her, and she gives me a look of utter disbelief.

"Are you fucking insane? Bella, you stood on a table and announced to a full restaurant that it would be something new for you to get fucked by a man on a table in front of his wife" she laughs, and I can't help but join in.

"I was out of my mind. I barely remember what happened. I was possessed"

"Oh, that's your story"

"Sure is. And I'm sticking to it" I laugh, and she swats my thigh, laughing harder.

"You didn't see his face, Bella. When you left. He looked like someone just killed his grandmother like, in front of him or something. He looked absolutely heartbroken." she tells me, showing sympathy that I don't quite feel for him. He lied to me, and I'm sure that he still is.

"Well, he shouldn't have been lying to me, nor seeing women behind my back. He'd just left my fucking bed mere hours before he showed up with another woman" I fold my arms across my chest, and silently dare her to continue to defend him.

"First off babe, he left the woman sitting there for nearly an hour. An hour Bells. He doesn't give a shit about her. He left her sitting at a table, to run after you." she points out, and it gets me thinking. Then he proceeded to make sure that I got home safely.

"But he still went back to have lunch with her"

"No, he didn't. He came back, threw a wad of cash on the table, and when I walked pass-because I was going to rip him new asshole- I heard him basically tell her to get lost. I was like, shit, that's a terrible way to speak to your wife, but now you tell me, she's not even his wife. Honestly, it seems like he cares about you"

"Not enough to tell me the truth. The whole truth"

"Make him tell you Bella! You have the power." she wiggles her eyebrows, and I shove her, laughing at her joke.

"I don't know Rose. After everything, I feel like I should make him work for it. I want him to beg me to be with him. He knows that he fucked up, I just, I really think he should pay for lying. He hasn't even apologized."

"Make him pay for cheating too, Bells! He cheated didn't he?" She's riled up and ready to fight. She's always been very protective of me, every since the first day that I met her. She toughened me up a bit after realizing just how much of a sheltered life I'd lived. Well she didn't really toughen me up, she just helped me to seem tough, to look and act tough, to never back down even if I could quite possibly lose. I thought I'd mastered that ability, until I met my match. Edward.

He makes me feel safe, like I no longer have to pretend to be tough, or fear things, because he will protect me, just as my father had done. My dad told me to be tough, but I never really had to put that to the test until the day he was killed. Before then, he was the one that protected me from any and everything. I was able to theust all of my fears on him, because I knew he'd always be there for me, he'd always protect me. I was able to be vulnerable with my dad, and I feel the same way about Edward.

Since that day he held me when I threw myself into his arms after my hellish day and night. He took care of me. Then the first night he'd held me after my nightmare, he'd shown me that he was able to comfort me in a time when I desperately needed to be comforted.

"Oh we can make him pay, Bells. I know just what you can do. You just need to-" she stops when a phone rings. "What the-you got a cell now, and you didn't tell me"

"What? I don't have a phone. It must be Jaspers"

"Why would Jasper have this ringtone?" she laughs. "It's coming from your bag" she lifts it from the coffee table, and puts it in between us. "John Mayer, Bella, really"

"What the hell" I begin to search my bag, and the sound gets louder. I pull out the phone with the ringtone 'Your body's a wonderland' blaring loudly ringing through the apartment. "This is a fucking iPhone. No way this is mine" i give it to Rose.

"It's definitely not mine" she tosses it back, and giggles. I toss it back to her, as it stops ringing, only to pick back up seconds later.

"You answer it" I tell her. She shakes her head at me, and taps a button on the screen, taking her nail between her teeth.

"Hello" she says, then she begins to look around the room, her eyes land on me, and a grin spreads across her face. "She's right here"

I shoot her a look of confusion as she hands me the phone. "Its your boy toy" she makes googly eyes at me, and then reaches for her joint, and rounds the corner to Jaspers bedroom.

I look down at the screen and see the words Woody, on the screen. That's when everything clicks into play. What the hell?

"You bought me a fucking phone" I'm astonished. Why would he do this? I don't need him to buy things for me. Whatever I need, I'm sure I can provide for myself.

"I hate not being able to reach you"

"You mean, you hate not being able to keep tabs on me"

"No, I said what I meant. If I want to reach you, this is a convenient way, and same goes for you. Normal people have cellphones, Bella" he teases.

"I've gone years without one"

"Well now you have me, and there's no reason you shouldn't have one. Now, to the reason that I called-"

"I'm not keeping this phone Edward" I interrupt him quickly. I don't give a flying fuck why he called. He needs to see things my way. I'm tired of everything being on his terms.

"Baby, it's a gift. I'll be offended if you don't keep it"

"I don't care much about your feelings at the moment, to be honest"

"Don't be like that" he says in that slow easy tone that almost catches me in his net as it usually would.

"You're telling me not to be who I am. How about you take your own advice. Maybe then we could have a functional conversation"

"What does that mean" he has the audacity to actually sound offended. I scoff, because he kniws what I mean.

"Don't be like you are. You're annoying as hell" I tell him, and then realize how childish I sound.

"You like me the way that I am" Cheeky fucking asshole. I hate him.

"I put up with you because I'm in love with your cock"

"You're incredibly feisty today" I hear the smile in his voice, and realize instantly that by talking t him like this I'm just giving fuel to the flame. This is like foreplay to him. This turns him on.

"No, I'm just tired of your shit"

"You're killing me baby, truly. I'm so fucking hard right now"

I make a loud sound of frustration. "I really wish you'd fuck off for awhile"

"Damn, I-uh, I'm beginning to feel like you don't want to talk to me"

"It's because I don't"

He laughs. "You enjoy our banter. You can't say otherwise. I've figured you out"

"That makes one of us" it comes out before I can really stop myself, and honestly I don't regret my bitchy tone with him, because he deserves it. He has still been withholding information, and as far as I'm concerned, we have nothing to say to each other, until he can tell me the whole truth.

There's a long pause in our conversation, and I start to hang up, when I hear him speak again.

"I'm picking you up for dinner at eight" he says with an air of finality. Oh really? Does he really expect me to just jump at the idea of dinner plans with him.

I think not having actually contact with him right now, as he commands me to do shit is causing me to feel brave. "I don't fucking think so. You can't just snap your fingers, and expect people to just do what you say."

"That's just how I am baby. Things won't get done otherwise"

"Well I don't like it, Edward" There's a level of irritation in my voice that I only reach when I talk to him.

"What would you suggest I do, Bella" he matches my irritated tone.

"Talk to me like a human being, maybe. Like I'm your equal. Maybe ask nicely, like you're always telling me to do"

He sighs heavily. "Come with me to dinner." he says, and I roll my eyes, because it seems he just can't fucking help it.

"Add a please somewhere in there. Isn't that what you always tell me? Hmm?" I question him.

I hear him inhale, and then exhale. "Baby, will you please accompany me to dinner tonight." he asks in a soft tender tone. I smile at the fact that I got my way.

But then I tell him. "No" It's a simple, quick answer and fuck it feels good to say. I feel so brave through the phone, its exhilarating. He can't touch me, or try to sway my decision by using my body against me.

"Please, Bella! I know that I have some things to explain. I'm aware. I'm willing to put myself out there for you. I want to try. I haven't done much of that before in a relationship, so give me some credit"

"You really want to be in a public setting for this conversation" I ask him.

"Not really, but I want to take you out. I miss you"

I roll my eyes. "It hasn't even been eight hours since I last saw you"

"So. I'm not allowed to miss you? Is that some unwritten rule"

"Shut up" I laugh. "Okay, fine, Edward. Yes to dinner, but if I feel like you are holding out on even a single detail, I walk, and you're going to let me"

"I can't promise that I won't tackle you to the ground if you try to leave me"

"And I can't promise you that I won't press charges"

He pauses for a long time, before speaking. "You really have a way with me baby, you have no idea. Be ready by seven thirty"

I clear my throat loudly, hoping he understands his error. "Please be ready by seven thirty, if you can"

"Sure thing, Woody! You're taking the phone back though"

"Be reasonable Bella, please! I'm trying, why can't you" he is being quite reasonable right now, but let's see how reasonable he'll be when I start questioning the hell out of him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Have I been lying to you about my entire life for awhole month" I'm spiteful, yeah, it's true.

"Baby" he groans, and I hear him take a deep breath. "I never meant to hurt you"

"Well you did. And you made it very hard for me to ever trust you"

"I'm sorry, Bella. I truly am. There's a million reason why I didn't tell you, and right now, they all make me feel like a piece of shit. I was an idiot"

"You are an idiot"

"Hey, there's no need for name calling"

"You said it yourself"

"Thats different."

I try not to smile, but it cracks through anyway. I can't help but smile when I talk to him.

"I've got to go. I'll see you tonight"

"Sure thing, cowboy" I fake a southern accent just as Rose rounds the corner from the room. She falls out onto the ground with laughter. I have never actually seen someone rolling on the floor laughing out loud until now. It makes me laugh, but it seems Edward is not amused.

"That's not funny. Stop that shit"

"It's Rose" I say through my laughter. "She's making me laugh" I continue to laugh, mostly from the loud sound of Rose's laugh.

"It wasn't that funny" Edward deadpans. "I have to go" he says again.

"Bye Woody" I say before hanging up.

"You call him Woody? Is it because, you know..." she trails off pointing downwards. I look at her in confusion, and she stands, wiping the tears from her eyes. I shake my head because I have no clue what she's saying. "Because of his dick. Does he like always have wood or something?"

"What" I laugh, and she just stares at me.

"What else could it be" she's clearly confused, and it makes me laugh harder.

"Something far more innocent" I laugh. "I didn't even think about that when I said I would call him Woody"

"Then what" She sits on the couch, and raises an eyebrow at me expectantly.

"Woody? You know? From Toy Story" I say and then wait for the light bulb. She just stares at me. And stares. And stares. Then all of a sudden she hits me with a pillow.

"God, Bella, you're such a child" she rolls her eyes, and I laugh. "You have a hunk of man meat like that and you name him Woody, based off of an animated character, in a fucking kids movie" I laugh again, amd she makes a sound of frustration. "And he actually likes you?" she jokes, and now its my turn to hit her with a pillow.

"Shut up"

X

He's irresistible. The way that he carries himself like a man that likes to fuck, and knows he does it well. He exudes sex in everything he does, and it's sexy as hell. Theres always power in the air around him, but when im around there seems to be a sexual charge in the air, a buzz that can't be controlled.

I can't help myself. I want him to fuck me. I know that having sex with him is going to feel like putting a bandaid over our major issues, instead of dealing with them, but I can't bring myself to care at this moment. I want to feel him. My body aches for him.

I give in to my bodies need, leaving my mind reeling from Edwards intoxicating smell, taste, touch... I give in, and I don't regret it one bit. He was eager to fuck me into submission, eager to mark me. And I'm eager to let him.

He's between my thighs in a flash, his cock nudging at my opening, his hands pinning my wrists on either side of my head.

I bite my lip to stop from begging him to just fuck me already. He's back to teasing me, and I hate it. I just want him to fill me to the hilt, ram into me over and over, fuck me lifeless, fuck me until I can't take anymore. There's a coiling anticipation deep inside me, a need so deep within...

His slippery head teases my entrance, as he circles his hips. "Fucking tease" I whimper, and my eyes roll to the back of my head. God, this feels good, but I need more. "Are you going to fuck me, or not"

He's punishing me for the days events. What about his punishment? He isn't blameless in all of this, yet I'm on the receiving end of this slow torturous pleasure.

I feel him slip in, and the air leaves my lungs on a gasp, and my heart sprints in my chest.

"Jesus" he groans, throwing his head back, and releasing my wrist. He plants his fists into the mattress, and its so fucking sexy. He looks so carnal, animalistic...

I scrape my nails down his chest slowly, causing him to look back down at me. His eyes are a dark green mixture of anger and aww. He's still mad. But he's not giving me an angry fuck. No. He'd rather torture me, and make me suffer.

"Apologize" he growls, shifting his hips and plunging full length into me, stretching me, filling me so completely.

"I'm sorry" I all but scream out from his deep plunge. This feels so fucking good. It's deliciously slow, and meant to torture, but it feels so good. I feel every inch of his magnificent cock inside of me.

Thrust. "Are you really sorry, Bella?" Thrust.

"Yes" I shout, and arch my back off the bed like a possessed woman. "Oh god, yes!"

He thrust into me, and pulls all the way out of me, before thrusting back in slowly. We both moan in unison at the penetration. He's so deep, and I'm instantly griping onto every inch of him inside me.

He holds still for a few seconds, his head hanging and his lips parted. "Shit baby." he hisses.

Slowly he lifts his gaze to mine and while watching me, he slowly withdraws before ramming straight back into me on a loud yell. "You were made to be fucked like this baby."

I throw my head back and scream out in ecstasy.

"Look at me" His voice is a low growl, one that is full of command.

I return my eyes to his as he holds himself deep inside me. I'm panting heavily, and trying so hard to keep my eyes open to look into his eyes.

I roll my hips to try and get some contact. I'm raging and full of fire and desire. This is the slowest he's ever taken me, but it seems he's trying to make a point.

"Please" I breathe.

"Please what" A cocky smile spreads across his perfect face.

He's beginning to piss me off. He knows exactly what I want. "Fuck me"

"Making demands are we" he continues to pump into me, but in slow strides.

"I swear to god, Edward..." I trail off when I feel his hands on my nipples, squeezing them. "Mmm" I squint my eyes and stare at him like the god that he is, loving how he completely controls my body, and uses me to bring us both pleasure. I lick my lips slowly, still staring into his amazingly dark eyes.

"You're so fucking sexy. I love the way you look at me, baby" he groans out, and before I can take a breath, he lets rip, powering forward, over and over, thrust after thrust, mercilessly, gripping my body in a rough vice knowing thats how I like it. Even without me ever saying the words, somehow he knew what I liked, he knew what I wanted and needed, what my body wanted and needed.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes baby! Oh yes. Give it to me" I shout. He feels so fucking good. I can never ever get enough of him.

"Mine. You are mine" he grunts, and makes quick work on my breast, sucking, licking, biting.

My head whips from side to side. I feel like my body is going to explode from pleasure. "So good" I shut my eyes on a yell of pleasure.

"Open those pretty brown eyes, and look at me. Look at me while I'm fucking you"

I drag my eyes open as he pounds in and out at an unbelievably hard and forceful pace. It's amazing.

I wrap my legs around his waist, tilting my hips slightly, sending him deeper and deeper. "Christ, I'm close baby"

"Please, don't stop" I shout then reach my hands up to grab his slippery biceps. I dig my nails in to try and find some grip. I may have marked him, but that wasn't my goal. I really just don't know what to do with myself because of how good he feels.

I can't help but stare into his eyes. His pupils are so fucking huge, it makes it nearly impossible to see the green in them. They're so dark and heavy, and I get lost in them.

He bends down and takes my nipple into his mouth, suckling, nibbling..

"Come for me baby" he says around my nipple. That's all it takes at that point. I can't hold back any more.

"Edward, oh god, I'm gonna-" I pant, trying to breath, but there's such a fierce build up of pressure between my legs, and a crazy fire in the pit of my belly.

He thrust into me a few more powerful, mind numbing times before I come undone beneath him. I scream.

"Bella" he cries out my name, thrusting one last, powerful time before stilling over me. "Ahh, fuck!" he lets loose before collapsing to his forearms, breathless and lifeless. I'm in no better shape.

I lay there sated and limp, panting and aching from our amazing sex. Will sex with him always be this amazing? If so, I'm sure I'll never get over my addiction to him.

He rests his forhead to mine, and I feel his eyelashes against my face. I sigh when he lifts his head and plants a kiss to my forehead. It's not where I wanted his lips, but it'll do for now.

He turns onto his back, and removes the condom. He gets up and discards it. I watch his naked ass as he walks around my apartment. Jesus, he's perfect, and all mine. I like the thought more than I should, but I can't help it.

He comes back quickly, and lays ontop of me in his favorite spot with his face smothered between my boobs, his hands around my waist.

I've never felt so content in all of my life. I know it's only sex but this is the best feeling in the world. This man has become my new obsession, and I don't think I can ever let go. I'm hooked on him.

I lay there underneath him, running my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. "I love when you do that"

"I love doing it" I continue to run my hands through his hair soothingly, loving the low sounds of pleasure that he makes. "We're not going to make it to dinner are we"

I look down at the dress that he ripped off of my body when he walked through the door. "You know, I actually liked that dress"

He props his head up to look at me. "I'll buy you a new one. I told you to stop fucking teasing me"

"I wasn't trying to" I giggle. "I was hungry for food. You fucking me was not on my mind"

"What's on your mind now" he kisses my chest slowly making his way down my body.

"Honestly, I want you to answer some questions for me." I tell him honestly, and he stops his descent to look up at me, but he keeps his hands at my hips gripping them. I look down and see that he is fully erect again.

"Later, baby. I need to take you again" he says in a rasp voice, pinning my body roughly to the bed.

"No" I tell him, and then I try to wiggle from beneath his hold, but he's so so much stronger.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going" He barks at me, and I don't flinch one bit like he probably expects me too. He can't do this to ne anymore. I won't allow it. I onky agreed to see him, in hopes that he would open up a bit more.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing"

"I'm about to tongue fuck you until you can no longer stand it" he says it as if it's a fact. As if it's common knowledge, something I should already have been made aware of. "And then I'm going to fuck you bow legged"

And at this I laugh. This man is quickly becoming a permanent fixture in my life. If he can just get his shit together, I can see us long term. I want that for us.

X

"So Jacob? How do you know him"

"We were close. We practically grew up together. He was like a brother to me. My little brother. Emmett -who is my older brother- he had me. I had Jacob. His grandfather helped my father open his first hotel. Then when Jake and I were twenty one, and Tanya and I were getting married, and branching out, his grandfather died. Jacob felt like we owed him more than what was written. Our agreements were final, and he wasn't happy that his grandfather left everything to my father, who would soon be retiring, and giving everything to me" He inhales, and then lets it out.

"My father thought of Jacob as a son, and he told me to give Jacob property so that he could start from the ground up as his grandfather, and my father once did. That wasn't enough for Jacob. He wanted money, not land, not hotels. He didn't want to work. I refuse to take care of another man, family or not. I will help out in anyway possible if needed, but I just couldn't do it."he says, and I nod in understanding, rubbing his arm, prompting him to continue.

"The night before we were getting married" he exhales. "I found Jacob fucking her on our living room floor like a fucking dog"

I gasp, and cover my mouth. I am shocked. Jacob doesn't seem capable of such a malicious act.

"I was excited about what Tanya and I were doing. I was proud of what we were about to build together as a team. It was something that we'd spent countless nights talking about, and planning. I never loved her, but she was a friend" he cleared his throat. "And he was like a brother to me" he pinches the bridge of his nose.

I wrap my arms around his neck, and whisper in his ear. "I'm so sorry"

He envelopes me, rubbing soothing circles on my back, as if to calm me. I pull back to look at him. "You took Heidi away from him to get back at him"

"Heidi left on her own accord. It was a bonus that she left him for me" he says with so much venom, so much hatred, I almost don't recognize the man in front of me. He shakes his head, and I see his jaw clench a few times before he looks back at me with softer eyes. "I'm sorry" he apologizes, and then he takes a breath, and shakes his head again.

"I understand. They hurt you"

"Jacob hurt me. Tanya just lost my trust. Immediately after I found them I had my lawyers draft a prenup. Her family wasn't happy about it, but I told them what she did, and they almost disowned her. If I hadn't agreed to still marry her trashy ass, she'd be a very broken woman right now. She owes me her life. I showed her mercy, all to keep a dream alive."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. There's so many things wrong here, I can't just settle on one thing. One things for certain. If I ever see Jacob again, there's a slap waiting for him.

"What does the prenup say?" I ask him quietly.

"Basically if she cheats again, she's out on her ass. She gets nothing." he pauses looking away thoughtfully. "She tried to tell me she was drunk. That she's in love with me, and fucking him was a mistake. She thinks all of our problems are based off of that one mistake" he scoffs. "But they're not. I've never wanted her, and that kills her. We put on a good front for my family, our friends. Her family no longer speaks to her. They are highly religious people, and they thought they raised a saint. Tanya's not a bad person at all, but she's far from a saint"

"She betrayed you, just like Jacob did. Why don't you hate her"

"I never felt like Tanya was mine, so..." he trails off, staring at me as if to portray to me what he's saying. I understand. He's known her more than half of his life, and never felt like she belonged to him, so he didn't feel the need to get jealous, but he'd only known me two days before he began claiming me.

I look down, biting my lip, processing this. "Jacob said-"

"Don't tell me shit that motherfucker said to you, Bella. Just the simple fact that he's breathed your air makes me want to kill him" I understand his anger. I've felt it a time or two where he's concerned.

"But I really need to know, Edward." he sighs, and scrubs a hand down his face, and nods quietly, without removing his hand.

"He said you break marriages. Did you do that on purpose? Did you actively seek out his wife"

"No. I don't have time like that." he's getting irritated, and it shows.

"So how did you take Heidi"

"She was an old girlfriend. It didn't last long. She knew that nothing would come of it, because I told her from the start that I was marrying Tanya."

"So you were truthful to her about Tanya, but not to me"

"I wasn't afraid to lose Tanya or Heidi. But I am fucking terrified of losing you" thats all it took for me. I again became putty in his very capable hands.

Please review :)


	14. Chapter 14

Please forgive my errors. I will try to edit after work today. I couldn't wait to update again.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

He got me to go to his birthday party. I'd told him that I wasn't going, and the bastard threatened to dress me himself, and throw me in his car.

He'd said, "There is no scenerio where I leave here without you. You can get up and get dressed willingly or with force."

I laughed a bit, secretly loving how bossy he is, but still skeptical about going with him.

I told myself that this is ridiculously inappropriate. How can I go around his family? I'm technically the mistress. How will they respond to me?

I told him about my fears, and he just shot me one of his reassuring grins, and took me into his arms, bringing my body flush against his. He looked me right in the eyes as he said, "I want you there with me. Fuck what anyone thinks"

He wants me with him, on his birthday. How can I deny him?

So now I'm standing in the middle of a huge room, with a huge dance floor near a wide stage with a live band, and Edward is nowhere to be found.

After he'd been missing for twenty minutes, I stopped looking for him, and decided to stand near the outskirts of the dance floor with my glass of wine.

"Lovely, isn't it" I hear from beside me. I look over and see a woman with long brownish-red hair, curled and flowy down her back. She's dressed in a little black dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. It's skin tight, and has a ridiculous dip in the back, stopping right before her ass.

I'm stunned by the sight of the beauty, and I stare at her with my mouth wide, and in surprise. This is the woman. Heidi. She's here. Why the hell didn't I see this coming? I'm both embarrassed and pissed off by the sight of her. Why is she here? Why didn't Edward warn me that she would be here? He must know that this will be uncomfortable for me. "I'm sure you're quite dazzled by your surroundings. This isn't your usual bar scene" she laughs lightly, and I blink at her. How does she know that I work at a bar? Does Edward talk about me to her? Why does he tell my business to HER?

I shake off my annoyance, and decide to face her the same way that I would face anyone. She's not above me in any way, and I hate that she is standing as if she has superiority over me.

"I'm comfortable here, with my date" I tell her, and watch as her eyes stretch, and her eyebrows raise. She nods her head and takes a sip of her wine. Yes, I have the man that you want, and you can't have him. He's mine.

"And who might that be" she asks with a smug look, glancing around me. I can tell by the look on her face, that she knows exactly who I am, and who I came with. She recognized me that day at the restaurant as well, and she'd glared at me.

"We both know, Heidi" she raises an eyebrow at the mention of her name, and she smirks.

"That was quite a show you put on" she says with a very fake smile plastered on her face. "He didn't deserve that, any more than you deserve him" she points a finger at me, and tilts her head to the side, examining me from head to toe. She screws up her face in disgust, and looks away shaking her head.

I give her a fake smile. "Oh really"

"Yes. You're a clown that he keeps around for his amusement. You're flashy, and-" she pauses, searching for the right word. Then her eyes snap back to mine, "You're off color, and wild. Guys like to fuck that type because it makes them feel excited. You know, the guy fucks the whore, goes back to the real thing"

"And what are you? The real thing?" I ask and she nods. "Right? So let me get this straight. You're his wife then?" her face falls. "No, you're not. You and I are both whores, except, I'm the whore he wants to be with" She thinks she's better than me? I think not!

She licks her top lip, eyes me, and she scoffs. Then she looks down into her glass of wine, and then takes a slow step towards me, until she's right in my face. I won't back down. It's not in my blood.

"Listen, little girl! He will grow tired of you, and he will come back to us. It's only a matter of time." she says, and my eyebrows furrow. Us? What does she mean by us?

"Aren't you married? You're fucking disgusting" I spit out like the words are the most distasteful thing imaginable. "Edward wants nothing to do with you"

"You really have no clue who you're involved with? It's actually quite funny. Edward is-"

"Heidi" I here a deep voice come from beside Heidi, and I glance over to see Edward standing there with an unreadable facial expression. "What are you doing here"

Heidi looks away from me, and turns to face Edward. She reaches her perfectly manicured hand up to his face, and begins to lean in for a kiss. I freak out, as I usually do when I feel a certain emotion come over me. One that I never deal with, or have never dealt with. I act out of impulse, out of anger. I shove her away, taking her place at his side. Mine! I almost growl at her.

I feel Edward grasping my hand, and I instantly feel a little braver. I look back towards Heidi and my mouth falls open in shock. I didn't realize that I'd shoved her so hard, she'd spilled her wine down her dress.

"You little bitch!" She screeches. "Do you have any fucking idea how much this dress cost?"

"Heidi, you should leave. I asked you not to come" Edward says, ignoring her dramatic act.

"What about that whore? Look what she did to me" she's overreacting. She didn't even spill that much wine.

I look up to Edward, and I see his jaw ticking angrily. He fills the space between us and Heidi, and I hear him speak to her in a very low rumbling voice, and I don't miss the firmness there. "If you ever speak to her again, Heidi, I swear, no one will be able to save you from my wrath. Apologize to my date, and then get the fuck out of here."

"Apologize to her? Edward, look what she did"

"I told you to keep your hands to yourself. I belong to Bella, and she has a right to defend what is hers."

"You fucking bastard. How dare you? How fucking dare you?"

"I asked you nicely already, Heidi. Leave. Now" it's a quiet command, eerily quiet. He's trying to control his anger.

She shoots me a look, and then starts to walk off. "I'll go, but I'm not apologizing to that bitch!" then she turns her furious gaze on me. "He's going to use you, until there's nothing left" she says to me, then she glares at Edward, and walks away.

He's going to use you, until there's nothing left! He's going to use you, until there's nothing left! I already feel a bit used. I sigh heavily. What have I got myself into?

Edward then turns to me. "Walk with me. I want to introduce you to my family." He holds out his arm and I take it, letting him lead me. I can't help but notice the women around us staring at him as we walked by, their heads turning to keep their eyes on him as we walk. Even men glance our way, and straighten there backs, as if Edward were a king of sorts. Well, he is a god. I think to myself.

Edward always has that effect on people. When he enters, he immediately dominates the room.

We stop in front of an older couple, a very gorgeous couple in their fifties I assume, if they are Edwards parents. The woman has very kind eyes, and she seemingly smiles with her entire face when she sees me. The man smiles as well, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He's not as excited to meet me. "Carlisle, Esme, this is my Bella" Edward motions toward me with his normal smile that knocks me off of ny feet. I smile back up at him, unable to really tear my eyes away from him to look at his parents.

When I finally do, the woman envelopes me in a hug, the man just nods at me. "It's so very nice to meet you Bella. Are you enjoying yourself"

I nod, smiling from ear to ear. I wasn't expecting such a warm reception. "Of course! I'm just happy I get to help celebrate Edwards birthday" I squeeze Edwards hand, and look up at him to see that he's watching me closely.

"He's glad you're here as well, and so are we" I have a feeling her husband doesn't feel the same way about me. "Oh dear, I just remembered something." Esme speaks to Edward. I look back to her, and see a frown on her face. "Tanya and I have been planning this for over a year now, so I apologize if your name card isn't near Bel-"

"I told her to move" Edward grits out, and I look up and see his damn jaw clenching. Will he really spend his entire birthday barking angrily at everyone? He should be happy.

"It's okay, Edward" I rub his arm reassuringly. It doesn't help the situation one bit.

"Which table is it" Edward asks, and Esme points to one near the front.

Edward lifts my hand, and kisses my knuckles. "Excuse me" he says, before taking off towards the front of the room where Esme pointed.

"Oh dear" Esme says. I look on, watching as a very pretty blonde comes up to Edward, just as he's picking up a card.

She looks down at his hand, and holds her arms out, looking at the card in confusion. I see her eyes roll, as she snatches the card from his hand. His hands ball into fists at his sides, and I can see him physically shaking as he barks out more orders.

"Tanya, I presume" I turn back to his parents. His mom nods, but his dad just stares at me, and its unnerving.

"Yes. His wife" Edwards dad finally speaks. "The one that he's been married to for years" he spits, and I flinch away from his harsh tone, and his words.

Esme runs a hand along his arm, and shoots me an apologetic smile. "Dearheart, you should go and try to calm Edward down. He's been a bit snappy today"

"Okay" I say in the voice that is becoming more common, and walk away towards Edward.

This night is just, not turning out how I expected. Well, actually, I had no expectations, but this is just too much. I thought I'd dealt with every terrible thing out in the world, but now I see that the most venomous people aren't the people on the street, its the people I've encountered since I met Edward.

When I reach Edward, I grasp his hand, and he looks down at me, one hand still at his temple. He smiles at me, and then turns, taking my face in his hands. "You're the only thing that's right tonight."

"Happy Birthday" I tell him sweetly, and his eyes go liquid, as if my words, and my being here is all he needs. He drops his arms to my waist, pulling me flush against him, not caring about the many people surrounding us. He leans down to whisper in my ear so only I can hear.

"If we were alone I'd be spreading you wide, and gorging on your pussy until you came all over my tongue" he says in a thick, raspy voice that drives me crazy. I shudder in his arms. I bet if he wasn't holding onto me, my knees would give out.

"Is that what you want for your birthday"

"No. I want that and so much more. I'm going to rip this flimsy little dress off of you, spank your perfect round ass, and fuck your brains out."

"I like this dress"

"So do I" he says, then he kisses my neck, and I elbow him. I feel his shoulders shake with laughter. Then he pulls me closer to him, so close I can feel his erection. I suck in a breath.

"Stop it! You're making me so fucking wet right now"

"That's how I want you. I want you wet and ready when you walk through my door, because I'm going to give that sweet pussy quite a pounding tonight"

I try to shove away from him, because he's getting me hot and bothered in the midst of a dinner party, with his friends and family. "Come on baby, since when are you shy"

"Your parents are here"

"So what? They know how I feel about you"

"And what do you feel? Lust"

"I yearn for you, baby. Not just your body. This isn't just lust." he tells me, and I stare into his eyes, and I know that his words are true. "I adore the fuck out of you. You know that. You have to know that" he furrows his eyebrows, and shoots me a glance in disbelief. How can I believe what he tells me with every thing else thats going on?

"Can I borrow him for a second?" I hear someone ask from beside us. I break away from Edwards hold, and my gaze falls on a very tall, strikingly beautiful blonde. My eyebrows raise into my hairline. What does she want with my Edward?

Edward clears his throat. "Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Bella" Edward says, and I look up to him and try to hold back a smile. I could kiss him right now, and I almost do. He's been going out of his way to make me feel like the lady in his life lately, and I must say it's lessening the burn of finding out that he's married.

She smiles at me, then turns her gaze to him with a barely there smile. I feel a thick tension in the air that wasn't there before, and I look between the two of them. There's animosity of the highest degree between these two, and it makes me wonder just how civil is there break up? Is this what he considers civil?

"Okay." her voice is musical, and she lets out a slight humorless laugh, and follows up by clearing her throat. She looks down at her hands for a second, then looks back up and her eyes are a bit glossy. Fuck! I know that look. She still loves him. She still fucking loves her husband, and he's with someone else. I sort of feel like shit. Not enough to walk away, because honestly I don't know or trust her, but enough to give her a sympathetic look, and slightly maneuver myself out of Edwards arms. He shoots me a disapproving look, and the woman catches it.

"I just wanted to let you know that I asked Heidi to stay"

Edward inhales deeply, and I can clearly feel him taking calming breaths, before he pinches the bridge of his nose. I lean up to look into his eyes, and all I see is rage.

"Do whatever the fuck you have to do Tanya, but keep her the fuck away from me, and especially away from Bella. You two have been warned"

"Okay, well, great. Dinner will be served soon." the woman smiles at Edward, then at me, before walking away.

"You don't have to speak to her like that" I tell Edward, and I swat his chest. I can only imagine how it feels to see the man that I love, walking around flaunting a new woman. A younger woman. "She still loves you"

"Yea well the feeling is most certainly not mutual. She also knows how I feel about you" he pulls me into his arms again, and wraps his arms tightly around my waist, looking down at me. "That is what our meeting was about also. I told her that I'd met someone else. I told her that counseling wasn't necessary because I no longer wanted to pretend that there was something to fix."

"Did she cry" I ask him and then sigh, and turn my head away to watch her walking away. Unrequited love hurts, I know it does. I watched my dad love someone for years, someone he could never truly have the way that he needed and deserved.

Renee may have only been a room away from him, but the Renee that he knew and loved had long gone. She was incapable of love. I watched my dad suffer, so I know. I know how Tanya feels to love Edward, and not have it reciprocated. I pity her.

"No, she's had years of practice concealing her true feelings."

"You said she didn't take it well" I point out his words to me. They rush back to me now that my conscience has intervened.

"She didn't. I know her Bella. She's smart. She's not going to break down in front of me." he kisses my neck, and then pulls back to look at me. "You're worried about her" its not a question, but I still answer with a shrug. "Don't be." he kisses my forhead. God, he's kissing everywhere but where I want him to kiss. I've never been so amped up in anticipation of something in my entire life like I am for a kiss from Edward. "She's a big girl"

I nod, and squeeze his arms, looking up to smile at him. "Are you enjoying your party?" i ask, and he nods. "All I've seen you do is argue with people since we walked in" I laugh and he squeezes my hips, flexing his hands. He bites his bottom lip and gives me bedroom eyes.

"I'm going to enjoy tonight" he starts massaging my hips, and I try to pull away from him.

"Edward" I chastise, and he pulls back, looking innocent, but theres mischief in those deep green eyes.

"What" he asks innocently. "I told you baby. You don't dictate when or where I touch you. And you don't fucking pull away from me"

"Well, I'm not going to let you cop a feel in front of nearly a hundred people" I tell him and he laughs, but stops when something catches his eye over my shoulder. I pull away, and look.

He grabs my hand, and pulls me with him. "Meet my sister, Alice"

"You have a sister?" i ask him, and then I realize it's a stupid question because he just said he did.

"Yes Bella. That's what I said."

"Where's your brother" I ask him. He continues to lead me through people, to the other side of the room.

"Dancing with his date."

"Can I meet him"

Edward glances towards the dance floor, towards who I assume is his brother. "Yes, but I'm not too fond of his date. I don't want you around her"

I laugh at him, and finish right when we reach a petite woman with raven hair cut into a short pixie like style. It fits her face perfectly, and I must say, she's quite beautiful. Then again, her brother is a god, so what did I expect?

"Alice, meet Bella. Bella, this is my little sister Alice." Edward introduces us.

Alice holds her hand out to me to shake. "Nice to meet you, I guess" Alice says a bit rudely, giving me a small smile, and I make a face. Okay, apparently his sister doesn't approve of our relationship.

"Nice to meet you too" there's that small voice again. Am I really scared of these people? Beef up Bella! You can't let these people intimate you.

Edward leans down to whisper in my ear. "Dance with me"

I look up at him, and nod, eventhough I'm terrified of dancing. "I don't think I know how" I whisper, and he gives me that usually sexy grin, and leans back down to my ear.

"I got you baby" his voice is soothing and reassuring, and all of a sudden the tension leaves my body. I trust him. He places a hand at the small of my back to guide me ahead of him. "Alice" he says, giving her a head nod, as Alice grabs a glass of wine from a passing waiter, and then nods back at him.

He leads me to the dance floor, and spins me around to face him, pulling my body to his, with his hand to my back, the other grasps my hand to hold to his chest.

I smile when I hear a soft, warm voice begin to sing my favorite song, and I'm overjoyed when the sound of the music fills the room. The singers voice isn't as clear as Nora Jones but it still touches me as it always does.

"Come away with me" I sing softly, and Edward pulls me closer, as we gently sway to the music. I lay my head against Edwards chest, trusting him to lead as we dance. "I love this song" I whisper to him, before closing my eyes, and letting the song, the words sink in.

Renee loved this song. I know because my dad would play it often, or he would sit by my moms door and sing it while she cried. My dad would never make it to the words, 'And I'll never stop loving you' without crying too.

I squeeze Edward close as the painful memories flood my mind. "While I'm safe there in your arms" I sing as we sway. I'm so content in Edwards arms, I can't think of a warmer, safer place to be. I feel him kiss the top of my head, and I sigh. "Come away with me"

Edward pulls back as the song ends. "Are you okay" he asks, and I nod, letting him pull me off of the dance floor.

Dinner is served shortly after, and I'm glad to see that both Edwards wife, and friend Heidi are in the back of the room, chatting and eating together, and nowhere near us.

I find it weird that Tanya is okay with being friends with a woman that is actively attempting to bed her husband. She seems a bit partial to me. She hasn't been rude or malicious, which I'm grateful for, but still, its sort of weird. Her behavior in general is just strange.

I wish I fully understood the relationship between the three of them. Then maybe their behavior wouldn't seem so strange to me.

In the midst of dinner, I tap Edwards shoulder to excuse myself to the bathroom. He stands, and offers to walk with me, but I assure him that I'm a big girl, he laughs, and lightly pats my ass as I walk away. I wish he'd stop doing that in public.

I turn a corner and see Heidi walking out of the bathroom. She stops when she sees me, and then rolls her eyes. "You're so lucky that I have respect for Edward" she tells me with a scowl on her face. I roll my eyes at her and try to get to the bathroom door but she blocks it.

"Excuse me" I try for polite, but I don't have it in me to continue if she's going to be a bitch. Bitch Bella hasn't come out to play in awhile, and I would hate to go ape shit crazy on this upitty bitch. She won't know what hit her...literally!

"I don't know what he sees in you" she says, and then she scuffs. "Does he call you baby, when he's fucking you?" she laughs. "It's because he can't remember your name" she looks me up and down and smirks. "If I remember correctly, everytime we fucked, it was my name he shouted as he came" at that I lose my shit.

I punch her dead in the mouth, and I don't stop there. She deserves every hit that connects to her fucking face. She has talked down to me from the moment she met me, and I've played it cool. As soon as she brings Edward into it, all reason leaves me, and all I'm left with is a cloudy brain, hazy vision blurred by anger, fueled by rage, eardrums ringing, heart pounding. I'm going to draw blood soon if I'm not stopped.

I'm like a raging beast, pulling her arm, punching her repeatedly, and I can't stop myself. I've become very possessive, very jealous, and filled with an uncontrollable urge to destroy any competition. He is mine.

"Oh my god!" I hear a woman's shrill voice cry out, and it snaps me out of my frenzied attack. All Heidi managed to do was claw at my arms, and pull at my hair, whilst I was straddling her, punching her repeatedly. I knew she was shouting for me to stop, but I couldn't register her words, I was in a trance, as her words wreaked havoc in my head. I reacted violently, I knew it was only a matter of time.

I feel myself being jerked upright, but I continue to swing even as I'm in the upright position. That's when I recognize the person holding me up, and throwing me over their shoulder, while I listened to Heidi yell obscenities at me. I kick and scream, causing a scene, realizing that I hadn't done nearly as much damage to her as I wanted to. She deserves more of a beat down. "I'll fuck you up next time, bitch" I shout before she's out of sight. Edward continues past the ball room, and dining room area, to the out doors.

Heidi comes running out, and before I know it I feel a stiletto hitting my face. "Fucking slut" she yells, and Edward turns around, and gets wacked by her other heel.

"Put me down Edward. I'm going to kill her" I feel myself being let down, but his arms block me, amd corners me in front of a limo door.

I see Heidi being hauled back in by a big burly man, that resembles Edward, and I assume it's his brother that he mentioned.

"Get out of my way Edward" I shove his chest, and he does the same to me, getting right into my face. He's fuming mad.

"Shut up!" he says to me, and my anger slowly dissipates, and I'm filled with something else. Warmth maybe, I don't know what it is, but my heart is speeding faster than it was a second ago, and my breathing is coming in pants now.

"This is her fault" I tell him, and watch as his nostrils flare, and his jaw tightens, and fuck if it's not sexy as hell.

"Shut up Bella" he tells me, but I open my mouth to speak again, because I'm still pissed off by Heidi's words. Why is he pissed at me? I start to ask him, but my lips instantly become sealed by the most perfect, softest set of lips known to man. Lips that I have longed to touch mine for a month now. They are finally on me, and I swear it was worth the wait.

He takes my lips firmly, and forcefully, gripping my hips to him, but pressing me back into the side of the limo. He reaches one hand up and grips me by my nape, pulling me as close as humanly possible. He makes a low rumbling sound deep in his chest when I willingly open my mouth to him.

There's a fire building up inside of me, its raging deep within me. I need him. I need him now. But I won't dare break this kiss. I've waited too long for it.

I feel his tongue exploring my mouth, stroking my tongue, dominating me completely. He tilts his head to get a better more thorough taste, and I part my lips wider, giving him everything he wants without him asking. It's as if we're in sync, our mouths move together, our tongues move together, our hands grip to get closer eventhough there's clearly no more space between us.

This kiss is feverish, passionate, heated, ravenous, greedy, hungry. We both want more, need more.

Tremor after tremor wreck through my body and I'm weak at the knees, sure that if he releases me I'll fall straight to the ground.

I'm pained with desire, and practically trembling in his arms as excitement thrills through my veins, heats my body, overtakes me completely. I'm so fucking addicted to this man, and now I'm going crazy over his kiss. I'm desperate, and clingy, and needy, pulling him closer, kissing him back harder, pressing up against him, rubbing against his erection. Jesus, I just can't get enough.

I feel like I'll die if he takes his mouth off of me. It's that fucking serious! It's that fucking good-no amazing! His kiss is the single most perfect thing I have ever experienced in my life. Everything that I've experienced with this man has been the absolute best for me. He is just the best experience, and I know at this point I couldn't bare to lose him, lose this, lose us. I want to keep him. I want to make him happy. I want forever.

He finally pulls away, breathless, and panting with his eyes closed tightly, and his jaw clenched. Its so fucking sexy.

I grip the lapel of his suit tightly in my hand and with slightly shut, hooded eyes, I whisper, "You kissed me"

"Mmhmm" He groans, and breathes heavily out of his nose, his eyes low, and staring directly at my lips. "I am going to kiss every inch of this body tonight baby."

"Please" I whimper, my chest rising and falling heavily. I bite my lip, amd he thumbs it, pulling it from my teeth, before taking it between his teeth.

"Fuck" he hisses, amd pulls back with tightly closed eyes. Then he leans his forehead against mine. "I swear I'm coming back to you tonight" he whispers before kissing my forehead, and pulling away.

I'm confused. "What" I ask as he steps back on the side walk.

"Get in the car Bella" he says in that tone, the one that demands I do what he says without question.

"Where are you going" I ask him desperately. Don't leave me! Not when I'm crazy horny, and begging for you.

He steps back in front of me looking down at me. "Get in the fucking car" this voice is dangerous. This voice says, do what the fuck I said, and do it right fucking now.

I huff, and puff, and turn to grab the handle, but he reaches for it, pulling it open. I look over and see Heidi coming out of the building. She bends down to pick up her shoes, and then just stands there, with her arms folded glaring at me.

"In" he says, and I huff some more before complying. He pats my ass as I climb in, and I turn to flick him off. He closes the door, and I look out the window to see him taking angry strides over to Heidi. He shouts at her, then points an angry finger towards a waiting black car. They walk towards it slowly, and the last thing that I see before the limo takes a turn, is Edward sliding in beside her in the back of the car. My blood boils. He-he got in the car WITH her! With HER!

Please review :)


	15. Chapter 15

You guys still with me? I hope so. I know some have given up, but I'm thankful for those who continue this journey with me. Thank you guys.:)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Bella Pov

I've snapped. There's no other way to describe it. First I was in shock, completely still, frozen, staring through the window blankly. He got in the car with her. He just got in, like.. like I wasn't there. He humiliated me. God, he fucking betrayed me! How could he do this?

All the words he's said to me thus far have been total bullshit. I can't find truth in his words any more. I was slowly trying to rebuild trust in him, and then he turns around and does this. He really is a bastard!

I feel an indescribable wrenching violation of my faith in him. It's gone. God, I feel so fucking foolish for having any faith in a guy like him in the first place. He's spent the better half of our relationship lying to me.

 _Wait, stop kidding yourself Bella! Relationship? Did you just call what you had with that bastard a relationship?_

Oh my god! When did I become so stupid? When? And how had I not realized that how he treats me is not how a man is supposed to treat a woman.

I feel so destabilized, so off balance, like my feet were kicked right from under me. I'm hurt beyond anything, because I actually wanted something that could never be, and I ignored the signs of a potentially unhealthy relationship. I allowed myself to just remain blissfully ignorant, and lay on my back and take any and everything he dished...literally.

Who the fuck am I? This isn't me!

I actually placed hopes, and dreams and faith in this guy. I allowed myself to wish for something that could never be, want something that could never happen, want someone that could never be mine.

I tried hard to forget the enormity of the truths not told, and the complexity of the deceit, by focusing on the fact that either way I was going to have him. He was going to be mine, and I was going to be his. I never once sat back and thought about how problematic actually having Edward would be.

He's not the kind of man to divulge information willingly, and I proved to be the easy little girl that could lay back and take his bullshit without him giving away anything.

When did I become so weak, so vulnerable?

Oh, yeah, I remember. The day I rushed into the predators arms like an idiot, and let my walls down. The day I let him hold me after my nightmare. I let him see that I was vulnerable, and weak, like I needed to be told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it because I proved incapable of thinking for myself. I proved to be a fragile, stupid lamb, and he's always been a lion. I turned a blind eye to this lions faults, and he ate me whole.

He controlled me like a puppet, only to break down my defenses, and then proceeded to break me down, and turn me into a shadow of my former self. Then the bastard kissed me, exposing me, exploiting my weakness, using my vulnerability to his presence, trying to ease the burn, lessen the blow..he tried, and failed. I still felt the burn, and he couldn't stop the punch in the gut that I felt when I saw him with her. A kiss could never ever make me just look the other way, and neither could his ridiculous promises. He will not be coming back to me tonight, and I will not be taking him back. I see the truth now. He broke my trust with his actions, and his words only twisted the dagger in my heart further, especially as I think back.

 _Oh Bella! Why'd have to go and fall in love with him? Why couldn't you just let meaningless sex, be meaningless sex?_

I couldn't because it wasn't just sex. I try to delude myself into thinking that the only feelings that I felt were excitement, but I was in denial. I thought we both knew what we had. I thought we both wanted more. Now I see it was only me.

 _You actually believed a guy like that wanted you? You actually trusted him to want only you?_

My trust was a gift. Each time I gave it to him, and each time he's diminished it, and left me weaker, and more vulnerable. If his goal has been to break me, and turn me into a small individual that he could mold, and fuck into submission, then he surely suceeded. But not anymore. Not ever again!

Anger arose in me so quickly, so ferociously, it washed away my uncertainty, my sadness, my shock, leaving me numb to every other emotion. It was like a switch within me, as I replayed the last month in my head, watching as Edward played me for a fool over and over again.

The rage started as a slow burning sensation in my chest. Then it started growing like a volcano before it blows, and it errupted through me, coursing through my veins, heating the blood within me, heating my body, speeding up my heart so fast to the point that it could be heard in my ears. I let out an ear piercing scream, then a low gutteral scream that actually hurt my insides, and burned my throat dry and raw. Pain is to be expected, pain is felt, all over, surprisingly, even my heart hurt.

 _Why did you let him in there? In your heart Bella? Your fucking heart?_

I let out another gutteral scream, as I replay him getting in the car with Heidi over and over, after making promises to me. Is he out of his fucking mind? Did he really fucking think this would be okay? That I would be okay? That I would just wait on his ass while he goes off galavanting with an ex?

 _But he did it before Bella. Why are you so shocked? You took him back so easily last time. What made you think he wouldn't do it again?_

Oh yeah, my ability to regain trust so easily in the people around me. It's my silent killer. No. Edward is my silent killer. He came like a thief in the night, and stole my heart. Then he continued to break it piece by piece, unapologetically.

 _What did you expect Bella? He's married. Did you expect a changed man, a wedding proposal, a dog perhaps?_

Another scream, as I begin to throw my tantrum. I am livid. I'm just as pissed at myself for being so gullible, so naive, so stupid, then I am at Edward. Arrgghh! I fucking hate him. It's the most extreme emotion, the farthest from the actual truth-as it is every time that I say it- it is an absolute lie, and it hurts. It hurts to want what you can't have. Want what doesn't belong to you. It hurts more because the person that I want, brought along my inevitable downfall.

I've been spiraling down this path for years now, edging on self-loathing, and holding on to guilt. Guilt for being the reason my mom went crazy, the reason my dad lost the love of his life, the reason he couldn't protect her, me, or himself. I'm the reason my dad is dead, and my mom is locked away. I'm the reason for so many terrible acts, yet I never once let myself live through the each emotion. I bottled it up inside of me so tightly, compressing it so deep inside, never really dealing with the emotions as needed.

Tonight was different. I let it all out!

I completely destroy the back of Edwards limo, ripping, and kicking things, breaking things, and it still doesn't have it's desired affect. I don't feel any better.

The driver swerves, and swerves, as he listenes to me break shit in the back seat, and kick at the door trying to open it.

"Open this god damn door, and let me out" I scream at him, before I begin beating on the partition that separates us. He finally pulles over and unlockes the doors, stepping out to make a phone call.

I stumble out of the car, and slamthe door shut behind me. Piece of shit! I kick the door.

I hear the driver speaking in a low voice, but I can't make out the words. He probably called Edward to let him know that I ruined the limo, and that I'm now leaving.

I can't fucking believe he left with her...and I just let him. He kissed me, and then ruined it by leaving with that bitch! I can't even begin to describe how I feel right now, but I'm gripping feircely onto one emotion to drown out the rest. I am furious.

It catches me off guard when I feel a tear fall down my face. It just adds fuel to the flame. He hurt me. He used me. And he just left me. With no explanation.

The fact that I left myself open in order to be hurt, is really fucking with me. I like to think I have self respect, but now that I think about it, I just let this man completely overtake my life, control it even, without an ounce of fight. I did that. I let myself down.

I gave to him willingly with nothing in return. He's given me nothing but a few half truths, and a couple dozen orgasms, when I've asked for everything, and given him even more than that. What hurts the most is knowing that I'm at my lowest of lowest over a man. A man that I let break me. A man that put me here in this hole, and then left me here. A man that I still desperately wanted to be with.

Oh god, it hurts to even think this thought, but it's so true it almost brings me to my knees. I love him! I love him! And fuck if that's not what truly hurts the most.

X

"Bella, sweetie, whats wrong" Rose asks when I walk in. She has this look on her face. The one that tells me she knows that something is up, probably because I look like I want to murder people. I feel enraged by Edwards betrayal. I want his head on a platter for how he's made me feel. I dont even have time to feel sorry for myself. I haven't even allowed myself to completely acknowledge my hurt, or to really cry. I just want to hurt him how he's hurt me.

I tell her everything, from the beginning of the night, til he disappeared into the back of that damn black car with that bitch.

"And he just left with no explanation" Rose asked with narrowed eyes. "Babe, something doesn't add up. He kissed the hell out of you, and then left with another woman" she says, and having the words that I'd spoken, thrown right back at me, strengthens the sting of my pain. I really hate this feeling. I really hate him.

"I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I just need Jasper to do me a favor. Is he here" I ask

"Yea, he's in his room. I'll get him" she knocks on the door, and I hear it opens seconds later, then muffled talking, before Jasper appears in the hallway. He stretches his arms above his head, and lets out a yawn as he comes towards me.

I poke out my bottom lip at him, pouting with sad eyes, and he frowns at me. "What's the matter, kiddo" He wraps an arm around my shoulder, and gives me a small squeeze.

"Boy trouble" Rose answers for me, folding her arms over her chest, and resting her hip against the wall, watching us from across the room.

"I just need you to do something for me?" I begin.

"What can I do to take away that frown" he asks, looking down at me with his crazy disheveled blond hair, some falling in his face. I just stare at him, willing myself not to cry. He's not the man I want to remove the frown, but he can do something better for me.

"Do you know how to change a lock"

X

"Bella! Bella! Open up, baby, please!" I've had to endure listening to this-well, a variation of this- for the past thirty minutes. He is relentlessly pounding on my door. I'm sure I don't have to tell you who HE is.

He knew that I was in here because two seconds into him bamming on the door, he called the phone that he'd given me, and heard it ringing through the door. "Baby please! You don't understand. You don't understand why I do the things that I do, but know that I do it to protect you."

The only person that I need to be protected from is him. He's the one that keeps lying, betraying, and hurting me.

I hear a thud at the door, and then a small whisper of a voice. This is the only downside to having a studio apartment. I don't have a room to escape to. I have to endure his soft, pained voice. Why does he sound hurt? He's the one that hurt me. He's only making it worst for himself, and further pissing me off.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me. I'll sit out here on the floor until you speak to me" he says, and I know his words are true. He's a very determined man, but in this case, it would probably be best for him to not wait out the storm. He's created a monster, with his lying, manipulative ways. Now that I've talked to Jasper, I've found new found determination to stay away from him.

"You're better than this Bella" Jasper said to me, after I'd told him what's been going on with me for the past month. He's heard bits and pieces of it through Rose, but he thought that I was happy. Hell, I thought I was happy. Was I happy? I can't deny that Edward does make me happy, but he makes me alot of other things as well.

"Jesus, baby! I can feel you through the door. Your body calls to me. I can feel our connection, even through the door. Do you feel it? Is your chest tightening?"

Crazy thing is, he's right. And I fucking hate it. I'm not answering him.

"You feel that tug, baby. It's because our hearts are connected. There's a string in my heart thats connected to yours" he says softly. "If you break that connection, I'll die." he sounds breathless. He pauses for a long time, before he exhales loudly, and I hear another thud, then another, like he's banging his head against my door. "Not being able to put my hands on you is killing me, baby, please. I need to feel you" his voice is unbelievable tender.

How does he do that? How does he fake such passion?

"I need you" he whispers. "If you're mad about Heidi, baby, I swear nothing happened." he says like he just had a thought. Does he really not know what I'm upset about? Wow! That means he feels what he did is justifiable. Fucking idiot.

"I went with her to make sure that she got all of her shit out of my penthouse, baby I swear. I had every intention to come and pick you up, and show you my home. That was my plan. I didn't want her to ruin that. I know how she is. I had something delivered there specifically for you, and I wanted everything to be perfect. I realized, after the fight you two had, that she hadn't backed off like I thought she had." he pauses, and I roll my eyes. I don't believe anything he's saying. I can't afford to.

"I let her stay there because I felt responsible for what happened with her and Jacob, baby. He kicked her out because of me. Because he now feels about his wife the way that i feel about Tanya. She's tainted. Tainted by the enemy. He can't stand to look at her" he pauses. "She was a friend, baby. Some one that I have known for nearly ten years."

"I" he pauses, and I can practically hear him gulp. "I've cheated on Tanya our entire marriage. I have been greedy, and selfish, and heartless. I felt that she deserved it for what she did to me. I've only had sex with Tanya once in our entire marriage, and I could barely get my dick up. The thought of being in the act with her, sickens me."

So cheating on her for eight years seemed like the solution to your problem.

"We came up with a solution one day, when I saw her with a friend at a club. Tanya and I took her home, and we both had our way with her. Then she suggested a swingers club. I relented. I was still having sex outside of that setting, but with the club, I was able to have fun with like minded women who were emotionally unavailable, and very much aware that it was just sex"

He's telling me everything. Why now? I don't even know how I feel about his words.

"That's why I never kissed you. I'm just so used to sex without a deep connection, without emotion, but you..." his voice breaks. "You...broke...me! You made it impossible to separate."

I listen to his deep breathing through the door, and it sooths me. I feel my eyes grow heavy with sleep.

"Bella? Please, please, please, please, baby!" I hear his soft voice fade out on a sigh. "I'm sleeping out here. I won't be able to sleep otherwise" he calls out.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Bella. Believe me when I say, I wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt you. I didn't see the error of my ways until I was half way to your apartment and you wouldn't answer. Baby, I panicked. I panicked because I realized that I fucked up again. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, until its done. I'm not used to having to explain myself to anyone. I just do what I think I need to do, and I do it, right when i have the thought."he pauses. "I'm so so sorry I left you. I won't do it again Bella, baby. Listen to me! I learned my lesson. I won't leave you again. I won't keep things from you. I won't even see Heidi again. She's on her way to her parents house in California as we speak. I told her never to come back."

What he doesn't realize is that it's too late. He could've done all of this before, and he didn't. Why now? What changed?

"Bella" he calls out again. Pain thick in his voice. His voice portrays how I feel, except I'm filled with uncontrollable rage because he thought it was okay to come here. I don't want his apology. I don't want anything from him.

Please review! Do you agree with Bella giving up on Edward? Do you believe Edwards explanation? There always seems to be an explanation with him. Oh well, let me know in your review guys. Thank you again.


	16. Chapter 16

I am not sure what response I'll get from this chapter, but I am sure there won't be any good ones...i think lol. Im a little shaky about it, but this is where the story is going.

I hope you stick with me to see what happens next.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

X

When I awoke the next day, I could still hear Edward outside my door. God, doesn't he have a job to go to, or something?

"I could use a shower, baby" I hear him say through the door, and I ignore him. "I could use a hug too. A Bella hug" he let's out a cute yet small laugh. I say it's cute because it is, and I hate that fact. I hate the fact that he's cute, and still at my fucking door, and making this hard on me. He lets out another heartbreakingly cute, barely there, huff of a laugh. "They're the fucking best" i hear him say in a desolate tone. He sounds so empty, and it mirrors how I feel at the moment. I have no sympathy for him though.

I hear muffled voices outside, and Edwards voice mixed in, so I stand and slowly walk over to the door.

"My girlfriend lives here. She gives the best hugs." he sounds drunk. Is he drunk? It's ten in the morning for god sakes.

"Oh dear! Is she home?" I hear a knock, followed by a sweet voice. "Hello?" an elderly woman sings. "Hello" she calls again. "Sweetie, no ones home. Can I call someone for you"

"No ma'am." his voice is soft, kind, and respectful.

"Well, you can't just sit out here, son. When will she be home" I hear a gruff older male voice ask. God, they are so nice. They have no clue the kind of man they're showing pity towards.

"She's in there. She's mad at me because I've been a jerk" He says simply, and dispassionately.

"What did you do" the woman asks in a chastisingly high-pitched, yet raspy voice.

He sighs. "I haven't treated her with the respect that she deserves. My mother would be very disappointed in me"

She'd be disappointed in his entire life. He has a very sordid past, and even if I ever could come to forgive him for that, I'd struggle with trust. That is completely broken. And so is my heart. All that I feel for Edward right now, is pity, and that's only because he's stuck in a loveless marriage.

As for present time, I may hurt for awhile without him, but I think it's best we go our separate ways. Mostly because I feel violent when I think about him, and there's no way that we can have a relationship like that? How is it possible that I love him so so so much, but still want to make him suffer?

X

My heart stutters in my chest at the sight of him sitting next to my door with his head tilted back against the wall. Even while looking miserable, and out of place, he is spectacular, and I hate that fact.

Just like every other time I've seen him and his magnificence, I'm blown away. Even without grooming himself today, he looks startlingly beautiful. Even with his sad face, and puppy dog eyes that make me want to slap him, he still has that powerful god-like presence about him that I have always found sexy. Eventhough he's breathtaking, and mouth wateringly sexy, I keep my composure. I have to.

I wasn't expecting him to still be outside of my door, but yet, here he is. Stopping my heart in its tracks. He's been so quiet the last couple of hours, I thought he'd left.

He looks up, then quickly scrambles to his feet, instantly reaching out for me. I slap his hands away, and he stands up straight, like a dog getting chastised with a newspaper. "I'm going to leave, and you're going to go home, or the hotel, or a street corner, really I don't give a fuck where you go, but you need to leave"

He just stands there, staring at me, with so much tenderness in his liquid eyes, and so many emotions written all over his face. His chest is heaving, like he's out of breath, or can't catch his breath. "I just-" he takes a deep breath, and shoves a hand through his hair, letting the breath out in a rush. "I had to see you" his voice is small, almost a whisper.

"Well you've seen me, now you can leave" the words aren't even fully out of my mouth, and he's shaking his head no.

"I can't. I need to be close to you. I need-"

"You need to leave, Edward. There's nothing here for you. You made your choice" I try so very hard to keep my wits about me. Its hard to look at his beautiful face, and not want to jump his bones. Gah! I'm mad at him. Piping mad...and I still want him. This is what pisses me off further.

I back away from him. "Go home to your wife"

X

I'm an hour into my shift when my mood becomes shit, and I decide that maybe, just maybe, living on the street won't be so bad. I'm going to lose yet another job.

I know that I shouldn't still have an unbelievable amount of animosity toward Jacob because of the fact that my loyalty to Edward is non existent, but I still feel it. I still feel protective of him, eventhough I want to kill him for hurting me. I want to kill them both actually. Jacob tried to manipulate me just as Edward had, and its time I show them who I really am.

"It's been awhile" he says, when he takes a stool in front of me, and smiles his usual boyish smile. "Where have you been"

"Getting answers" i tell him, resting my hands against the bar, glaring at him.

He nods, and sucks his teeth. "So Cullen got to you" he leans back, and folds his arms over his chest.

"No, he didn't" lie. "But I owe you a slap. I promised myself that I would if I ever saw you again"

He furrows his eyebrows, and smirks. "Over him? Wow. Haven't you learned your lesson"

I roll my eyes, because I don't want to hear anything about Edward. I'm mad enough as it is.

"What can I get you" I motion to the drinks, changing to the subject. I really have nothing to say where Edwards concerned. Not right now. Maybe not ever.

"Okay" Jacob exaggerates the word, and raises his brows. "Not in the mood, I see"

"Not at all. Again, what can I get you" I plaster an overly fake smile, and tilt my head from one side to the other.

He laughs, then slaps the bar counter before standing up. "Nothing. I just came to see you. That's all"

"You should be trying to see your wife" I avert my gaze to the counter to wipe it down, just to give me something to do. When he doesn't respond, I look up to see him glaring at me, his hands in fists at his side.

"You shouldn't talk about things that you don't understand" he replies cooley, and I can't ignore the icy look in his narrow gaze. "I warned you about him, and you think that just because he's told you the truth, he'll change. He won't" he takes a step, and leans forward over the bar. "I haven't" there's such a dangerous edge to his voice, I almost step back. Instead I stand my ground, and tilt my chin up to look at him. I'm not afraid of him. Not one bit.

He lets of a humorless laugh, then takes a step back, rubbing his hands together in a washing motion. "You have a nice day, Bella" he tips his head at me, before turning and walking out of the bar.

My shoulders fall heavily when he finally leaves, and I let out the breath that I was holding. "Who the fuck was that" Jessica asks, watching the door, then glancing at me. "Bella, how do you know all of the hotties? Are you like, a stripper or something?"

I turn to her, not in the mood for her at all. "Fuck off"

She looks taken aback, and a frown sets on her face, as she raises her hands in surrender, and back away. "Bella, it was a joke. The fuck crawled up your ass"

We're not friends at all, so I have no clue why she thinks its okay to joke with me.

"You're still here? I told you to fuck off"

X

When I get back to my apartment, I'm both relieved, disappointed that Edward isn't there waiting on me. I don't think I can handle seeing him right now anyway, but still ot stung a bit. It's like I don't want to see him, but I'm desperate to see him. I know that can't happen. Not while my feelings toward him are conflicting.

I see him, and I automatically see him getting in the car with her, leaving me behind. Even with the reason he's given, I'm still pissed. He shouldn't be going anywhere with her, and if it was something that just had to be done, he could have brought me along, or even just explained to me what the hell was going in, but he didn't. He chose her. He chose to let my imagination run wild and free. He chose to make me suffer, and the more I think about it, the more I think about retribution.

X

Okay, one third, times the area of the base, times height. God, this just keeps getting harder. I'm staring at the cone on the page, trying so hard to focus on this equation, and remembering it, but I'm failing. I look down to study the circle. It's much easier, and I know the equation by heart, yet it's the one that I stare at. I can't focus.

Daddy told me to do my homework, while he takes care of mom. Mom was having one of her fits. I could hear the maniacal laughter, and scraping against the door. Then she'd kick it repeatedly. She gets louder when my dad doesn't sooth her through the door, because she knows. She knows he's giving me attention and not her. If he's not there to listen to her stutter his name, and make sounds, and cry, she gets angry.

I watch my dad with his head in his hands, rocking back and fourth on the bed.

"Daddy, I'm okay. Don't worry"

He looks up, his eyes full of unshed tears, deep dark circles around his beautiful eyes, crinkles at the ends from his squinting. It's the indication of a headache.

He tries to smile at me, but it comes off like a wince, and he just nods, looking back down. I hate to see him like this.

He sucks in a deep breath and holds it before letting it out. "Okay" he stands, still nodding. He's so torn up in side, I'm starting to think that he's going crazy too.

It's gotten worst over the last few weeks, and his hours at work have picked up, so he's drained mentally, and physically. I don't know how much more he can take.

It makes me angry to know that with all the love my dad has for Renee, she still puts him through this. I want him to put her out. I've asked him to call someone, anyone to take her away. I'm tired of living with a crazy person. I'm tired of being awaken at three in the morning on a school night, listening to her thrashing around the room, breaking things, and oh god, the screaming. I don't know how much more I can take. I don't know how much more we can take.

He would always have to go calm her down, and sometimes he even had to go in the room with her, when it got really bad. I was always so scared for him to go in the room with her. I was sure she would hurt him. I didn't know what all she was capable of but I didn't want my dad around her.

"Bella, I'll be right back, okay. You stay in the room and finish your homework. You do not open this door unless you're sure that it's me. You understand?" Its the same drill any and every time he leaves me to tend to her.

Two minutes later, and it begins. She laughs this crazy, almost flirty laugh, and gargles in the back of her throat. I don't know what goes on behind that door, but it keeps me from disobeying my dad.

I get up and lock the door quickly, and when a crash startles me, I fall back, and scramble away from the door, draggin my legs to my chest as I often do. They're struggling again. Things are breaking and shattering and I just listen to every loud noise in fear, trembling at the thought of what happened last time she got close to me. Could she do that to daddy? Would she?

I stare at the door, waiting on my dad's knock, but it doesn't come. It doesn't come.

It's quiet now. The quiet before the storm, i think. Then a thought occurs to me. What if something is terribly wrong?

"Daddy" I call out, but there's no answer. "Daddy" I call again. No answer.

No no no no no! He always answers me. Something's wrong. "Daddy" I scream, but I don't dare cry. Daddy says to be strong, that's how we survive.

I inch towards the door with every intention of opening it. I know daddy won't like this, but I have to make sure that he's okay. I unlock the door and twist the knob slowly. Fear creeps up my back slowly, as the door creaks open.

Brown meets icy blue on a gasp. I react. Closing my eyes tightly, and then re-opening them, shaken with fear, in shock because of what I'd just done. Brown meets...brown.

"Aaahh!" I bolt upright in the familiar bed in a cold sweat, my chest heaving uncontrollably as tears scream down my face. "No no no no no" I repeat the words over and over again, staring off into space. I pull my knees to my chest and rock back and fourth. That was too close to home. It was too real. I felt like I was reliving the nightmare that has haunted me for so long.

I just wish I had strong arms, and a warm chest to help me forget and fall back asleep. But I don't. I don't have that anymore. I'm alone, and for the first time in my entirely life, that scares me. I don't have him, and thats awhole other scare in itself.

X

A week passes without seeing or hearing from Edward, and honestly I don't know how to feel. I think-I'm not quite sure- but I think I have the flu. Well, I have flu like symptoms, and it sucks.

I talked to Jasper and Rose about it, and they just stared at me like I was crazy, and being ridiculous. We each knew the real reason behind my misery, but I refuse to acknowledge it. I still want to live. I need to try to live without him. It may hurt, and I may still occasionally think about how he pissed me off, but then I remember how it felt to wake up alone a week ago. I hated the feelings that came over me.

Had I become dependent on Edward that much?

I'd awaken countless times in that state before I ever met Edward, and I was just fine, I was able to function afterwards. But not last week. My nightmare brought back the feeling of lost after losing my dad, and the thought of not having Edward paralyzed me. It rendered me immobile longer than my nightmare ever had.

I'd been an hour into my shift on Saturday night, when I caught a glimpse of a very pretty blonde, walking in, clutching her purse tightly to her chest, and making a beeline in my direction. Even behind her shades, she looked familiar to me. I shake my head atvthe fact that even without Edward actively in my life, it seems his world atill invades mine. The one that I'm trying to live without him. Fuck. Another visitor.

I watch her the entire walk towards me, and my eyes widen when she sits in front of me, and removes her shades. Her blue eyes search my face, before she smiles nervously, and clears her throat. She opens her mouth to speak, but I beat her to it.

"What are doing here"I ask her, spitting the words at her. She watches my face for a long time before something crazy and unexpected happens. Her bottom lip begins to tremble, and she begins to cry. Her shoulders fall, and shake, as she covers her face with her hands, and sobs quietly.

Fuck! Crying put me in an emotional state that I strongly dislike. I instantly feel empathy, and pity for her, and I don't even know the situation. I hate that.

"He put me out" she hiccups through her tears, then she sniffs, and wipes her eyes before looking at me with puffy, swollen eyes, her face beat red, and full of sadness. "First he told me that I could stay there until the divorce was final, but last night he put me out. I have nowhere to go. My family hates me, I have no friends, I-" she hiccups, and panics. "I won't have anything when this divorce is final" she shakes her head. "He blames me for the fight between you and Heidi"

"Why are you telling me this" What could I possibly do to help her? Not that I even want to.

"Because he listens to you. He doesn't listen to anyone, but he listens to you." she says. He most definitely does not liatento anything that I say. I roll my eyes at her, and huff.

"So what" I shrug.

"Please, Bella, just talk to him. Ask him to let me stay. I know I've messed up, and he's upset. I cheated, I'm guilty, but so is he. Why should he be able to keep everything, and he's done the same thing to me" I roll my neck, and huff. I don't want to fucking talk to him.

"He shouldn't." I agree with her, and she smiles a heartbreakingly sad smile.

"Did he tell you how our marriage has been? A big sham" she laughs, and watches my face as I nod. She looks down, amd sniffs, and nods, fiddling with her fingers. I recognize that may be a sign of nervousness for her, where as its a tell that I'm lying.

"You know Bella." she begin, not looking at me. "You were supposed to be mine" she says quietly, and my eyes widen, and I'm left speechless. "The night at the hotel. I saw you, and I wanted you for us. He was supposed to lure you upstairs, and come back to get me if you said yes" I am shocked. What the fuck? "Instead, he came back an hour later saying you didn't agree" she looks up at me, and seemingly doesn't react to my shock. She expected it. "He kept you to himself like the selfish bastard that he is"

"Whoa, listen, I don't...do that. I wouldn't have agreed to that" I tell her and watch her shrug. She doesn't even looked ashamed by her admission.

"He's very persuasive. No woman has every said no to him."

I stand there wishing she hadn't shown up, or told me this shit. I swear I can't take anymore of this. She sighs. "He's always hated me. Even before the blow up with Jake. He saw me as an opportunity, never anything more."

I nod understanding, watching her face closely. It's surreal having her here in front of me. "He's been making me pay every since." she whispers, and then shakes her head as if to wipe away a thought or memory.

"He should pay for what he's done too. If he comes out of this with no cuts, or bruises, he'll just keep doing it." I can't help but think that I'm saying this more for my sake then hers. I don't know why, but it feels good talking to someone that feels the same way about Edward as I do. We both feel completely crushed, used, and broken, strip bare with nothing left. I swear I just have this nagging tug inside of me that wants to hurt him because he hurt me, and humiliated me. I want him to feel all of those things.

This past week has made me think about him just moving on with his life without me. How easy it must be for him to just forget me, after what he did. And I hate him for it.

She nods. "I have so much anger towards him, built up over the years, from how he's treated me." she looks up at me. "I see how he treats you, and I admit, I'm a little jealous"

She thinks he treats me well? Well, he does sometimes, when it's convenient for him, when he knows he'll get something.

I let out a bitter laugh, and she raises an eyebrow. "He treats me like a whore. I think that's all I've ever been to him."

She furrows her eyebrows, and studies the bar. "So then why are you with him? You should be helping me. Helping me destroy him." She grits out, and I just stare at her, wondering where this is coming from. "He should pay for all of his wrong doing, Bella. You must agree with me, otherwise ,you wouldn't be looking at me with interest."

Interest? Was I really INTERESTED in hurting Edward?

"I don't want to hurt him" I tell her, and she nods.

"We don't have to. We can just bruise him a bit, shake him up. Maybe give him a little reality check. He thinks he's untouchable. We show him that he's just as mortal as us, and he hurts, and bleeds just like us, then we get to the man within."

"How's that going to get you anything? You'll still come out of this marriage empty handed" and I'll still be broken, full of anger, and missing him. Except after this, I'm sure he'll want nothing to do with me.

She purses her lips, and looks away from me thoughtfully. Seconds later, a smile graces her face, and she looks back at me. "I know what we can do"

Pleeaasse review ! :)


	17. Chapter 17

Don't shoot me please. I swear I have a direction. I may leave you staring at your screen a few times like 'what the fuck' but trust the direction. That chapter has touched a nerve for a few of you, and the next chapter probably will be worst, so if you don't have the stomach for it, I understand, and I am very very sorry.

I know this Edward and Bella aren't well liked, but I did get an emotion out of you guys. Hatred lol. I don't know guys I still kind of like Edward, and not just because I'm writing it. Bella is a bit questionable, but I'm understanding, and I wish you guys would be too. I have a lot of chapters let , so in time , maybe I can change your mind.

In my opinion it wouldn't be much of a story if everything was perfect, and everyone always did the right thing, and didn't make stupid mistakes. In my opinion that's a bit boring, but then again, thats just my opinion. Im used to soap opera type of drama, the what the fuck type of drama. Thats what i like to write write. The stupid girl, and even stupider boy, and vice versa. Im working on straight romance stories, and one day i may be able to write a lovey dovey story all the way through with no trials, or tribulations, or meddling exes, or family with pitch forks. One day...but not today. This story will be a little hellish, and I'm not sure that im completely sorry about it. Im sorry if you don't like it, but not for writing it the way it is playing through my mind day in and day out like a movie, consuming my day time and night time thoughts, and dreams.

Dont leave, stick it out. If you regret it, ill never write again...okay thats a lie, but I'll be more careful with my structure. I really don't want this story labeled a DNF for anyone.

Thank you again for reading until this point. If its not your cup of tea, i understand.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you again :)


	18. Chapter 18

Short chapter, and I just want to apologize in advance.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

When I arrive home after work, I see a small box in front of my door. I stare at it for a moment, stuck in place, wondering who would leave a box on my door step. I walk closer to my door, and unlock it, contemplating if I should just leave the box, when I notice a card on it. I pick it up, and read it.

I don't know what significance a watch has for you, but for me its a representation of time. The time you will give me to make things right. If you'll wait for me, in time I promise to prove to be the be worthy of you. Grant me that time baby. That is all that I ask.

Yours,

Woody

I didn't even realize that I'd been crying until it became impossible to re-read the words on the card. Grant me that time. Could I really do that? Do I even want to wait on him? Of course I do.

Shit! I curse, over and over in my head, as I walk into the apartment, carrying the box. I sit it on the counter not giving it a second thought, as I began to undress, and get ready for bed. Then curiosity gets the better of me, and I open the box, and I almost faint. He'd bought the watch. THE WATCH!

I become a blubbering mess at the sight. He'd really went back and got the watch for me. He wasn't even sure what I was looking at, so how did he know?

This gift, the card, God, it's so meaningful. He didn't have to do any of it. He's showing me another side of him. A side that others are sure doesn't even exist...but it exists for me. He let his walls down for me. And here I am helping someone hurt him. Helping someone strip him to this level. A level that he willingly goes to for me. Fuck, what have I agreed to?

I fall into bed, clutching the watch in my hand, as I cry myself to sleep.

X

"Bella" Edward says in shock, opening his door wider. He's standing there all devastatingly handsome, looking at me like I'm a national treasure. I lean against the door frame, and smile, a very suggestive smile, ready to put this plan into motion.

"Can I come in" I ask, letting my eyes roam the inside of his house from where I stand. He doesn't hesitate. Probably because of my state of dress, or undress, depending on how you look at it. This trench coat is a sign of a sure thing, and he's not prepared, but I see the bulge in his pants, and know that he's ready.

He reaches from my body, pulling me right into him, and stares into my eyes. "Where have you been"

"Where have you been" I throw his question back at him, looking up into his eyes longingly.

He bends down, and kisses the fuck out of me, leaving my head dizzy, and in an Edward fog so fully my brain can't form a thought. He will never not have control over me or my body, and I was stupid to think that I had the upper hand here.

"I missed you" he says, looking down at me with the same passionate look I'm sure is all over my face. He doesn't wait for a reply from me. He bends down again, and seals his lips over mine, drugging my senses, heightening my awareness, intoxicating me with his scent, filling me with a blissful heat, the kind you get when you're jittery, the butterfly kind.

My eyelids fall closed, heavy from the fog, or spell that he places me under. I can tell by the way that he's gripping my body to him that he's desperate, and he's got me so hot from the sexual hunger radiating off of him.

I have to gain the upper hand here. I pull back, and grab him through his pants, feeling him hard, and thick beneath. I lick my top lip, giving him bedroom eyes, and he bites his bottom lip, and shoves me into his erection, grinding so roughly against me, I throw my head back and moan.

He leans down to speak into my hear. "Keep looking at me like that, and you're going to get fucked"

"I'll be disappointed if I don't" I say in a thick, breathy tone, letting him know this is what I want.

He pulls me up his body, and kicks the door closed, before grabbing the back of my head, and thrusting his tongue into my mouth. I wrap my legs around his waist, and rock against him, needing the friction. "God, I'm so wet for you" I gasp out, and he growls, before thrusting my back against a wall so hard that a frame falls, and crashes to the ground.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard, baby." he grinds into me, and I throw my head back on a groan of frustration from deep down in my throat.

"Fuck" I shout. My pussy is throbbing so violently from his words, and the pressure that he's inflicting. He takes advantage of my neck being exposed, and begins to bite, and suck my neck, sending a shiver through me, and every nerve ending in my body spikes with awareness. "Unfgh" is that sound that leaves my mouth when all else fails. I'm so fucked if he doesn't stop this. I'm going to come on the spot.

I have to stop this. I need the upper hand. I shove at his face, and he leans back to look at me. "I want to taste you" i whisper, biting my bottom lip, and looking down at him with heavy eyelids.

He smiles, a pretty cocky smile I might add, and then nods, before kissing me, once, twice, three times, licking my lip, sucking on it, biting it. I shove his chest. He's wasting time.

He walks us towards a hall, but I stop him. "No. In here! Right here"

He stops, and walks over to a chair, then he releases my thighs, and lets me slowly slide down his both, as he stares at my lips. I feel every rock hard part of him, and it drives me crazy.

I walk around him, and take off my coat, placing it on the dining room table. I then turn the dining room chair around, and eye it. "Sit" I tell him, and watch as he slowly walks toward me, and takes a seat.

I circle him, brushing against him lightly, and moving away when he tries to touch me. I then pull the cuffs out of my coat pocket, and stop behind him, rubbing one hand down his shoulder. He reaches up to grab my hand, but I slap it away.

"I see that you can't keep your hands to yourself." I tsk. "Put them begind your back" I tell him, and he chuckles.

"I don't fucking think so. I'll go crazy if I can't touch you"he says to me, and I roll my eyes. He can never relenquish power willingly. That's why its going to be stripped from him today.

I lean down to whisper in his ear. "That's the point. I want to drive you crazy, baby" I put a hand on top of his head, and whirl it around. He reaches up to grab my hand, but I pull back. I make a tsk noise again, and he huffs.

"Please don't make me do this! I can't not touch you. I will lose my mind Bella"

"You're going to lose it anyway, when my mouth is on your cock" I whisper in his ear, and he reaches back for me again. "Stop delaying the inevitable. Give me your hands"

"What are you going to do" he asks in an even tone, when really he should be terrified. This is what I mean. He can't even show an ounce of vulnerability, especially not during sex.

"Trust me." I run one hand slowly down his chest, and kiss his jaw. "I want to make you feel good. Let me do that" I say in a soft, girlie voice. I see his jaw clench, and his head bow, but then he nods, and places his hands behind the chair.

I have to be quick about this before he changes his mind. I kneel behind him, and kiss each palm before placing each cuff on his wrists. "That's tight baby" he says to me.

"I know" I quickly stand and round him. When I'm in front of him, I see his hungry eyes roam my body, and his eyes darken, but there's a worry line in his brows. He's uncertain, and he should be. He's now at my mercy, and...

I hear the front door open. "Right on time" I say, and watch Edward, as he pieces shit together in his head.

When he sees Tanya, he sneers, and then looks at me, then back to her, narrowing his eyes further, his face growing darker with each step she takes. He looks angry enough to kill, and I instantly grow scared at the prospect of him getting free. Its too late to back down now.

The crazy thing is, I instantly feel regret, like I should go to him, and let him go. I don't want him to hate me. I love him.

"Well, well, well! Hello, Edward" she tilts her head to the side, eyeing him. "Surprised" she asks with a smile. He just stares at her, his eyes violent, his jaw ticking, his body is in a stance as if he's not in cuffs, around a chair,behind his back.

"The way I see it Edward. Half of everything in this place belongs to me, so you know what we're going to do" she asks him, and at that moment the door opens again, and in walks Jacob.

Edward stands with the chair at his back, struggling, his eyes wide. He glances at me, then to Jacob, worry on his beautiful face, and it instantly has me fearing for my life, as well as his. Jacob isn't supposed to be here.

Jacob has a chain saw, and its turned on. He walks towards Edward with it, and I freak out.

"Don't you dare touch him" I shout, and everyones eyes meet mine. If something happens to him, it will be another death on my hands. Not to mention, I'm in love with him. This would fucking kill me.

I was told that I just needed to cuff Edward, get his defenses down, and the rest would be handled. Tanya was only supposed to get him to agree to let her stay in the house he'd bought for her, even after the divorce. This did seem a little extreme for such a small request, but I didn't think to question it, because I knew this was so small, and that Edward would have no problem forgiving me after all of the shit he's put me through.

"Don't worry Bella" he laughs, a very unstable laugh, then he turns to me. "This is for the furniture"

"What" I'm confused.

"Allow me to demonstrate" he says before he goes to the couch beside me and puts it in the middle, before sawing it in half.

"You see Bella. Half of everything here is mine. That's what happens in a divorce" That's the last thing that I hear before he begins to destroy Edwards living, and dining room. I stand there wide eyed, and frozen in place, completely in shock. What the fuck have I got myself into?

When they are finished with there rampage, Jacob comes over to my frigid body, and puts an arm around my neck. He smiles brightly, and pulls me towards him, planting a big smacking kiss against my cheek, before looking over at Edward who is struggling. "I swear I'm going to kill you. I fucking swear you're dead" Edward says as he struggles, and Jacob just laughs.

"This stops now!" I shout at them both. "You two need to leave. This was a mistake" I shout at them, and I hear Tanya laugh.

"Aww, Bella grew a conscience!" she laughs a mocking laugh, looking at Jacob. "Do you love him Bella" she asks me, and I just glare at her. "You do, don't you" I don't reply, but I try to shrug out of Jacobs hold, but it gets tighter around my throat.

"Kiss me"Jacob says, and I freak out, and slap him, shoving away from him, as I try to run towards Edward. I need to unlock his cuffs. He'll know what to do. He can't protect us.

I'm yanked back by my hair, and slung to the ground, and before I know whats happening, Jacob has a gun pointed at me.

He kneels down, and gets right in my face, with his head tilted to the side. He holds the gun towards me, and I begin to shake with fear. "Jacob, leave her the fuck out of this! It has nothing to do with her. You want me? Come and get me!" Edward shouts, and I hear Tanya snort, and watch as she walks over to him, and run a hand through his hair.

"Honey" she stresses the word. "We've already got you"

Jacob runs the gun down the side of my face, moving my hair back, and I begin to cry. "Fucking beautiful" Jacob says with knit eyebrows, then he moves the gun, and nods his head, before standing. I drop my face into my hands, and cry harder.

"Baby, look at me" I hear Edwards voice, and I heave, and pant, before looking up to find his face. "You're going to be okay. Be strong for me. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry" he says, and I see that he has tears in his eyes also. It doesn't help, and I begin to cry harder.

Why is he apologizing? This is all my fault. My fucking stupidity, and need for revenge. The revenge that I was thinking of was much smaller, and supposed to just bruise his ego. I don't know what I expected, but this surely wasn't it. I never expected this level of revenge on Tanya's part, and I never factored in the fact that she would work with Jacob.

"This is my fault. I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid" I cry. Jacob laughs, and walks over to Tanya, who disappeared for awhile, and came back with something.

Jacob holds whatever Tanya gave him, up in the air. It's a bunch of cards. "It's our lucky day. We're going to wipe you out" He walks towards Edward. "Where do you keep your pin"

Edward doesn't answer at first, he just stares at me. "She walks. You don't involve her. Let her go, and I'll give you the pin number to each of those cards."

"How will we know that you're not lying" Tanya asks from beside Jacob.

"They're all written down." he drops his head in defeat.

"Where" Jacob asks.

"Let her go now, Jacob" Edward roars, and I jump. Jacob lets out a laugh, and shakes his head.

"You're not in any position to make demands at this point, Edward. Honestly, I don't need either of you."

I cry harder thinking this is it. We're both going to die at the hands of these fucking psychopaths, and its my fault. I was too fucking stupid, too fucking trusting, too fucking hurt to think clearly, and now, I put us in danger.

"We're going to keep her, Edward. You know what that means, right"

"Motherfucker" Edward struggles in the chair, and I just want to run to him. He has to be killing his wrist with all of the struggling he's doing.

Jacob pulls my arm, and motions for Tanya to walk ahead of us, as he man handles me towards the door.

Tanya blows Edward a kiss with a wide smile, and waves, dangling her little fingers.

I look at Edward with teary eyes and mouth 'i love you'

He nods with pursed lips, and then glares at Jacob. "This is me, taking yet another one of your women." he pauses, tilting his head to the side, and shrugging with the gun in his hand. "You know what? Just because I hate you..." before I can process his words, or blink, I hear a load noise, indicating the gun has gone off, and my eyes close shut when my heart stops beating. I let out an ear piercing scream as my world comes crashing down.

I expect a certain kind of review after this. Im prepared. Im ready for it. Ive been ready for the past four chapters. Either way, reviews are lovely. :)


	19. Chapter 19

I am so terrified to read the reviews guys.

Here's another short chapter, and expect a rather big time gap in the next chapter. Im going to attempt this mushy gushy lovey stuff people are always talking about. I'm not great at romance, but I am happy that that is where this is taking me. I want everyone to love this Edward the way that I do in my head.

So here ya go :)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

He's gone...

He's gone...

No, no, no, no, no!

With a gasp hurdling up my throat, my eyes fly open, at the sound of banging at the door. I hear screaming in my ears, and after a long while, I realize it's me. I'm screaming.

I'm screaming...

"Just a dream! Just a dream! Just a dream!" I mumble to myself, as the rocking begins. I'm in my protective ball shielding myself from everything and everyone that could hurt me.

I'm drenched in sweat and panting, shaking, and trembling, still mentally stuck in the hellish nightmare. One of the worst. I was living that nightmare. I was there, he was there.

"Bella"

My eyes dart to the voice behind the door, and my heart drops at the sound. I can't place reality at the moment. What's behind that door? Which nightmare am I stuck in?

I grip my head tighter into my lap, and begin to cry. I hear his voice, but I know how this nightmare ends. My nightmares are colliding somehow. Renee is behind that door. I just know it.

"No, no, no, no, no!" I can't control the rocking or the shaking, the trembling, the tears. I sob loudly, because my heart hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. My nightmares are too fucking real. Every nightmare that I've had lately have been too close to home, leaving my mind in a fucked up state.

I cry harder, and clutch at my chest trying to control my breathing. "Bella" I hear through the door, and I cry harder. I'm imagining things now. I'm imagining him. It's Renee!

 _Don't fall for it Bella. You know what happens when you open the door!_

I let out a scream! I am losing my fucking mind here. He's dead Bella! You saw him get shot. Jacob shot him!

No, it was a nightmare.

 _No, you're imagining things!_

But no. I'm not. The door handle moves, and the door shakes. "Bella, are you okay"

I clutch at the back of my head, trying to separate the nightmare, and separate from the nightmare. I feel trapped, like I'm suffocating, and I'm panting, unable to breath, because I can't stop crying.

My cries become louder, and I rock with my knees pushed into my chest. That could've been reality, and this could be the nightmare. That could've really fucking happened, and it would've been my fault. Oh god! Is he dead, and now I'm dreaming that he's alive and at my door? Whats hapening to me?

"Baby, I'm coming in" Before I know whats happening, my door is kicked in, and I hear the splintering of wood. I look up slowly, with my swollen, red eyes, and the sight of my beautiful man causes a fresh round of tears. My heart constricts in my chest, and my mouth falls open, before my lips begins to quiver. He's here. He's alive. It was a dream.

My hand rushes to my mouth as I further break into hysterics. My body shakes like a leaf, and heavy tears fall down my face in waves. I didn't lose him. He's still here!

I jump from the bed as he races to me on the bed. I throw myself into his arms, and squeeze, making sure that he's real, making sure that we're real. I feel it. Our connection, heating, and stiring between us, and it helps calm me. That and his presence. "What's wrong, baby? Are you hurt? Where are you hurt, baby"

"You were dead," I cry, as I rub his face to make sure that he's really here, breathing, and living. I grab his face in my hands, and kiss him feverishly, passionaty, not caring in the slightest if he felt that it is too intimate, because I swear he was just dead. He was shot right in front of me, and now I need reassurance.

The words tumble from my mouth between panicked breaths, and smacking kisses. "You-you died. You were shot. Jacob shot you"

Soon after my blubbering, my face is cupped in Edwards warm hands, as he wipes my tears away with his thumbs. He gives me a grin that only he can give, one that even my dreams have a problem depicting, because its so perfect, and I relax a bit. There's a twinkle in his eye that I've only seen one other time, but it still wasn't quite like this. This is the way every woman deserves to be looked at. This is the look dreams are made of. This is pure adoration, and love, and I now know without a doubt, how he feels for me. He couldn't hide it if he tried. "I'm here, baby. I'm always here. It was a dream"

More like a nightmare!

"I swear it wasn't a dream Edward. God, I was devastated. My heart stopped beating the moment yours did" I tell him, still slightly out of breath because of my racing heart.

"It was a nightmare, baby. I'm here, and you're safe. Please calm down" he kisses my lips, and my heart slows a bit more, but it's still racing. I feel like I'm fighting to hold on to reality. What's real, and what's fake. It shouldn't be like this!

I begin to tremble again in Edwards arms, and he squeezes me closer to his warm chest, holdng me close. I'm still so frantic, as visions of Edwards lifeless body hang in my mind clear as day. I couldn't live anymore if that was reality. I can't live without him, and that thought scares me too.

X

"Bella" someone is shaking me, or I'm shaking, I'm not sure. "Baby" I feel a hand against my face. "Wake up" my eyes flutter open, and green eyes are staring at me.

I shoot up out of bed, feeling my heart almost leep out of my chest. "What are you doing here? How did you" I look outside, and see that it's still dark. Then the nights events rush back to me. The talk with Tanya, the dream, or nightmare, Jacob showed up, he shot Edward, he was dead, but then... he kicked in my door.

I look back at the door. Sure enough, It will no longer close. "I'll have someone come and fix that, I promise"

I feel his hands at my waist, and I jump on him, crushing him to me. Then I kiss his face, every inch of it. He smiles, and just let's me do my thing. Then I begin to cry, because I feel like I've been on a fucking rollercoaster ride for weeks.

"You liked the watch" he says, thinking that's the reason for how I'm acting, when it's not. I'm grateful. I'm so very grateful that he's alive, and that it was just a dream. I'm even thankful for the dream, because it's given me insight that I may have not gotten otherwise.

I'd been about to hurt him, and some how my subconscious knew that wouldn't be something that I could live with.

"You were dead" I tell him again, hugging him closer, squeezing him to my chest. I need to feel him to know that he's real. Just saying those words cause me to cry again. God, I've cried more today, then I've cried my entire life.

"I'm here, baby, and I'm alive. You keep my heart beating" he says sweetly, holding me to him, pulling me up, and I wrap my legs around him, needing to be closer.

"Don't let me go" I whisper, and he sighs.

"I wont. I promise" he rocks us from side to side, rubbing my back. Then he kisses the top of my head. "We can't sleep here Bella. Let me take you home" he says to me, and I almost tell him that we're in my home now but I think better of it. My home is where ever Edward is.

X

The next morning I wake up in an unfamiliar bed, and the sun is shining right on my face, blinding me from the slit in the curtains.

I throw a hand over my face, and groan. "Are you awake" I hear from beside me. I sigh heavily, and turn my head to see Edward kneeling on the side of the bed with a tray full of goodies in front of him.

I slowly sit up to get a better look. "What's all this"

"I made you breakfast" he says, then he leans forward, and captures my lips in a searing kiss that takes my breath away. When I remember that I just woke up, and my breath is probably borderline embarrassing. I pull back, and jump out of the bed. He grabs my hand. "Where are you going"

"I need to brush my teeth" I tell him, and he laughs, and tugs my arm, pulling me into him.

"I've been away from you too long baby, and I swear I want you by my side every minute of every day. If I could hand cuff you to me, I would"

At the mention of handcuffs, my eyes widen, and I step away from him. Fuck, fuck, fuck! What's he going to think when I tell him I plotted against him? Maybe I don't even have to tell him. No, I'm not going to tell him. He looks so happy, and I want to be happy with him.

It's settled, I'm not telling him what Tanya and I had planned, because I didn't go through with it. I was never going to go through with it. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't hurt him.

After I brush my teeth, Edward peoceeds to feed me like I'm incapable of doing it myself. "I can feed myself, you know" I tell him, and he just smiles bigger, a sexy smile, that I should be used to by now, but I'm not, I'm still affected.

"Let me do this baby, please. I've been without you for so long now, and I really just want to baby you"

"It's only been a week"

"I'm talking about before that" he says, and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "I'm taking about all of the years that I've waited for you, not knowing that you even existed. Wasted years on women that weren't worth my time" he says before he kisses my lips, and I smile.

"How do you go from not kissing at all, to kissing every few seconds" I ask him seriously. He hasn't been able to keep his lips off me.

"I just can't keep my lips, or hands to myself. You don't know how much restraint I'm using just to keep from throwing you back on this bed, and fucking you into it. I never want you to leave my bed"

"So you're planning a kidnapping" I ask him, as he leans forward, and gives me a wet kiss. I pull back and laugh.

"And keep you all to my fucking self? Hell yea!"

I laugh, and shove away his face. "Idiot"

X

After a long morning with Edward feeding me breakfast like a baby, he let me know that he had a meeting that he needed to go to, but he'd back as soon as it was over. He told me that he wanted me to stay at his house, which I had no problem doing because I wanted to see if the house in my dream was anything like his real house which I'd never seen before.

I didn't know what to think when I realized the house in my dream, and the real thing were nothing alike. It was to be expected, but I still had to see for mysepf, because the dream was too close to home. I felt like I was really there, really feeling the emotions, living through the pain. My dream had warned me off of my hellish plans before I was able to make the biggest mistake of my life. Hurting the man that I love? I could never do that.

I swear I'll never be able to look at Jake again, without remembering how he was in the dream, or Tanya. God, they were terrible. I mean, I get a weird vibe from Jake, but Tanya has always been nice. Now I question her motives, and I'll definitely be on guard when I see her, uf I ever see her again. I'm going to try my hardest to avoid them both like a plague.

Then another nasty thought comes to me. What if he finds out what I did? Or what I was going to do? He would drop me like a bad habit, and would never trust me again. Then again, I have a hard time trusting him too. So what am I doing here?

I should've just went with my first mind, and proceeded to just forget him altogether. That's what I needed to do. Put him, and his life behind me. No matter how deep my feelings are, I could never have a relationship like this. A relationship built on sex, and nothing else. We don't even trust each other. How are we going to function? Fuck, we dont even know each other that well.

I look up heavenward for an answer of sorts. "Universe, God, whomever! Lead me in the right direction, because right now, I don't think I'm capable of making sound decisions on my own"

X

I decide to leave Edwards house, and I end up at Jaspers house, thinking Rose could maybe give me sone advice. I knock, and I'm let in by a crazed Jasper. Rose isn't here, and I can tell that something is definitely wrong. "Have you seen Rose"

He asks rather loudly, and I just freeze, wide eyed and confused. "No, I haven't seen here. Jasper what's wrong"

He's pacing, and gripping his hair. "I haven't seen her since you were here, and she hasn't been to work" so Rose has been missing for two days. That's not unusual, but he has a right to be worried, if she also hasn't shown up to work.

"Fuck" I know where she is.

His head comes up quickly, and he stops pacing, and looks at me. "What"

"She's with Royce" and that's never a good thing.

X

Twenty minutes later, Jasper and I are in front of Royce's door, banging on it, praying he opens up, and Rose isn't fucked up like last time.

The door opens slowly, but its from the force of out knocks. The door wasn't even closed properly. Jasper pushes his way in, and I rush in, and we start checking rooms.

I'm just closing the bathroom door to discover that Rose isn't there, just as Jasper comes bounding out holding an unconscious Rose. My hand flies to my mouth. Not again!

"This time, she goes the fuck to rehab" Jasper says as he marches out of the front door.

X

"How is she" I ask Jasper, coming to rub his back in support. His head is in his hands, and he's crouched over in the chair next to Rose's bed.

He lifts his head. "I should've known. I should've done something" he says, and I shake my head.

"Don't blame yourself for this. Don't you dare" I tell him, and he shakes his head, and looks up at me.

"I called my parents. I finally told them what Rose has been up to for years, and they are coming to get her. It's out of my hands. I'm too busy to look after her the way that she needs, and I can't let this happen again, Bella. This is not the first time, but I'm going to make sure it's the last" He says, and I nod. I'm going to miss the fuck out if my bestfriends, but I know for sure that this is for the best.

My phone starts ringing, and I lift one finger to Jasper signaling that i would be just one minute, because I knew who was calling me. It could only be one person. No one else has this number.

"Bella, where are you" he asks in a frantic voice. I can practically picture him shoving a hand through his hair, and I smile, because I know him so well. My body instantly calms at the sound of his voice.

"At the hospital" I tell him, amd then realize who I'm talking to.

"Why are you at the hospital? What hospital? Are you okay?" He throws a hundred and ine questions at me with out taking a breath.

"Edward" I raise my voice. "I'm fine. It's my friend Rose, you remember her"

"Is she okay?" he asks softly, and I tell him that she will be. "Do you need me" he asks, amd I must admit he sounds hopeful, like he wants me to say yes. I want to say yes. I do need him.

So I say the words. "Yes"

X

Thirty minutes later Edward is rushing in, geared up in suit and tie, apparently he came straight here after realizing I wasn't at his home, with out changing.

When he sees me, he rushes towards me, grabbing me up into his arms. He holds me for awhile, with my head against his chest. "How is she" he asks softly, and I warm on the inside from his thoughtfulness. I smile up at him.

"She's doing better. I'm going to kill her when she gets all of her strength back though. She keeps doing this to herself, and we won't be so lucky to just visit her in a hospital. Next time it could be at a grave sight at this rate" he can tell that I'm worried. Im shaken by the idea of Rose dying. Its not the earth shattering, devastation of my nightmare, but it's pretty close. I couldn't imagine a live without Edward, and Rose.

Edward holds me close, and squeezes me. I love when he does that. He sighs heavily against the top of my head. "I was worried you left me" he says quietly so only I can hear.

"I did" I tell him honestly, and then pull back to look at his beautifully distraught face. "You asked for time"

"I want you now. I can be that man for you now. Let me, baby, please. Give me a chance. I can't go another day without you."

"You asked for time, and I was willing to give it to you. Now I'm asking you to wait for me. I need to get my life together Edward, and I can't do that with you" I have no control over my life right now, and it sucks to think that way, but it's true. I need to focus on myself for awhile, and he needs to work on himself.

He nods in understanding, and I'm grateful that he understands. "Can I wait with you until you're ready to leave" he asks sweetly, and I nod, smiling up at him. Hopefully in time, we'll both be worthy of each other, because right now there's absolutely nothing to build on. We need time apart, before we can come together and make this work. I just pray that time will do us some good, and that we'll come back to each other stronger than ever before.

Reviews would be great :)


	20. Chapter 20

I apologize for how long it has taken me to update, but I am suffering from a severe case of writers block, amd I don't know when I'll recover. Its so flippin hard to write right now and it's making me sad because I have the ideas writen down, and I'm motivated, but the words aren't flowing as easily as they usually would. I am trying though, and I hope no one thinks that I'm just giving up on my stories. I have every intention on finishing each of them. This one is nearly done, amd it's only been a month since I started it. Anywho, I hope you guys are still with me :)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Edward Pov

"When are you coming back to us, Edward" I'm about ready to end her fucking life if she continues to call me about this bullshit.

"Heidi, I have told you, Tanya, and Victoria multiple times that I will never, ever, be sticking my dick near any of you ever again. Have I not made myself clear?"

"You're really hooked on this girl" she asks, and I can practically hear the pout in her voice.

I ignore her question. "Is there a reason for this call?" Usually when she calls, it's because she needs something, and for some fucked up reason I continue to feed into this obligation to help her.

"I just heard that you haven't been by the club in awhile, and then heard from Tanya that you haven't had sex in weeks because you're waiting around for this little girl to-" Tanya doesn't know shit about my sex life, and I wish that she would keep her fucking mouth shut where Bella is concerned.

She is looking for any and every excuse to bring my mind, and heart away from Bella. She even made up some bullshit about Bella working with her to steal money from me. Her attempts are fucking laughable, and now she's trying for sex appeal. She knows for a fact that I don't find her attractive, not even a little bit, yet she breaks into my home and lays in my bed naked, waiting for me. She really thinks that I'll give up what i have with Bella for a meaningless fuck. She's fucking insane, and so is Heidi.

"You don't get to talk about her! Bring her up again, and I will fucking cut you off, I swear to god" I bark at her. I'm sick of this shit. I am trying my hardest to keep everyone at bay so that they won't fuck with my relationship with Bella, but it is becoming a burden on me.

I know first hand how ruthless the women that I have been with can be, and I want each of them to stay the fuck away from Bella. The fact that I care enough for Bella to tell them to stay away, and not to bring her up, pisses them off even more. Yet here I am, still putting up with their bullshit for a woman that won't even answer my phone calls.

"See, that's exactly why I called, Edward. That edge in your voice? Yeah, it's because you need somewhere to stick your dick. We're willing" she tries to sound seductive, but it has the opposite affect. I'm turned off by the repulsive sound, and want so badly to be doing any and everything other than talking to her.

"Fuck it, I'm hanging up! Don't call me again" With that I hang up. I close my eyes and picture Bella's smile, and it calms me. Fuck, I miss her. I don't know what's stopping me from just showing up at her fucking place, shoving her against the nearest wall, and impaling her hot pussy with my cock.

Jesus, the thought of Bella causes my dick to rise. I run a hand over my pants, trying to shift because the pain is almost too much. I look down at my erection, and think about how this is punishment for how I've lived my life for years with a constant flow of on stand by pussy.

I close my eyes tighter, and fuck me, she is all that I see. I miss every fucking thing about her, and regret not telling her how I feel. I figured it would scare her off, and I'm so tired of her running. Atleast right now I know exact where she is, eventhough she won't speak to me. I'm afraid that she'll run of one day, and I'll have no fucking clue where to find her. This actually has become my biggest fear. I can't think, breathe, sleep, or eat without her, and if I don't get her back soon willingly, I'm going to force it on her. There's only so much I can take before I completely lose my mind.

X

It's been a full month since I've seen her, and I'm officially fucking losing my mind. She needed time away, which I understood. She had shit to deal with, and I can understand how I would complicate things for her, so I haven't pushed my way back into her life. I'm so fucking worried that she will run away for good if I push her too much, and I can't stand the thought. I text her every fucking day, and sometimes she replies, but most of the time my text go unanswered. It could be because of the nature of my text, but fuck it, I'd hope she wouldn't ever expect me to stop being me.

I miss fucking you baby -E

I can't wait to feel your hot pussy wrapped around my cock. -E

This is what my texts were like in the beginning, when we first decided to take a step back. I figured she'd still want the memory of us, and how we were...but I was wrong. When I figured out that those texts wouldn't get a response, I tried a different approach. One that would help me get to know her outside of the bedroom.

How was your day baby -E

Pretty good. U -B

Good now that I'm talking to you -E

What a line that is lol -B

It's not a line. Give me a chance to prove that it's not -E

I'm not ready for that -B

When will you be ready -E

And back to no reply. That was last week, and now I've resorted to stalker tendencies, and have begun to follow her. She goes to see a therapist on Tuesdays, and Thursdays, and it makes me wonder where she gets the money for that. I'd happily pay for the sessions for her, and hate that she didn't even think to ask me.

Then I wonder why she even needs the sessions. That's something I should know right? I mean, I'm fucking in love with her, shouldn't I know everything about her? Including if she's fucking crazy or not!

Then I'm back to my initial question. Where does she get the money for the sessions? I question this for a long time before getting my answer.

I see it. Well, I see her. With a guy, and I fucking lose my cool. They are laughing together, and she's got her fucking hand on his chest, with her head thrown back in laughter.

I stare on from across the street, watching them interact. Watching the intimacy there, and anger rises inside of me, and I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe. The feelings rising up inside of me are so unfamiliar to me. Heartbreak? Is that what this is? God damn it if this isn't the worst fucking feeling in the world.

I'm actually watching this idiot lead my woman away with his hand at the small of her back, and I'm just stuck here frozen, knowing that I have no right to stake claim. So, I'm just- I'm allowing this. Yeah, I said allowing. Because really I could easily run the fuck across the street and rip him apart with my bare hands. I want to, but I don't. I'm frozen in place, watching them walk on their merry way.

I can't believe that she's been leading me on, while seeing this guy. No we're not together technically, but she knows my intentions, she knows how I feel, and she knows who my heart belongs to. So why is she doing this? Why is she doing this to me? Why?

She doesn't love me. She doesn't want to be with me. So what is it that I see in her eyes every time she looks at me? What is that? I thought I recognized it. I thought I knew. I thought she felt how I did. But I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong, and fuck this hurts. God damn it, this hurts. I am hurt, and she did this to me. She broke my fucking heart. I'd locked my heart up for years, and built walls to protect it. Walls that she easily broke through after only a day. Then she freed my heart with her warmth, and her spirit. Then she stole my heart with her smile, and her laugh, and just her. Fuck, and I'm losing it. I'm losing her.

She will know how I feel one way or another. I will make it my personal mission to make her feel just as much pain as I feel right now. That is how I have always dealt with betrayal. You betray me, and you end up worst off. Jacob, and Tanya have both been on the recieving end of my revenge, and it hasn't ever been sweet for either of them.

But I can't imagine hurting her. Eventhough she has completely broke me, and turned me into this weak and vulnerable man that has to resort to stalking her, just to get a glimpse into the life that she is trying to keep me away from. She doesn't want me anymore, and she didn't have the decency to tell me the truth. She's moved on. She's no longer mine.

Bella Pov

"What does it say" Jasper asks, shouting through the closed bathroom door. I'm staring at the two lines with wide eyes, knowing what it means, but I'm too shocked to look away or speak. "Bella" he calls out in a softer tone, seconds before I hear the door creak open.

He comes over the counter, I see him moving, but I still can't blink, think, or move. I can't believe this.

"Shit" he mumbles when he sees what I've been staring at for almost five minutes. He touches my arm tenderly, and thats what does me in. I begin to sob uncontrollably. I'm so unbelievably happy, and sad at the same time.

He takes me into his arms for a hug, and rubs my hair, soothing me. "It's okay Bella. You know that I've got your back no matter what."

I nod into his chest, because I believe him. He's been great the past month, and I could never repay him for everything he's done for me. Since Rose left to stay with her parents, after the incident that landed her in the hospital, Jasper and I both needed comfort, and we found it in each other. We both love Rose with our whole heart, and to see her like that again, nearly broke us.

"Is it his" he asks, and we both know who he is.

"He's the only one that I've been with in a long time, so yeah, this is his baby" I push the words out through my tears, sniffling, trying to control myself.

"Bella, you had to know this was coming. We told you almost six weeks ago that we thought that you were pregnant, but you ignored us" he says, and I pull out of his embrace. Yeah, I ignored them because I thought they were both crazy.

"What are you going to do" he asks softly, and I can hear the real question in his voice.

I instinctively place a hand to my stomach, and look down. "I love this baby already, Jaz. I'm keeping it"

"That's not what I meant Sweets." I guess I misread the tone in his voice. "I meant are you going to tell him"

I look up and into Jaspers eyes, and I see something there, he looks hopeful, but I don't know what about. "Of course I'm going to tell him"

"You haven't been talking to him much. That's what you told me" Jasper sounds irritated, and I furrow my eyebrows at him in confusion.

"Not often, no, but when I do it's nice. He's changed." I smile at the thought of Edward, and then I think about the baby growing inside of me, and my smile widens.

I hope its a boy, and that he looks just like his dad. I know as he grows up I'll have to beat girls off with a stick, because he will be the most handsome boy anyone has ever seen. Edward is still the most handsome man that I have ever seen in my life, and if I thought our relationship could be a healthy one, I'd take him back without a second thought. I gave us a break because we needed time. More specifically, I needed time. But now I'm ready, and I hope he takes this news as well as I have.

"But he's still married" Jasper points out, bringing me out of my moment.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that he can't be in his childs life" I tell him, and he nods, looking away from me to the test on the counter, back to me.

He then walks forward, and grabs both of my arms gingerly, leaning back to look into my eyes. "If you decide to meet with him, I want to be there"

I shake my head no. "I don't think that's a good idea"

"I don't think it's a good idea to meet with him alone" Jasper says with raised eyebrows, and I nod, eventhough I don't agree with him. If and when I meet with Edward, he definitely won't be there. I'll slowly be trying to get back into things with Edward at that point, and I don't want him around for that conversation.

X

The next day after my session with my therapist, I call to set up a doctors appointment, and I realize that it's something Edward may want to be apart of, so I call him. He doesn't answer, so I send him a text.

Call me ASAP. It's important. -B

I highly doubt that anything you have to say to me is important -E

What the fuck?

We need to talk. -B

We have nothing to talk about -E

He's beginning to piss me off and my temper causes me to type ot a text that happens to be a monumental mistake, amd I regret it the second I press send.

I'm pregnant asshole -B

It's not mine -E

Are you fucking kidding me right now? Jasper was right about him. He never changed. I was about to make plans with this asshole, life plans, plans for the future, and he does this.

And if it is get rid of it. I don't want it -E

I place a hand protectively over my stomach, staring down at the damning words in shock, and fear. Why would he say that? Why is he being so hateful?

 _Why Bella? You're wondering why? You dont even know him. What did you expect? Did your time together teach you anything? He can't be trusted! He can never be trusted_.

Please review :)


	21. Chapter 21

Yea guys, Bella's weak, so what! Borderline pathetic, i think some of you said, but so what! Let's re-read the summary.

As I continue to say, there's a direction, and everything happens for a reason :)

Disclaimer :These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

"Bella, your phone is ringing" Jasper shouts from the living room. I rush from the bathroom, where I was dressing for our night out, into the living room. I quickly answer the phone without seeing who's called, but I should of known. Only a handful of people have this number.

"Hello" I speak into the phone, and there's no response for a long time, but then I hear his husky voice through the phone, and I'm frozen.

"Bella" his voice still affects me, and I hate it. I want to be repulsed by the sound of his voice, and I should be, but I'm not. Fucking hell! Why did I answer? Why haven't I hung up yet, when I know who it is.

"What the fuck do you want?" I shout into the phone, and watch as Jasper comes closer to me with wide eyes, silently asking who's on the phone. I wave him away. I need to have this conversation with him. I need this. I need to blow up on him, because I am so fucking pissed because of what he said. Things can end between us with no problem, but that's no reason to be out of your childs life.

"What the fuck do I want?" He repeats my question. "You're asking what I want? I haven't spoken to you in weeks, Bella, and this is what I get? We didn't exactly end things if I remember correctly. You just fucking moved on, and didn't say anything to me"

"Moved on, Edward? Oh my fucking god, you're out of your mind." Is he insane? And what does he mean he hasn't spoken to me? We just talked two days ago when he told me to get rid of our baby.

"If I am it's because of you! I swear I have been trying to think up ways to punish you, and make you feel the way that you've made me feel but I just-"

"What are you talking about" I shout, interrupting him.

"Don't play fucking stupid with me Bella! I saw you" now he's shouting. "I saw you with whoever you're fucking now"

"Excuse me!" Whoever I'm fucking now? Is he serious?

"I did everything you asked. I told you everything, I got rid of all the women, I gave you space, I got a fucking divorce, all for you. To be with you, and-"

"How can you say all of this now, after what you said to me on Thursday? How?" I look up at Jasper, and he's fuming. He's figured out who I'm talking to.

"Thursday?" he questions, and I roll my eyes.

"You've got some nerve calling me" I say through grit teeth, as my eyes prick with tears as I recall the hurtful words he'd said to me.

"Thursday?" he questions again. "I didn't call you thursday. I haven't called you in weeks because you never fucking answer"

"I texted you on Thursday, Edward. I texted you about a doctors appointment, and you made it very clear that you didn't want-"

He interrupts me. "Wait, doctors appoint-" he cuts himself off, and takes a deep breath. "Bella, you're...? Are you...?" he trails off, and I hear movement, and shuffling. "I'm coming over. We need to talk" he says quickly, then hangs up. I look down at the phone in confusion. What the hell just happened?

"What did he say to you" Jasper asks as soon as I drop the phone down on the couch with a huff, rubbing my temples, trying to make sense of that conversation. "I told you not to answer when he calls"

"I don't. I don't even read the texts, but this was an accident" I tell him, and he nods. Then I try to form words to tell him what I got from the conversation. "Jaz, I don't think he knows."

"He knows, Bells! Don't let him do this to you. He may not have meant what he said now that he's had time to think about it, but-"

"No, that's not it! He sounded..." I pause to search for the proper word. "He sounded surprised, or, I don't know...he just didn't have a clue what I was talking about"

"What are you saying Bella? You think someone else sent those texts" he almost laughs at the absurdity of it. "No, I think this asshole is good at being an asshole, and he's done fucking with you, Bella. I won't allow it" Jasper walks closer to me with each word that he says. His eyes are tender, as they usually are when he speaks to me.

I'm not blind, or stupid. I realize that Jasper cares deeply for me, and would do anything for me, but for some reason, I can't be what he wants me to be. I keep making excuses, and he doesn't push, but I think he will soon, and I'm not ready. I'm not ready to move on from Edward. I still love him, even after everything he's said and done. I can't help how I feel, and I can't just stop having these feelings just because I'm mad at him.

"He will not hurt you again. I won't let him"

X

I can't drink. It's for obvious reasons, yet I still find myself at a club with Jasper, his friend Garrett, and Rose, watching them drink there asses off like they are in a competition. I'm so happy that Rose came to visit us this weekend. Jasper and I have missed her so much.

"So what's going on between you two?" Rose asks, motioning between Jasper and I. "I hear you're living together" she raises her eyebrows, looking between us, making me uncomfortable. It's not like I haven't already explained this to her, but of course she wants to get a reaction out of us.

"We're friends" I answer, taking a sip of my water, and taking a glance at Jasper. He has an unreadable expression on his face.

"No" she drags the word out, at the same time that I hear Garrett say, "That's not what I heard" he throws back a shot.

Rose drinkingly shakes her head. "You were friends before"

"And we're friends now too!" Jasper snaps, but he still puts an arm on the back of my chair as he finishes. Rose smiles a knowing smile, and I roll my eyes because she's wrong.

"Right" she drags the word out, and laughs. I kick her under the table, and she frowns. "God damn you Bella" she reaches down to rub her sore leg, and I laugh. "Just for that, you're going to come dance with me."

"Fine, but I'm a terrible dancer when I'm sober" I tell her, and she snorts.

"And that shit you do when you're drunk is considered good dancing?" She says, and I shove her.

"Shut up"

We go out on the dance floors, and Rose grabs my hand moving me along to the music. She throws her head back, and enjoys the music. I shut my mind down, and let the music take me, my body falling into sync, my arms rising above my head and my eyes closing. I'm in a world of my own, moving to the beat, and allowing it to be the only thing that I'm aware of.

But then I feel it. A tingling in my spine, traveling downwards. The hair on the back of my neck even stands up as I become aware of a familiar presence.

He's near. I don't know where, but he's near.

I can sense him, feel him, I swear i can even smell him. But there's no mistaking his touch. I only have this sort of response from his touch. I feel his palm slide across my stomach, his groin pressing into my lower back, his hot breath in my ear. I shudder from the familiar sensation, and I drop my arms, ready to push away from him. He can't do this to me. He doesn't have the right to touch me.

I try to wiggle out of his grasp, and move his hand, but he holds me closer, and breathes in my ear. "You weren't home"

I push at his hand, and it tightens around me. I feel completely surrounded by him, his presence, his smell...

My mind becomes blank when he grinds into me, pushing me back against him. He's rock hard and solid beneath his pants, and he's pushing against me. "Why weren't you home" he asks, then spins me around to face him. I glare, and shove at his chest. He grips my waist. "Answer me" he demands.

"I don't live there anymore" I shout over the music.

He leans into my ear again. "You live with him don't you? You live with the fucking prick that you came here with"

I nod, and feel stupid for even answering him. I don't owe him a god damn thing. He sighs heavily, and looks up at the ceiling for a moment, and when his eyes flash back to mine they are dark. Oh no! I shove at his chest. Don't do this to me! This is why I stayed away from him. I have no control with him. I'm powerless to stop my head from falling slightly to the side, giving him better access when he leans down and bites my neck. I gasp lightly, and close my eyes shut.

Pull away Bella! Fucking do it now, or you're screwed! Literally!

Once he's satisfied with his mark, he lightly trails his tongue straight up my vein until he's at my ear, breathing heavy, hot breaths. I can't help it. I hate myself for it. I moan. It's out before I can stop myself, and the worst part is that he heard it, and I can feel his smug satisfied smile.

Before I know what's happening I'm being dragged from the dance floor like a rag doll, and it feels all too fucking familiar. I could try to stop him, but I don't. I think in the back of my mind, I like this treatment, and for some fucked up reason I'm under the impression that only he can do this for me. Only he can do this to my body. Only he can make the sea of people part, and stop the world, just to make away to roughly fuck me the way that I crave.

I tell myself over and over that he didn't know. He didn't know. He didn't know. He didn't send those texts. He didn't write me off. That's not who he is. He cares about me. I delude myself into thinking these things, all to grant myself this moment. I want this fuck. I need this fuck.

I'm dragged to the girls bathroom, and once we're inside he locks it from the inside. I'm pushed up against the wall by his body within seconds, and his mouth is on me. God, his mouth is so smooth, his lips are so perfect, and they mold to mine effortlessly. He kisses me like he can't get enough, and I'm holding onto him for dear life. If he breaks this kiss I'm sure to lose my mind.

All too soon he pulls back, and our eyes meet. We stare into each others eyes longingly, like this is what we've been missing out on.

I lose myself in his gaze, and I'm sucked into his deep, dark green orbs. We're both panting heavily already, but my breath catches when he takes my wrists in his hands and pulls them up, pinning them on either side of my head before he leans in and takes my bottom lips between his teeth and bites down, then pulls away, dragging it between his grip.

"Ungfg" I'm speaking gibberish now. That's what he's reduced me to. A hot, blubbering, horny mess, unable to control myself.

There's a deep hammering inside of me, and a throb so painful between my legs, I'm so desperate for him. I reach my head forward, desperate for his kiss, but he ducks away. That should be my first sign that this is a bad idea, but I want this too badly. I've already got a taste, and I want more. I can't possibly stop now.

He brings his lips back, but he doesn't kiss me. His lips just hover over mine. "Does he touch you like this"

"What? Who" I whisper back, feeling drunk on him. My lids are so heavy, I can barely open them. He doesn't answer me, he just grinds into me, and I moan. "Kiss me" I'm not asking, I'm telling, and I need him to give into me, like I always willingly do for him.

He leans forward and kisses me so roughly, my head is swimming. He leans forward to whisper in my ear. "Does he kiss you like that?"

He pulls back, and I get a good look at his face. His face is completely unreadable, stony even, like he's not affected one bit. "No?" He asks. What the fuck is he talking about?

I don't answer him. How can I? I can't form words at the moment.

He slowly moves his face forward, his green orbs penetrate me completely, his lips lightly brush mine. I moan and lean forward to capture them, but he pulls away again.

"You're driving me crazy" I groan out.

"Now you know how I feel. You make me fucking crazy" he whispers against my lips.

"Please" I beg. He is always able to get this reaction out of me, while he stands unaffected.

He ignores my plea, and takes one of my arms across to meet the other, then grasps both wrists in one hand. He then takes his free hand and reaches down and runs his fingertip slowly, lightly from my hip, all the way up to my neck, then he wraps a hand around my throat. He's done this before, I remember clearly. I spent the day having back to back orgasms, and I squirted for the first time.

I gulp beneath his hand, in anticipation. He leans forward and sucks on my neck again, causing more unintelligent words to flow from my lips. I try to kiss him again, but he pulls back, and I huff in frustration. Then he releases me completely, pulls back and I whimper. Is he going to stop? No! Please, don't stop!

"Turn around" he orders, and I assume I'm not moving quick enough because he spins me around til I'm facing the mirror. "Grip the counter" he orders, and I do as he says quickly.

He lifts my dress, and doesn't bother moving my panties, no, the bastard rips them. I hear the tearing, and I gasp. These are my fucking favorite. He then grips my hips roughly, pulling me to stand how he wants me, then i feel the familiar sting. He smacks my ass. Hard.

"Ahh, shit!" My god, that fucking hurt so good. I feel a rush of fluid to my center, and the throbbing increases. Its no longer a dull ache. I could cry from the pain, and when I feel a tear slide down my face, I don't know if its from the sting of the hit, or the excruciating ache between my legs. I shift my legs for friction, earning another smack.

He cups my sex, and I moan, and grind against his hand. He arches over me to speak in my ear. "Only I can make you feel like this. Your pleasure comes from me, Bella. Do you fucking understand me?"

I don't mean to hesitate, but I do. He smacks my ass again. "Yes!" I answer him in a shout. "Oh god, yes" I moan when I feel his fingers dip inside of me.

Before I know what's happening his fingers are gone, and he's slamming into me, pulling my hips back to meet his punishing thrusts. I'm finding it hard to hold myself up, and he realizes this, so he reaches under my arms, and grips my shoulders, pulling me up.

"Fuck" I shout, loving the pace that he's set, and the general roughness of it all. I am practically blissed out from the shear amazingness. I can't help but come apart around his magnificent cock, as he continues to power forward, thrusting in, and out, holding me in place.

I can tell the exact moment when he lets go, because he pushes all the way in completely filling me, and stills, gripping my hips. But he's silent. Was he really unaffected the entire time. It completely baffles me.

I release a breath when he pulls out of me, and I turn to face him, ready to kiss the fuck out of him, thankful for the amazing orgasm.

I reach for him, and he ducks away, causing me to drop my hands, trying to let go of the sting of rejection. "Why can't I touch you" I ask, before trying again, only to have him hold an arm out, pushing me back against the wall. I smile inwardly, thinking maybe he's going to fuck me again, but he doesn't.

I stand against the wall watching him, waiting on him to say something, or touch me, something. Do something! He doesn't. He just wipes his brow, re-fastens his pants, turns and walks out.

I'm left standing there, staring at the closed door. What the fuck?

X

Yea, I know, he didn't address the pregnancy that he may or may not know about, but it's coming. Just know Edwards a fuck up, and dude is not in a good place. Bella stripped away his control, and he just had to reclaim it.

Thank you for reading! :)


	22. Chapter 22

I hope no one was too upset with the characters, and I know there's so much unsaid, and unresolved. We will get there. Thank you for sticking with me, even when the characters piss you off. :)

Disclaimer:These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

I rush out of the bathroom, looking both ways to catch a glimpse of bronze hair, but it's nowhere. I quickly turn in the direction that we came from and run into a chest.

Jasper grabs my waist before I fall. "Where have you been"

I point back towards the bathroom, and he looks up. "Did you see the sign, Bells? That bathroom is out of order"

I look back, and sure enough there's a sign there that I didn't see before. "Come on. Rose wants to go to another club"

"I like it here" I tell him, and instantly begin looking around for Edward again.

"Are you okay" he asks, and I nod.

"I'm just going to find a bathroom that works, and I'll be back to the table, okay"

I wait until he walks away to go in the opposite direction in search of Edward. When I see him, my heart stops, and then thunders in my chest. He sees me from his seat at the bar, and with locked eyes, he downs his drink. Then he stands and walks over to me.

He doesn't speak, he just grabs my hand and pulls me through the club. Jasper sees us, and quickly stands, walking towards us. "Bella, where are you going" he sizes Edward up.

"She's going with me" Edward says, and then takes a step towards Jasper, til he's staring down at him. He's not much taller than Jasper, but the presence about him, makes him seem much taller. The way that he carries himself, always making him look bigger.

Jasper reaches around Edward for my hand. "Bella, we're leaving"

"I'll see you later" I tell him, glancing at Rose, and then Garrett. They both look worried, and Jasper looks livid, like he's ready to take Edward down. I can't let that happen. "Edward, can you give us a minute" I ask Edward, and he shakes his head no. I glare at him, and fold my arms across my chest. "Then I'm not going anywhere with you"

"You're not fucking staying here with him" Edward roars over the music, and Jasper takes a step, but I put myself between them.

"I'll do whatever I want to do, Edward. You don't control me" I tell Edward, turning to face him. I poke at his chest. "Go outside, and wait for me"

"One minute, Bella. That's all I'm allowing. If I have to come back in here, I'm dragging you out" Edward says in my ear, and I nod, knowing he's serious, and also knowing that that wont end well because Jasper will snap, and a fight will break out.

Edward takes me by the back of my neck, and pulls me close for a kiss. This kiss is so inappropriate, I feel dirty afterward. He pulls away, and his eyes go straight to Jasper, before he leans down to whisper in my ear again. "Don't keep me waiting, Ms. Swan", then he smacks my ass, and I gasp.

Jasper clenches his fist over and over, and he watches Edward all the way out of the door. "You're not going anywhere with him, Bella"

"Jasper, we are going to have to talk sooner or later"

"I don't like the way that he treats you, Bella" Jasper says, and he's visibly shaking with anger.

"I'm sorry, but I need to go. I'll see you guys later." I go around the table and hug Rose, and Garrett salutes me. I go around to hug Jaz, and he squeezes me.

"You call me if anything happens! I'll come and get you", he tucks a stray hair behind my ear, and cups my cheek. I nod, and quickly back out of his embrace, following Edward out of the door.

As soon as I'm outside, my hand is yanked, and my body hits a hard chest. I look up, and see Edward looking down at me seething mad. He smashes his lips to mine, amd kisses the hell out of me.

When he pulls back, I look up and into his stormy eyes, and something inside of me snaps. I forget all about where we are, and who's around, as the texts comes back to me, and also how he'd just fucked me, and left me like some whore that he'd just picked up in a bar. I slap him, and his face turns from the impact. He holds it there, and I see his eyes shut tight, and his nostrils flared. I slap him again, this time on the opposite cheek, then I shove his chest hard, and he stumbles back a step, but quickly comes back forward to grab me.

"Why?" I hit his chest. "Why" I repeat this over and over, needing to know why he's put me in this place.

"I don't like him touching you" he grabs my wrists in his hands, and holds them at my sides, glaring down at me.

"That's why you fucked me, and left me in the bathroom like a whore?" I bring my knee up, but he blocks it. I want him to let me go. We can talk without him touching me.

He drops his forehead to mine, and exhales heavily, his breath smells if strong alcohol, and it washes across my face. "You have no idea the hell you've inflicted on me" he sounds pained. "How can you just let him touch you" his voice breaks, and his hold on me tightens.

"Jasper is a friend, that's all" My voice is small, and there's no more fight in me.

"A friend that wants to fuck you"

"Its not like that with us. We care about each other."

He releases me, and takes a step back. "Well he's done 'caring' for you. That is my job, Bella, not his. You gave him my role, and I'm taking it back"

X

Minutes later we're in his car on the way to his house, and we're silent the entire ride. I'm too lost in my head, stuck on the possibility that he did send those texts, and maybe he was trying to get back at me because he saw me with Jasper.

When we pull up to his house, and he shuts off his car, I turn to him, as he runs both hands down his face.

"How did you know where I was tonight" I ask him, and he sighs.

"I tracked your phone" he answers plain, and simple, before hoping out of the car. I open my door, and start to get out, when he appears in front of me. "You need to let me open the door for you." he says in a chastising tone.

"I'm capable of opening doors-"

"I know" he breathes. "I know. Just let me do things for you, please. That's really the only way I get my self worth"

"What does that mean"

"You've been letting another man take care of you, Bella. How am I suppose to feel about that? I'm just supposed to forget, move on? Especially after what you hinted at today about you being pregnant" he pulls me out of the car, and slams the door shut. "Fuck" he walks away from me, pacing his yard like a mad man. He stops pacing a good three feet away from me. He leans to one side, and stares at me, pain etched in his face. He points at me, quickly dropping his hand, pointing to my belly. "Are you pregnant, baby" his voice is so low, so hoarse, and breathless.

My hands quickly come to my stomach, and I'm scared to give him an answer. We stare at each other for the longest time.

Then he balls his hands into fists at his sides, places a palm on his chest, and takes a deep breath, before walking towards me. It's hard to explain the feeling as he approaches, but there is an intense tug deep inside of me. It's like I'm pulling him to me, and it's out of my control, like metal to a magnet.

He doesn't stop when he reaches me, he let's his body crash into mine, and he presses my face to his, holding the back of my head, crashing his lips to mine.

I feel that familiar spark between us, lighting up inside of me, overheating my body, setting flames to my skin. I feel our souls connect, and I can't help but wrap my arms around him as our mouths greedily take, and taste, and our tongues dive, dip, and explore.

I feel as though we're breathing in each others soul, and at the moment there's no doubt in my mind. I am so incredibly in love with this man. I was sure before, but now I know that I am crazily, and stupidly in love with this ridiculous man. There is no other man in the world for me. He's it.

This hard, fiery, passionate kiss tells me everything his lips won't yet say to me. His lips tell a story, and I understand. I understand how we operate now, and I think we can work it out if we just learn to talk to each other, and if he'd just compromise on a few things instead of always making sure that he gets his way. I want him. I want everything with him. His kiss makes me think that he wants the same.

When he pulls back, his hand remains in my hair, the other, gripping my body close to him, and he rests his forehead against mine, breathing heavily against my face. "Are you carrying our baby"

I nod because I can't speak, I'm breathless, I'm panting, and he still has a hold on me, so I can really only take short breaths.

Edward smiles with his eyes closed. He rolls his forehead against mine, and he exhales. His hand falls from my hair, and both hands are around me lifting my feet off of the ground.

"You're pregnant" He barely whispers the words, and I nod again, still unable to speak. He drops my feet to the ground, and stares at my stomach for a long time. "I never thought I'd-" his voice breaks, and I realize just now that he's crying.

I cup his face in my hands, and bring his eyes back to mine, before reaching up to kiss him. He's happy about this. I knew there was no way he sent those texts. I doubted him, even when I felt something was off.

He pulls away, and his liquid eyes fall from mine to my stomach and linger, before he places his huge palm there, and smiles. My heart almost bursts out of my chest when he drops to his knees, and kisses my baby bump. "My kid is in there" he breathes, then he looks up before standing, and pulling me into his arms. He squeezes me tightly to him. "Thank you" he whispers in my ear, then he kisses the side of my face. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you" he continues to kiss every inch of my face and I smile, and wrap my arms tighter around his neck. "You've made me so fucking happy" and I believe him, because he's done the same for me.

X

He insists on carrying me into his house instead of letting me walk, and I fear this is just the beginning of the end. His controling ways will only amplify now that I'm carrying his baby. He's going to drive me fucking insane.

"Have you eaten" he asks, and I shake my head no, and he then goes on a rant about how important it is that I feed his child.

"I'm serious Bella. If I have to strap you to my hip, and force feed you daily, I'll fucking do it" he says, and I roll my eyes, eventhough I think he's serious.

"I'm never hungry. I'm always sick to my stomach, and there's like this..."I trail off, searching for the right word. There is no right word! "It's this god aweful, funky taste always in my mouth."

He stands there with his hands on his hips in deep thought. "I'll find something to help with that. Tell me whenever you need something, and I'll get it for you"

I laugh. "I can get things on my own, Edward. I've been doing just fine without you, but thanks for the offer"

"Are you deliberately trying to piss me off" he's upset! Poor baby!

"I'm not trying to, but if you're getting pissed off, maybe there's something you need to work on"

"You need to work on being obedient" he says. Obedient? Is he serious? He can't be!

"Obedient? Edward, I'm an adult! What the hell is wrong with you"I raise my voice at him.

"You. You are what's wrong with me, baby! I want to lock you in a fucking box, and never let you out. I'm seriously thinking of ways to do it."

"Just stop! Stop whatever thought process you're in, and come to the realization that I'm not a child"

"Fine. We'll revisit this conversation" he starts to walk away.

"What conversation"

"The one about me locking you away in a fucking tower" he's serious, and I'm a bit worried now.

"You're insane"

"I am, but I haven't always been like this. You do this to me" he points at me, and the frustration that he feels shows on his face. "The rules are simple, baby! Do what the fuck I say, and let me take care of you. That's all I ask of you."

"I'm not just going to do what you tell me to do, Edward. I'm an adult"

"So you keep saying, yet you're whining to me, like a child. You know what, baby, fuck it! Do what you want, but I swear to fucking god if you let another man do for you, what is my right, and my duty, I will lay down the law"

"Lay down the law? Who do you think you are" I stand, shouting at him.

"Your man! The father of your child! The man whom will be taking care of you from now on. That reminds me. Who pays for your sessions"

"How do you know about my sessions"

"I followed you" I hate thst everytime he invades my privacy, he says it like its common knowledge, like it's an okay thing to fucking do. It's not!

"You're a sick man, and something is wrong with you" I tell him, as I quickly make my way to the front door.

"Baby, wait, I-" he follows me the door. I turn to face him, cutting him off.

"You can not control me" I start to turn but he grabs my arm.

"I'm not trying to do that"

"Yes, you are" I shout in his face.

He drops his head, and he actually looks remorseful. "I'm sorry. I just got you back, baby, please don't leave me again"

I sigh, trying to calm down because he's made me so angry. "I just want you, and I want you safe, and taken care of"

"I will be" I respond quickly.

"Bella-" he begins, but I wave him off.

"We talk about something else, or I leave" I tell him, and he nods.

"We can talk while I make dinner. Something light, because it's late"

"Fine! I could go for a sandwich" I actually am very hungry, and I'm craving an Italian sandwich.

"Salami, ham, swiss cheese, mayo?" he asks, remembering my order from a local deli, back when things were easy between us.

I nod, and follow him to his kitchen. He opens the refrigerator, and I'm shock to see that it's fully stocked. "You're fully stocked" I state a fact, watching as he gets out everything he needs for our sandwiches.

"Yea, my housekeeper is pretty good about keeping me stocked", he takes everything to the counter, and begins his task. "Sit" he tells me, and I roll my eyes.

"I'm not a dog" I fold my arms across my chest defiantly, and he stops what he's doing to walk over to me. Then he lifts me, and places me on the counter next to him. "What if I didn't want to sit here"

"I gave you a choice the first time, and you didn't take advantage of it. Now, you sit where I put you" he takes out the bread, and spreads the mayo lightly.

"So you have a housekeeper" I ask, and he nods. "What did she do the whole time you weren't living here"

He clears his throat nervously. "Heidi was staying here" he says, and my eyes widen.

"Wow! When you said someone lived in your home, and you'd rather not live with them anymore, I assumed you meant your wife" I mean, I'm glad for his new found honesty, and openness, but I don't like the idea of her having lived here.

"Ex-wife" he corrects me, and I nod. "And yes, I was talking about Tanya. She lives in the home that we shared."

"You let her keep the house" I ask, and he glances up, at the tone of my voice, and nods, eyeing me carefully. He places everything down, and steps between my parted legs.

"I didn't want the house, and she did" he explains, and I nod.

"I understand. You don't have to explain yourself" I tell him this eventhough I'm glad there's a reason other than him just caring for her.

"But I did, because I don't want you to worry." he squeezes my thighs, and moves away to finish our sandwiches. "Can I ask you something"

"I have a feeling that even if I say no, you'll still ask" I say, and he snorts, noding his head, but not looking up from his task.

"What are you sessions for" he asks, and I freeze, not expecting that question at all. Of course I give him the half truth. The full truth would lead to too many questions.

"I just needed someone to talk to about my fathers death", I shrug, pretending it's not a big deal when it is.

"Does this have anything to do with your nightmares" he asks, just as he finishes his task. He turns his body, and full attention on me.

"Yes" I answer, and he starts to ask something else, but I stop him. "I really don't want to talk about it"

"Do you like your therapist" he asks, ignoring what I just said.

"Yes, he's nice"

"He?" He asks, and shakes his head. "What if I could pay for a better therapist for you"

"I don't want you to do that"

"Who pays for them now" He asks, but I can tell that he already knows the answer. "Your boyfriend pays for them, doesn't he"

"He is my friend, Edward. I told you, and yes, he does. The guy is a good friend of his, and he was able to give me a bit of a discount."

"Well that shit stops now. If you want to continue going to this guy, I'll pay the full price, but your 'friend' won't be." he says, and I'm tired of arguing, I really am, so I nod.

"Can we compromise" I ask, and he looks intrigued. "I'll pay half. It's what I do now anyway. Jaz pays half, and I pay half"

"Fine" he waves his hand dismissively, and then lowers me from the counter, hands me a plate, and pecks my lips with smack. When he pulls back, he licks his lips, and stares at me like he wants to do more than kiss, but he's restraining himself.

He points toward the dining room. "Go sit your sexy ass down and eat, before I fuck you" he smacks my ass.

"You're so romantic" my voice is full of sarcasm. I grab both of our plates, and head in the direction that he pointed to, and realize that he's not following. "Aren't you coming"

I turn around to see him bracing his arms in the counter, staring down. I look down, and laugh when I see what he's staring at. "Yeah, I just...need to...calm myself down"

I laugh again, and he looks up, and glares at me. "Get the fuck out of here." he points. "You're this close to getting fucked" he demonstrates just how close, with his thumb, and index finger.

"This is funny! I'm sorry" I say as I start towards the dining room again. I place our plates on the table, and take a seat. I'm almost done with my sandwich when he walks in, and takes his seat.

I decide that this is the best time to bring up the texts that I received from his phone. "Edward" I begin, and he looks up, then takes a bite of his sandwich. I watch his jaw move as he chews, watch him lick the corner of his lip, and then swallow. Jesus, he just made eating look like porn. I'm convinced everything that he does is sexy. My mouth waters when he takes another bite, and stares at me with those eyes. I've explained multiple times what they do to me. I have to look away.

I look down at my empty plate as I speak. "Do you really not remember texting me on Thursday"

"Bella, I swear we didn't talk Thursday. I threw a party Thursday, for my sister, and I was busy the entire day. I don't even think my phone was with me half of the time. I think it was in my office"

"Well, do you think maybe you drunk texted me? You said some hurtful things"

"Bella, baby, I have been trying to talk to you for weeks. I swear, if we talked Thursday, I'd remember" he finishes his sandwich, and stands, walking to the kitchen. He comes back with a napkin. He takes his seat, and wipes his mouth.

"You told me to get rid of the baby", I say, and watch his face grow angry.

"Either you've learned how to control your twiddling hands, or you're telling me the truth right now. Bella that's insane. Why would I say that? I'm happy about the baby, ecstatic even! I wouldn't dare suggest that"

"Well, I have the texts to prove otherwise" I tell him, and he makes a 'be my guest gesture'

I quickly stand, and go to my purse, pulling out my phone. He meets me in the living room, and I feel rather than see him. He presses his front to my back, and places his hands on my stomach.

"Baby, it doesn't matter what the text says because I didn't send it"

"Then who did" I turn my head to look at him. I feel him shrug. I roll my eyes, and scroll through my texts for his name. I click it, and hand him the phone.

I turn, and watch a mix of emotions cross his beautiful face. "I didn't do this",

I sigh, and admit to him, and myself what I know to be true. "I know that you didn't, but someone did"

Please review. :)


	23. Chapter 23

Okay so I'm going to see if I can write two more chapters for this story tonight, and then I'm going to work on my other stories. Busy Busy, busy night! I'm sure I won't get any sleep. I had an idea for a new story today at work, and it kind of pissed me off that i didn't realize that I have so many unfinished stories on ff, so I'm going to hold off on it before I get sucked in and those characters take over my mind the way the characters of this story have done.

So when i said 10 more chapters, when we were on chapter 10, that wasn't the truth obviously, so I think I should stop guessing, but just know this story will be very very long. I don't even think I've reached the middle of it yet. There's still so much that I have lined up, and haven't written. My outline is buzzing with ideas, and I pretty much use everything I physically write on paper before typing it. By the way, I type this on my phone so spell check isn't all that great, and I'm sorry for that. I try to go back and read, usually I re-read each chapter obsessively before I post it but I'm only human, and I kind of suck at that aspect of writing.

So yea, with enough encouragement and motivation 1 or 2 more chapters will be written and posted tonight. Somebody is about to stir up some problems in the next chapter. Can you guess who? Are you ready?

Disclaimer : These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Bella Pov

I wake the next morning to the open curtains, and the blinding sun beaming against my face. I groan, and pout, because I now know that I'm awake. I squeeze my eyes tight, trying to go back to sleep, when I feel butterfly kisses on my stomach. Then I hear it. His sweet voice. He's talking to my belly. I can't make out what he's saying but his voice is so soft, I can't help but fall deeper in love with him.

I fully wake up, and attempt to listen to him, zoning in on his voice. Tears prick the back of my eyes, and my heart flutters as I listen to his heartwarming words. I have a feeling this will be an everyday thing for him, and I don't mind one bit. I smile at the thought, with my eyes still closed, listening to his sweet words.

"Bella, I know you're awake. It's time to feed my baby." he kisses up my stomach, up my chest, up my neck, til his lips hover over mine. "What do you want for breakfast" he whispers against my lips, then he does a push up above me, holding himself there, while staring down at me expectantly.

I rub my eyes. "Can I wake up first? What time is it"

"Almost ten" he tells me, then he does another push up, dropping down to kiss my lips, before pushing back up. I laugh, and place both of my hands on his hard chest.

"Is this your work out" I ask him, and he shakes his head no, and laughs. I smile, not realizing how much I missed the sound.

"I went for a run this morning, and now I'm just full of fucking energy. Now get up, baby!" he rolls over onto his back, and gets out of bed, pulling me up with him.

"You shower, and I'll cook breakfast." Smack to the ass.

"I wish you would stop doing that" I shout after him, but he doesn't respond nor turn back to acknowledge my words, so I set off to the bathroom for my shower.

X

Thirty minutes later, we're sitting at his dining room table, eating breakfast, and it reminds me of the few weeks we spent in his hotel room. Every morning we'd have breakfast together before splitting off to go about our day. He still remembers how I'd told him that the way that I stayed thin is by barely eating, so he is so adamant about making sure that I've eaten. It's apparently worst now because I'm pregnant.

I look down at Edward still in his work out clothes, and he looks fucking delicious. I meet his eyes, after appreciating his body, and realize that he seems to be eyeing what I'm wearing as well.

"You have on my shirt" he points out, and I see a hint of a smile playing on his lips. He likes me in his shirt. Or maybe it's the fact that it's the only thing that I'm wearing.

"Is that a bad thing" I tease, and his amused smile grows larger, and he looks down at his plate, before picking up his toast and taking a bite.

"Yes" he says, and I frown. I thought he liked it. I misread his smile. He drops the toast. "Come here" he says, and then he pushes his plate away from him, and scoots his chair back.

I stand, and walk over to him, looking down at his sexy crooked smile, and sparkling eyes. He takes my hand, and pulls me in front of him, gripping my hips, his head eye level with my stomach. He lifts the shirt, and places a few kisses there on my stomach, as I run a hand through his hair. I love how happy he seems to be now. My heart swells at the sight of his glorious smile. It's a genuinely happy smile that shows off that amazing curve next to his lip. It's a laugh line of sorts, and it's sexy as hell. I love seeing him smile, seeing him happy, and knowing that I'm the cause.

He looks up at me. "It's a very bad thing." he says huskily, and he sucks his lips together as if he's sucking on a lemon, and his nostrils flare. I bite the corner of my lip, and stare down at him, growing wetter from the hungry expression on his face. All of the earlier amusement is gone, and his eyes are now smokey, and lustful, and there's a slight curve in his lips that makes him look wicked, like he has a dirty thought playing in his mind that he wants to play out.

I lick my lips, my body buzzes with anticipation. He growls deep in his chest, before lifting me without warning, and placing me on the dining room table. I squeak in surprise, and then giggle when he pushes his face into my chest between my breast, as he holds onto my thighs. I just continue running my fingers through his soft hair.

"What are you doing" I ask through my laughter.

He groans, and it reverberates through me causing me to shudder, and squirm beneath his tight grasp. With his face still planted firmly between my breast, he moves his hands up my thighs, around my waist, under the shirt, and slowly up my back. Those big, strong, warm hands trail fire across my back, and I throw my head back to take full advantage of the sensation.

"I'm showing you how happy you make me. I love waking up to you, cooking for you, seeing you in my clothes, walking around here with nothing else on..." he trails off and groans again, much louder this time.

His hands run down my sides lightly. Up and down, up and down, feather like, and it would tickle normally, but I'm past the point of needing to be fucked. I am panting like crazy, and I'm beginning to think that this may be a tad bit unattractive. I need to control myself.

"You just said you didn't like me wearing your clothes"I point out, trying to tone down just how much he's turned me on.

"No, seeing you in my clothes makes me hard. It's a bad thing because now I have to have you" before the last word is out, he quickly lifts my thighs, and I fall back slightly, but catch myself with my elbows on the table.

He groans another deep throaty groan in the back of his throat, as he pulls me closer to his face, by my thighs.

"Edward, stop it. We haven't even eaten breakfast"

"This is my breakfast" Oh god! His voice is low, thick, and gritty. Fucking hot!

"Fuck, I can smell you, baby. You're wet, aren't you" then he releases my thighs, and lifts the shirt again. I know at this angle, he's got the money shot of my pussy.

"Look at that." he says huskily, then he licks his lips, and when he looks up, and his eyes meet mine, they are full of hunger, they are dark, and I know that he is about to devour me. He goes in for the kill, giving me one long lick, and I shudder, throwing my head back, as he feasts on me. He takes his fingers, and separates my folds, before diving his tongue in, and fucking me.

"Shit" I hiss. He is working me towards an explosive orgasm, and he knows just where to touch, and how to touch to cause me to detonate. "Edward" I moan out his name, loving the feel of his mouth, as he gently sucks my clit into his mouth, then tongues it softly. A rush of liquid flows out of me, and I buck forward, coming one step closer to my orgasm.

"Jesus, that feels amazing" I pant, and buck again when his tongue laps at my pussy, swirling his expert tongue around, staring right into my droopy, heavy lid eyes.

I lick my lips, stopping to take my bottom lip between my teeth, as I stare back at him. He growls, and grips my thighs, roughly pulling my body closer to him. I suck in a sharp breath, and gasp when he thrusts two fingers inside of me, while his tongue swirled around my clit.

"Mmm, yes baby, yes!" I grip his hair roughly, harshly, and I feel him groan against my pussy.

I come apart around his tongue, and shudder, seeing lights flash before my closed eyes. I buck forward, and thrash around, trying to get him to stop licking my sensitive bud. I shove at his head with both hands.

"Ahhh" I cry out, feeling a gush of liquid flow out of me, and I fall back on the dining room table, lifeless, and limp. I can't breathe. I literally can not catch my breath.

"Look at me" I hear him say, and I release a heavy breath before opening my eyes to look at him.

He's removed his shorts, and is coming around the table where my head is, slowly gliding his hand up and down his dick.

"Open" he says when his dick is right in my face. I eye his impressive length, and lick my lips. "Open your mouth, baby." I obediently comply, and watch his face as his dick disappears between my lips.

He throws his head back, and swears. Then he looks down at me, and his eyes are smoldering. He looks ready to rip my body in two. He slowly eases in and out of my mouth, and I find myself turning to face him, and suck him further into my mouth.

He hisses. "Jesus, Bella!"

I take him deep down my throat, and pull him completely out, swirling my tongue around the head, before pumping him a few times. "Baby!" he groans, and I know his hand is just twitching, ready to dive into my hair to control my movements, but surprisingly he lets me keep the control. It doesn't last long though. He swats my hand away, and fucks my mouth.

"God damn it, baby! I love your mouth" he tries to push to push the words out between ragged breaths.

I moan around his dick, and he stops all movement, then pulls away from me. I look up at him in confusion, and frustration, but when I look at his face, I become worried. His hand is shoved in his hair, and his chest is heaving. I look up into his eyes, and they are wild, and crazed.

"Edward" I whisper his name, careful not to make any sudden movements. I have no clue what's going on, and he's fucking scaring me.

He drops his head, and braces both arms on the back of the chair, staring down, his chest still heaving, and his breathing erractic, and uncontrolled.

I sit up, and bring my legs around the table to face him. "What's wrong, Edward"

"Go upstairs" he says through his strained breathing. "And put your clothes on" he wont look up at me.

"Why? I thought you were going to-"I whisper in an unsure, unsteady voice. I'm utterly confused by his change of attitude.

"Going to what, Bella?" his head snaps up, and his eyes are still wild. "Fuck you!"

I nod, and he shoves a hand through his hair. "If I fuck you right now, I'll hurt you." he says, his voice full of conviction, his face pained, but his eyes, they let me know just how truthful his statement is. He's lost all control.

I look down at his throbbing cock, the veins are thick and visible, and my mouth waters. I'm afraid of his words, but I am so incredibly turned on. I don't know what to do. I want him that's for sure, and I want him to get off, because he just gave me an earth shattering orgasm, and I want to make him feel just as good.

"You won't hurt me" I tell him, and he snorts, and looks back down, his eyes squeeze shut, and he tries to control his breathing.

I hop off of the table, and duck down under his braced arms, until I'm trapped between him, and the chair. He sneers down at me, his eyes are the dark slits of a predator, and mine are the wide-eyed prey. He is the hungry lion, and I'm the stupid, trusting lamb, going to my slaughter willingly at every turn.

"Push me away, and go upstairs" his voice is a low rumbling warning. I make no move, and stare right into his eyes, challenging him, pushing the limits. He can't hurt me. "Jesus, you're fucking stubborn" he raises his voice, and closes his eyes tightly. Seconds later, both of his hands are on my ass, shoving me into his erection.

I moan. "I want you. I want this. Fuck me, Edward"

His breathing is heavy, and he won't open his eyes and look at me.

"Edward, look at me" I brace my arms on his shoulders, wrapping both of my arms around his neck, running my hands through his hair at the back of his head. His eyes pop open. "Are you worried about me, or the baby" I ask in a hushed voice.

I need to soothe him, and calm his worries.

He exhales the words. "Both" and I sigh in frustration, and mostly understanding.

"You won't hurt me." I tell him, and he just stares at me incredulously. "I want this!" I tell him, and he shakes his head, trying to look away from me. "You didn't have a problem fucking me last night"

"Last night" his voice is soft, and there's a crease in his brow. I frown up at him, and reach up to smooth the crease in his brow. Then I kiss his lips softly, but he turns his head, and then shakes it.

His breathing has calmed down, and his eyes have less wildness, and more passion. I reach down and lightly stroke his length. He reaches for the shirt, and lifts it over my head, his eyes only leave mine for the briefest second. Then his mouth is on my neck, and he's squeezing me in a lovers embrace, holding me close to his body as he sucks, licks, and bites my neck.

"I can never fucking get enough of you." he whispers against my skin, and I moan.

"Take me, Edward! I need you inside of me" I tell him, my voice soft, but full of the arousal that I feel.

He pulls back a bit, and gives me a crooked smile. "Say please, baby" he says in that deep, husky voice that drives me insane.

I close my eyes, and whisper the words that he wants to hear. "Please"

He bends down to my ear, and I feel his hot, heavy breath there, before he nips at my lobe. I grasp his head tight in my hands, feeling an intensity like I've never felt before. Things like this don't exist. This is just too overwhelming, too consuming, too much all at once. I can't catch my breath. I feel his hands lightly trail up the back of my thighs, to my ass, and he cups my ass in both hands, lightly massaging. Then he bites down on my ear, at the same time that he grabs the back of my thighs, hoisting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, and feel his erection brush lightly against my folds. I throw my head back, and close my eyes, my lips parted, trying to enjoy the sensations around me.

I am addicted to this man. He has me completely enraptured by him, and there's no way that I can ever live without him, or this level of intensity flowing through us. This is a one in a million feeling, one in a million love, and I have it.

He attaches his mouth to my lips, planting slow, languid kisses from my lips, down my jaw, to my neck, paying special attention to the mark he placed there, his tongue swirls around his mark, and I'm panting out of control, gripping his hair, trying to pull him closer.

"Edward" I cry out, arching my neck to give him better access. Then he continues down to my chest, his kisses are slow, and deliberate. I marvel at his strength, the flex in his hands, as he grips me closer, but holds me up against him as if i weigh nothing.

"You smell so fucking good, baby."

He continues his trail, until he reaches my nipples. He then kisses each, before looking up into my eyes, as he takes one between his teeth, rolling his tongue around the tip. The pleasure that shoots through me is so unexpected, and such a rush, I become a squirming mess above him, trying to find some kind of friction.

"Fuck me, please! God, I can't fucking take this" I shout at him, then I buck my hips forward for friction against his dick, and he smacks my ass, and growls around my nipple.

Then he bends his knees, and wiggles, and swirls his hips, and I feel his erection right where I want it. I gasp lightly, and then moan, when he straightens.

"Please, please, please, please" I could strangle him right now, and I'm so fucking frustrated I just might.

"You're dripping wet, baby" he says, and I see a smile playing on his lips.

"Why are you doing this to me? I'm sick of you playing with me, Edward! God damn you, and your fucking mood-oh god!" I can't finish my sentence because he thrusts inside of me, and it literally takes my breath away. He stills all movements, and lays his head against my shoulder.

"Jesus fucking Christ" he groans into my shoulder, and then I hear him swear under his breath. Then he pulls out completely, and slams back in. "Shit" he hisses when he slams in again.

The connection between us is so intense, my stomach clenches almost painfully, my heart feels like its about to beat out my chest.

"Oh God" it's a strangled moan leaving my throat that causes his pace to speed up, or maybe he couldn't take it either.

I feel fire everywhere, even where we're joined, and it's an overwhelming heat. I sink my teeth into his neck, to stop the cry that was building up in my throat. He growls at the feeling of my teeth sinking into his flesh, and begins to piston into me.

"So." thrust. "Fucking" thrust. "Good" thrust.

He moves around the chair, and pushes something away from the table. I quickly realize that it's one of our plates from breakfast, when I hear it clatter to the floor. He doesn't care though, and he doesn't stop. He lays me back on the table, and continues to slam into me. He clasps our hands together, and places them on each side of my head, squeezing, and releasing slightly with each thrust. He bends down and kisses me, and I want so badly to shove my hands through his hair, but he has my hands captive in his strong hands. I wrap my legs tighter around him, and lift my hips, causing him to moan into my mouth. He pulls back, and I see his eyes roll to the back of his head.

"Fuck" He shouts. He bites his bottom lip, and stares down into my eyes, swirling his hips in a circular motion, hitting all of my sensitive spots.

"I'll never get enough of you, baby." I only hope his words are true, because I can't see myself going anywhere ever again. He's stuck with me forever.

X

After our long, and well deserved fuck session four days ago, Edward decided that I needed to make a doctors appointment. I didn't go to the one that I'd made last Thursday because I was too distraught after Edwards text, so it'll be good to go today to find out just how pregnant i am. We have no clue how far along I am but we've technically been together almost four months now, and have been having sex since day one, so there's really no telling.

"I used a condom every time" He says, and he sounds pretty sure of himself.

I try to think back, and remember that he was without a condom one time we had sex at my apartment. I don't keep condoms there, because I was practically celibate before I met him. I've only had two relationship, both only lasted a few months, and they were very unhealthy relationships that ended years ago. Both relationships left me in a bad place, so for the last year I've just been celibate. I remind him of our time together without protection, and his face pales. He'd forgotten. Shit, it looks like he has no recollection of it.

"That was maybe eight weeks ago" I tell him.

He looks down, and shakes his head. I can't read his facial expression because his head is down, but I know that he's in concentration. He runs a hand down his face, and sighs.

"I thought I used a condom every time" he mumbles to himself, and I look over, and grasp his hand. He looks up at me.

"I thought you were okay with this" I ask him, feeling slightly unsure of myself all of a sudden.

He stares at our joined hands, but he seems to be looking through them. A crease appears in his brow, and a tender look crosses his face. I cup his cheek, hoping to calm whatever fear lurks in his mind. His eyes close, and tighten.

"I'm happy, baby, trust me. I'm more than okay with this, I just don't want you to think I did this on purpose. I knew you weren't on birth control, you told me, and I-" he looks away, but I cup his cheek again.

"Stop!" I cut him off. "I don't think that"I tell him in a soft tone. "Edward, this baby is a blessing. I couldn't be happier with how things have turned out." I mean every word that I say to him.

I see a hint of a smile playing on his beautiful lips, and the corner of his mouth tips up. He's trying to contain the joy that he feels, and I smile on the inside. He turns his head to kiss my palm, letting his lips linger, as he squeezes his eyes tightly.

"I need you to be okay with this."

His eyes pop open, and he's all of a sudden looking at me with the intensity of a thousand beaming suns.

"I am okay. I told you that" he looks affronted, his eyebrows set low on his face.

"Okay!" I say in an annoyed tone, removing my hand from his face.

He has the innate ability to change his mood at will, and he just expects me to follow tune. It's fucking annoying.

"Okay!" he mocks my tone of voice.

"God you're annoying. You're going to annoy our kid too, aren't you?" I ask with an exaggerated eyeroll, and he tickles my side playfully.

I squeal, having not expected him to do that, and I squirm away, slapping his shoulder when he removed his hand. Then he tickles me again, and my laughter fills the area surrounding us, and I try to squirm away again. He removes his hand, and stares at my face, warmth fills me, surrounding me, floods my insides, and I feel butterflies in my belly all from the look in his eyes. I calm down my laughter to get a good look at him. He clears his throat, looks down, and there's a wrinkle in his nose from the way he's got his face screwed up. He's still adorable, and sexy, but there's something to that look. A vulnerability that I rarely get to see from him.

"I thought I'd never get to hear that laugh again" he says in a low voice, and nods his head, looking pained.

I feel his words, and the sadness in them, and run my hand down his arm. He reaches over, and grabs the hand that's on his arm, and wraps it in both of his strong hands, his long fingers overlap each other, as he brings them to his lips. He lightly kisses my hands, briefly closing his eyes to fully take in the moment, as I do the same.

"Don't ever ask me to give you space again" he says firmly, then his eyes flash open when I don't speak. "I'm fucking serious" his voice is raised, and I glance around the waiting room. Its a huge waiting room, and it's basically empty, but I just wanted to make sure that no kids were around to hear his foul language.

"I know you are" I give him a smile.

He kisses my hand again, then releases my hand, and places an arm around my shoulder, kissing the side of my face as we sit back in our seats in comfortable silence, except for the quiet music playing through the speakers.

"You know" I begin. "Your foul language will be a problem when the baby comes"

He gives me an incredulous look, and points to himself all wide-eyed and sexy. "My foul language?" he asks in disbelief.

"Yes. You have a potty mouth" I laugh.

He shakes his head, and removes his arm, turning slightly to get a better look at me. I do the same, still chuckling from his facial expression.

"Baby, you have the dirtiest fucking mouth, and you want to talk about my foul language" he really can't believe what I'm saying, but I know that I'm right for bringing this up now. He has plenty of time to prepare himself.

"See!" I say loudly, with a smile, my mouth fully open, and my eyes wide. I point at him, and he laughs. "That right there! Unnecessary cursing"

"And what is necessary cursing" he asks, with genuine interest.

"Like when you piss me off and I say fuck you, or fuck off" I jab him in the chest.

He shakes his head with a smile on his face. "So basically it's only okay for you to swear"

"No! I need to stop too. Let's make an effort. Oh! I know what we can do! Swear jar" I'm excited because I know for a fact that he swears more than I do, and this jar will wipe him out.

"Fine!" he shrugs, and for some reason it pisses me off. I think I enjoy our arguing too much. More than what is normal.

We sit in comfortable silence for a while, and I reach over to grab a magazine, any magazine, I just need a distraction. I ignore him, eventhough I feel his eyes on my face. I hear him sigh next to me, and I can't resist looking over at him.

"I never asked you about the watch" he looks nervous, and he should be. This is hardly an appropriate time to bring that up.

"What's there to ask" I look back down at the magazine, and he snatches it from me. I fold my arms across my chest, and huff.

"Why is it so important to you" There's that look again. Furrowed brow, clenched jaws, intense stare. Fucking sexy! I let out a rush of breath in preparation of what may be a long drawn out conversation that I really wish I never ever had to have.

"It looks just like a watch my dad used to wear. My mom gave it to him" I tell him, and he seems to consider what I said, but I can see the wheels turning in his head. He wants more.

"You said that your dad died..." he trails off, and I nod. "What about your mom"

"She died too" I lie, but its basically the truth. My mother has been dead to me for years. She's never been a mother to me.

His face falls, and he takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine! I'm fine" I tell him, and he shakes his head, and squeezes my hand, and stares down at it for the longest time.

"Bella" he begins. "My mom loves you, so if you ever need-"

I laugh at that, and it cuts him off. He looks up at me with furrowed eyebrows. "Your family hates me"

"They don't know you" he says, and I give him a 'duh' look. He rolls his eyes. "But my mom asks about you all the time, baby. Trust me! She loves you"

"Right!" I nod sarcastically, and cross my eyes awkwardly. He just watches my face, and smiles.

"You're god damn gorgeous baby" he leans forward and kisses my lips, once, twice, three times. Loving, beautiful, smacking kisses, and our faces stay close as our eye lashes flutter. I either forget, or don't care that others are around, but I can't help myself when I'm with him. He makes me forget that the world exists. He makes me forget my own name.

"Bella Swan" I hear, but don't respond. I'm stuck in a moment with my incredibly sexy, crazy, irrational boyfriend.

"That's my name" I whisper, and I hear him groan a low 'Mmhm' before rubbing his nose against mine in a circular motion. I smile, and hold his face in both hands. God I love him!

Reviews are welcome ! They make me smile. :)


	24. Chapter 24

I'm so tired guys. I think it's passed my bedtime Lol. I will edit this in the morning.

Even with the mistakes, I hope that you guys enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Thirty minutes later, Dr. Burgess is still in the process of asking question after question, getting all of my history, and typing away on his computer. Then he gives me a cup, and asks for a urine sample. I comply, and quickly make my way back to the room where he checks my vitals, blood pressure, takes blood for lab work, and then he does what I assume is an abdominal, and pelvic exam. Edward isn't thrilled about Dr. Burgess touching me, but somehow I sooth him, and he sits back, and watches from his corner chair.

Minutes later my pregnancy is confirmed by Dr. Burgess, and he tells me that I am eight weeks pregnant based off of the information that I'd given him. I nod because I'd counted and come to the same conclusion.

When Dr. Burgess goes to do the ultrasound, and tells me to spread my legs, Edward freaks out. "I've read books, an articles doc, and I'm sure you can show us our baby without shoving that-"

"Edward!" I call out, chastising him. "He knows what he's doing! Please just, chill out! For me!" I poke my lip out, and he begrudgingly takes a seat, but watches the good doctor carefully as he sticks the probe up my hoo-ha.

It's a tad bit uncomfortable, and Edward must hear my groan because he jumps up, and freaks out. "What's wrong, baby" he asks, then looks over at the doctor and glares.

"I'm fine" I tell him, and he visibly calms a bit. Then a wooshing sound feels the room, and he resumes his freak out session, looking at the monitor with wide eyes. I follow his gaze when I begin to hear a thumping noise.

"The black around here-" Dr. Burgess points to the screen, amd both Edward and I look. "Is the fluid. And-" he points again, and Edward moves closer. "Here's your baby"

"That tiny thing" I ask, and he nods, smiling, as he clicks away on the machine.

"Heart rate is one hundred and seventy six beats per minute. Really good, strong heart beat" Dr, Burgess says, but I barely hear him, I'm too busy staring at my baby on the screen. I glance out of the corner of my eye, and I see that Edward is staring at the screen as well, his eyes full of aww, and wonder.

"Doc, where can I get one of these" Edward asks without taking his eyes off of the screen.

"Oh, yes, I can definitely print you off a few pictures" Dr. Burgess says.

"No, I need one of these" Edward points to the screen, and I furrow my eyebrows at him.

"What" I ask him, and he sighs exasperatedly.

"The machine. Where can I get one" he asks, looking annoyed. My mouth drops open, and Dr. Burgess chuckles.

"We can do an ultrasound at each of Bella's visits"

"What if I want to see this at home, or hear his heart beat?" Edward asks.

"Well-" Dr. Burgess looks hesitant.

"You can't, Edward! You have to wait for the next appointment" I tell him.

"You're telling me that I have to wait an hour in an empty waiting room, and sit through a round of twenty questions each time I want to hear my sons heart beat" Edward asks, and I roll my head, and look over at the doctor, a tad embarrassed.

Neither of us answer Edward. "Apparently I have to come up with my own bright idea." he says before taking out his phone.

"What are you doing" I ask him, and he gives me one of his 'this is common knowledge' looks. The one he gives me when he thinks it's perfectly okay to do something without asking permission.

"What does it look like I'm doing Bella?" he asks, showing off the fact that he has quite an attitude. I roll my eyes, and give the doctor a look as if to say, 'Do you see what I have to deal with?'

The doctor laughs, and waves a hand dismissively. "It's okay. Some people like to record just the sound, so I understand."

Something dawns on me at that moment, and I call Edward out on it. "You said, he" I point out, as he puts his phone away. He gives me a 'what's your point' look.

"What if it's a girl? I don't want you calling my daughter a he for four weeks" I tell him, and he sighs heavily.

"Is that when we find out" he asks, looking from me to the doctor, hopeful.

Dr. Burgess nods. "Yes, if the baby cooperates we could possibly find that out" with that answer, a big bright smile graces Edwards face, and he kisses me.

"It doesn't matter. Girl or boy, I'll still be out of my mind happy"

"Like you are right now" I ask him, laughing, and he nods. Then he reaches a hand out to shake the doctors hand.

"The pictures, please" Edward asks, and the doctor laughs.

"Of course" they shake hands. "And congratulations, mom, and dad"

At that statement Edward freeze up. "Edward" I call, and he shakes his head, then he runs a hand through his hair.

"Holy fuck, I'm going to be a dad!" he falls into the chair, slouching, with a hand shoved through his hair, his eyes wide.

I laugh at his reaction, and realize the same is true for me. Instead of freaking out at the mention of being a mom, I'm actually beaming with joy.

X

I've never been romanced, wined, and dined, or done any of the sweet things that Edward has done for me tonight. My ex-boyfriends idea of a date usually consisted of us sitting in front of the tv with beers, watching a football or baseball game. I'm not knocking the idea. It's great. Edward and I have done that very thing a few times, but this was different. This was special. This took, thought, planning, and effort.

First he took me out to dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant, and already had all of my favorites ordered and brought out at the appropriate times. We sat in a back room of the restaurant, and it was dimly lit, with candles flickering all around us. I'm not at all a girlie girl, but all of this kicked my heart into full gear, and I was ready to express my undyling love for him.

After dinner, he asked me to walk with him, so I did. There's no way I'd deny him of that simple request. I was immensely surprised when he opened up about his family, telling me deeply personal things about how his dad used to beat him because he was a pretty wild kid.

"The more he tried to tame the real me, the worst I became" Edward tells me.

He reaches for my hand as we walk, and I give him a gentle, supportive squeeze. I love that he's opening up.

"Carlisle wanted me to be this stand up kid that could do no wrong, and that wasn't me. He wanted to mold me into his personal robot to run his business." Edward says.

"He didn't stop to think that maybe he should just let you be a kid for awhile"

He told me his dad began this at the age of ten. He felt that Edward was old enough to take up responsibilities that -in my opinion- we're too great for a child.

"Be didn't seem to think about anything other than drilling numbers into my head." he sighs, and shoves a hand through his hair. "I'm thankful now that I look back on it. I'm great at what I do, and it's because of him"

I stop walking, and turn to face him. "You did it, Edward. You did. Don't let him take that away from you. Be thankful, of course, but I have a feeling you think he is behind your success, and that's not true"

It's definitely not true. Edward works almost non-stop. I've been staying with him for the past week, and have noticed that he sometimes doesn't come to bed because he's in his home office working. There's been plenty of times I've had to literally drag him from his desk to get some sleep, and then I'd wake up early in the morning and find him in the kitchen, cooking us breakfast with the phone to his hear, barking orders.

"I know it's not true, but- he shrugs. "I was heading down a bad path, and I think the weight of everything that I had to do, pushed me into reckless behavior. He brought me out of that" he grabs my hand, and gives my knuckles a gentle kiss before intertwining them, and pull me along with him to continue our stroll.

I hug up next to him, leaning in to his side, and he wraps an arm around me.

"Why doesn't your brother run any of the hotels? He's the oldest"

"Emmett was too old, so the deal my dad had with Tanya's parents wouldn't work at the time. Plus, Emmetts always been into sports, so he was prepped for something entirely different. He used to play for the Seahawks"

My eyes widen, and I remind myself to give Rose a heads up.

"What about Jacob? Why didn't he just take the hotels that you offered." I ask, and listen to Edwards deep sigh.

"I told you. He didn't want to work. He just wanted money." Edward stops walking, and turns us, and I see his car next to us. "Enough about them. I want to get you home" He opens the door for me, and motions for me to get in, so I do.

X

"Oh Edward!" I can't believe he did all of this for me. He has dozens of roses decked out on practically every inch of his home, and there's candle's flickering from every direction in the dimly lit open area.

I recover from my shock quickly, and turn to grab his face in my hands, and kiss him. "You did all of this for me"

His eyes are dancing with happiness, and I can't help but reach up and kiss him again.

"Baby, you have brought so much joy into my life. I just want to return the favor in whatever ways that I can. I love to see you smile" his sweet words brighten my smile, and warmth my chest.

I want to tell him. I want to go out on his deck and shout it to the world so that everyone knows that he's mine. I love him so much. I love him more than I ever thought possible.

He grabs my hand, and pulls me towards his deck. I look down and see that I'd completely missed the fact that there are rose petals spread on the floor around the house. He really went all out for our date.

He opens the French doors, and I gasp from the amount of lights that are hanging around us. It's beautiful. I walk forward and spin around to get the full affect. There are twinkling white lights literally everywhere, and more roses. Dozens and dozens of roses. He's transformed his home, his very manly home with modern dark stoned, and steel furnishings into a soft and romantic retreat for us.

I twirl and gaze up at him, my eyes wide, just as Nora Jones fills the speakers around us. Standing across from me, near the French doors, he watches me intently, with his hands in his pockets. He pulls one hand out, and he crooks a finger at me. I bounce over to him, and he quickly wraps his arms around me, and runs his nose down my neck to the crease, breathing me in, before planting a soft kiss there.

"Is this our song" I ask him, and instantly my stomach flips. I love the song, it just brings back painful memories.

"You seemed to like it so..." he clears his throat nervously, and I smile against his chest.

"I like it." I nod, and rub my hands up his chest, and around his neck. "It just makes me think of my parents. This was their song"

He holds me tighter, and kisses my hair. "I can change it"

"No. No, I love it." I snuggle into his warmth, and close my eyes.

"Do you like the flowers" he asks into my ear, running his nose along the shell of my ear. I shudder, and force myself to hold back a moan, as I nod. "There's a bouquet of roses for every day we've been together"

A gasp slipped from my lips, as my eyes flew open to seek out his face. Is he serious?

"Really" I look around at all the flowers with new eyes, brighter eyes. "Thank you, Woody!" reaching up, I peck his lips quickly. "I love them. But..." glancing around at all of the flowers surrounding us, my mouth opens, and closes a few times. "...where are we going to put all of them."

"Where ever you want to put them, baby"

X

"Coming" I shout, running through Edwards massive penthouse to get to the door. I crack it open, and glance out to see Edwards sister, Alice. I smile at her, but she doesn't quite return it. "Come in" as I pull the door open wider, she waltz in like she owns the place, and I can tell that she's very comfortable in his home by the way she moves around the open room.

"Where's he?" she asks from the kitchen. Rounding the courner, I spot her pouring a glass of water.

"He had a meeting earlier. He should be here soon. He probably just stopped to get lunch for us"

She snorts, and pretends to hide whatever expression crossed her face. "So you two are an item"

Nodding at her, I can't help the giant smile that slowly creeps up my face. "Is that a problem? I sort of feel like you don't like me much"

She shrugs, and takes a sip of her water. "If you knew my brothers history, you'd understand"

"I know about Tanya, and Heidi" I understand Edwards history-well as much as he would tell me- and I've gotten over it.

"So you know about the club"

I try to reign in any facial expression, opting for neutral. I need to play it cool. "He's told me everything that I need to know"

"That doesn't surprise me. He has no shame. He doesn't hide anything from anyone." what a lie that is! He hides everything from me.

"You think he'd ever take me to this club" I'm fishing for clues, and it seems she has no idea that I don't know what club she's talking about.

Placing the glass down, she lifts a shoulder in a light shrug. "Probably not. From what I hear, he really likes you" Likes me? I want him to love me!

"I'd go with him"

"That'd be kind of weird right?" a small laugh errupts from her, and she wrinkles her face up at me. "I mean, if you like my brother, I don't see why you'd feel tha need to fuck another guy. I never understood what he had with Tanya. You know...the whole wife swap thing, or swingers thing, whatever it's called." her words cause my stomach to flip around, and I have the urge to throw up, but I repress it.

"That's something" I force myself to speak, and she looks pleased with my answer, or maybe my facial expression says everything.

"I knew you wouldn't like the idea of it. Just curious right?" she asks, and I blink at her, having no words to say. I'll definitely be questioning Edward about this when he gets home.

"Are you coming to the house for brunch tomorrow"

"I wasn't invited. Just like I wasn't invited to your party" I tell her, and she tilts her head to the side.

"My party? What party" she looks as confused as I feel, and that's when things finally piece together. He lied to me! For what reason, I'm not sure, but I want answers, and I want them now!

Pleaseee revieww :)


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I am so sorry about the late update, but I think we got it right. Thank you so much EdwardsFirstKiss for your excellent skills. I am so thankful for all of your help! :)**

 **Disclaimer : These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.**

Bella Pov

I thought about running. The thought presented such a struggle inside of me, it was almost unshakable. I was aware now more than ever that I had willingly given Edward the trust that he hadn't yet earned.

I could've left, and I probably still should, but my heart has become a problem. The thought of leaving him sends my heart crashing into the pit of my stomach. I fear that I'll never recover from this particular feeling of loss. Just the thought causes me physical pain, and leaves me wallowing in misery. This pain lingers even as the thought fades, all because I don't know if I can trust him. The thought of what he's done, and continues to do, may fade from my memory, but the trust level that we'd slowly begun to build back up; is once again broken. It's my fault, and I know it. I forgive so easily, so immediately, and I forget why I'm even upset in the first place. With him, it's even worse. It's as if he has a continual clean slate, and I wipe away his faults each and every time, and it's because I know that nobody is perfect. I'm far from perfect myself, and I acknowledge that fact is true for others as well.

The reason for my feet being rooted into his cold stoned floor beneath my feet, is my reluctance to be away from him. I don't want that. It's as if I'm shackled with an anchor grounding me here in his home, to this very place. I want to be where ever he calls home; because that's home for me too. I want to be here, and have a life with him, more than I want answers, and that's scary. That is what got me into this mess in the first place. From the beginning, I have been open, accepting, and forgiving, taking every lie he's fed me as truths.

No, this time will be different. This time, I will demand answers, no matter how badly they may hurt me to the core, or shake the fabric of our relationship. Even if it has the possibility to shatter the image of us, I will ask the right questions; because I have the will to keep us together. We've been through so much already, and now being pregnant, I have to think of how not attempting to fix us could one day affect our child.

In the end, I decide to stay. No matter how appealing the idea of leaving is, I can't do it. Leaving without an answer, without knowing why...I just can't do it. My inner turmoil is quickly interrupted by Alice and her extremely confused face. She noticed my change of mood immediately; and knew right away that she'd made a mistake. I explained to her that it is not her fault that he didn't include her in his intent to lie, even though he'd involved her.

I told Alice everything.

"Don't be too hard on him, Bella. There has to be a good reason-"

"It doesn't matter. He still lied." saying the words out loud again for the hundredth time, hurts like a bitch. He's got to stop lying to me, or I'll never believe a word that he says.

Considering my words with a nod of her head, as she chewed her bottom lip, Alice seemed to understand where I was coming from. Her look of trepidation forced me to carefully think about the possible ramifications of my actions.

Somehow my emotions have to come into subjection so that I don't explode on Edward, and do something stupid. Alice may be right. There may be a good reason, yet, I have a hard time believing that his reason for lying is worth the breach of trust between us. We are already at a pretty shaky point in our relationship, and this is just another thing on top of it all. Just one other thing on the long list of things I have to try to forgive him for.

"Can you just ask him about it first, before you, you know, cut him off. It has to be a reason."

"Alice, I'm here for good! I'm pissed, don't get me wrong, but I'm remaining calm until I know his reasoning. He'd lose his mind if I just left and didn't give him a reason why."

Alice smiles at my admission, seemingly pleased because of something I'd said.

"You love him" it's not a question.

"I do" I let out a shaky breath, unsure if admitting this to his sister is a good idea or not. "I want to tell him, but-" my words are cut off by the front door slamming shut.

"Bella!" Edward loud voice bellows through his open floor plan, and I hear him bounding up the stairs, seemingly taking them two at a time.

He didn't even think to check in the kitchen, which is hidden from the front door by a wall. Glancing over at Alice, when I hear her snickering at his belligerent yelling, I break out into a fit of laughter as well. I can't help it.

"For fucks sake." He finally finds me, and he stops at the entrance to the kitchen, his chest heaving, his tie hanging loosely around his neck, and his top buttons undone, showing off a sliver of his creamy chest.

My mouth goes dry at the sight of him, and I instinctively lick my lips, wetting them, because I know what's coming. I know what follows that look.

He walks up to me, eating the space up between us with his crazy, powerful, alpha male presence that I find sexy as sin. He grabs me by the nape of my neck, and quickly seals his lips over mine in the most mind numbing, body scorching, spine tingling, toe curling kiss. When he pulls back, his eyes are hot, and mine are heavy lidded.

That was no normal kiss.

His hand slides down my back to my waist, as he stares into my eyes.

"I have missed you, and I have had one hell of a day. I just want to climb into bed and hold you. Can I do that?" Edward's eyes search mine, and with a quick flick of both eyebrows as they lower on his beautiful face, he questions whether or not I'm okay with his plans.

He's asking, not telling! This is an improvement. I'd be an ass to deny him, but then again if I brush this lie off, he'll continue to lie to me, and I can't have that.

"Can we talk?" the words fall from my mouth in spurts, stuttering over the simple words, as I pant like a dog in heat. I have to control my hunger for him, my craving. I need to behave; and get the answers that I deserve.

"Sure. So long as we are in bed, and you are naked, we can do anything you want." he said. With a soft peck to my lips twice, he pulls me into his arms, surrounding me in his warmth. It's as if he knew I needed reassurance, or maybe he really did need comfort after a terrible day.

"Okay" the words slip through my lips before really thinking it over, and I stand there blankly, wondering what the fuck has just happened. He leans down, and kisses me soundly.

"Alice, please show yourself out, thank you!" His words are fleeting as he lifts me in his arms, and carries me out of the kitchen, not even checking to make sure that Alice is really leaving. "Baby, you are absolutely glowing. I have never seen a more beautiful woman in all of my life."

"Thank you" The smile that graces my face is a pure, and genuine smile.

I hadn't expected him to be so sweet today. Hedidwake up in a pretty shitty mood, but now he's sweet, and attentive, and more. He's so much more. More than I expected, more than I deserve...in theory. His lies only taint our trust, the relationship between us, but not how he treats me. I no longer feel like his secret whore. Nothing that he's done has ever changed how I feel about him.

Right now, he's speaking my love language, being attentive, and paying me compliments, as if he knows I'm pissed. He's appealing to me in a way that guys normally wouldn't...in a way he normally wouldn't, and I don't want to ruin the moment with a bombardment of questions and accusations.

X

When he allows me to take control, I grab the wheel fiercely, and give it all that I've got, because I know it's not easy for him. Ever since he was little, his choices have been stripped from him, his opinions didn't matter or count, and neither did his feelings. He wasn't in control of a single aspect of his life until the hotels and resorts officially became his. He then became the master of his universe, controlling both the things; and people around him. He made it so no one was afforded the luxury of a choice, just as he'd been previously deprived of the ability to make choices. No one would ever tell him no, because to him that word doesn't exist. He merely uses it as a bargaining tool, an invitation to make an offer that will sway anyone to his decision.

These are all the things that he discussed over pillow talk, while I mulled over just how the hell was I going to bring up what I'd found out earlier. But then things got hot and heavy, and we got carried away, and I was thrust into a portal of lust, and couldn't come back from it.

I swear Edward is like a drug, and I am heavily addicted. I feel so great, and so high when I'm with him, dazed, and intoxicated, drugged, and confused...until I come down. The crash is the worst part. The crash is what burns because I lose a piece of myself every time I willingly give him what he wants without a thought to the consequences of doing so.

We never really address the issues between us, we just bandage them, cover them up, and forget about them, as if that makes them go away, but they don't. They never do, and it's sickening when I come to think about it. That's when it's most like an addiction. When I hate myself for it. When I regret giving into him again, and again, and again...yet I do, and often.

But now, I'm riding him, and holding onto that sliver of control that he's allowed me to grasp for just a few moments. This is something I can control, this gives me power over him.

"God damn it, Bella! You love the way I feel inside of you, baby?"

I moan in response, loving the way he strokes inside of me, filling me, stretching me. It's the best feeling in the world.

"You're so fucking beautiful" his words pulse through my body like a caress from the inside, tickling me, and teasing me in the most sensitive areas, causing me to buck harder on him, and grind more fiercely on him. "You like that, baby?"

Releasing a deep moan, I shout 'YES' at the top of my lungs. I throw my head back in the throws of pleasure. He leans up and bites my nipple and tugs, releasing it with a moan, as he lifts his knees, taking away my control as he pistons into me.

"Damn, your body is sexy, baby!" Edward holds on to my hips, guiding my body at the pace he wants.

A grunt leaves my throat, and I look down at him, my eyes squinted, my lips parted to release my harsh breaths. I all but glare at him, and he has no idea why, but he loves it. I'm angry at him, and he doesn't even realize it. It should show in the brute force of my bouncing ass against him as I literally attempt to regain control by fucking him.

"Fuck!" he leans back, and eyes my pussy with an appreciative smile. He presses a palm to my stomach, causing me to lean back on my arms. "Look at that pretty pussy." his eyes flick to mine, as his thumb runs lightly over my clit.

"Oh, yes, god that feels good" I throw my head back.

"Come here" he says. I look up, just as he's lifting me off of his cock as if I weigh nothing. He tucks his arms around my thighs, and drags my body to him. Then his mouth descends on me. He gently swirls his tongue around my clit, and I suck in a deep shaky breath.

"Edward" I reach forward, and grab a hand full of his hair, savoring the feeling of his lips sucking on my clit.

"You taste so fucking good." he kisses the inside of my thigh, and moans, as he squeezes my thigh, and then slaps it. "I love your body, baby. Your sexy little body. These amazing thighs, your fuck awesome hips, and your spectacular ass. I could fuck you all day, and never grow tired. You are so fuckng sexy" he pulls me forward, and reaches behind me to squeeze my ass once, before rubbing my throbbing pussy between my legs.

I moan, and then lean up, just as his mouth attaches to my nipple, and I about lose my mind.

"Edward, I need you" I tell him, and even I can hear the desperation in my voice.

"What do you need, baby? Do you need my cock" he lifts his hips, and the head of his cock lightly brushes right where I need him.

"Yes, please!"

"Tell me!" he growls, and his voice is thick with arousal, it's deep, and low, and it's causing my pussy to throb uncontrollably.

"I need your cock inside of me, now" I all but shout, hoping this will be the end of his teasing.

He swirls his hips, then he reaches his hand up to wrap it around my throat. I look down at him, feeling overwhelmed by the multitude of sensations.

"Fuck me!"

He doesn't waste time after that. He grabs my hips, adjust his body, and impales me, hard, and deep.

"Holy fuck! You feel so good, so tight, and wet." he pounds into me, pushing me towards utter bliss.

I feel him so deep inside of me, so thick, and hot...my God, the places he's hitting, over and over, and over, and...

"Fuck!" the air is quite literally sucked out of my lungs, and my body instinctively rises, as a gush of liquid sprays all over my thighs, and Edwards body.

I shake, and quiver above him, my eyes rolling to the back of my head, even as I attempt to come down from my high. Yes, it's a high, and it's like nothing I have ever experienced before. I've squirted before, but Jesus, it's never been like this.

Edward doesn't wait much longer before he wraps his hands around my hips, and yanks me down onto his perfectly erect cock, thrusting upward to meet me,and I make the deepest, dirtiest grunt noise from deep within my chest. I can't help it. He feels so fucking good.

I grunt again as I place my hands on his chest, and plop down on his dick over, and over, staring deep into his dark eyes.

"Bella, baby...fuck!" he smacks my ass, and then squeezes both cheeks, as I begin to grind on him, rocking back and fourth.

"Oh, Edward!" I moan out, loving how he fills me so completely. He bends his knees once more; and begins to ram into me, my body moves with the brute force of his thrusts.

"God, I love fucking you." He says, smacking my ass, and for some fucked up, and ridiculous reason, my brain loses a battle with my mouth, and starts spewing shit I wasn't ready to admit.

"I fucking love you!" I shout back, without thinking it through. My filter fucked me over. Edward stops moving, but grips my hips. "Oh god!" I cover my mouth, then my entire face, feeling my face go red, and embarrassment overtake me. "Oh god! Oh god!"

"Baby" Edward coos, and I lose it. I slap his hands away; and try to jump off of him, but he holds my hips. "Bella " I can't even look at him.

"I didn't mean it," I say, and it's the greatest lie I have ever told.

He pulls at my hands; and holds them in his, somehow they are holding my hips. I keep my eyes closed.

"Baby, look at me" Edward's voice is soothing, but I know that as soon as he realizes that I'm not obeying him, the forceful edge will make an appearance.

I'm just buying myself time to put my words together.

"Look at me!" and there it is. The 'I mean business' voice.

I can't do it! I'm so fucking embarrassed, even more so because he didn't say it back.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me. I said, look at me."

I force my eyes open, and I expect to be met with anger, or something close, but no, there's...tenderness. Tenderness like I've never seen before.

He smiles his usual sexy smile, the one that I love and adore just a tad more than I love the others because it's so rare, and it isn't forced. It's...real, genuine, and just for me. It gives me a full glimpse into the big softy that he sometimes allows me to see.

"Baby." his voice is thick, yet soft."You love me?" he asks, and a lump forms in my throat, as my eyes widen. Is he playing a game with me? Because if he is, it's not fucking funny! He clearly heard what I'd said.

I shake my head no, and bite the corner of my bottom lip.

"Do you love me, baby?" The way he says baby this time causes my heart to leap in my chest, yet I shake my head no again, looking down at his naked chest, feeling stupid for having admitted that, and doing so while I'm in the middle of an intense fuck session, and while I'm so clearly upset with him.

He sighs heavily, looking exasperatedly at me, but there's also a look of understanding.

"Tell me that you love me, so that I can say it back."

My head snaps up to look at him. "What?"

"Don't take it back." he tells me, and I stare at him in confusion, my judgment is clouded by the fact that we have so much to address. This could've waited until we were both ready to spill everything about ourselves, or maybe while he's not hard, thick, and deep inside of me.

I shake my head no like the defiant girl that he apparently loves. I don't want to say it. Somehow I feel like it will change the dynamic in our relationship.

"I do not want to play games, Bella. You either love me, or you don't!" he says cooly, getting irritated.

Does he really expect me to put my heart out there, lay my feelings bare while he continues to lie, and do god only knows what else?

I remain silent, and still, not meeting his eyes that are so clearly piercing me with an overly intense gaze.

"Fine!" he says with finality, and then angrily he releases me. "Get off" his voice is low; and clipped.

I stare at him, wide-eyed, and confused. He's mad...at me? Is he serious? I ask him.

"Are you serious?"

"Deadly!" he sneers.

"Oh, fuck you! You're such an asshole" I shove his chest into the mattress with both hands as I stand above him, glaring down at him. When I try to walk away, he grips the back of my calf.

"I did not say you could leave. I simply told you to get off of me, because now I have to fuck an admission out of you."

"Edward," I exhale a deep breath that I'd inhaled out of frustration. This crazy, crazy, crazy man! "Go fuck yourself."

I hop off of the bed, and try to walk away, but he tugs my hand. "We are not done here!"

"Well, I am! I'm done, Edward! I'm done!" gathering up my clothes in my hands, I march for the door.

Now he's confused. "Why do I get the feeling that you are talking about more than sex?"

"Because I am" My voice raises with my level of annoyance. Who can live like this? I can't do it!

"What is your problem?" he finally gets off of the bed and waltzes over to me. His eyes slanted, and his brows knit in confusion and a bit of annoyance. "Is it your hormones? Because if it is, you need to reel that shit in, and talk to me, baby!"

"Fuck the hormones! That's not it! It's you! Everything about you just pisses me off."

"You are overreacting! We were just fucking not five minutes ago, and you were fine."

"But I wasn't!" I shout at him, and then I collapse to the ground in tears.

Why the fuck am I crying? I hate crying! So, I do what I normally do when I get emotional. I throw a fucking fit. First, it's my clothes that I throw at him, one by one, piece by piece. Then my shoes, then it's little things around me, like a pillow that had fallen off the bed during our throws of passion.

"Baby...baby...baby! Stop!" he reaches me, and falls to his knees, gripping me to him. "Talk to me!"

"I don't love you, I hate you! I hate you!"

"Why? Why do you hate me?" his voice is now raised, as he tries to grip me into his arms.

"Because you're a lying, cheating, manipulative bastard!"

"That is very specific, and I am a little hurt, but Bella, I never have -"

"Don't even say that you have never lied, because that'll just be another lie."

"What is this about, Bella?"

"You! It's about you!" Shoving at his chest, I exert my strength, trying with all my might to relieve myself of his hold. I don't want him near me right now.

"What about me? Tell me what I did, baby! I don't want you to be mad at me" he's actually trying, and for some reason it adds to my annoyance. Do I want him to blow up? I decide that I do. I always do. It's how I know that I'm not the only crazy one, affected by emotions, able to damage things in my wake all because of how incapable I am of dealing with them.

"Well, I am! Because all you do is lie to me, and fuck me, and use me, and you just-" A sound of utter frustration erupts from my mouth, and I have the sudden urge to slap him. "You'll never change! Jacob was right!" as soon as the words leave my mouth, I resent saying them and realize what I've just said to him.

He releases me as if I suddenly caught on fire, and was burning him. His face is a mixture of torture, and disbelief.

"Whatever I have done to piss you off so badly, I-" his voice cracks, and he looks away, his jaw ticking, and his nostrils flare. "I am sorry."

He stands at his full height, walks around me, and begins to put on his clothes. I watch in horror as he silently gets dressed, not meeting my gaze even once.

Without a glance at me, he turns and walks out of the room, and I fear that I just broke something in him.

"Edward!" I call his name while grabbing the sheet off of the bed to cover my naked body. "Wait!" I shout out when I hear him approach the steps, and I follow after him. I call his name again, and he turns to face me, a mask set on his beautiful face.

"Where are you going?" I ask him, and he shrugs, not able to meet my gaze.

"I don't know, but you clearly do not want me near you. I would rather you be here, than have you running off. So, I will leave."

"I don't want that! I want you to talk to me. Explain why you lied about your sisters party."

He doesn't even flinch at the knowledge, and it makes me think that maybe, just maybe I was right, and he did know that I was pissed, and he tried to manipulate me.

"Do you know who sent the texts?" I ask him, and he sighs, then nods, and his head drops. The answer was simple and easy to get out of him this time around. It sent my mind in a whirlwind of confusion. He knew...

This is just something else that he lied about. Or maybe he'd just found it out recently, but then that means he still hid it from me, which is still basically a lie.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because telling you the truth meant that I had to answer questions, Bella! I knew that you would not like the answers, and you would fucking leave me again because I am an idiot."

"Tell me." I fill the space between us, walking until I am right in front of him, not enough to touch him, but close enough until I am staring up at him.

He cups my face, and stares down into my eyes, telling me how he feels, without actually saying the words.

"Promise me that no matter what I tell you, you won't leave me," he begs, and my breath catches in my throat.

Is it that bad? It can't be. Surely, he can't expect me to give him that kind of power over me?

"I can't do that, Edward!" Strength. I am going to need strength to handle him. Not just for this conversation, but in my dealings with him from now on. I can't sit back and take his shit anymore. I need to be just as commanding and demanding as he is. I can't continue to fret over what he needs, how he needs control. If I fret over his needs, and forget my own, I will continue to lose myself to him.

"It's in the past, Bella! It does not reflect on what we have now! What we are now!"

"You lied to me, again! This is already something else that I have to forgive. I can't promise you that the next words out of your mouth won't send me packing."

"You are not going anywhere, Bella, and that is fucking final." His words are firm, but the look on his face tells me that he's not as confident as he sounds. He's terrified. "You're not leaving this house."

God, he is an infuriating man, and I have had enough of this alpha male asshole standing before me.

"So you're going to trap me into a relationship with you? Is that it?"

"I cannot lose you again! I know how that feels, and I don't particularly like it." He doesn't like knowing that he has no control over what I do, and where I go, and not so much the feeling of losing me. It's becoming apparent even as we speak.

"Tell me the truth."

Edward reluctantly releases a breath, but then inhales another one and holds it.

"Heidi sent the texts."

His words are like a punch to the stomach. I'm...devastated! He knew that she sent the texts. Was he protecting her? Is that it? I can't believe this.

"And you've done nothing! Absolutely nothing to put her in her place, have you? I bet you're still supporting her too." Then something occurs to me, and the realization almost sends me spiraling to the ground, as the thoughts swirling in my head fill me with rage.

"No, no, I'm not Bella! I kicked her out that night after I realized what I'd done," he seemed to be cursing under his breath when he realized what he had let slip.

He didn't have to let it slip, though because I knew all that I needed to know.

"Oh my god! You...you slept with her, didn't you? And you've still been supporting her, even after what happened at your birthday party." The look on his face is my undoing, and my legs wobble and give out beneath me, but Edward catches me before I hit the ground.

He pulls me over to the couch, and silently sits next to me, while I stare blankly ahead, trying to figure out how to proceed.

That's when the tears start again. I'm so fucking stupid! I took him back again without even blinking, and he betrayed me yet again.

I have to hear him say it. I already know the answer, but I have to hear him admit it.

"You had sex with her?" I repeat the question as if I don't already know the answer. Somewhere in the back of my head a tiny voice tells me that he wouldn't do that and any minute he's going to deny everything, and dispel my worry.

His head drops into his hands. "Fuuuuck!" his loud roar fills the room, and that's when I know that I had my answer.

I stand from my seat next to him, feeling crushed and like I'm drowning. I feel my heart sink into my stomach, as I try to hold back the urge to vomit, the urge to start crying again because this hurts. This pain is so much worse than anything that I have ever experienced in my life. I know what pain is. Hell, I've practically been married to pain my whole life. It's all I know, and it has remained my constant, my comfort because it's the only thing that my life has been consistent since I can remember. This is different. This feels like my chest has been sliced open, and my heart has been snatched out. This pain is excruciating, yet...I can't find it in me to cry anymore. I'm...in...shock!

"I can't believe you would do this to me" With those words, I turn my back on him, determined not to cry until I can get as far away from him as possible.

"I wanted to hurt you! I wanted to get back at you!" his voice travels the short distance of stairs that I'd traveled in order to put distance between us.

"Why? Why would you want to hurt me? I've done nothing but give you every part of me since the beginning!" I shout at him, feeling out of control as my emotions shake me to the core. I can't believe him!

"Because I saw you with him, and I couldn't handle it!" he shouts back, rising from his seat to face me. "I did not handle it well. I felt lost, and betrayed, and out of control, and I despise each of those feelings."

"So you cheat on me? That's how you make yourself feel better?" He had no words for me, and at that moment, I did hate him.

"Baby, I was trying to recreate the feelings that I have with you, with someone else. I wanted to feel that connection because I thought you had moved on. Then, when I saw you at the club, I'd planned on fucking you out of my system. I wanted to prove to myself that I could have meaningless sex with you, just as I'd had with Heidi two nights before. I wanted to prove that our connection was gone, or that there was no connection at all, but, there is! It is still here, and I can not lose this feeling, baby. I can not lose you! I am fucking crazy about you!"

"It took fucking her, for you to realize what we have?"

"No. I was hurt Bella! You left me, wouldn't talk to me for a month, and you had just moved on and didn't tell me anything. I saw you with him, and I just wanted you to hurt like I was hurting."

"You wanted to hurt me! You knew fucking her, or anyone for that matter, but mostly her would hurt me. You knew that, and you still did it."

"I wasn't thinking clearly. I am so sorry, baby, I-"

"And you gave her the opportunity to hurt me, again. You knew that she had sent the texts, yet you did nothing about it." I'm shaking with anger, not even allowing the hurt to completely creep in.

"No" he breathed. "No, I-"

"You disgust me!" I tell him, before running up the stairs to put on my clothes.

I push past the hurt and pain and focus on getting the hell out of this house. It's hard to breathe, and I can barely even see straight pass the blur of red haze covering my vision.

He knew this whole time! He'd known that she had sent the texts, and he didn't tell me, all so he could cover up the fact that he'd had sex with her.

"Bella" his voice is soft, and I hate it. I hate everything about his delicate voice. It's beseeching, and it makes me feel like I'm the bad guy, like I'm irrational, and I know it's not the case.

"What!" I hate how emotional I get, and how quickly it happens.

"Look at me." For once it's not a demand, and I'm grateful because I can't look at him. Every time I look at him, it feels like the very first time. His eyes...they hold so much wonder, always have, and they are my undoing, and always will be. Looking into his eyes, the feeling they possess me with is one of awe and wonder. It's like looking at the moon, and I mean really looking at it, and then looking at the back of the moon, only to find that it shines brightly too. It's an odd feeling. A wonderful feeling. And I'm throwing it away.

"I already feel like shit, baby, please! Please, just stay, and think things over." Hearing his careful words, and his attempt to put my mind at ease only angers me further.

I can't seem to figure out why my heart acts like a defiant teenager and wants so badly to make me listen to him. Even after everything that he has done, my heart still beats for him, still longs for him, even in his deception, my heart just wants him however he is. I can't listen to my heart right now. I can't afford to.

Our relationship has been nothing but a relentless, unpredictable storm, and I can't handle the sway of things. I need peace. My heart will just have to be still because I can't stay here. I can't stay with him.

"Think about what, Edward? What is there to think about?"

"Think about us."

"There is no us!" I shout, turning finally to face him in the door entryway. He flinches at the rise in my voice, and maybe at my words. The look on his face breaks me apart and tugs at my heart strings. I have to get out of here!

I take a step, and he blocks the door.

"Move," I tell him, and he really looks close to tears. His eyes begin to dart around his bedroom, for what, I'm not sure. His eyes are wide, fearful, and anxious, as he searches around the room for what seems to be divine intervention.

"Please! Please! Just listen to what I have to say, and then I'll leave, but I want you to stay here." His suggestion for me to stay is just another one of his ways of controlling me, and I can't have that.

"Why? So you can continue to control me?"

His head drops, he rolls his neck and lets out a long sigh.

"Is that what I do? Control you? I don't mean to," his voice is so raw, so low, and void of life. It reminds me of that time he sat in front of my door, after the last time that he betrayed me.

"You do! Like now! By not letting me leave! By not giving me a choice, you are controlling me. You don't do this to the one that you love," I tell him and watch as his arms quickly fall from the door, his shoulders slump, and he takes a step back.

His actions speak volumes, and just like that I'm back to square one. My mind battling with my heart. I know how hard it is for him to relinquish control. He's letting me go, giving me a choice, and saying that he loves me.

I stand there staring at him for the longest time, wondering if this is it. He's letting me leave. He's just letting me leave. Somehow this feels worse than if I'd angrily shoved past him because now I have a choice, and I'm terrified that I'll make the wrong one."

I continue to stare, frozen in place as the realization of everything that I've said and done comes crashing back to me. I realize just how badly I don't want to leave him. I don't want us to end. I want him to fight for me...and yet, I don't. It's better this way. I force the thought, even though, I don't believe it.

I walk past him, still watching his downcast face. I want to touch him, reach out to him, comfort him, but in the back of my head, I wonder if this is just another tactic to manipulate me. He knows what showing me his vulnerable side does to me. It causes me to drop my walls, my defenses against him, and that's when he can worm his way back to my good side.

I can't let him cause me any more unnecessary pain. I've had pain in my life for too long, and it's had the potential to break me. After the last time he'd hurt me, I guarded myself with words like a shield to protect myself, as a reminder. It was a reminder that I'd forgotten the moment he'd touched me in that club all those days ago. The reminder of just how badly he could hurt me. Just how easily he could cause me to fall. He would be the last straw in my sanity. The last thing to break me, and my inevitable downfall.

I walk away from him, down the stairs, out of the front door, and out of his life.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Stephanie Meyers**

 **A/N: Special thanks to EdwardsFirstKiss for making this story one hundred percent better than it would have been without her skills. The best beta in the universe!**

 **Thank you so much Donna. You are awesome!**

Bella Pov

I didn't have time to dwell on the unbearable pain that had taken residence in my chest. I attempted to think about any, and everything, other than Edward, and the suffering that I'm sure to endure without him. Somehow, on the cab ride home, everything reminded me of him, which made me realize just how lonely I really am.

As we passed a multitude of shops, and restaurants, I noticed which street we were on, and I winced from the pain that shot through my chest at the memories that this street provoked. I knew it was coming, and I should have looked away, but I guess the masochist in me felt like being sucker punched in the gut again tonight. I look right at Edwards hotel, as if he would appear out of thin air, and relieve me of my struggle to hold on to reality.

He was my savior that night… in a way, and he has done so many wonderful things for me since then. Not once did I say thank you for his rescue, or breakfast each morning, or having his driver take me where ever I needed to go. Not once did I say thank you when he's visited me at the bar with flowers while I was working, just to see me smile. His text messages were always sweet, and simple, just checking to see how my night was going, because he knew that I slept throughout the day.

Not once did I utter my appreciation for him constantly looking out for my well-being, even when I lacked the spirit to look after myself. Not even once! Yet, he never uttered a complaint. He wanted to take care of me. He wanted to be my knight in shining armor, and I had let him. I had had no problem with being blissfully ignorant, as long as I had my faithful Sex God.

 _Except he wasn't faithful, Bella!_

I bow my head at the thought that I'd just had, and wipe away my tears. Only I know why I am unable to look out of the window. It's because it is yet another reminder of my time with Edward, and this one in particular stings like a bitch. He loves Thai food just as much as I do, and we had spent many of his lunch breaks there, eating, sharing food, and sharing stories. We slowly pass the Thai restaurant, and I try not to look, but it's futile. My eyes land on a couple through the window of the restaurant. They are laughing at something that is apparently the funniest thing in the universe, because she's wiping at her fucking eyes, as if tears are threatening to escape. Faker! It can't be that funny!

 _Or maybe she's not faking, Bella, and you're just bitter!_

Am I talking to myself now? Is that what I have resorted to? Am I going crazy? Is this an early sign of mental illness that will lead me down a path similar to my mother's?

I close my eyes, and take a deep breath. _No! I'm not crazy_!

Closing my eyes was apparently an even bigger mistake than looking at the Thai restaurant, because now green eyes are all that I can see. Just for the briefest second, his piercing emerald gaze invades my space, and fills up the holes in my broken heart. His beautiful face is forever burned into my memory and seems to bring me peace of mind in the middle of chaos, and turmoil. Even if he is the one that caused these feelings, he is also the savior that pulls me out of them.

I can see that damn laugh line, and that sexy curve at the corner of his mouth that gives me insight into his wicked thoughts. And oh god, that chiseled jawline that I constantly want to kiss and lick the way it deserves, because of its utter perfection. I can just imagine how sexy he looks when he clenches his jaw, or it ticks in anger, or irritation. My god, it's the sexiest damn thing I have ever seen in my life. HE is the sexiest damn thing I have ever seen in my life.

Fuck! Why can't I stop thinking about him? We're over! I made sure of that. He's no longer mine. I have no claims, and no rights to feel the way that I do for him, yet…the feelings are still here, and they are real. They are shouting at me to listen, if only for a second. But I don't.

I close my eyes more tightly, squeezing them until all I see is black, and I have effectively shut Edward's face out of my mind. I lean back against the seat of the cab, and listen to the music, just as Rihanna begins to sing "Stay," causing all types of emotions to bubble up to the surfaces. I've tried so hard to keep my emotions in check, but the song has me swiping at my face, to relieve the unwanted tears.

Fuck you, tears! Fuck you, heart! Fuck you, Edward!

"Can you please turn that up?" I ask through my tears, my voice cracking with each word. He looks back at me through the mirror, and nods his head. "Seems I'll be listening to music like this for a while" I mumble to myself. Then I have a thought that I haven't had in a while, and I suppress it, because nothing will ever drive me to smoke cigarettes again. I push the ridiculous thought away, and try to focus on the song, but it hurts, because it brings my thoughts right back to Edward.

I wonder what he's doing right now. I wonder if he realizes how badly he fucked up his third chance.

X

There was no more crying when I got to Jasper's apartment, or anything of the sorts. I didn't have it in me to cry anymore. Jasper had left for the library shortly after I arrived, and I couldn't be happier. The gaping hole in my chest was something that I had to deal with, so there was no reason to bring Jasper down with me during my pitiful mood. I made sure to hold back my tears before he had left, because I would hate for him to see me like this. He'd probably be pissed, and take off, looking for Edward; and that would just be another issue I had to deal with.

After sitting alone for thirty minutes on the couch, I realized just how badly I need to talk to someone. All of a sudden, I feel so alone, and I hate that. I pick up my phone, and stare at it, wondering why Edward hasn't tried to call me. Usually, he would call me ten million times, but not this time. He must realize just how badly he has fucked up.

I feel the tears well up in my eyes and a heavy weight press on my chest, constricting my breathing. God, I miss him already.

I call Rose, hoping to get a chance to talk to her because I really need someone to talk to. The phone rings, and rings, then goes to voicemail.

I close my eyes, hoping to slow the tears, but it's useless. A sob is threatening to burst from my lips, but I hold on. I don't want to break down. So I just sit there, staring at the wall, as tears trickle down my face. I don't bother wiping them away this time, even when they cloud my vision. I can't stop the tears from falling. I don't even want to. They are a reminder of how hard I have fallen, and how capable I am of love. Then again, they are also a reminder of Edwards's betrayal, and that thought causes the hurt to start all over again. Each time I think, and play it over in my head, wondering if I would have done anything differently, I get the same results. Leaving was the more painful option, but staying would have been the destructive one. Staying would have led him to believe that what he'd done was okay, and that it hadn't affected me...hadn't affected us. Regretfully, I had gone against one of my dad's golden rules; I had let myself be ruled by my emotions, when they're something that I have spent a lot of my life hiding from.

My dad used to tell me to not make permanent decisions, based on temporary emotions. This is one reason why I have never dealt with my emotions, even as a kid. I remember one of Charlie's lectures clear as day, as if he'd just said it an hour ago, rather than a few years back. It was during the time when my mother really worn on his patience, and he was growing tired of her acting out more viciously than usual. Some days were normal for her, and he would let her out of the room, but never when I was home. When she would act out, he would have these moments afterward, where he'd go on and on about how he wanted to take her somewhere to get her the help she needed, but then he would cry. He would cry because he knew, he just knew that getting her help meant he would not be able to see her every day, and that would break his heart. This was one of those nights where he'd go on a long rant about how he's just letting his emotions rule him, and that he and I both needed to be stronger.

"Don't hold on to temporary emotions. They're just there for a time, to weigh on your mind, and to eat away at your peace. Keep your peace, Bells, or one day, you'll look up and find yourself in a similar situation, and wonder just how the fuck did you get here. You'll go from watching the love of your life with your baby girl swaddled up all pretty-like one second, the next second, the love of your life is threatening to choke the shit out of your baby girl because she won't stop crying. Why wouldn't she stop crying?"

Then he would start to cry, and I would just sit there wondering if his lectures came from a place of real suffering, or if these were things that he had witnessed as a cop. Later in life, when I really got to know what was behind that last door in our home, everything clicked into place for me. We had lived in a home with the love of his life, and she had blamed me for being the reason she had lost her mind. Secretly, I think my dad blamed me too, but what could he do? I was the product of love in his eyes, and I could do no wrong, just like his wife. No matter how fucking crazy she was, he still saw nothing wrong with her behavior, until it was too late.

A knock on the door startles me out of my spiraling thoughts, and I have to shake my head to clear my mind, and focus on getting to my feet. I slowly stand, feeling sluggish and weighed down by the events of the night. When I open the front door, I'm both surprised and overjoyed to see Alice standing there.

"Alice?" I'm shocked. Why is she here, and how does she know where I live?

"Shit, Bella! Look at your face" she says to me, and I roll my eyes. She walks into the apartment and closes the door behind her.

"Why are you here?" I ask her. She ignores my question and walks around the living room to the couch. She takes a seat and looks back at me as she pats the cushion with her hand, silently motioning for me to come and have a seat. I walk over and take a seat next to her, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Edward sent me," she says simply. I feel the blade of the dagger in my chest twist and deepen, just from hearing his name.

"He sent you here to check up on me? How thoughtful." I wrap my arms around myself and look away from her. She is also a reminder of him, and I just can't stand to look at her right now. It hurts too badly.

"He said that you were hurting, and he wanted me to let you know that you're not alone. He didn't want you to be alone. His words, not mine" Alice says, then she lets her eyes roam the apartment.

"I'm fine, Alice. I don't need a babysitter," I tell her.

"A babysitter? You think I'm here to babysit you? Do you know how far away I live? Trust me, Bella. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be here. He didn't make me come here."

"So why did you come?"

"Because he sounded fucking pitiful on the phone, and I figured you couldn't be in any better shape. Plus, I care about you," she says and rubs my arms, and I feel my tense shoulders loosen up a bit.

"You don't know me, Alice." I eye her skeptically, trying to find the underlying motivation in her visit.

"You are all he talks about, Bella." she tells me, and my heart leaps in my chest. "My family gets attached quickly, Bella. That's why we were wary of you. If being with you was just some way to get back at Tanya for all the fucked up shit she has done to him, we didn't want to get close to you," she lifts one shoulder in a shrug. "But mom has loved you since the first day Edward mentioned you. She thinks you're good for him."

"I'm not! We bring out bad qualities in each other. It's to the point where I can't stomach the person that I've become, and most of the time Edward just annoys the living shit out of me."

Alice laughs at that, and I half-heartedly release a laugh, joining her, and it feels...good! I feel good. I feel much better already.

We sit quietly for a minute before Alice breaks the silence. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"Edward didn't tell you?"

"No. He only said that he fucked up, and he's an idiot." She shrugs. "He also told me that he's going away for a while, but he wouldn't tell me where, or when he's coming back. He only said that it's the only way he can avoid coming here every day, and begging for forgiveness. He knows that you don't want to see him."

"He's leaving?" I ask in shock, and she nods slowly.

"Tomorrow evening. He's coming to brunch at mom's, and then he's leaving shortly after to check up on a few properties that he's been neglecting."

I nod in understanding because honestly, what else can I do. We're done. I shouldn't care what he does...yet I do. Fuck!

"Now tell me what happened. You confronted him about his lie?" she asks, and I let out a long sigh, before telling her the entire story, minus the 'I love you' confession. No one needs to hear that.

When I get to the end, and I finally take a breath, she begins to laugh...and laugh...and laugh. What the heck?

"Alice," I say her name so that she can come out of her laughing fit.

"Have you ever watched the show 'Friends' with Jennifer Aniston?" I have no clue what she's talking about. "Rachel, and Ross?" she tries to ring a bell in my head, and she's failing, because none of this makes sense.

"Wow. Have you never watched TV? It's one of my favorite shows. I swear by that show."

"Is there a point to this?" I ask her.

"Yes, of course. So in the show Rachel and Ross are dating, and they were having problems, so Rachel says that they need a break, which is what you asked for with Edward, right?"

"No, I asked for time. There's a difference." And there is a major difference. A break usually means 'break up' and I didn't ask for that.

"Not really, but whatever, let me finish. Ross ends up at a bar to cheer up, and he calls Rachel at home, and she has another man there, and Ross heard him through the phone. The guy was just her friend, though, but Ross didn't see it that way. That's sort of what happened with you guys, right?"

"No" I reply and then realize that I'm full of shit. It's exactly what happened. Edward got jealous because he saw me with Jasper, and we looked more than friendly. It's because sometimes I allowed myself to see Jasper as more than just a friend, but I found myself comparing everything that he did to Edward. We could never have had anything romantic because I would never allow it to happen. I was too stuck on Edward.

"Sure" she doesn't believe me. "So Ross hangs up, and he's pissed, which is how I imagine Edward was." she pauses. "You know what happened after that?" she watches me expectantly. "Sex, Bella. They have sex" she rolls her eyes at me.

"Is this suppose to teach me a lesson, or something" I have no clue where she's going with this.

"Yes! Edward called me the day that he had found you,"

"You mean the day he stalked me," I pipe in, and she makes a face at me.

"Quit interrupting!" The frustration that she feels shows through her voice and actions asl she practically stumps her feet. It seems childish, and I turn my head away, laughing at her. "I came over and found him in his office drunk. Heidi was there, which shocked me because she's supposed to be in California. She said that she needed somewhere to stay for the night and that Edward said she could stay at his place. Heidi said that he had told her that he was staying at the hotel, but he never made it. He got too drunk."

"I can't believe that he would even let her stay at his place after how she made me feel at his birthday party," I tell her, and she makes a face.

"Did you ever tell him how you felt about her? Guys are stupid, Bella. You have to be upfront. Otherwise, they'll keep doing dumb shit."

"It doesn't change what he did."

"I get it, Bella, I do. He lied to you. But don't call what he did cheating. You two were not together for an entire month. How does he know what you did in that month? Did you tell him? For all he knows, you were fucking around with a guy that you're living with. Whether you were having sex with this guy or not, is beside the point. Imagine how it looked to him" Alice says, and I actually start to see her point.

"But I-"

"No buts. How would you feel if you saw him on the streets with another woman, then found out that he was living with that woman? Wouldn't you think the relationship was over?" Alice is actually making sense, but it's upsetting to venture into that way of thinking.

"It's not just that, Alice."

"Then what is it?"

"He knew she had sent those texts, and he lied about it to protect her." That's what hurts the most. He lied to protect his mistress, whom he is still supporting, and probably fucking, and I hate it.

Alice shakes her head, frowning, before speaking again. "He isn't protecting her Bella. Nor is he still providing for her. She came back to Seattle because Jake took her back," she pauses, and looks up at me as if waiting for a reaction. She sighs when I say nothing, before continuing. "Besides, he only lied about it so that he wouldn't hurt you. He cares enough about you to try to avoid causing you pain. He's brutally honest with everyone else."

"So I should be thankful that he lied to me?" I raise my voice.

"No, I'm just saying that..." she sighs, and then her eyes widen. "You don't know what happened to Heidi. That's why you think he's protecting her."

"What are you talking about?"

"Bella, He can't really do anything about Heidi using his phone to text you because she's in the hospital. She tried to kill herself after he kicked her out the next morning. She wrote a note blaming everything on Edward."

"What?" I cover my mouth in shock.

"Heidi tried to kill herself. There was a big blow up at the hospital too. Jacob went off the deep end and tried to strangle Edward."

Oh no! "Jacob blames Edward!" My mouth is literally hanging open in shock. I want to ask if Edward is okay, but I can't do it. I can't say his name.

"Of course. Jacob wouldn't dare take responsibility for his failed marriage, and his wife's unhappiness." Alice's voice drips with sarcasm. "I don't know why he's so surprised? This wouldn't be the first time she's done something bat-shit crazy to get Edward's attention."

"Heidi left him for Edward." I've heard this story more times than I'd like too, and it's never been made clear what actually happened.

"No, Heidi left him for Tanya. They're bisexual." She shrugs like this isn't the weirdest situation known to man. "Eventually her plan worked, and she clung to Edward again."

"What do you mean, again?"

"I just mean that we all grew up together. Heidi has an unhealthy obsession with Edward, and he rejected her for Tanya obviously, because they were getting married. Heidi married Jacob to get Edward's attention, and it didn't work. Then she figured, why not get close to his wife, to get to Edward. She succeeded until you came along. Now, she's pulling this shit!"

I shake my head at the ridiculousness of it all. "Jacob thinks Edward stole Heidi from him, to get back at him," I tell Alice what I gathered from my conversation with Jacob the last time we had spoken.

"To get back at him? That's laughable. My brother doesn't give a fuck about Jacob, or Heidi. They're the ones obsessed with him." She actually laughs, and I just watch her, utterly perturbed by all of this, and not amused.

"Alice, none of this is making me feel better."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're hurting."

"I feel a lot better with someone to talk to, but I really would rather not talk about your brother." I still can't say his name.

"Just one last thing, and then we can watch a movie, or do something else," she says, and I nod. "You two were on a break, Bella! Technically, you weren't together. That's something you should be able to move past. He doesn't give a fuck about her. He loves you." She blinks at me with a smile plastered on her face, as if her words solved the day. I huff loudly and avert my gaze. She's making light of this, making light of my feelings, and my situation. My heart is crushed, and I don't think his mere apologies can fix it this time.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I tell her, and she nods. Seconds later, we're flipping through channels on TV, looking for a good movie to watch. We settle on Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and we spend the night laughing our asses off. After hours of laughing like an idiot, I finally pass out on the couch. My last thought is of Edward, before falling into restless slumber.

X

The next morning, I wake to smacking noises, and giggling, and instantly know what's going on. When I stand up, and glance around the room, I realize that it's empty, but the kitchen light is on. I rub my eyes, in an attempt to wake up, and round the wall to where the kitchen is. That's when I see Alice sitting on the counter being kissed out of her mind by Jasper.

She's the first to notice that I've entered the room, and her eyes widen, as she pushes at his chest. He turns, and gives me an apologetic look.

"Look." Alice points to the stove where there's a rather fucked up looking pancake. I laugh, staring at it.

"Shit" Jasper rushes over and attempts to remove the pancake.

"Can't cook breakfast, and make-out at the same time?" I laugh again.

"Did we wake you?" Alice asks, her eyes worried, as she chews her bottom lip.

I shake my head no, but give her a look, and start walking back towards the living room. She realizes what I'm saying, and quickly follows me out of the kitchen.

"What's going on?" I ask, looking at her, then back towards the kitchen.

Her smile is bright and infectious. She looks heavenward, sighing happily in thought.

"Do you believe in fate?" she asks, and I raise an eyebrow. "I was supposed to be here, Bella. I was meant to meet that man in there."

"Jasper?" I ask incredulously. She nods, still smiling.

"He's amazing. We stayed up all night talking," she tells me, and I shake my head at her. I thought that she had fallen asleep when I had.

"Wow, well, I'm glad my misfortune brought you guys together."

"Well, now I feel bad! Geez, Bella! Your misfortune is your own doing. You can easily forgive and forget." Alice pats my knee.

"I'm tired of doing that." I've been doing it my entire life.

"You have to learn to let go. You also need to learn to set boundaries." She softly stresses the final word, and I roll my eyes.

"We're never together long enough to do that. He keeps fucking up."

"When he fucks up, punish him, but don't leave him. Not if you love him," she pokes me, and I sigh.

"It's hard, Alice! I'm hurt that he cheated."

"He didn't cheat," she shakes her head. I don't know why I'm even listening to her. She's on his side, always. She is Edwards's sister after all. Of course, she's going to stick up for him.

"Technicality."

"I'm going to make you watch that episode of Friends," she laughs, and I roll my eyes. "You two were on a break, and even if he tried to hurt you, think about the fact that he was hurting too. Did you think about that?"

"No, I didn't." I take a deep breath. "I want him to stop lying to me, and I want him to let Heidi fend for herself."

"Then tell him that! This is so fucking annoying," she tells me, and stands up, hovering over me.

"What is?" I ask her.

"People and their willingness to just give up on a relationship because of a few fuck ups. You would rather hurt being away from him than try to work it out with him, and be happy. How stupid is that?"

"Don't hold back, Alice! Tell me how you really feel."

"I did, and I'm serious! You two need to work this shit out for my niece, or nephew," she smiles, and I blink at her.

"He told you?"

"No, Jasper thought I knew, and he mentioned it. Congratulations!" she bends down to hug me, and I hug her back tightly.

"Thanks." I reply, and at that moment all I can think about is Edward's reaction to my news. All I can think about is how great of a father he is going to be, and how cute he'll look holding our baby in his arms.

At that moment, there's a knock on the door, and both Alice, and I look over towards the door. Jasper walks out of the kitchen to the front door and opens it.

"Delivery for Miss Isabella Swan." I try to peek out around Jasper, but I can't see around his body.

"The cart?" Jasper asks.

"There is food here for Miss Isabella." I recognize that voice. It's Edward's housekeeper. She lifts something, and then I hear the metal clanking throughout the empty hallway.

"Come in. You can put it next to the dining room table," Jasper says, and then he steps back to let the woman in.

"I have strict instructions to serve all of Miss Isabella's favorites, and to make sure that she eats." Mrs. Pierce says as she begins to set the table.

I fold my arms across my chest and roll my eyes. "Edward," I practically growl his name. Does he not think I'm capable of feeding myself?

"Maybe this is his way of saying that he is sorry and that he cares about you," Alice says.

"Look at it this way. At least now we don't have to eat Jasper's cooking." She snickers, and I shake my head at her teasing.

"I heard that," Jasper calls out from the kitchen.

"I didn't whisper it," Alice laughs louder, and I join in.

"Miss Swan," Mrs. Pierce calls, motioning to the plate, and I huff.

"Thank you for this, but you can leave. I promise to eat," I tell her, and she nods her head but doesn't quite move from her post.

"I must first call Mr. Cullen," she says before reaching out for the tray to retrieve what I can only assume is her phone. I sigh heavily, and dramatically.

"I promise Mrs. Pierce, I will eat. You trust me, right?" I squeeze her shoulders giving her a reassuring look. I know that she doesn't want to get into trouble, but I really don't need her lingering around watching as I eat. That's just a little weird.

She gives me a smile, and gently pats my cheek. "Sweet girl! He really cares for you. Do us all a favor, and do as he says," she tells me. I smile back at her, because she must know first-hand as his housekeeper, just how demanding he can be.

"He shouldn't have made you do all of this." I look around at all of the food, and there is a fuck-load of it. My eyes widen, and I shake my head.

"It was no problem, Miss Isabella. He's not at home much, so there is not much for me to do these days. I was just happy to be made useful," she smiles brighter, and I return it.

"Thank you, Mrs. Pierce." I say, and both Jasper and Alice follow suit with genuine words of gratitude. "And please, call me Bella," I tell her.

She smiles, and waves as she starts towards the door, but she stops and then turns abruptly.

"Ah, I almost forgot. This is for you" She hands me a piece of paper.

"What's that?" Alice asks, coming over close to me to get a better look.

"I don't know yet, Alice."

I open the folded paper and read:

 _ **Bella,**_

 _ **I need you to eat, take your vitamins, and I instructed Mrs. Pierce to pack ginger for your nausea. I hope it helps. Take care of yourself. If not for me, do it for EJ.**_

 _ **Love**_

 ** _Woody_.**

I smile down at his note, shaking my head at the fact that he managed to sound bossy in a letter.

I skim the note again, and my smile grows when I think of our note passing experience in the past. I have half a mind to send a note back with Mrs. Pierce… actually, I think I will.

"Wait, Mrs. Pierce!" I call after her, right as her feet are reaching the threshold. I grab a pen off of the bar and turn his paper over to write out my own note.

 _ **Woody,**_

 _ **Thanks for breakfast, but it would definitely take a lot more than eggs, toast, and bacon to get me back into your bed. By the way, this baby could quite possibly be a girl, I hope it is, and I hope she gives you hell.**_

 _ **Bella**_

I quickly pass it on to Mrs. Pierce, before I lose my nerve.

"Awe, you guys are adorable." Alice says, and I sigh.

His note is thoughtful, so is breakfast, and it's causing a mixture of emotions to rise up in me. I don't even know which one to focus on, so I begin to cry.

"Oh, Bella! Sweetie, I do not do well with tears. Jasper!" I hear Alice call. Seconds later, I feel his arms surround me, and he holds me while I cry, with Alice rubbing circles on my back.

I look up to Jasper, with tears still streaming down my face.

"What should I do?" I ask him, knowing he's not fond of Edward, so he'll give me the kick I need to not forgive Edward so easily.

"Talk it out, Sweets. Let him fully explain, without letting your emotions cloud your judgment. Then if you still can't see yourself with him, tell him to kiss your ass, because he can be in the baby's life, without being in yours," Jasper says, and I nod.

"I want to talk to him, but not today. It's still too fresh. I'm still hurting."

"I understand that," Jasper says, and then pulls back. "I was going to kick his ass for making you cry, but Alice said that you guys were on a break-"

"We were not!" I shout and turn to Alice. "How does that make it any better?"

"For one, he was drunk, and two, you guys weren't together at the time, therefore-"

"Therefore my feelings don't matter, right? Therefore I'm being dramatic and overreacting, right?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all, Bella! I just want you to think about your relationship with Edward, okay? Think about how he makes you feel, and you tell me if you can imagine living your life without him?" She says, and, of course, I already know the answer.

Instead of saying the words, I shake my head no, letting a single tear fall down my face.

"Then you should find it in your heart to forgive him," she says, and I ponder her words and take a deep breath.

"I will try."

"Good, well, mom moved brunch to next Sunday, because she wants you there, so do it by then," Alice tells me, and I nod.

"I'll think about it," I tell Alice.

"What are your plans for tonight?" she inquires happily. I can tell that she's thinking up things that we can do tonight.

"I have to work. I took a few nights off, but I really need to work tonight," I tell her, and she rolls her eyes, and pouts at me. "Alice, I had a life before Edward, and it's time that I get back to it."

"Why, oh why, do you work, Bella? Edward has money practically coming out of his ass." Alice looks up and sighs, silently asking God for patience. If I weren't so pissed by her statement, I would laugh.

"It's not my money, so I need-" I begin, but, of course, I'm interrupted by an annoyed Alice. She is a bit much for me, and I can tell that just like her brother, she is used to getting her way.

"You are ridiculous! You know that?" She makes this face that is similar to Edwards, and I have to look away. It's this low eyebrow thing that he does that drives me crazy. It's his way of expressing his disbelief, and annoyance at the same time.

Stop thinking about him, Swan!

"Ladies! We have a perfectly good breakfast to eat this morning. "Jasper intervenes while I glare daggers at an unaffected Alice.

Just then there is another knock at the door. Jasper walks over to answer it.

"Wow. You two are popular this morning," Alice jokes.

It's Mrs. Pierce. I stare at her quizzically. "Did you forget something?" I ask her, as I walk closer to where she stands across from Jasper.

She holds a piece of paper out and smiles sweetly. "This is for you."

I look down at the folded up piece of paper, and then back at her, before reaching out for it. This means he's downstairs. He's here! And he didn't come up. He didn't come up. My chest actually aches from the knowledge of knowing that he is so close, yet so far.

"Thank you," I tell her, but I don't look back up at her. I stand there with shaky hands and open the note.

I hadn't expected a response, but getting one actually causes me to feel giddy, and nervous at the same time.

 _ **Bella**_

 _ **I have a feeling the baby is a girl, and that scares the shit out of me. Secretly, I do want the baby to be a girl because I know that she will have her mother's beauty, and spirit. She will have the biggest heart, just like you. One that is loving, selfless and forgiving. She will be daddy's little girl, and I'll be complete with both my queen, and my princess to look after, and to love and cherish forever.**_

 _ **Love**_

 _ **Woody**_

And I'm a blubbering mess again after reading his note. I clutch the note to my chest and try hard to hold back more tears when I see the look on Alice's face. Apparently tears make her uncomfortable. I sniffle a few times, and then open his letter, and re-read it.

X

Thirty minuttes of listening to Jasper, and Alice flirt, and I have had my limit with them. They are disgustingly open as if they've known each other for years, instead of hours. It's also a little weird for me to watch someone else get all the attention that I used to get from him. It made me appreciate Edward a little more, watching how Jasper caters to Alice almost without her having to say what it is that she wants or needs. Edward has a way of doing that for me, and I miss it.

"Let's go shopping." Alice tugs my arm, and I frown at her.

"I'm tired. Can we do it tomorrow?" I ask her, and she pouts.

"Fine! Go take your little nap," she waves me off and turns a happy smile in Jasper's direction. "Would you like to go shopping with me?"

I laugh and turn to walk away, just as I hear him say, "Only if it's lingerie that we're shopping for."

I roll my eyes and continue out of sight, and out of ear-shot.

X

Teaser:

"Good morning." Doctor Banner stood as I entered the room, and extended a hand towards the couch opposite him.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips, as the reason for my being here today begins to weigh heavily on my shoulders. I take a seat and try my hardest to appear calm. "Good morning."

"Rough night?" He asks with his lips turned up.

"Always! I can't seem to have a good night."

"We should discuss it," he flips his pad over, and then he waits, as always. He's waiting for me to speak. I don't want to talk about my night or my week. I came here for a reason. I need to say something, but it's hard. It's so hard, and I fear that even this will not release me from my past. Nothing will.

"I actually have something that I need to talk about"

"Oh?" He tilts his head to the side, and regards me with curiosity. Usually it's like pulling teeth to get me to open up. "What would you like to discuss?"

I sigh again, and chew the inside of my lip, contemplating the best way to bring this up. Closing my eyes, I release a heavy breath, and blow it out slowly, before the words begin to flow from my lips.

"I killed him."

X

P **lease follow my facebook group KLAG-FF(Twilightsavedme)**

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	27. Chapter 27

AN: I want to start this off by apologizing to those of you that read through my little rant this morning. It was seven in the morning for Christ sake. That is too early for cyber bullying, and I am far from a morning person. I was on my way to work, and I just happened to check my reviews, and I'm sorry but I instantly took offense to ever word said by that particular reviewer. I've had worse things said to me, so honestly I'm not sure why I reacted that way... I take that back, I do know, but there is no excuse.

Anyway the guest reviewer eventually stopped their attack on my beloved Bella later in the day, and I felt compelled to delete my rant before noon. Some of you didn't read the rant (thank god) and assumed I took down Chapter 27. I did not. It was just a rant.

This time I really am posting an update, and I hope that all of you enjoy it and feel compelled to leave me a review about how you feel about the overall story. I have literally mapped out the rest of the story, and we are near the middle, but not close to the end. There is about four years to cover, but there will be a few jumps in the time. It's a lot longer than I originally expected. I have went over everything with EdwardFirstKiss, and I am sort of confident with the direction of the story.

Thank you guys for reading, and reviewing. Thank you to all of the groups/pages that rec my story. Thank you EdwardsFirstKiss for putting up with my terrible grammar. You're all amazing, and you should know how much I appreciate you.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Chapter 27:

Bella Pov

Four days without Edward have been complete hell. I feel like I'm being punished, and I'm not the one that cheated. I did nothing wrong, yet, I'm suffering...in silence, because when I bring it up to Alice she gets annoyed, and Rose still isn't answering my phone calls. Jasper says that she disappeared from his parents' house last week, and hasn't been back since. He said that she stole some of his mom's jewelry, and she's probably buying drugs with it. Then he went on to tell me not to worry because she'll be back as soon as she gets her fix. I know that this is true, but I still worry about her, and I won't feel settled until I know that she's safe.

Today is Thursday, and I'm in the middle of a very slow, and boring shift. I'm sure that I haven't made much money tonight, and I'm starting to think this is a waste of time. I want my regular shift back, and not the left overs, or call-outs. I need money for god sakes, I have a baby to provide for, and I have to save every penny. I haven't even been back to my therapist visits, after we slowed my weekly visits to monthly visits. I still can't afford it, and it was silly to think that I could.

I was just beginning to get over a few major hurdles involving my dad's death, and almost told my therapist everything. I've never told anyone what really happened that night, because the lie was so vivid; the lines were blurred, and eventually the lie became the truth. Everyone thrust their individual beliefs on the matter, and it became something far more than what I could even have come up with myself.

One thing was clear to everyone: my mom is crazy. She is out of her mind, psychotic killer crazy, and no one thought to question her motives...or maybe they did. It was so long ago. Close to ten years now, and still I have nightmares about facing off with Renee. When will it end? When will she stop haunting me? When will I have peace in any aspect of my life? I just want three things in life. I want peace, I want to be surrounded by the people that I love, and I want...Edward. Well, I should say I wanted Edward! I wanted everything with him. Nothing compares to him, or the way that he makes me feel. Nothing ever has, or ever will, and I'm kidding myself with the notion that I'll get over him. Yeah right! Edward Cullen is not the kind of man you get over. He is the kind of man that you get under, multiple times.

 _Stop thinking about him, Swan!_

I take a deep breath, and scan the room. My eyes land on a tall red-head as she enters the bar. She's strikingly beautiful, and her eyes hold a piercing gaze in my direction. She takes a seat two bar stools away from where I'm standing, and rests her purse on the bar. She then turns her stare towards me, and smiles, before resting her elbow on the bar, and her chin on her closed fist. She watches me closely, then waves with her free hand.

"Bella, be a doll and bring me something strong," She says, and I start to ask how she knows my name, but I remember the name tag.

I nod with a smile, and she returns it, just as a gentleman near her, falls flat on his face, after trying to get off of his stool.

She points her thumb in his direction. "I'll have whatever he's having." she laughs, and I crack a small smile, wondering if that's the guy that's been at the bar since eight. He's been drowning his sorrows in booze, and I don't blame him. If I weren't pregnant, I'd be doing the same right now.

"He looks like he knows how to have a good time," she laughs, and I join in. She reaches a hand out towards me to shake. "I'm Victoria."

"Bella," I say, and close my eyes feeling stupid for pointing out something she clearly already knows.

"They should let you guys use fake names. Too many creeps in here" she looks around the bar as she speaks, and I nod in agreement, sitting her drink in front of her. "Oh thank god!" she downs her drink, and slams the glass on the counter.

"Another?" I raise an eyebrow in question.

She nods. "Please."

"Rough night?" I ask her, and watch as she places a hand on her forehead, but looks up at me with an exasperated look on her face.

"You have no idea. First, I was dumped, well we weren't really dating, but it still fucking hurt."

"Weren't really dating?" I laugh. "So what were you doing?"

She sighs, and shrugs her shoulder. "Honestly, I've just been seeing the guy to get close to his brother."

"That's...scandalous." I try not to sound too invested, or too bored with her story, because this is how I get my tips.

She downs her second drink. "Yes, it is. It only backfired on me when I developed feelings for the wrong brother."

"The one that you were actually dating," I ask, and she nods.

"Now, he thinks I'm too clingy, and crazy, and he's caught me flirting with his brother a few times, but never brought it up." She tells me, and I shake my head, pouring her another drink.

"Wow."

"Wow, exactly!" she downs another drink. "Do you have a boyfriend?" she asks, and I see genuine interest on her face.

"No. I just went through a break-up." I huff, and watch a sympathetic look cross her expressions. "We were having problems."

"Problems?" she pushes, and I sigh, thinking of the best way to go about explaining this.

"He's been lying, and he cheated."

"Ah, I see!" she shrugs. "So, you're not taking him back then?"

"Everyone thinks that I should."

"Is that what you want?" she's seemingly very curious, but it could just be the fact that she's trying to forget about her problems, by dwelling on mine.

"I want him, but I don't think it can ever work. Too much has happened."

"Honestly honey, once a cheater, always a cheater." she waves a drunken hand dismissively, and I flinch at her words.

Hearing that come from a stranger stings a bit more than when I just thought it in my head. Then it hits me! Of course, I don't want to hear anyone talk bad about Edward. It's because I love him, and I still feel protective of him. I regret even opening my mouth to this stranger, and sharing even the smallest bit of my relationship.

"Another drink please." She whines.

I pour her another, and she downs that one too, as if the alcohol doesn't burn. Then she lets out the most unlady-like burp, and laughs. I laugh too.

Then she leans forward, resting her head on her hand. She stares at me thoughtfully, as I wipe down the counter.

"I bet you're an amazing friend. You're a cool ass Bella-I mean person" then she burps again, and she actually covers her mouth this time, and has the decency to look embarrassed. "Did that come out of me?" she points to herself, and then laughs again, slapping the counter and all.

"You really can't hold your liquor, can you?" I ask, because she's only had like four glasses of rum. I can easily hold my own, and I'm smaller than she is.

"What did you put in my drink Bella-dear," she asks, and then laughs, drawing attention from around the bar.

I let out a small laugh, watching her twirl around in the bar stool, pointing out the cute guys from the ugly ones.

"Bella" I hear my name being called from beside me.

"Yeah!" I answer quickly, turning to see Mike staring down at a click board in concentration.

"You can go ahead and go for the night" He doesn't even look up at me as he speaks. He just points his pin over his shoulder, pointing to the front door.

"I can't leave Mike. I need the money." I'm desperate, and I hope it shows in my voice.

He sighs exasperatedly, and looks up at me, annoyance written all over his face.

"Don't make this hard on me Bella."

"Why can't Jessica leave? She's been here since before I got here. I'm sure she can spare three hours, but I can't" I tell him and with a glance over his shoulder, I can see Jessica standing there chewing gum, watching our interaction with a smirk on her face, and her arms folded.

"Jessica doesn't have a ride. So, I'm her ride" he says, and I roll my eyes.

"I don't have a ride either! So what's your point?" Now I'm raising my voice, because I'm pissed off at the fact that he's showing favoritism towards the bitch that he's fucking.

"Bellie-Ellie, you can ride with me." Victoria says, and drunkenly snatches her purse off of the counter, as she stands.

"What?" She's too fucking drunk to be driving anywhere, and I'm not risking my life with her behind the wheel.

"She said-"Mike pipes in, and I raise my hand, putting it in his face to shut him up, as I look at Victoria.

"You shouldn't be driving anywhere," I tell her, and she waves me off.

"Oh, I'm just fine, Bellie, now come on." She waves me over, and I roll my eyes. Mike steps back, and turns to walk away, but I grab his arm.

"I need to come in tomorrow." I plead with him to be reasonable. He sighs heavily.

"Fine, but if we're not busy, you're the first one gone." With that, he walks away, and I'm left with a drunken stranger.

"Are you read-dy?"She asks and leans back on her heels. I think she's going to fall, so I reach out to steady her, but she backs up, and giggles. "If you don't come, I'll just drive into a ditch, or something," she shrugs like what she said is no big deal, and heads for the front door.

I quickly toss down my towel, and make my way past a smirking Jessica.

When we arrive outside, I help Victoria into a cab, and give the driver her address from her license. She giggles the entire time from the back seat.

"Bellsie, I need your number," She yells through the window as the cab takes off. I shake my head, watching as she basically leans out of the window pointing at me. "I'll get it one way or another. I know where you work!"

X

Day seventeen without Edward has been the most brutal of them all. This man has the ability to piss me off like no one else, but he also has the ability to knock me off of my feet. Usually, it's with his sex appeal and good looks, but now he's using words to entice me. It's dangerous, very much so, and I have to be careful not to fall into his trap.

For some reason, I agreed to go clubbing with Alice and Jasper which I'm finding was a big mistake. They ditched me! I mean literally, they left me at the bar alone, and I haven't seen them since.

So, I'm sitting here, drinking my water, and having a terrible time as I repeatedly turn down drink after drink from men that eye fuck me from across the room before having the balls to come over and speak. I turn them all down just the same.

"I don't like boys, sorry."

It never works, but I still try to shy away from their advances.

"Neither do I." The guy shrugs, laughing. I can't help but join him. "I'm James," he holds out a hand for me to shake.

"Bella."

We shake hands, and he holds on just a moment too long for my liking. I pull back awkwardly, and he places both of his hands in his pockets.

"So, Bella," he pauses. "Are you single?"

I hesitate for a moment before responding. "Yes, I am."

He watches me for a moment before he speaks again with a nervous laugh. "This is the part when you ask if I'm single."

"I think that only applies to women that are actually interested."

"You're not interested?" He shakes his head, as if the idea is absurd. "Okay, well then I'll just impress you with small talk."

"I'm not fond of small talk."

"So what are you fond of Bella?" He asks as he steps closer.

I start to open my mouth to tell him that I'm definitely not fond of his lines, when his eyes flicker from my face, towards my right shoulder.

I look up and freeze. There stands Edward in all his sexy masculine glory. I turn to face the bar, ignoring both men as I sip my water.

"I would appreciate if you walked away," Edward says to James. I roll my eyes.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. It's James. "Can I have your number?" Apparently James is ignoring Edward. I can practically hear Edward growling from beside me.

I turn towards James with my back to Edward, smiling brightly as an idea forms in my head. "Sure."

James smiles, and glances towards Edward and then back at me as he passes me his phone. He leans close to me. "Who's this guy?"

I shrug. "My ex." I quickly begin to type in my cell.

From behind me, I hear Edward mumble, "I can not fucking believe this shit."

Watching my face as I type, he smirks before saying, "I thought you didn't like boys."

"I don't." I hand his phone back. "He's a man."

This James guy obviously didn't catch my blatant insult, but whatever. In the back of my head, I know that I should be nice to him, because I need to move on from Edward, but I just can't find it in myself to do the whole dating thing. I wasn't looking for that when I had met Edward. I just fell in love with him along the way, and the idea of being his was overwhelming appealing. Not because of his money, or great looks, but because he had a sweet side that never failed to melt my heart.

"Okay, Bella. It was nice meeting you. I will definitely give you a call." He winks at me, and I nod, smiling. He backs away, and his eyes flick back up to Edward with a smirk. He nods at Edward, before turning to walk away.

I turn back towards the bar, just as Edward picks up my cup, and sniffs the contents.

"It's water." I deadpan.

"I realize that." With a quick nod, he folds his arms across his chest with a very serious, and very stern look on his face. I try my hardest to ignore the way his biceps flex with the motion, and how tight and firm his chest is beneath his thin T-shirt.

"You don't think I can take care of myself?" Now it's my turn to fold my arms across my chest.

He smirks, and starts to look away. I continue with my rant, letting the unspoken words, and anger surface for the moment. I just know that I'll feel better once I get it all out and in the open. Then, I can effectively let him go.

"I don't need Mrs. Pierce bringing breakfast to my apartment every morning just because you think I'm incapable of taking care of myself. I'm an adult, Edward. Not a child you can exert your will over. This is just another way for you to attempt to control my life." I snap at him. My chest heaving by the end of my rant. God, he makes my blood boil, and my temperature rise in both good and bad ways. I want to slap him and jump him at the same time.

"Bella, I just-"

"How did you find me?" I ask him, raising an eyebrow.

"Alice mentioned-"

I cut him off, scoffing with my head tilted heavenward. "Alice." Shaking my head, I scoff again. "I can't believe she would do this."

"Bella, she knows how badly I need to see you. I was not going to come over, but then I saw you with him." His eyes flicker to the wall near us. I glance over to see James watching my interaction with Edward. He catches my eye, and smiles. I wave at him, before turning back to see that Edward is glaring down at me.

"Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?" He asks. I say nothing, because honestly I am trying to piss him off. He sighs heavily, and runs a hand down his face. "Bella-"

"I thought you were in New York." I cut him off again.

"I came back. It is very hard to focus in meetings, and read through reports when your mind is somewhere else." He eyes me cautiously, but the look is meaningful. I get what he's talking about. I just don't understand why he's telling me. Does he expect me to pity him?

"Right, well...this was a lovely chat, Edward-" I try to stand, but he has a hand placed on my backside. I can smell his scent, the fresh, manly smell that surrounds him, but I don't dare look at him in such close proximity.

This realization angers me. I should be able to look him right in the eyes, and tell him to fuck off with no uncertainty. He still has control over my body, and my heart, and he knows it.

My head screams: You do not love him, Bella! You don't! What you guys had wasn't real. Get over him!

I decide to listen to my head, and ignore my body, and my heart. I refuse to let Edward hurt me again.

Without looking I grit out, "Edward, I'm going to ask nicely, and I never want to have to ask again. Please, get your hand off of me."

He reluctantly removes his hand. "Bella, can we talk? I really need to talk to you."

"What about? What do we have to talk about?" I ask him.

"You know damn well what we have to talk about."

"I don't actually. Does it involve the baby?"

"Some of it, yes."

"Well the parts that are about the baby, I will gladly listen to."

With a heavy sigh, he begins to speak. "Baby, we-"

"This doesn't sound like it's about the baby." I cut him off.

A lop-sided grin graces Edward's face, and I almost fall over, but I compose myself. He hasn't lost the ability to knock me off of my feet with one look. However, I'm more prepared to deal with him. He no longer has the element of surprise.

"Bella, sweetheart stop fucking with me. I am trying here, and you shutting me down right now is just pissing me off," He says. I turn away, rolling my eyes because I know that when he gets pissed, he gets horny. "Can we go somewhere so that we can talk?"

"Tell me what we're talking about exactly?"

"The baby. I promise."

"The farthest I'm going with you is outside." I cannot let him kidnap me, and drag me off to his bed with his cavemen act.

"That's fine."

I stand from my seat at the bar, and follow him outside.

He paces for a moment, before he speaks. "I am not good at this," He mutters, and then exhales harshly. Then his eyes set on mine, and he stares. Minutes tick by as the air between us thickens until it's almost tangible. A rush of emotions threatens to swallow me whole. Memories bash, and bombard my mind. Good ones. The ones that make me want to rush into his arms, and never let him go.

But then he speaks, and clarity is formed. "Do you even realize the hell that you have subjected me to?"

My mouth drops open.

Is he fucking serious right now?

I stare at him, wide- eyed, and bewildered, scoffing loudly in disbelief. Now, I remember why I didn't want to see him, and why I'm so incredibly pissed I could kill him.

Rage fills my body so completely I visibly begin to shake. How dare he accuse me of anything? This is his doing!

"Really? The hell I've put you in? Never mind the fact that you have been lying to me for our entire relationship. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that you purposely tried to hurt me by cheating, and succeeded."

I didn't even realize that while I was talking, he had walked right up to me, and was staring down at me, breathing heavy breaths and letting them wash across my face as he heaved.

"I am sorry!" He shouts. His voice is slightly wobbly, and full of the emotions flowing through him.

Holding his arms outstretched, he speaks again. "I am-" He pauses with the shake of his head. "I am so fucking sorry for hurting you, baby! I hate myself for it, and I have sworn to never forgive myself for doing that to you, but baby, please, Bella, I need you to forgive me." He finishes in a rush with a heavy sigh, as he drops his arms.

This is the vulnerable Edward standing before me. Not the facade that he's showcased for others to forever appear to be the confident, alpha male business man that's always in control. This isn't the persona that he has worked hard to build after his father retired, and placed him in control of his empire. No, this isn't Edward Anthony Cullen. This is just... Edward! This is the man that I am desperately in love with. This is the man that held the key to my heart while his persona wrecked our relationship, destroyed us time and time again.

But never again. I will make sure of that.

"I do forgive you Edward, but I don't want to be in a relationship with you." I try my hardest to steady my voice and portray a woman confident in her words.

He falters back a step, with a look of utter horror. "I need you. I have forgotten how to live, how to breathe without you. I did not realize how important it was that I see you, and hear your voice every single day, until the luxury was stripped away from me. Baby, I am begging you not to do this. Not to let us go. I am so fucking sorry."

I stare down at the ground beneath my feet, because I can't see the look on his face when I tell him that I can never ever take him back. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and I will no longer put my faith, or my trust in a man that purposely tries to hurt me, and then lies multiple times right to my face. How can I ever trust him again?

"I know you're sorry, Edward, and I accept your apology, but-"

He cuts me off, knowing where I'm taking the conversation. I know that he can see the resigned look on my face. I am hurting. He should have listened to me earlier, and just left. This is not the time to have a conversation. It's still too fresh, and I can't just forget what he did, and move on with him. He can't expect that from me.

"You are my heart, my life, my angel, my every desire. You are my best friend, sweetheart and I am so sorry for hurting you."

I open my mouth to speak, needing him to stop saying such sweet words, and to stop confusing my heart, but he continues.

"I tried so hard not to lose myself in you, but once I lost you, all I wanted to do was to be lost again. I do not mind being lost in you, because I am lost without you, and I have found that to be much worse." He rushes the words out in one breath, looking straight at me with his brows set low on his face as he recalls whatever memory it is that is playing in his head. "Baby, my heart beats your name too strongly to ignore. Please, Please, Please give me another chance!"

Looking away from him, and down at the ground, I whisper, "I can't." I can't do this with him again.

"Bella, I-" I hear him release a breath, before he continues to speak in a slightly higher, quavering tone. "Listen, nobody is perfect baby. Fight for me, fight with me, show me you give a damn! If you love me, you should be willing to work with me through my mistakes so that we can move forward together." He says. I stand there watching as he practically rips his hair out.

I hear his words, but I don't allow them to pierce through my carefully placed walls. I can't let that happen. Not this time.

"I'm sorry, Edward-"

"No, no, no! Damn it, Bella! You cannot do this to me? To us? You are the best thing to ever happen to me." His voice cracks, and it was almost enough to shatter my resolve.

I let my anger speak for me. The anger that has been festering for weeks, all erupts at once. "You're the worst thing to happen to me." I mumble, but I know that he's heard what I said. He falls silent, and I glance up to see his reaction. He looks as if he is physically in pain.

"I'm sorry. Bella. I know that I fucked up. I know that I am not worthy of you, or your love, even before I fucked up the first time, I knew. I knew that I was not good enough for you. You are an angel, and I am Satan himself. I know that I should not want you, and that I should let you go, but I can't. I can't just turn these feelings off. I can't."

With a heavy sigh of finality, I say, "It's time we move on, and go our separate ways. We had our fun, but it's time to let go."

"How can you stand there and pretend not to love me?" The devastation on his face almost causes me to break down, but I don't. I have to do this. No matter how badly it hurts to say. I have to.

"I don't love you." I raise my voice, needing this conversation to come to a close. With every word he speaks, he pushes through another wall covering my heart.

I glance up to his beautifully pained face, watching hopelessness, and grief, and despair fill his eyes. His emerald green eyes cloud with unshed tears as he stares at me.

My heart aches, and my hands itch to touch him, but I have to do this for me. I can't continue to be his victim. I stand straighter, taller, waiting for him to speak.

"So that's it then? You just rip my heart from my chest, and expect me to keep on living?"

"It's what you did to me." I didn't mean to make it seem tic for tat, but it's true. By cheating, he did that very thing to me.

"I didn't mean to, baby! It was a mistake. I love you!" He shouts at me. That's when I notice the people around us watching the scene. I jump at them, hoping that makes them go away, instead of watching this scene. Edward ignores them.

"You broke my heart, Bella!" My attention shifts back to Edward.

"Yea Bella! You broke his heart." A group of females near the club entrance shouts at me.

"Go the fuck away!" I shout at them. One girl flicks me off, and winks at Edward.

"Bella, you have broken my heart like no other ever could." And he means it. Every word he utters is full of conviction.

I choose not to focus on that. I choose to focus on the fact that I need him to understand that we are never ever getting back together.

"You'll live, Edward. I promise. A broken heart is still a beating one."

X

I was harsh. Yes, I'm still hurting, and yes, it was too soon to see him again, but that gave me no right to be so rude. I regret every lie that I told him. I regret it all, and I wish I could take it back. It's been six days since I saw him at the club, and every day I have punished myself for speaking such lies. Of course, I love him. He has to know that.

This is just another thing to add to the guilt that steadily eats away at my peace of mind. This is yet another thing to keep me up at night. This is something else that I have to work out in therapy.

"Earth to Bella." Alice practically sings the words. "Were you expecting someone?"

Alice has apparently moved in. The girl has not left since she met Jasper, and I'm starting to think she'll never leave.

"So, I'm guessing that you live her now?" I ask her as she makes her way over to the front door. She looks back at me, and sticks her tongue out playfully, before swinging the door open to reveal a very tall, very handsome delivery boy, holding a rather large bouquet of roses. They're beautiful.

"Are you Bella?" he asks, looking over Alice's small frame, and then across the room to where I stand.

"She's Bella. Are these for her?" Alice snags the flowers out of the man's hands, and starts to open the card, but I snatch it from her.

"Can you please sign here for the delivery?" He asks, and I nod with a smile, before signing the lined paper on his clip board.

"There you go. Thank you" I pass his pen, and clipboard back.

"You're very welcome. Have a great day."

I quickly close the door softly behind him. Biting the corner of my lip in concentration, I quickly go to work on the envelope concealing the card that came with the roses.

"Bella, where do you want these?" Alice asks, and I point to the counter without looking up from my task.

 _ **Bella**_

 _ **I hope the roses are to your satisfaction. I see them as a representation of both your inner, and outer beauty. They are also a representation of our love: tender, and gentle, but also wild and full of thorns that bring pain. Even through the pain, I can't help but embrace our thorns, our hard times, or our struggles because I have you in those moments, and it's worth it...you're worth it...we are worth it. No one will ever mend my heart and soul the way that you have. There is only you. Every day, in my thoughts, in my dreams, in every song that I hear, there is only you. I cannot go another day without giving you a reminder of who you are and what you mean to me. So I give you these roses as a representation of our relationship, and our love. To show that I am the stem, the support, and you are the flower, the beauty, inside and out. Together we have passion, strength, and courage. We have our thorns and we're not perfect, but together we can still be beautiful.**_

 _ **Love**_

 _ **Woody**_

X

"Bellsie?" A voice calls to me from my phone. I cringe at the sound of the strident voice.

"Victoria." I try to sound enthusiastic every time she calls, but honestly I don't have it in me. Her blatant interest in me was a bit disconcerting at first, but I've grown to like her over the last three weeks. She's great, I guess...in her own loud, and annoying way.

"Me...You...Starbucks...Now!"

"I can't even drink coffee, Vickie. I'm pregnant."

"I know that! By the way. When is your appointment?" She's always so interested in what I do, and where I go.

"Next week. I get to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl on my birthday." The drop of enthusiasm radiating through me is reserved for when I speak of my baby. The only joy in my life. I glance down at my bump and rub in a circular motion.

"That's so exciting. I know how badly you want a girl. What will you name her?"

"I don't know. I've been thinking, and I like Emma, and Elizabeth, also Sophie, but I sort of want to name her after my dad."

"Your dad?" She deadpans in a way that makes me laugh. "Your dad must have a very feminine name."

"It's Charlie. So I was thinking, you know, Charlee, with two E's, or an E-Y. But of course, I have to run it by the father first. There's so much to work out."

"Charlee could be cute. Like Charlee Rose, or Maybe Charlee Marie, but then you should spell it C-H-A-R-L-I. So it would be Charli Marie. Oh, that is so cute."

"How did you know that my middle name was Marie?"

"I didn't. The name just came to me."

"Well, that's very cute, Victoria. Thank you."

"No problem, Bells. Now, coffee yes or no?"

X

Teaser:

"Good morning." Doctor Banner stood as I entered the room, and extended a hand towards the couch opposite him.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips, as the reason for my being here today begins to weigh heavily on my shoulders. I take a seat, and try my hardest to appear calm. "Good morning."

"Rough night?" He asks with his lips turned up.

"Always! I can't seem to have a good night."

"We should discuss it," he flips his pad over, and then he waits, as always. He's waiting for me to speak. I don't want to talk about my night, or my week. I came here for a reason. I need to say something, but it's hard. It's so hard, and I fear that even this will not release me from my past. Nothing will.

I sigh again, and chew the inside of my lip, contemplating the best way to bring this up. Closing my eyes, I release a heavy breath, and blow it out slowly, before the words begin to flow from my lips.

"I killed him."

No particular expression crosses Dr. Banners face as he asks, "Who did you kill?" All of a sudden I regret my decision to open up. "Do you mean to say that you are responsible for someone's death? Either way, I can help you, Bella. Guilt is not something you want to hold on to."

I nod in understanding, and take a deep breath.

"Start from the beginning."

 _Winter 2006_

 _It's cold this time of year, yet everyone from school is outside playing as if the cold air beating against their faces isn't even the slightest of a deterrent. I hate the cold. I always have. But, the thing is, I'd rather be out there playing, pretending to enjoy myself, than to be stuck in the house with her._

 _She hasn't made any noise since I arrived home from school, but I know she's here. Daddy was in her room earlier today, checking on her. He'd said that she was having a rough day, but that she was painting. To him, that was a good sign. To him, that was a point of familiarity, a step in the right direction. He thought that she was getting better._

 _So what happened? That's the question Daddy asked when he arrived home to his screaming wife._

 _I happened._

Present time

All I ever wanted in life was the love of my mother. I've known since the age of five that my mother hates me. I have been living in a world knowing that I am the cause of the rift between my parents. I have grown up to be a very forgiving woman because I had to learn early on to forgive my mother, because she doesn't know that what she says and does hurts deeper than the deadliest cuts. I had to forgive my dad for sticking up for my mom's strange behavior, and for choosing to never get her the help that she needed. The only person that I never learned how to forgive was myself.

"Postpartum psychosis." Dr. Banner speaks.

I shake myself out of my thoughts, and focus on him.

"Dad said it wasn't her speaking when she said such hateful things. He said it was the devil in her head telling her to do bad things. He hated to admit that she had a disorder that needed to be treated."

He writes something down, then looks back up at me. "Are you sure your father was attempting to keep her inside of that room?"

"I'm pretty sure. Why?"

"Because some women with this disorder become paranoid. It's quite possible that she asked to be locked away for fear of the outside world. Or fear of you, maybe."

"She tried to hurt me on occasion, so I doubt she feared me."

He nods, and continues to write. "Continue."

 _Winter 2006_

 _I want to be close to her the way Daddy is. I want her to love me. And for a split second I thought that she did...until the voices came back. They always came back_.


	28. Chapter 28

I really hope you all enjoy this chapter :) EdwardsFirstKiss and I worked very very hard on this. EFK worked her magic once again, and I literally owe her so much because this would completely suck without her you guys have no idea Lol. Thank you so much EFK! :))

Also, I just wanted to say that you all will probably want to head butt Bella for being so stupid but that's about it. If you have any questions feel free to review. I'll respond to all.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Bella Pov

My days seem to fly by without Edward. I don't even feel like I'm living. I feel like I just exist in this world, letting it spin around me instead of beneath me. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling lost and confused all of the time.

Stuck in my head, letting thoughts run rampant. Doubting myself, and every decision that I have made. Wondering if I had ever given Edward the impression that we weren't getting back together. Wondering if he had been under the impression that we were broken up, and he had taken it roughly and had sex with Heidi as he said as a way to get over me. Even though this may be true, he still lied. He had lied straight to my face repeatedly. He had no intentions of telling me what he had done. He expected to be given a clean slate because I've proven to be the type of woman that forgives no matter how badly I'm treated.

I don't want to be forgiving. I want to get even. But that will only make things worse. Even with this knowledge, it doesn't stop the thoughts of revenge that plague my mind.

Visions of what happened last time I had thought about getting revenge, play in my head like a movie. The realistic dream had kept me up for nights after I'd initially had it. I never want him to hurt, nor be the reason for his pain.

I guess that's where we're different. Since he had purposely tried to hurt me, and wanted to cause me pain.

With a soft sigh, I continue rubbing my belly, while web-like thoughts terrorize my mind.

I'm having one of those moments. You know the one when the relationship is over, and you're wondering just where we went wrong. We could've been great together. I mean we're having a baby together for god sakes.

But too much has happened, too much has gone wrong, and there's not enough right to overshadow my pain. I hurt like nothing I have ever felt before. I've been through so much already in my life, yet being so close to a happily ever after hurts the most. It had been waswithin in reaching distance. It would've been perfect. Our little family. I yearn for a functional family that- I've never had. This was my chance, and I pushed for it, and I forgave for the sake of my heart, my child, and the glowing image of the perfect family my imagination had concocted. I wanted that dream, and I tried to keep it alive. Now, I just have to downsize my dream, which is no problem because my daughter has already taken over my world. She has filled every lonely and scared crack within me. She has caused a renewed amount of joy, and a calming sense of peace that I have ever only experienced when being around Edward when he was the center of my fucked up universe. Now my baby girl is the light that shines through the darkness which threatens to swallow me when I feel lonely. Now, she is the center of my universe. She is all that I need in my life, and I can't wait to meet her.

That's why I'm not laying around the house crying, or sitting in the dark staring at walls anymore. I have found peace, and I am okay with how things have worked out. I have a new love and her name is Lillian Renee Swan-Cullen. Well, the last name is up for debate. Edward and I had debated about the last name, and I had listened, I really had. Yet, my bitterness got in the way, and I can admit that I'm stubborn at times. Once upon a time I wanted his last name, and he crushed my dream, so I'm bitter about it. I don't think that I am thinking clearly on the matter. I'm mostly sulking over my lost dreams. I don't know if I'll ever relent but for now, my daughter's last name is going to be Swan.

Victoria asked me over lunch why I had flounced on the name of Charlee, and I told her it was because my ex didn't like the name for a girl. He'd said that if we find out that it's a boy we can name him Charlie Emerson Swan-Cullen.

"So you gave in to him. Again? Wow Bella, way to stick to your guns." Victoria states, sipping her mimosa, glancing at me over her straw with wide disappointed eyes.

"He's the father." I respond with a shrug. "He should get a say so in the name. Plus, Edward is not one for compromising. You'll probably meet him soon enough. Then you'll understand the whirlwind that I've been in for months."

She'd dropped the conversation after that, but I couldn't help where my thoughts had drifted afterward. Thinking back on my conversation with Edward, it was actually quite funny. I'd gotten the courage to call and thank him for the fruit basket that he'd sent over. It was mainly full of strawberries because of my obsession with them. It also had all of my other favorite fruits, and none that I didn't like which left me wondering if I'd ever told him which fruits I hated. Maybe he had just observed me at breakfast, picking over the cantaloupe, and never touching a banana.

The basket was full of fresh strawberries, some dipped in chocolate. What I loved the most because honestly I'd never seen it before was the pineapples that had been cut into the shape of hearts, and arranged throughout the basket. The fruit basket looked too beautiful to touch, or eat.

Although I could've texted Edward that morning to thank him, I'd decided to call him instead.

"Good morning Sweetheart," I can hear the smile in his voice, but also the cockiness because somehow he knew I would call him.

Rolling my eyes, I reply politely, "Good morning."

"I take it you received my gift?" He asks, and I nod as if he can see me.

"Yes, I did. Thank you. It's too beautiful to eat," I let out a soft chuckle at the thought.

"Enjoy it beautiful. I bought it so that you could eat it, not to watch it rot."

"I'm not going to watch it rot, I was just saying- nevermind. Thank you. It was very thoughtful."

"You're welcome Bella. There is more to come so relax, and enjoy your day."

"What?" I can't help the rise in my voice, as the word falls from my lips. Did he say there's more? I couldn't have heard him right.

"It's your birthday baby, I-"

"Edward we talked about this," I groan out, annoyed that he cannot separate the state of our lives from when we were in a relationship, to what it is now. We are not a couple. "No more endearments. We agreed last week that you would stop doing that."

"You agreed. I relented. Now, I'm taking it back. Bella, I'm not censoring my words for you. That's not how this works. You will always be my baby."

Even though my heart jumps in my chest at hearing his words, I roll my eyes, because these days my heart and mind are not on the same page.

"No, Edward. I am only the mother of your son or daughter-"

"You are also my one and only love. Would you prefer I said love instead of baby?"

"You're incorrigible." It's true. He will never see the error of his ways.

He chuckles before saying, "Happy Birthday, baby."

"Thank you." He's actually the first person to wish me a happy birthday since it's eight in the morning and Jasper, and Alice are still sleeping.

Edward exhales a light breath, and speaks lowly. "Don't say I didn't warn you about the gifts. I know how much you hate them."

"It's not that I hate gifts. I just hate getting them from you because-"

"Because we're not together" He releases a heavy sigh as if it relieved a ton of pressure off his chest. "Yeah, Bella, I get that. But you can't change me. I'll always want to spoil you."

"You're right. I can't change you." I know for sure that Edward will always be Edward, and no one, not even me can change that. "Thank you again, Edward. The basket is very beautiful. Did you pick it out, or have an assistant do it for you?" I tease, trying to lighten the mood. He chuckles lowly.

"I picked it out." He responds.

"Its not really your taste. You won't eat a chocolate covered anything."

"You're right. It's not. It's yours. I picked it out for you."

I eyeball a chocolate covered strawberry, and take a bite, moaning around the delicious fruit. "Mmm, it's delicious."

"If you do that again, I can't be held accountable for my actions."

"Shut up Edward. You know how much I love strawberries. That moan was not intentional, and not meant for your ears."

"There are so many things I could say right now, but I'm going to do you a favor, take your advice, and shut the fuck up."

"For once. Thank you." I pretend to be exasperated when really I'm dying with laughter.

"Only because it's your birthday."

"Of course." Laughing, I continue when a thought hits me. "Oh, I almost forgot. I wanted to talk to you about baby names."

"Sophia for a girl, and Hunter for a boy," He says as if that's the final word.

"I don't think so. I like Charlee for a girl-"

"Stop right there, sweetheart. Charlie is not a formal name, and it is a boys name. Charles is formal. However, I do not like the name. Pick another one."

"Just like that? You don't even want to hear my reasoning?"

He sighs deeply as if I'm asking too much of him. I almost snap, but then he says, "Of course I want to hear what you have to say, baby, I'm sorry. Go on."

I blink in confusion, or shock, or amazement. Not sure which one to focus on because I'm just blown away. I was not expecting him to say that.

"My dad's name is Charlie," I begin. "So I figured-"

"Then why not name our son Charlie?" He interjects.

"I am seventy percent sure we're having a girl."

"That's not one hundred percent baby. So we have to have a boy's name ready as well."

"I agree, I just-I don't know. I really want a girl, and I really want to use my dad's name so-"

"So if we find out we're having a boy, then we can name him Charlie Oliver Cullen."

"Cullen?" I ask. "I don't think so." He doesn't speak for a long time, and I start to think that he's hung up, when I practically hear him growl at me.

"You don't think so?" He mocks me in an angry tone. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It just means that we're not married so-"

"So fucking what Bella? My child gets my last name. End of discussion. I will not give in on this." He's really upset, and for what reason I am unsure. Everything is a big deal to him, and this is no different. The thing is, I'm tired of giving in to him. Maybe I really want my baby to have my last name, my dad's last name. He's already taken the name Charlie away from me.

"Neither will I!" If he can be an ass about it, so can I.

"Why is it so important to you? Tell me that?" He asks, his voice slightly raised so that I can hear just how annoyed he is.

"We are not married Edward."

"I don't understand the problem. I really don't."

"There's no problem."

"You're damn right there's no problem because you are not going to take this right from me!" Now he's full on shouting at me. I will not tolerate being yelled at.

"Right? Now it's a right? Wow!" I shout right back at him. I swear we cannot have a conversation without arguing. He is incredibly unreasonable.

"You are a fucking frustrating woman."

"And you're an absolutely maddening man!" I shout. I hear a throat clear, and look to my left to see both Alice and Jasper staring at me like I'm a wild beast.

"I love you baby, but you drive me crazy." His voice is much softer when he says this. Then again, anything would have been an improvement from how he was just speaking to me.

"Same here!"

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"That you love me."

"I...but...I told you that I didn't-"

"I heard what you said, and it really fucking hurt me. Then, I played back all of the times you've stared at me with love in your eyes, and I knew-"

"Edward stop-"

"No you stop, Bella! Just stop pretending and tell me that you love me."

"Why? What will that accomplish? What will that change?" I glance over in time to see Alice's sympathetic look, before she disappears back into the room behind Jasper.

"It would change everything for me, Bella. For one thing, I'll stop feeling like an idiot for falling in love with you."

"You were an idiot before you even met me."

"I was. But now I'm an idiot with a conscience and I feel like shit. I feel like I have failed you, and our baby, and it is killing me. I hate that I am not able to be there for you."

"Nothing, and no one is stopping you from being here for me or the baby Edward," I softly speak, hoping he understands how true my words are.

"There's so many things that I want to do that you won't allow."

"Like what?"

"I want to document the growth of your belly to go along with my letters."

"Letters?" He wrote me letters?

"Yes," He clears his throat. "I've been writing a letter a week since you told me that you were pregnant. It's for the baby. So he or she will know just how much I have loved them from the very beginning."

"God that's sweet. Where did you get the idea?"

"After we left your doctor's appointment I freaked out a bit and decided to write everything down. It turned into a letter to our baby. I have five of them in my desk drawer at home, and would like to have a picture to go with them."

"Sure. I'd like that." That's a really great idea. I wish I'd come up with it. "Really, Edward. That's the sweetest thing I have ever heard of in my life." Before I know what's happening, I'm crying. There are tears falling down my face and I cover my mouth to muffle the sob.

"Don't cry baby."

"I'm just...that is so..." I can't get the words out.

"Open the door baby."

"What?"

"Open the door, I'm outside."

"Why? Why are you here?"

"I need to see you. Plus you're crying, and it's because of me-"

"I'm crying because I'm happy, Edward. I'm crying because you're going to be an incredible father, and I'm going to be a shitty mother just like my mother is. Why didn't I think to do something as sweet as that?"

"Bella, open the door. You're crying, and I can't reach you through the door. I need to touch you." He begs, and pleads, but the tears are too much for me.

Seconds later, Alice comes out of the room with her cell to her ear. "I'm coming. I'm coming. I should let Jasper beat your ass for making her cry."

Alice barely gets the door open before Edward comes barreling through it at full speed as he races towards me. He drops to his knees in front of me on the couch, and wraps his arms around my waist, laying his head in my lap.

I grip him to me as I cry harder, not realizing until this moment how true the letter he wrote to me is. He is the stem, the support, someone that I can always count on to come through for me. Even if we're not together, I know he'll be there for me. When I'm not strong enough, he's strong for me; he always had been that for me, even before I knew his name. He cradled a perfect stranger in his arms while said stranger cried on him. He let me clutch onto him, soak up his strength, feed on his power, and I was able to let my walls down. There's incredible strength in submission, and that's all that he ever wanted from me. He wanted my flaws, my fears, my pain, my every worry on his shoulders to bare. I gave them to him that first night, and he's been carrying them ever since, and not once has he complained. Now I know why.

I thought by giving him all of my baggage it made me weak, but it hasn't. He saw the strength, and the courage it took for me to release my past and to become vulnerable in front of him. That's why he didn't want to see me on my knees afterward. He knew how much strength it took to do that. Edward has always seen more in me than I've been able to see in myself. Now I understand the looks that he sometimes gives me. They are not looks as if I'm crazy, or an enigma. He looks at me with awe and wonder, like he can't believe the strength that I still possess after everything I've been through.

He slowly lifts his head, and when his eyes meet mine, a whole new round of tears fall from my eyes. He's so beautiful it hurts. It literally hurts to look at him, so I look down, and continue to cry.

He sits up until we are at eye level, and he reaches up and lifts my chin. I know what he's doing, and I just can't do it right now. I can't look at him. I lift my head, and close my eyes, squeezing them tightly as my heart races in my chest as if it knows that the love of my life is in front of me, holding me.

"Look at me." His voice is strangled and muffled with his own set of unshed tears.

My heart threatens to beat out of my chest, and it's too much. I'm overwhelmed by his presence. That's one reason that we can't ever get back together. I get so wrapped up in him, that I lose a bit of myself each and every time I take him back. Then something happens, we break up and I forget how to be myself again. The version that lived without Edward for twenty-three years.

"I can't."

"Baby. Please! Look at me" He whispers. "Please," He begs.

I open my eyes but keep my head held high as tears roll down my face. I let them. I haven't cried much since we have been broken up. I've been holding the pain inside. Letting it fester and turn into bitterness and hatred. I want to hate him. Hating him would make everything easier. If I keep telling myself that only a bastard would purposely try to hurt me, I'll eventually hate him for what he did.

"I will only say this one more time Isabella before I pry your eyes open myself. Look. At. Me. "He says in a demanding tone, his voice raspy, and stern.

Defiantly, my head drops, and my eyes open, spilling all of the tears that I was holding back. He takes my face in both of his hands, and stares at me, anger etched in every perfect angle of his face.

"You will never say that again. Do you hear me? You are going to be a phenomenal mother."

I take a deep breath in an attempt to control my tears and not release them before I speak. "How can you know that?"

"Because you are a phenomenal woman. You have the biggest heart, and you are the most selfless person that I know. You will not fail, baby. I will not let that happen. Together we will be great parents, and you will be an extraordinary mother."

I nod my head, hoping that what he's said is true.

"Say it. Say that you will be the best mother that you can be to our little boy or girl. I want to hear you say it."

"I will. I will be the best mother that I can be." I smile down at my baby bump, and rub circles around it. He places his large palms on either side of my small belly and leans his forehead against it.

"Thank you." I rest my head on top of his, whispering the words into his hair.

"Thank you for this," he says, lifts his head, and smiles up at me. "Swan-Cullen," He says, and I smile back at him.

"Swan-Cullen." I agree, smiling through my tears.

That was Sunday, today is Wednesday, and I'm supposed to be working, but I don't feel well so I decide to call in sick. Alice and I are sitting on the couch watching TV, flipping through channels, and eating the dinner that Mrs. Pierce brought over. Steak! Yum!

"My brother must really love you."

I laugh, chewing my piece of steak before speaking. "Because he had steak delivered to me? Sure Alice, sure!" I shake my head at her.

"Are you still denying the fact that he loves you and that you love him?" She turns to face me, with her leg bent on the couch.

"No Alice. I'm ignoring it. I'm great at it. It's actually a talent that I have mastered quite well."

"He told me that you said you didn't love him. What a load of bullshit that is Bella."

"Is it Alice? Do you know for a fact that I love him?"

She stands, and glares at me. "I know that you do. I know it's a fact, and by denying it, you're only hurting yourself, and pushing him away." She says, then places her hands on her hips.

"Alice-"

"No, you listen to me, Bella! If you're going to continue to deny the fact that you still love him, then that's fine, no problem. However, by accepting the shit he buys you, and by your daily exchange of notes in the morning, you are leading him on. It will crush him, at which point it becomes a problem for me. When my brother hurts, I hurt. You understand where I'm going with this?"

I nod and look away from her as a tear rolls down my cheek. "Get your act together Swan, or let him go, and I mean really let him go. Not this open-ended bullshit you spew out in anger like 'I don't love you'. That's the biggest lie of the century."

"I get it, Alice. Please stop! I don't want to hear any more."

"Fine," She says before waltzing off towards the kitchen. I follow, having lost my appetite.

By the time I enter the kitchen, she's closing the refrigerator with a water bottle in her hand. "You want us to get back together."

She shrugs. "I have my ulterior motives, but yeah, if it's what makes you both stop acting like children, I'd rather you be together and happy instead of apart and miserable."

"Ulterior motives?" I decide to ignore the fact that she called me childish, and focus on the importance of what she said.

She nods, and looks away with a hint of nervousness. "Don't tell Jasper that I told you this." Her eyes beg of me to hear her out. "I want you back with Edward because I see what everyone talks about. How Jasper has feelings for you." She wraps her arms around herself.

"Who is everyone?" I ask, confused.

"I spoke to his sister a few times, and she warned me. Edward said the same thing, and so did Garrett."

"You know Garrett?"

"It's a small world. We went to high school together. He was at the club the other night. When Jasper went to the restroom, he subtly asked about you, and wondered if you were okay with me dating Jasper."

"Did you tell him that I am more than okay with it? I actually love seeing you two so happy."

"So do I. But he still has feelings for you."

"He doesn't have feelings-"

"You're going to ignore that too? Do you let denial rule your existence?"

"Shut up," I laugh, but she doesn't join in.

"I'm serious Bella. He worries about you way more than any guy who is not in love would. He calls me sometimes and asks if I'm here with you because he's worried you're not answering your phone. He's that stuck on you. He never calls just to check on me."

"Alice you're ridiculous! I'm pregnant that's why he's worried."

"Sure." She doesn't believe me.

"Jasper has always looked out for me. He's the brother I never had."

"I understand that. But Bella, I'm scared that he's holding back on me because he's waiting around for you to change your mind again about Edward. I can tell that he likes me, but it's not as deep as what I feel for him. I'm in deep Bella. Really deep, and if something happened between you two, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I'd quite literally lose my shit."

Something dawns on me as I listen to her speak. "That's why you're always here? You're worried something will happen?" That's absurd, and she should know better. She nods. "Alice, you're crazy."

"Thanks, Bella. That's just what I need right now." She says sarcastically.

"Seriously, Alice, you're ridiculous. Jasper talks about you all the time. He worries about you just as much as he worries about me. He calls you his best girl. How cute is that?" I laugh and she smiles, deep in thought.

"Yeah, but you have a pet name which is very endearing."

"Sweets?" I ask, and she nods. I shake my head at her. "He calls me that because all I used to ever eat was sweets. He'd come by the apartment that I shared with Rosalie, and freak out at the amount of candy bags I would have lying around. He started calling me sweets. Nothing endearing about it."

"That actually makes me feel a little bit better. You were a fat ass and he found a way to call you that," she shrugs, and I slap her arm shocked that she would say that. "What?"

"Never call a pregnant woman a fat ass. It's like an unwritten rule."

Breaking out into a laughing fit, she replies, "Sorry."

X

Thursday morning Victoria and I go shopping for baby clothes. She apparently enjoys the task, but I'm less than enthusiastic.

"Oh my goodness, this is adorable. Look there's a lily on the front. You know, for Lily? Uh, this is so cute. We are getting it Swangirl."

"You won't hear any complaints from me."

"What about this? Ohh, I just love baby clothes." She lifts another outfit that is seemingly way too big for a newborn, but I let her grab it. "So am I the only one that knows that you're having a girl?"

"Yep. Haven't spilled the beans yet."

She makes a loud noise in excitement and comes around the clothing rack to hug my shoulders. "I feel god damn special Bellie."

"I told you not to call me that. Swangirl is one thing; I draw the line at Bellie. Especially since my actual belly seems to be growing at a ridiculous rate."

"Just means the baby is growing."

"No, it mostly means I'm eating too much. It's Edwards fault."

"What's he doing?"

"He sends me three meals a day. Three full meals every fucking day, like clockwork. It never fails. It's like he knows exactly when I'm hungry and he always seems to know what I am craving, and it's just weird."

"Sounds...sweet actually" She sounds very melancholy, with the tilt of her head as she searches through the clothes.

"No, it's weird. Did I tell you about the fruit basket? I swear I was craving chocolate the night before, and strawberries that morning, and you know what he did?"

"Yeah, Swan, you told me. He bought you god damn chocolate covered fucking strawberries," she drawls.

An older woman walks by with her hands over her son's ears, eyeing Victoria.

"Oh, come on lady! I'm sure he has heard worse than that on the playground." She shouts at the lady, reminding me once again how alike we are. When the lady is far away, she returns her attention to the racks, flipping through hangers, not even bothering to look at me. If she had, she'd see the utterly confused look on my face, and explain herself. Instead, she releases a heavy breath.

"So are you going to take him back or what? I mean he's all you fucking talk about these days." These days? These days? As if we've been friends for years, and she's had to endure my endless rants.

"No, I'm not actually." I say, and she seemingly perks up after hearing this.

"Good. Now let's do some shopping. By the way, some friends invited me to a club tomorrow night. Do you want to come?"

"Not really. I'm not into that scene."

"Come on. It'll be fun. You may meet a cute guy."

"With this baby bump? Yeah right! No guy will dare approach me now that it's obvious that I'm pregnant."

"Come on. Please!" She begs. "Please please please, Bella. I'll pay for all of this baby stuff as my gift to Lily if you come."

"Stop calling her Lily. I haven't talked to Edward about it."

"I still don't get why you gave up the name Charlee for his ass, but I do love Lily. That's the only thing keeping me from raising cain. You should be able to name her whatever the fuck you want. You're the one having your lady parts stretched, not him."

Laughing, I reply. "You're right! But I want him to have a say too."

She shrugs. "So that's a yes to tomorrow?"

"Fine. If you ditch Bellie."

"I promise."

X

Friday night just as I'm about to leave, there's a knock on my door.

"Hey, baby." It's Edward. I open the door wide for him to step in.

"Edward."I greet him, closing the door behind him.

"What's all this?" He begins to search the bags, and then he freezes. "This is all pink stuff, Bella."

"Yeah, I meant to call and tell you."

He places a palm onto his forehead rubbing it side to side out of frustration and then places the other hand on his hip, before turning fully to face me. He's glaring.

"You meant to call me? You meant to call me? As in you went to a doctor's appointment without me, then didn't think to tell me that you found out the news that I have been waiting to hear since the moment I found out that you were pregnant."

"Edward-"

"How dare you, Bella? How fucking dare you?"

Folding my arms across my chest. "You're overreacting."

"Overreacting?" He lets out a sarcastic laugh. "No, you haven't seen me overreact yet. Overreacting would be me flipping this table over because I'm just angry enough to fucking do it."

"Can you leave? Please. I'm late" I tell him. He places both hands on his hips, and from where I stand he looks like a very pissed off dad, ready to tell his teen daughter to go change. The look pisses me off.

His eyes roam down my attire. "Late for what? A stripper convention? Bella don't fuck with me. Go put on some jeans, or a fucking longer skirt or something. You're not leaving here looking like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you want to get fucked!" He shouts at me.

"Maybe I do." I shrug unapologetically. He walks up to me, stepping right in my face.

"Then you come to me, and I will fuck you," He says huskily. My eyes momentarily close, and I almost fall into his web, but I catch myself, take a breath, and a step back from him.

"Look, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the doctor's appointment, okay? Now can you leave?"

"No. I came here because my mother has had several failed attempts at getting you over to the house for brunch, and now she's getting pissed. Therefore, it has become my mission to get you there, or as she put it, she will kick my ass. I don't want that Bella. So can you just agree to come Sunday?"

"Fine! Now can you please leave?"

"Where are you going dressed like that?" He asks as I push him towards the door.

"None of your business."

He stands at the threshold staring at my skirt as if his staring at it will burn or remove the offensive material.

"Where are you headed?" He asks again.

"I have a date." I close the door seconds later, but not quick enough to miss the look of devastation on his face. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have said that.

What the fuck is wrong with you Bella?

I almost cry, remembering Alice's words: "By denying it, you're only hurting yourself, and pushing him away."

Pushing him away.

Pushing him away.

Do I want that?

Teasers will be on my facebook group from now on. It seemingly confused people having a continuation teaser. I apologize for the mix-up. The teasers tell Bella's backstory piece by piece.

I really hope that you all enjoyed the chapter, and i hope you don't hate one particular character too too much! I also hope that one other character is changing your mind. I loved these flawed characters no matter how they react to situations, good or bad.

Please review guys, and please join my group on facebook, twilightsavedme as well as cheatwardspot. Alot of you Pmed asking the proper name, and that's it. Cheatwardspot. My group is in the bio, join it for teasers and general info.


	29. Chapter 29

I posted this on my group page on facebook earlier but I realize alot of you aren't in the group, and aome of you don't have facebook based on the PM's that I am getting so I figures I should post this fore everyone.

I know that some are confused about who Victoria really is, and wonder where she came from so this post is a reminder of her being mentioned in the story.

During Edwards birthday party Bella asked to meet Edwards brother Emmett. Edward replied that he is not fond of Emmetts date. That date is Victoria. At the bar, when Victoria mentions the brothers, she is refering to Edward, and Emmett, but she's lying. She is not in love with the wrong brother, and she knows exactly who Bella is.  
Another reminder is in Chapter 20: from Edwards Pov, when he states,

"Heidi, I have told you, Tanya, and Victoria multiple times that I will never, ever, be sticking my dick near any of you ever again. Have I not made myself clear?"

Obviously he didn't make himself clear because he screwed Heidi but thats not what the AN is about lol...I hope this helps

Also I'm not aure how Bella convinced some of you that she was really going on a date. She just said that to Edward because she's a bitter babe at the moment. No dates for Bella. The poor thing will soon develop trust issues seeing hiw everyone around her acts.

Also, if any of you are following my story Rugged you should know that I am re-writting it. I apologize but it just was not flowing for me.

Last thing, I hope to have a chapter written and sent off to EFK by the weekend. :)

 **Like**


	30. Chapter 30

AN: Thank you so much EdwardsFirstKiss! She is the ultimate beta, I swear. I am soo lucky to have had a recommendation to use her as a beta. Thank you Redtini for recommending EFK, because she really is fucking awesome! :)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Chapter 29

Bella Pov

"Bella, this is Jane, Leah and Lauren. Ladies this is Bella," Victoria introduces me to her friends. They all smile and wave at me, but Jane has the only friendly smile, so I sit next to her.

"Do you know if you're having a girl, or a boy yet?" Jane shouts over the music even though it's at a low enough volume, and we are able to hear each other just fine. I stare at her with wide-eyes. She's awfully personable.

"I'm having a girl. I found out on my birthday." I announce proudly. I sport this smile at every slight mention of my baby. She nods, still smiling.

"I just found out that I'm pregnant, so I'm just trying to get all of my fun out of the way." Jane says to me. That comment alone showed me that I may just be surrounded by women that like to party. I'm absolutely uncomfortable, and these women look like they come here every weekend.

"You must be excited?" Leah pipes in from beside Jane. I answer with an aloof nod, skeptical of her sudden interest in me. "I know that I was when I had each of my daughters."

"You have kids?" I ask, and she nods, taking out her phone.

"I have two girls. Rebecca, and Emily. Rebecca is two, and Emily is four." She begins to shows pictures of her daughters. She's a proud mother, and her love for her daughters definitely shows. I will certainly be the same way when Lily arrives. I'll always show her pictures to people because I'll have so damn many of my adorable baby girl.

"If you don't mind me asking? How old are you?" Lauren asks snidely from her seat next to Leah. Leah shoots her a disapproving glance, Jane rolls her eyes and Victoria side-eyes her over her glass.

"Twenty-four." I assumed everyone at the table was near my age. It hits me then that I have never asked Victoria how old she was. "And you?"

"Thirty-two" She replies, spinning her straw around in her glass. "You look a lot younger than twenty-three" I watch as a sly grin spreads across her face, and it instantly puts me on guard. I watch with a look of annoyance as she glances over at Victoria out of the corner of her eye, still smiling. I don't know what this is about, but it's quite obvious that I am the butt of a long-running joke.

"I'm twenty-four." Was she not listening? I just told her that I was twenty-four.

"Right. That's what I meant." She clears her throat, and shifts in her seat. Glancing at Victoria beside her, I see a flicker of nervousness cross her features, and I silently wonder what that is about.

I furrow my eyebrows, looking pointedly at her to see if she could give me some clue as to what the hell is going on here. I've never had a problem voicing my thoughts, so I won't start now.

"Is there a reason for your question? Do you have a problem with my age?" I ask looking between Victoria and Lauren with questioning eyes.

"Of course not!" Victoria quickly pipes in with eyes bugging out of her head, but Lauren rolls her eyes.

"Settle down Hun, it's nothing to get all worked up about. Simple question. You seem very young is all." Lauren says, sipping from her straw.

"Do your feet get swollen?" Jane asks out of the blue, pulling my attention away from the woman I thought was my friend, and her very devious friend Lauren.

"No. Not really." I glance under the table to look at my feet just to check. "Why? Are they going to?" Sadly, I have a feeling that is why she asked. I look from her to Leah, hoping for an answer.

Leah and Jane both shrug. "Just thought I'd ask. This is my first pregnancy. I'm trying to soak up as much information as I can. I have bought books, and I have been online non-stop. I cannot stop doing research. Everything that I read is so interesting!" Jane's broad smile catches me a little off guard because of how big, and bright it is. I smile back at her, watching as she exuberantly does a little dance in her seat to show her excitement.

She claps her hands together. "I'm so excited! Aren't you excited?" She grasps my arm, and tugs me closer to her. I can practically feel the enthusiasm radiating off of her.

I can't help but smile as she bounces around in the booth. Leah smiles, looking as if she understands. Lauren rolls her eyes exasperatedly and Victoria looks on with amusement.

"You two are so cute. Let me take a picture." Victoria takes out her phone and snaps a picture of Jane and me. Jane was prepared, and poses as if they do this all of the time. However, I must have looked like a fucking deer caught in headlights because pictures are not my thing, and the flash just about blinds me.

"So Bella, do you dance?" Jane asks me, and I immediately shake my head no. She still tries to stand and shove me out of the booth. I finally stand, but as soon as she is out of the way, I make a move to sit back down, but Jane is not having it.

"Come on Bella, let's shake our bellies!" she raises her arms and does a little shimmy.

"I don't dance. You go. Have fun!" I wave her off. She still grabs my hand and yanks the holy fuck out of my arm. Even though she's a bit smaller than me, she was still able to yank me out of my seat and onto the dance floor.

X

EPOV

I could feel everything. I could feel myself plummeting down into a whirlpool of depression. I could feel the overwhelming pressure, the all-consuming sadness settling deep inside all the way to my bones. It's sucking me deeper and deeper into darkness; choking off the last breath of happiness I try to take in an attempt to sustain me. It tugs at me, drawing me deeper, pulling me down further until all that is left to feel is...nothing. I am numb. Before, I could feel everything, but now I feel nothing, and I am wallowing in the lowest pit of misery alone. I am struggling with the battle of self-hatred, teetering on the edge of insanity all because I hurt her, and then lost her. I hurt her...and lost her.

 _You lost her because she couldn't love you._

 _How could she love me after all that I've done? After everything I have put her through?_

I did this to us, and I can't blame her for not wanting to take me back. I was able to spew nothing more than toxic emotional content at her because I'd suppressed real emotion for years while being married to Tanya. I only knew how to be toxic and unapologetic. Somehow, I had changed for Bella. I don't know when or how, but I did. The way that I love her is unconditional, irrevocable, and undeniable. It is also toxic, and the lunacy of it all is that there is nothing rational amid the outpouring of my emotions. They are erratic, and it makes me feel like I'm no longer in control. Because my emotions waver on the borderline of crazy and, uncontrollable, I take it out on Bella. I am irrational, controlling, overbearing. I am a bastard and she is genuine and good. I didn't even realize, but I'd begun to control her. So much so that now I only see glimpses of MY Bella. There's only shadows in her eyes, no more light. The glint in her eyes was always so bright; they always ignited something inside of me. I could gaze into her deep chocolate eyes forever. Bella's eyes had the ability to warm my entire body as if I'd been standing in the sunlight. Now, there's a coldness in her eyes; a barrier and I hate it. But it's my fault.

It's probably for the best. I'm no good for her. I have known this from the beginning, and lived through multiple failed attempts at showing her that I have changed; become a decent human being. I never meant to taint Bella's perception of me by lying to her or cheating on her. But, I did. This is my fault. I never claimed otherwise. I would never insult her intelligence with mundane excuses. I hurt her, and I regret it. Now, I'm paying for it in the worst way.

Glancing around the bar, I take in the people surrounding me. The familiarity of the bar was supposed to make me feel better, make me feel closer to her. Yet, as I sit here nursing a broken heart and a massive headache, I couldn't feel further away from her.

Even surrounded by people, mostly people that I have seen before, I still feel alone. I can't seem to shake the ridiculous twists and turns of my stomach or the insatiable fire raging inside of my body, scorching heat leaving me listless and empty. I can't shake the dark cloud above my head from raining down my sorrow and misery as if reminding me that this pain is real, and it will never end.

The regretful thoughts taunt me, and terrorize me. The thoughts form in my head at a continuous rate causing a tornado to rage within me. I want to destroy shit, but I'm keeping it under control. No matter what, I am in control. My emotions will not win. That's something Carlisle took away from me. He took away my free will and my control. I worked hard to gain back control of my own thoughts, actions, and emotions. Carlisle can no longer tell me what to think, do, or feel. Yet, even with my emotions under subjection, I still feel like a fuse ready go off. I still feel like going on a rampage, finding Bella, and dragging her home with me.

 _Isn't that one of the reasons that you lost her?_

I mentally tell my drunken brain to shut the fuck up, and stop working; just shut off for a moment so that I can have some peace. I don't want to think. Thinking brings me back to her, and thinking of her causes the last few shards of my broken heart to stab me, digging into wounds that may never heal. Who am I kidding? Nothing will heal this pain.

She can heal the pain.

But she's not here. She'll never be here again because I hurt her and I lost her. Like a fucking idiot, I let myself destroy the best thing that ever existed in my life. The best thing that has ever happened to me.

I'm here, and she's off on a date. I...lost her. I can't even fathom the idea completely. The rest of my life without Bella? Can I really see myself spending the rest of my life without breathing? That's how life would be without Bella. I need her to breathe. There's no air when she's not near. There's...nothing! Nothing but the excruciating reminder that I no longer have my best friend, my love, my soulmate, my baby. She thought I was joking when I said it, but I have never been more serious. Bella will always be my baby.

Thinking her name hurts like a deeply rooted twisting of my stomach. The thought of her never taking me back breaks my heart all over again. How cruel is it that even with a broken heart, I'm still forced to feel those two halves of my heart beat. They beat harder, and rougher, working overtime...well at least that's how it feels.

I quickly toss back another glass, enjoying the smooth liquor making its way down my throat. The taste is almost unidentifiable at this point, and I'm beginning to think that I am really fucking drunk. Whenever alcohol begins to taste like water to me, and I'm able to down glasses without much thought, I'm usually drunk...very drunk.

I don't dare move away from the stool though, or even lift my head up. I want to stare into the bottom of the glass and wish my baby back into my life. If I had one wish, it would be to have her in my life again. I'd give everything that I have, every possession I own, all to have her in my arms again.

"Hey, you're falling." I hear a woman's voice, followed by a light chuckle. "Whoa, hey, are you okay?"

I look up at the woman speaking to me, and realize that it's the bartender, I remember her name, Jessica.

"I'm fine." I shrug her away, and almost fall off the stool in the other direction. My foot hits the floor to catch myself. With my head now in my hands, I groan loudly, and so harshly my throat burns.

"Is there anything I can get you?" She asks, her tone flirtatious and full of implications. She stares as me awkwardly when uninhibited laughter escapes my lips at her lousy attempt. Her lips part several times as if she wants to say more but is holding back. I turn away from her, put off by the thought of anyone being near me right now. I need Bella. Only Bella.

I rub my eyes with the palm of my hands, rubbing until they burn, and are raw. I then remember her question, and come to the realization that there's definitely something she can get me.

"Yeah, you can get my girlfriend." I laugh again. "While you're at it, you can pour me another drink."

Bella Pov

"Hello?" I step through the crowd trying to make it outside so that I can hear the person on the other end of my phone.

"Bella, its Jessica!" I stop walking when I realize who I'm talking to.

"What do you want?" My voice depicting the epitome of annoyance and irritation. Why is she calling me?

"Your boyfriend is really fucked up. He passed out a moment ago, but before that he begged me to call you to come and get him."

"Jessica, he's not my-" I start to say he's not my boyfriend but it's useless. It's probably my fault he's even at the bar, and drunk off his ass. "Never mind. I'll be there soon. Don't let him leave." I hang up before she can respond and make my way back to the table to speak to Victoria.

Victoria watches as I approach with a very peculiar expression on her face that seemingly deepens the closer I get. Her eyebrows raise, and her head slightly tilts upward to look at me.

"I have to go." I try to sound indifferent which hasn't been a problem for me lately anyway. Yet somehow, I find myself having to force it now. I never felt I had to be fake around Victoria because she always seemed so happy to have a friend, so happy to be around me. With her friends around, she's like a different person. It has me thinking that maybe this is the real her and she's been faking her friendship with me. I've seen glimpses of this side of her before, but never brazen arrogance.

"Okay, well...bye." She says. Her voice leading me to believe that I am in her way or bothering her. Didn't she invite me?

I stare at her, eyebrows furrowed, and completely mind-fucked by her change of attitude. What the fuck?

Scoffing loudly, with a small humorless laugh, I turn my back on her without another word.

X

Ten minutes later, I'm at Mike's bar sitting next to a passed out Edward. His head is facing me on the bar so I can see every inch of his beautiful face. His lips are slightly parted as he breathes harsh and ragged breaths. His eyebrows are slightly lowered as if his dreams are taking a mental toll on him. I have no doubt that they are dragging him through hell and back. It's my fault. This is my fault.

I glance up at his thick hair so unique in its color and style. He hasn't gotten a haircut in a while, that's for certain as I see that some of his hair has fallen into his face.

Biting the corner of my lip, I slowly inch my hand towards his messy mop of hair just to feel the softness that I'd grown accustomed to. My hand inches slowly towards him, but my eyes watch his face. He lets out a soft groan, and I clearly hear him say my name. Nothing has ever made me smile harder than at that very moment. I didn't even realize that I'd been smiling at first, but now I can't stop.

My hand is so close to his hair that my fingers tingle with anticipation. Just as I look up at my hand, I feel his strong hand grasp mine in his so quickly I jump. Where did his hand even come from?

"Bella?" He calls, but his eyes are still closed. The deep lines of his forehead deepen as he attempts to wake. I watch as he runs his thumb over my hand, squeezing it ever so gently. "Bella." This time his voice is much calmer, assurance in his voice. I watch the crease disappear from his brow as a look of peace settles over him.

He pulls my hand to his lips and places a soft kiss there. "I love you." He whispers softly.

A traitor tear rolls down my face without my permission. I've been crying so much lately, and it's usually because of something Edward has said or done.

I lean close to him and whisper, "Hey." His eyes pop open and I'm met with the startlingly piercing emerald gaze that possesses my body, holds me captive and threatens to never release me. I've fallen in love with those eyes, that stare, this man, all of him. It's him. It's always been him. I'm a fool to think otherwise.

"Can you wake up so we can get out of here?"

He doesn't respond. He continues to stare at me, unblinking. I shake him. "Edward? Can we get out of here?"

He nods drunkenly, but I know that he comprehends what I'm saying when he slowly lifts his head. He keeps my hand in his grasp and intertwines them. My hand feels incredibly small in his large one, but his hand brings a comforting feeling over me that I can no longer refuse to ignore.

"Let's get you home."

X

I couldn't help Edward up the stairs. The furthest we could get was to his couch situated in the middle of the open living area. He seemed to rely on my strength to carry him, but it felt like an impossible task considering his size.

I haul him onto the couch, and he silently falls sideways. I figure he's not going to make himself comfortable, even though this is where he'll be sleeping.

I slowly reach for his shoes and discard them beside the couch. Then I help him out of his suit jacket, his crisp white dress shirt, and undershirt. He moans and groans, but doesn't utter anything comprehensible.

I pull off his dress pants, deciding to leave his boxers on to prevent my female hormones from taking over my sound judgment. My god, has his body always been this impressive? Each deep curve of his stomach outlines his amazing six pack with excellent definition. It's as if he was carved to perfection. I'd love to run my tongue along that hard body, up his pecs, where I'd mark him as mine.

I still want him. I still...no! This is a dangerous thought. I have to get out of here!

I grab his clothes, and lay them neatly on the couch adjacent to him so that he will see them when he wakes up. Now, I just have to find a blanket.

Walking up the stairs in search of a blanket, I walk into his room and grab one for him. As I turn to walk out, something catches my eye. Next to the bed on the nightstand is a picture of him and me. In the picture, I smile up at the camera that he holds while he softly kisses my cheek. This was the day he took me shopping for his birthday party. I was so happy then. I thought that despite everything, he was mine. How wrong I was. He was not only married, but also had a psycho mistress. Neither of them seems to be easy for him to let go, and I can't deal with that. Especially not while I'm working hard to deal with my past.

I turn away from the picture, and make my way back down the stairs. I feel myself start to cry, and just when I think I am in control, the river overflows inside of me producing a fresh round of suppressed tears. I'm unable to stop them from rolling down my face, and I don't really try.

I miss him. That much is certain. Alice was right. I've been in denial.

I don't know what changed, but suddenly the thought of leaving hurts too much to think or imagine. There's no scenario where I leave here without my heart being broken again.

If I leave here tonight, this will really be over. He will wake up, remember I told him I had a date, and he will realize that it's over. That I have moved on. That we're over for good.

By the time I reach Edward again, my crying has subsided, and I am able to place the blanket on him so that he isn't cold. I back away and marvel at his beauty, watching his different facial expressions as he sleeps. He stirs a bit at all of my reoccurring sniffles, and choked up sobs that I attempt to muffle with my hand.

I really love this man. I really, really love him, and I have to leave and pretend that it's not true. How can I?

 _You have to Bella! There's no way around it. Walk away. Walk away!_

With one final glance, one final tear, I turn away.

"Bella!" I hear his voice, deep and harsh like a plea.

I turn my head back, and see that his eyes are still closed. His lips parted with ragged breaths escaping him with each deep breath.

"Stay?" It's a question. He's asking? He's actually giving me a choice?

There was a time when all he'd do is demand things of me without room for argument. I was just expected to do whatever he said. No choices. No options. No decisions to make.

This was different. He was giving me a choice this time with the expectation of a good decision. The right decision.

Just when I think my mind is made up, his plea rings in my ears once more, making my decision that much harder.

"Stay?"

Spring 2012

Epov

Biggest breasts I have ever seen. That's the title I give to the woman Tanya picked for the night. Tonight's pick is from my hotel's bar. The club was full of the same people doing the same thing which Tanya admittedly has grown tired of. She was always up for something new which I silently liked about her. I couldn't stand her most times, but our relationship has always been friendly. Nothing more, nothing less.

"You can thank me as you're coming all over them after an amazing boob job." Tanya's dejected voice cuts through my thoughts.

With the flick of my tongue to swipe over my lips, I fix her with her wicked grin. Tanya rolls her eyes at me as I knew she would. She calls out things that she secretly imagines me doing to her. I like to tease her about it, seeing that I am willing to fuck any and every woman besides her.

"Yes or fucking no, Edward?" Tanya's impatience is only due to her sexual frustration. I've been out of town for weeks so I'm sure she's overworked both her vibrator and dildo.

I lean back in my seat, kick my legs out, and cross them at the ankles. Then, I fold my arms across my chest, and smirk at her. "No."

"You're picky? You choose now to be picky? As long as there's a blow job in your future, you're usually compliant. What's your problem?" she spits the words out vehemently.

Tilting my head to the side, I regard her with open amusement. "I like watching you squirm."

"You're an asshole."

"I am." I agree with a nod. "However, you need me, don't you?"

"I need to cum on a nice set of pouty pink lips is what I need. If you're offering..."

With the squaring of my shoulders, I lean forward and eye her conspicuously. I see her game, and she should know by now that I am not to be fucked with. "Of course not. But your preference does suit me. That's how we both win."

"No, you win in every scenario because you set it up that way. The prenup was my first mistake." She spits the words out with an edge of contempt.

"You're unhappy? Go! No one is stopping you. Either way, everything is mine. I have enough evidence of your infidelity to secure the empire that I rightfully deserve."

"Right! Because it's still considered cheating even when you're in the exact same room?" Tanya shakes her head and my ears are met with the laughter of derision and disbelief. "Just fucking pick one of these women so we can go upstairs."

Scanning the room, my eyes land on an attractive blonde sitting alone in a booth for two near the back of the bar. She is very petite with kind eyes, and a genuine smile. Her face is that of an innocent teen, but her body has matured far beyond that. Her lips are pouty and pink just as Tanya requested, and her eyes are big and bright. Two qualities that do wonders when receiving a blowjob. I want her. And when I want something, I take it.

Without a glance toward Tanya, I stand and mutter, "Excuse me," before making my way over toward the blonde.

I approach her slowly and confidently with purposeful strides in her direction. Just as I am closing in on the table, another blonde joins her. I stop short for a second and admire her from head to toe. She's a bit older, and closer to my age, but it doesn't matter. I'll have them both.

I approach the table and wait for their undivided attention before speaking. When their heads both turn, I see each set of eyes widen. I take the time to look them each in the eyes, letting them know that I am not here for mere social purposes. I see right away that the older one instantly understands, while the other is a bit star-struck.

"Hello there." The older one speaks, placing her hands underneath her chin as she blinks up at me. I flash her a smile, and let a deeply rooted mask of hungry undertone build in my eyes seep into my expression, and follow through with my posture. I give off all of the signs of a man that will completely overwhelm a woman in bed.

She bites down on her bottom lip and looks up at me through her lashes. "My name is Edward Cullen." I look between the two of them before settling back on the older one because I know for sure that she will eat any bullshit that I feed her. If one is up for a good time, that's enough for me.

"Lauren Mallory." The older one says seductively before looking over at her friend pointedly. "And this is my friend, Jane."

X

Edward and Tanya are kind of gross, I know but, this is just an insight into their really weird relationship. More weird relationships to come...some may have already figured it out. This chapter gave a bit of it away.


	31. Chapter 31

**AN: I never thought I would meet such amazing people just from joining fanfiction. Here I was obsessed with Twilight reading the books over and over again. Now I get to play with the characters in my own way. The more I write, the more I learn. I** **'m learning from my mistakes. I tell you guys without EFK I'm not sure half of you would stick around to read the rest of this. I know my grammar upsets people, so that's why I am soaking up as much as I can from EFK. She doesn't even realize the massive impact she has on me, or my writing.**

 **Special thanks to of course EFK (Donna), AnarodFranco (Ana) I don't know what I would do without you girlie! :) Snoopylover60 (Debbie) WordyDuchess (Jen) TiffanyLCullen, Yuvi, JanSails, KFoll, cullenmeadow, Rebadams7, rclaurel, pnkats, Mitzi, ericzmi, sujari6, locheree, madkins and many others that have written reviews that make me literally lol, given me support, encouraging words, grammar tips and tools on how to deal with a specific kind of reviewer. Thank you sooo soo much. You all have no clue how much I value your opinion. I'm a really sensitive soul so I'm going to stop now before this gets really mushy lol. Thanks again everyone, and I hope you enjoy :)**

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Chapter 30:

Bella Pov

Edward has the softest hair. It's silky, and the strands feel like caresses to my fingers causing a tingling sensation to race through my entire body. When Edward is near me, his presence constantly ignites a fire in my belly. I'm giddy around him as if this is our first meeting, and I'm nervous. But there's also heat and an electric current jolting between us. There's always an intense fire burning, crackling, and popping around us. It's something I never imagined possible in real life. I hear about it in movies, and TV shows, and read in books, but never thought it was real. To feel such a powerful energy, an intense attraction, an overwhelming connection to one person just amazes me. I never thought it possible, but now I'm convinced. I believe every word of it to be true because I feel it all with Edward.

I glance down at my hand working lazily through his thick, unruly hair, and smile because I feel a bubble surrounding us. This invisible thing holding us to this place, to this moment and shielding us from the outside world. Shielding us from the things that threaten to break us apart.

I hear Edward inhale softly, and then let out a groan deep in his chest, sending vibrations through my body. He loves when I do this, and his appreciative moans are proof and encouragement.

After he had asked me to stay, I sat on the couch next to his head, and watched him sleep. I kept my distance most of the night because I honestly don't trust myself around him. Somehow, we had eventually gravitated towards each other by a power beyond either of our control. Without realizing it, we'd become within touching distance, and my fingers itched to touch him. Any part of him.

All of a sudden I needed to be closer. I needed the other half of my heart so that I could feel whole again. I needed him closer, without clothing. I needed his warmth. But of course that couldn't happen. So I settled for watching him sleep as different expressions crossed his handsome face. He really is quite beautiful. He hates when I call him that, but it's true. Edward has the looks of a god, and it amazes me sometimes that he is even able to walk down the street without being mauled by women.

Some time later, he placed his head on my lap and I couldn't help but run my hands through the soft wispy hair. I don't know how long into the night we stayed like that but I know that I didn't want to waste a minute sleeping.

"My Bella is getting soft." He mumbles against the leg and I jump, startled by the feather-like sensation his breath sent down my leg. I didn't know he was awake.

 _Wait! Did he just call me...soft? Bella is not soft_. "Soft? I don't think so." I chuckle heartily.

"At the club, when those girls jumped in our conversation you brushed them off." His voice is low and gruff, thick with sleep. He hasn't been awake long.

I continue to run my fingers through his hair, and he snuggles closer to me. "I told them to fuck off."

He chuckles softly, but his chest still outwardly vibrates the entire couch. " _My_ Bella would have bitched at them until they left crying."

Thinking back on that night, I honestly didn't have it in me to bitch at them. I was physically and emotionally drained. However, if they'd pushed enough, they would have had a fight on their hands. What those women did was incredibly rude and disrespectful.

Shrugging half-heartedly I reply, " _Your_ Bella would have ended up in jail because that was rude of them."

Edward nods in agreement. "You would have been justified." I feel rather than see him smile, and I do the same, letting comfortable silence build between us.

Edward turns onto his back looking up at me with his head still in my lap. He places his hands behind his head, and gazes up at me with a sexy as hell lazy grin. "This is my favorite place to be." He says out of nowhere. I shake my head and laugh at his semi-drunk musing.

"In your home? I would think so." I smile down at him.

"No." Edward shakes his head, but his eyes, smoldering, and heated, remain fixated on me. "With you. Anywhere with you."

I clear my throat awkwardly, and shift uncomfortably in my seat. "Are you feeling better?" I ignore his comment because it's dangerous territory for someone in my mental state.

Edwards's eyes stay on me for the longest time, casting me under his spell. He holds my gaze, even when his expression turns sour to match his thoughts. His eyebrows scrunch up, and his eyes squint a few times as he regards me with obvious annoyance. He never actually answers my question, but I know what a drunk person looks like, and this is not it. He looks fine to me. Fine indeed!

"Why don't you love me?" He ignores my question, asking one of his own. His eyebrows lower, and the usual crease in his brow is deeper than I've ever seen it. He wants to understand.

I open my mouth to speak, but I'm unable to. There's no way I can answer that question.

"Have you never met a woman who inspires you to love? Until your every sense is filled with her? You inhale her. You taste her. You see your unborn children in her eyes and know that your heart has at last found a home. Your life begins with her, and without her it must surely end." My eyes almost bug out of my head at his perfect use of the quote from my favorite movie Don Juan DeMarco.

"That, Isabella, is how I feel about you. I loved you without even knowing how to. I've loved you recklessly, fiercely, childishly, uncontrollably, crazy to the point of insanity. I swear I love you in the almost stalker kind of way which scares the ever living fuck out of me." I smile at that confession, even though his ways do worry me at times. Yet, I never associate fear with Edward. I actually feel safe when I'm with him.

"Bella, I really love you. These aren't just words that I'm feeding you to get back together. Even if we never get back together, I will still love you. I will always love you"

We sit in silence for a beat as I mull over his declaration of love. I just want to shout it back to him, because I love him too. I love him so much, every day without him another piece of my heart breaks, and I can feel it. I can feel the agony of the splintering fragments of my heart.

"You quoted my movie." I smile down at my hands that are folded near the top of his head. My hands are the only thing that I can risk looking at right now. "You hate that movie." I let out a small giggle, and look back at him for a split second which was undeniably a mistake because now my eyes are trapped, and so is my breath. I am lost in his gaze, locked and sealed and there's no going back. I feel a fever course through every fiber of my being just from his enthralling gaze. Every muscle, every nerve ending in my body submits to the will of Edward with just one look. He has me right where he wants me as always.

 _No! No Bella! Absolutely not! You had a plan, and it was meant to be followed. You and Edward are over!_

Somehow with my mental pep talk, I'm able to look away, and back at my hands.

I clear my throat before continuing to speak. "I only made you watch the movie so many times because I knew how much you absolutely hated it." I laugh, and he joins in, rubbing his chin as he thoughtfully looks away.

"So if I had pretended to like it, I would have only had to watch it one or two time's versus nine or ten times? No, baby, you love that movie to death."

I shove him, and continue laughing. "Shut up _." I do love that movie to death._

"I figured next time we watch the movie together, it would be great to actually understand what's going on."

"What do you mean by that?" My eyebrow lifts in question.

"You quote every god damn line, Bella! And you do it with a ridiculous accent that sounds nothing like the guy." Edward starts to laugh, and I just frown at him, and slap his arm to stop him from laughing. "How the hell am I supposed to know what's going on in the movie when you are being so damn adorable?" He shrugs, placing his hands back behind his head. "After a while I just gave up."

"You weren't paying attention to the movie?" I ask, mouth agape at his confession. He shakes his head 'no'.

"I just watched you the entire time." His eyes soften exponentially to match his voice, and I keep finding it increasingly difficult to look away from him.

"Every time?" I ask softly, waiting for his response. He replies with a smile that takes my breath away.

I shake my head, needing a distraction. "That's why you hate the movie. You never even gave it a chance." I playfully shove him again.

"I hate it because you go crazy over Johnny Depp." He laughs, and shows off his pearly white teeth as his cheeks lift into a beautiful smile.

I roll my eyes and shake my head, but my grin remains because he is not fucking lying about that.

Edward releases a heavy sigh, and it attracts my attention to his chest, which was another mistake. Thankfully, he starts to speak, and my eyes snap to his face, hoping that he didn't catch me ogling him. If he did, then he's doing a spectacular job hiding a smug grin that MY Woody usually would be sporting right now.

"This wasn't about the damn movie, Bella. It wasn't supposed to be." He runs a hand slowly down his face. A sign of his frustration, and absolute annoyance. I know the feeling. That's how I feel right now...about myself. Frustrated, and annoyed. I stare at him, waiting for him to speak again.

As I stare at him, I find myself wishing he was never married, and that there were no crazy exes. But there are, and I don't know if it's something that I want to deal with.

 _I wish I knew how to quit you. Maybe then this wouldn't hurt so badly._

"How is it possible that I fell so fast, so hard, and so deeply and madly in love with you, and you feel nothing? How does that happen Miss Romance movie junkie? Explain that shit because that's not how it's supposed to be. You had to fall for me."

"Why? Because everyone else does?" My monotone voice causes anger to rise up inside of him. I mentally prepare myself for his verbal lashing.

"No, Bella! Because I saw it, every goddamn time I looked into those beautiful brown eyes, baby, I fell a little harder and I could have sworn you felt the same. You had to fall for me. You had to."

"I didn't fall, you tripped me." I murmur under my breath after a beat of silence. Edward stares at me for a few seconds before he shakes his head with a huge grin on his face. "I meant, you tricked me. I didn't fall, you tricked me." He really did trick me. I didn't know that he was married. "Stop laughing at me!" I whine.

"Bella, I don't mean to laugh at you. It's just the look on your face-" He laughs some more, and my pout deepens. "You're fucking adorable." he taps my nose with his index finger, and I childishly attempt to bite his finger while glaring down at him.

"Your name should be Dickward, because you're a dick." I sulk. Edward laughs harder at my expense, his handsome face lights up, and his eyes squint closed as his mouth stretches into an adorable smile. I hate him for looking so damn good.

"Baby, no one in the world makes me laugh the way that you do." He tells me, as he settles down a bit, licking his lips, as his gaze lands on me. I shoot him a look as if to say, 'what the hell?'

The look on my face makes his eyes slightly widen as he tries to figure out where he may have slipped up. Then it hits him, and he purses his lips, giving me a straight face, silently questioning my reason for being upset.

"I told you. I'm not censoring what I say when I'm around you." The look on his face tells me not to touch this topic again, but of course I have always been defiant towards Edward.

"Then I'll just leave." I try to stand, but he turns and wraps his arms around me, holding me down. "My god Edward, are you even drunk?"

"I was sort of drunk. I may have exaggerated my symptoms to get you here, but I have been drinking...a lot."

I roll my eyes. "I hate you." I say with absolutely zero emotion.

"You love me, baby." He's stating a fact and he knows it.

"Stop that!" I shout.

He laughs, and kisses my stomach, snuggling into me. "I really only do it to get a rise out of you."

I pout, and quickly fold my arms across my chest, and glare down at him. "Sometimes you make me so mad I want to throw you in the middle of on-going traffic. But then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you because..." I trail off because this is the moment of truth. This is it.

"Because..." He pushes, and I look away, feeling nervousness and fear creep up my spine.

"You want me to say 'I love you'." I blurt out, nodding my head at my own rhetorical question. That's exactly what he wants as if it will help him sleep better at night.

Edward doesn't respond, nor does his facial expression change. However, I still know this look. He's thinking.

"Edward, you don't understand the magnitude of my feelings for you. The words 'I love you' do not even begin to describe how I feel for you. Three simple words? "I scoff loudly, and the tone is harsh even to my own ears. "You want me to sum up my feelings for you in three words?"

"Baby..." I watch as Edward's every movement as he untucks his arms from around my body, and sits up, turning his entire body to face me.

"Or maybe you want me to explain how loving you has made me feel in three words? The worst pain, loving you has been the worse pain of my life. I was unprepared, and now I'm suffering from how naive I was."

"Bella, you are not naive."He breathes across my face, and I still smell the evidence of his earlier alcohol consumption.

"I am." Nodding slowly. I then wrap my arms around myself. "And I'm scared." I whisper the words, hoping he understands just how scared I really am. "So very fucking scared."

"Why? Of what?"

How do I even begin to answer this question?

"Because I told myself that I would never give anyone the power to hurt me. I never wanted to be vulnerable or weak in front of anyone. I laid all of that bare, all at your feet Edward, and you walked all over me. You hurt me. I don't want that to happen again."

"It won't, baby. I will not hurt you. You are scared, and you don't have to be." He places both of his hands on my arms and forces me to look at him. "You don't have to be scared of this."

"Yes, I do. Being scared helps me to not make the same mistakes again. I'm scared for a shitload of reasons you would not understand. I'm scared of loving you wholeheartedly, only to be hurt again. I'm scared of giving up every part of myself to you. I'm scared of this feeling Edward, terrified even. I want to let you go so badly. I want to walk out of here, and say that I can forget you, and actually mean it."

Edward sucks in a breath and holds it. Waiting for me to continue.

"I'm even more scared of walking out of that door, and never ever experiencing the feeling that I get when I'm with you."

"Don't do it, Bella. Work this out with me. If you love me, that's enough baby. Just love me." Edward lifts my chin. "Love me."

X

The following morning, I wake to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Coffee that I am unable to drink. This thought causes bitch Bella to come out in full force.

Then my eyes slowly blink open, and sun rays shine through the slits of the blinds, dancing across my sleepy face. My eyes forcibly open adjusting to my surroundings, and I freak the fuck out. Where the hell am I?

I sit up quickly, and survey the room, sighing when I realize that I'm in Edward's living room.

"Fuck!" I hear Edward shout from the kitchen. Seconds later, he rounds the wall the separates the kitchen from the rest of the open space. He has a remorseful frown on his face. "I'm sorry, baby. Did I wake you?"

He pushes my hair out of my face, and then runs his hand down my cheek to my chin, and holds it steadily between his two fingers. I shake my head no, and he smiles.

"We have to get dressed. Esme is expecting us."

"For what?" I question, and watch as Edward frowns at me, then he smiles knowingly as if he just had a thought. He's in a very playful mood. That's what that smile tells me. Oh boy!

"Brunch, sweetheart. I told you." His smile remains, as he explains the plans that he made for us.

"I never agreed to-" I turn my face away from him, and his hand falls from my chin to his side.

He sighs. "Bella it's just brunch. We need to announce that we're pregnant anyway."

"We're pregnant? No Edward, I'm pregnant. I'm carrying this baby." It's quite selfish of me to speak to him this way but I can't help myself. I'm glad that he doesn't take offense to my tone, or choice of words.

He holds his hands up in surrender, but there's an amused glint in his eyes, and a grin on his sexy face. My favorite grin. "You're awfully grumpy this morning"

"Shut up!" I throw a pillow at him, and it hits his chest. He grabs it, and grins wickedly at me as he slowly stalks closer to me. This look can only mean one thing. "No, Edward, please don't-"

He doesn't waste any time jumping on the couch straddling my waist to tickle me. His fingers dig into my sides, and I squirm, and buck, laughing like a maniac. "Stop! Stop! Please! Edward, I'm going to pee myself."

Edward falls to the side of the couch in a roar of laughter. I sit up properly and watch his face. When Edward laughs hard, his entire face does as well. Edward sometimes laughs with his mouth wide open, his eyes slit closed, and his whole body shaking in his fit of laughter. This is one of those times, and the sounds he makes causes a giggle of my own to bubble up.

"I was serious." I laugh at his laugh, because I can't help it.

He sits up, and contains his laughter, but his smile remains. "I swear you are a five-year-old trapped in a woman's body. I have been saying it since I met you."

"That would make you a bit of a pervert don't you think?" I stand from the couch, and stretch my arms over my head, then I bend over to touch my toes because my back hurts from my awkward position on the couch.

SMACK!

I shoot back up and reach back placing my hand over my ass. "What in the actual fuck is wrong with you? Stop fucking doing that! God damn you!"

"Bella, you can't just bend over in front of me and expect me to keep my hands to myself. Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?"

I frown at him. "Asshole." I mumble.

"I'm just trying to appeal to the child trapped inside of you." He presses, and I sneer at him, annoyed that he's all chipper this morning while I'm stuck in this bitchy mood.

"Fuck you! Appeal to that!" I flick him off, and make my way towards his bathroom to brush my teeth.

"Baby, if it makes you feel better, we can grab Rose on our way to my parents." Edward offers. I glance back towards the entrance to the bathroom to see him casually leaning back against the door frame with his arms folded across his solid chest.

"It's only fair that your family be there for the announcement as well." He continues.

I love that he thinks of Rose as my family. She has made mistakes, and done things that others may not have ever forgiven her for, but I love her flaws, addiction, and all. She's the closest thing I have to a sister, just like Jasper is the closest thing I have to a brother. They are my family.

I turn to face Edward, leaning my hip against the bathroom counter, mirroring his pose. "And Jasper?"

Edward exhales roughly. It's forced and ragged, like he's completely put out.

"I'm sure Alice is dragging him along." Edward answers.

"Fine. I'll go."

X

We arrive at the Cullen home at half past eleven as Edward and I were both unaware how far out of the way Rose's parents lived.

When we arrived, Esme had swung the front door wide open and run down the stairs to pull me into an almost suffocating hug. She's unbelievably strong for such a small woman, and the surprise must show on my face because Edward's laughter can be heard as he rounds the car.

Esme rocks us from side to side, and squeezes as if she is trying to draw strength from me. This is the kind of hug Edward gives me after a long day. He calls it a P3 hug. A hug that conveys love, and draws energy from one another. It's a hug that makes you sigh afterward, as tension leaves your body, and life doesn't seem to weigh on your shoulders anymore because you feel as though someone is helping you bare the weight.

He learned this from a program that his mother started to help angry teens release the anger that they try to hold on to. Edward was a bit of a hellion, so his parents often made him attend this program. The hug was just one of the many exercises that he learned, and from what he tells me, he still practices most of them. His favorites in particular are the ones that help him with restraint and control. I often see him count to three with his jaw ticks and his fists clench. To anyone else these signs signify that someone is gearing up for a fight. Not so with Edward. He's trying to control his anger, and is gearing up for something completely different. The battle within himself. The fight to remain in control of any and all situations.

I like his techniques, but this hug is a bit much. My uncomfortable behavior could be because I never received hugs growing up. I'm the problem, not Esme. Her motherly instinct is to hug me, and I'm just not used to that. I do however hope that my stiffened body doesn't give her the wrong idea, or a bad vibe.

"Mom you're hurting her." I hear Alice say as she rushes down the steps towards us. Esme releases me, but holds on to my shoulders and just stares at me with a smile on her face.

"What are you trying to do, sweetheart? Draw life from her? Jesus!" Carlisle pipes in from his spot near Edward. Edward chuckles, shakes his head, and then turns to greet his dad with a handshake.

"Oh hush, Carlisle! I just miss her." Esme tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear. "I have been trying to get my children to bring you here for decades Bella, I swear." She looks between her kids.

"Decades?" A tall, massive sized guy asks with a huge smile on his face that showcases his deep dimples. "Mom, really?"

"She's over exaggerating." Alice says, and shakes her head at her mother.

"I am not!" She releases me, and goes over to Rose. "Oh, and you must be Rosalie."

Rose awkwardly tugs at the hem of her skirt, and shifts her sunglasses from one hand to the other. She's a tad bit uncomfortable. Esme doesn't care though. She tugs Rose into a hug, and rocks her from side to side. I laugh at the wide-eyed expression on Rose's face over Esme's shoulder. I imagine that's the expression I wore only seconds ago.

"It's so good to have you two here." Esme says.

"What about me?" Jasper asks from behind Alice, who's leaning back into his arms. Esme waves him off, and loops arms with Rose and me, making her way up the steps.

"You're here all the time Jasper. I'm actually tired of seeing you." Esme jokes and laughs when he places his hands over his heart to feign hurt which inadvertently tugs Alice closer to his body. He kisses the side of her face, and she smiles up at him. They are so fucking cute together it almost hurts to watch.

X

"I made everyone's favorite." Esme says as she places dishes on the table with the help of Edward, Emmett, and Jasper. "Thank you gentlemen." The guys salute her, and Edward kisses her cheek, before he makes his way over to me. He takes his seat beside me, and grasps my hand underneath the table.

"Dig in.", Esme says, as she grabs a huge bowl, and begins to ration out the fruit salad onto our individual plates.

Edward leans over to whisper in my ear. "You're squeezing the shit out of my hand, love."

My eyes widen as I swiftly pry my hand from his grasp.

"I'm sorry." I tell him, and watch as a crooked smile spreads across his face.

Edward takes my hand again and holds it firmly in his strong one, then intertwines them, and smiles at me. "I didn't say I didn't like it."

I laugh at that, and look down, shaking my head at him. He kisses my forehead, which slightly throws me off guard. I look back up, my eyes instantly find his which are dancing with adoration. Why does he have to look at me like that?

"Everyone, eat up." Esme directs us to the table full of food. She literally cooked everything imaginable. There's pancakes, french toast, eggs, bacon, toast, steaks, muffins, bagels, cinnamon buns, and a huge fruit salad.

"So Bella, tell me about your family." Carlisle attempts to make conversation, but something about the look on his face tells me there's a hidden reason behind his interest.

"My family is here at this table." I look down the table to see Rose and Emmett deep in conversation, while both Alice and Jasper are smiling at me having heard what I'd said. I smile back, and feel Edward squeeze my hand.

"Your mom and dad?" Carlisle asks, one eyebrow slightly higher than the other in question.

"Both dead." I say, and watch a look of confusion cross Jasper's face. Of course he knows the truth.

"Edward, what are you doing, son? You love strawberries." Esme says, and I look down to see that Edward has fixed my plate without me noticing. I gawk at the amount of food on my plate. All of my favorites are here, but there's so much of it.

"So does Bella, and there aren't any left in the bowl." Edward says, and I glance over to see the fruit salad bowl is empty.

"Edward, you didn't have to give me-" I begin, just as Esme speaks.

"I didn't know, Bella. I'm sorry." She says regretfully.

I turn towards her, holding a hand out. "It's no big deal Esme, honestly."

I glance back at Edward to see that he's engrossed in conversation with Jasper while mindlessly eating the cantaloupe chunks and blueberries off of my plate.

His gaze flicks over to me, he gives me a little nudge, and nods his head to my plate. "Eat."

"Oh, are you done picking over the food?" I tease, and his lips curve up slightly at the corner in a half smile. He places his fork down, and grasps my thigh underneath the table, leaning to speak into my ear.

"I'm picking over the food, because I'd rather be eating you." He teases back. I playfully shove him away, my eyes wide in shock at his audacity to say that at the table in front of his parents.

He chuckles, tilting his head as he does before coming back close to me. "Please eat." He kisses the side of my face, then turns back to Jasper as they start back up in conversation. I look up to see Esme's eyes darting between Edward and me with a smile on her face, her eyes glossy with unshed joyful tears.

I pick up my toast, and begin to eat. "What do you do, Bella?" Carlisle asks. I drop the toast, and raise my eyes to his.

I finish chewing my food, covering my mouth with one hand, before speaking. "I'm a bartender."

Carlisle gives me a very peculiar look before glancing at Edward. I turn my head to find Edward glaring at his father. I switch my attention back to Carlisle trying to figure out where Edward's sudden hostility stems from.

"Where'd you two meet?" Carlisle holds two fingers up, pointing at us both.

"It's not important." Edward mumbles quickly, sounding eerily disinterested. I'm taken aback by his words, and the way that he says them.

"Not...important." I repeat, folding my arms across my chest. Edward exhales, and then leans into my ear.

"My dad is being an asshole right now; you don't know him well enough to see that." Edward tells me and I scoff.

"Seems to me that you're the asshole." I grit out angrily. He sits back in his chair, and angrily throws his napkin into his plate before rubbing his jaw. I see that his jaw is ticking, and I roll my eyes. Ever the control freak. When will he learn that he can't control everything, and everyone around him?

"So..." Carlisle pushes his plate forward, and stares at me with wide eyes, waiting for me to speak.

"I-well...um..." I begin, then I clear my throat. "We met in his hotel lobby."

"Do you happen to work in the bar at Edwards's hotel?"

"No. I didn't even know his hotel had a bar. I never really paid attention." I let out a nervous giggle, and side-eye Edward who has visibly calmed down.

"Hmm." Carlisle rubs his jaw, and at that moment I can see just how much Edward and his father look alike. "But, you knew that he owned the hotel?'

I shake my head, silently answering his question.

"Dad." Alice utters in a chastising tone, and at that moment I realize that I'm missing something.

"Just say it, Carlisle. Bella is a very direct person. Right now to her this conversation is going nowhere." Edward says in a tone that tells me he's fed up, but for what reason I'm still not sure. I feel like they are talking around me.

"Did you know that Edward had money?" Carlisle asks, and that's when I pick up all of the pieces of this conversation, and put them together. My mouth drops, and I don't even try to hide the fact that I'm offended by his accusation.

"She didn't." Edward answers. "Even if she did, it makes no difference to me, and it's none of your damn business."

"I didn't know." I answer for myself. "He was wearing an expensive suit, but I mean, even Jasper wears them sometimes so..." I trail off.

Alice, and Jasper both chuckle. "Thanks Bella."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant-"

"I know. I'm just teasing." Jasper waves it off, amusement dancing in his expression.

"Edward, I wanted to go over some financials with you after brunch."

Edward's head snaps to his dad, and his eyebrows rise into his hairline while his smile fades. "I thought you were out of my line of work, and going into politics."

"I am." Carlisle wipes his mouth with a napkin. "It's my brand, Edward, and I like knowing that I left the business to a very competent young man. One who is capable of thrusting Cullen Hotel and Resorts into the next millennium. I don't want to have to bail you out when I find out that you don't have your shit together."

"That's enough, Carlisle." Esme's voice is calm, and clipped, but holds compassion as she looks Edward and me over apologetically. She shouldn't have to apologize for her arrogant husband. He should be the one apologizing.

"Sure Carlisle. Check whatever you like. Just like when I was seventeen, and you doubted my scores for Dartmouth. I assure you that my _shit_ is well put together. _My_ brand is rapidly expanding, but thanks for your concern, _Dad_!" Edward spits the words out with so much distaste; I was momentarily in shock by the flow of conversation. What is going on here?

"Okay you two." Esme says. "Knock it off."

X

After the awkward flow of conversation, everyone heads to the living room to look through pictures. Everyone except Rose and Emmett.

"I'm taking Rose out on the bike. We'll catch you guys later." Emmett says as they exit the front door. Not before I shoot Rose a look to which she just smirks at and leaves.

"Oh, look at this." It's a picture of Edward when he was a baby. He's holding a block, and cheesing up at the camera with a smile that easily captures my heart.

"I definitely want Lily to have your eyes. Look at them sparkle. Do they still do that? Let me see! Look at me" I urge Edward to turn his face towards me, not even realizing that everyone has ceased moving and is staring at me.

 _What did I say?_

"Lily?" Alice questions.

Esme looks between the three of us. "Who's Lily?"

"Shit!" I curse under my breath, having not realized that I just let the cat out of the bag.

"Mom, dad." Edward grabs my hand, and turns us in our seat to face his parents who are sitting just like we are on the love seat across from us. "Bella and I are having a baby. A girl. And..." He looks down at me with a beaming smile, and then shrugs. "I guess her name is Lily."

"You don't like it?" I frown, hating the thought of parting with that name.

Edward lifts a shoulder, shrugging in thought before speaking. "I like it. I just prefer formal names."

"Lillian Renee. Lily for short."

"Beautiful." He smiles at me, and I smile back.

"You two are okay with this? I mean, you just met. You're practically strangers." Carlisle bombards his way into our little moment.

"We are." Edward and I both speak at the same time.

"This is lovely news." Esme says, then she stands, walks over and hugs us both. "Congratulations. Oh this is so perfect! My first grandchild. I don't know why but I always thought Emmett would be first."

Edward and Alice laugh at this, and nod their heads in agreement.

Edward stands, and grasps my hand. "Come." He beckons with a tug on my arm to pull me from my seat on the couch.

Once I'm standing in front of him, he takes a hold of my waist, and leans forward to whisper. "I'm going to take you for a ride."

"Absolutely not, Edward!" Esme's voice breaks through our moment, and both our heads snap in her direction. I actually would love to go for a ride. "She's pregnant."

"She's fine." Edward announces, and then places his hand on my slightly bulging belly which I had attempted to hide with an oversized sundress. "You think I could forget about our precious cargo? I wouldn't do anything to put either of my babies in danger."

He grabs my hand and whisks me out the front door with Alice and Jasper close behind.

X

"If you're not going to wear a helmet, we're not riding." I tell Edward, folding one arm across my chest, and holding the other out with the helmet that he gave me.

"Bella, I'm fine. I've done this a million times. Plus we're not going far." He pats the seat in front of me, and eyes me expectantly.

"No. We're either both safe, or neither of us are riding." I place the helmet on the bike, and step away.

"I only have one. Now get your pretty little ass over here, so I can help you onto the bike."

"What if we fall? You'll have a concussion, or worse, die. "That thought almost paralyzes me as flashes of my nightmare replay over and over in my head.

 _He was dead!_ I thought. Even then, I couldn't cope.

I couldn't live in a world where Edward didn't exist. Even with us not being together, I'm able to breathe easily knowing that he's okay.

"We won't fall." He tries to assure me, but I don't think there's an actual way he can prevent that. There's no way of knowing.

"Can't we just take a walk? This house is huge." I look around, trying to look interested in everything but the motorcycle. I don't want him on that thing without a helmet.

I feel Edward rather than see him come up behind me. I close my eyes and exhale, trying to ignore the buzzing inside of my body from his close proximity.

I turn to face him, and raise an eyebrow up at him. He can't know how much he affects me. "I want to kiss you." He says and I roll my eyes, looking away in irritation and I scoff.

"Isn't it ironic that you want things that I once wanted?" I look back up at him. "You were unable to give me intimacy and love. You wouldn't even give me a kiss." I laugh but it's emotionless, and sounds dead even to my own ears. "Now those are the very things that you crave, and cannot have."

I step back, and turn away from him not able to look at his face any longer.

"We can't change the past, Bella. My mistakes held us back, I understand that. But we should be working towards building something together. We're having a baby. We're a team, you and me."

I slowly back away from him, and shrug. "I just think it's ironic." I'm back to my emotionless state. It's better to not feel anything at all.

He follows after me slowly, seductively, pure sex on legs. He quickly backs me into a wall in the garage, and cages me in with his arms on either side of my head.

"Don't play games with me, Bella."

"Who's playing games? I don't want to kiss you. I don't want to-"

"Love me." He finishes my sentence, and my eyes snap to his with blazing fire. "You don't want to love me, but you do. It's written all over your face."

I look down between us at how close our bodies are, mashed together as our hearts rhythmically search out the other. Our hearts are childish, and naive, stupid, and easily manipulated. Our hearts don't know what's best for us.

I lightly shove Edward away from me, but he doesn't move. He leans his forehead against mine. "I never told you how sorry I am for-"

"Stop! Just shut up!" I shove him again, but this time, he steps back, only to grab my hands in his, and hold them on either side of my head.

"I'm done making mistakes, Bella. Each time I let you walk away, I'm making another mistake."

"Let me? Each time you let me walk away? You don't let me do anything, Edward! I walk away because you're a bastard, and this, you and me...will never work."

Edward searches my eyes for the longest time before releasing me. He pushes away from the wall, swiftly turns, then he starts pacing, and counting, and ticking, and clenching. I watch, and wait, because this is normal. This is his coping method. I've witnessed it a million times over the course of our time together and it never fails to calm him down, and to help him think rationally. Well…as rational as he gets, which isn't saying much.

X

After Edward had calmed down, he walked up to me, grabbed my hand, and we began to walk the grounds of his parents' house. He points out the pool area, we walk through the garden. He picks out a flower and tucks it into my hair. He's gentle, and attentive which makes me sort of rethink my spiteful words.

He's not a bastard. Why did I call him that? That's what he thinks he is, and I keep shoving it in his face.

"Playground." He points out, and I take off towards the swing, giggling like the big kid that I am. Edward follows slowly after me, and doesn't even attempt to hide his smile.

"The five-year-old inside of you must be rejoicing right now." He jokes, as I sink down into the swing. He holds the sides over my hands, pulling me back, and then pushing me forward. I giggle, and kick my legs out. He continues to push me higher and higher and I close my eyes, throw my head back with my legs out and embrace the sun. It's not hot out and there's a subtle breeze, but the sliver of sun feels amazing on my skin.

Edward stops the swing, and holds me to his chest. "You look like you're enjoying yourself."

"Yeah. I didn't get much playground time as a kid." I shrug. "I missed out on so much."

"So did I." Edward sits on the swing next to me. "I watched my brother, sister, and friends play out here after school, and every summer. Right out that window." He points in front of us, and I see the curtains slightly parted as Carlisle watches us. "Carlisle's office." He clears his throat.

"We were both deprived of a childhood so we bring out the child in each other. That's why I find you so annoying."

Edward laughs. "I find your childish behavior to be rather charming. I come to expect that every once in a while you're going to show me your chewed up food, or laugh until you pee your pants, or cause a scene, or-"

"Okay, I get it." I pipe in, and he chuckles. "I watched kids play too. I had to stay in and cook dinner, wash clothes, clean up, and take care of my mom."

"Was your mom sick?" He asks, and I nod.

"Very." I reply.

"You never talk about her, or your dad." He points out. I remain silent because there's really nothing to say. "Why do you go to therapy only to talk about your father's death, and not your mother's?"

I shrug, trying my hardest not to give anything away. "Guess they affected me differently."

He nods in understanding, and then stands. "Come on. Let's get home."

"Thank God. I'm so fucking tired." I watch as Edward stops in front of me, and holds his hand out to hold mine.

As I stare up at him squinting at the beam of sun light, one word comes to mind. Perfection. Edward can only be described as perfection. Chiseled perfection gleaming in the sunlight. The sun struck the side of his face at just the right angle, making his hair seemingly wisp into a tousled mass of bronze and gold. His slanted green eyes stare down at me beneath long lashes. His thick eyebrows sunk low on his face show the face of a man deeply in love; content, and patient.

One thing I have learned about Edward is that he doesn't give up, and he never gives in. So when I reach up to take his hand, I know for sure that this is just the beginning of his pursuit. I only can hope that this is the end of my hurt.

X

Okay so I hope beyond hope that you guys are still with me lol!

EFK already has the next chapter so that should be up before next weekend.

I'm not rushing through the story, but I am oh so eager to get to the good stuff. I just hope no one gets bored along the way.

"Thank you all so much for reading! :)


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: What would I do without EFK is the question of the century. She's like superwoman I swear. We put in long hours for this chapter, and it was well worth it. I hope you all like it. EFK you are my life line lol :) Thanks for being the best beta a girl could ask for.**

 **Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.**

Chapter 31:

I'm not sure where I am when I wake, but I know it's not Jasper's couch. I look around, and realize that I'm in Edwards's bed. How did I get here?

I look over at his nightstand, and blink rapidly. It's after five in the evening. Apparently brunch with Edwards's parents is as tiring as an all-day marathon. Being pregnant isn't helping things either. I seem to be tired all of the time and at the moment, I feel like complete and utter shit. Even after almost two hours of rest, my mind, and body are still exhausted. Would it be considered lazy if I asked Edward to take me to the bathroom so that I can shower?

 _No, not at all. I am carrying his baby it's the least he can do._

I start to call out for Edward when I notice a sheet of paper on the bed next to me. I pick it up and read Edward's note.

 _I have a meeting, and will be back in a few hours. Rest up sweetheart. We have a great night ahead of us._

 _Woody._

A great night ahead of us? What does that mean?

I roll my eyes, thinking there's no guessing with Edward. The man is completely unpredictable.

I hop out of bed, and quickly search for my shoes. I'm in need of a long hot shower or maybe a soak in the tub. I need to relax, and I can't do that around Edward. I'm stiff as a board when I'm with him trying to stay in control of myself. I need a major orgasm; I'm so pent up, and sexually frustrated. It's been months since I've had sex, and I lose my mind a bit every time I'm with Edward. It's become quite apparent that this craving I have for him will never go away. I will never stop wanting him.

But, he'll stop wanting me. I bet he's had sex a few times since we've been broken up. He doesn't seem nearly as sexually frustrated as me.

The thought of someone else having Edward to themselves, someone else touching him, kissing him, being filled by him, causes a lurching in my stomach too strong to ignore. I rush to the bathroom and dry heave into the toilet. Nothing actually comes out because I'm not quite sick to my stomach, but I'm panicking, and I shouldn't be. I shouldn't still feel this way about him...this attached to him. I shouldn't still want to claim him. The thought of him with someone else shouldn't cause me physical pain deep down in my bones, but it does. It probably always will.

I stand in front of the mirror staring at my face, trying to see what Edward sees when he looks at me. I don't see anything special. My eye color is a tad unusual, but I wouldn't call my eyes beautiful. I have a naturally thin face, pale skin, barely even a hint of rose in my cheeks.

I run a hand through my long brown hair, and watch as I lazily untangle strands with my fingers. I inspect my ends, and frown. It's definitely time for a trim.

Looking back up into the mirror, I turn to the side to see just how long my hair has gotten. Midback. I think I'll go for a cut instead of a trim. Maybe to my shoulders. Wonder if Edward would like my hair shorter?

 _Wait, what?_ I lean forward slapping my hands on the countertop. God, I have never ever just stood in the mirror, and inspected my face, and hair. This is Edward's doing.

I make a sound of frustration. Why do I care what he thinks? It's not as if we're together.

 _But maybe...we could be together. It could work out. It could be great._

 _...It could be a disaster!_

 _Remember what happened last time?_ He was sweet, and attentive, loving and caring, and then...and then... he just wasn't. He fucked me in a restroom and left me like a whore for god sakes! Who does that?

Yes, he's apologized for it but it still hurts to know that at any moment he could revert back to that guy. The guy that he was with Tanya. The guy that he was in that restroom. Cold, and emotionless. I'd go all in this time, no holding back. I'd fall head over heels in love with this Edward, only to find out that he never really changed in the first place. He's manipulated me before. Who's to say he won't do it again?

X

Thirty minutes later, I'm making my way towards the front door of Edward's home. Leaving is pretty redundant, I'm aware, but I just need time away from him to gather my thoughts and have a hot soak in my bathtub. Maybe then I can decide once and for all if we can make this work or not. I need to do this on my own without Edward's influence.

Just as I make it to the door, I see the knob twist, and the door fly open. There he stands, tall and handsome. Strong, powerful and exuding all of the extraordinary confidence of an alpha male. The look on his face says he means business, and I realize then that he hasn't switched from his work persona yet. This is what the world, and his employees get to see. I get to see what's underneath, and I'm not talking in the biblical sense. Well...maybe just a little bit.

That thought leads me down a dangerous, lustful path, as my eyes roam his firm body clad in an expensively tailored charcoal suit that practically draws me to him. God, I love him in a suit. I love him out of the suit just as much.

 _What the hell? Snap out of it!_

With my eyes roaming Edwards body, thoroughly checking him out, I ask, "What are you doing here?"

He doesn't seem very responsive at the moment. His eyes are fixated on me seemingly doing the same thing that I'm doing to him. All of a sudden, his posture changes, and he rubs his hands together slowly, eyeing me in a controlled manner.

He smirks at me, and his head drops as his shoulders shake with brief laughter. Then he looks up at me, and tips his head at me, with a furrowed brow as he speaks.

"I live here." His voice is velvety, and smooth, clear and precise, and the sound shoots straight through me and down to my core, causing a wetness like never before.

Then, he eyes my purse on my shoulder, and his eyes narrow into slits, lasering in on the offensive object. He places his hands in his pockets, and looks up at me with low eyebrows.

"Where are you headed?" He bends his knees, and stalks towards me slowly, and seductively. Fuck. Me. He's going to try and make me stay, I just know it.

I lift my head high standing tall, preparing to stand my ground. "I..." I accidentally trail off. By accidentally, I mean my mind stopped working as I watch a slow grin spread across his face as he stares at me with bedroom eyes. Jesus Fucking Christ!

 _Bella, you can resist him!_

"Out." I say sharply, with widened eyes. "I'm going out." My voice is thick, and scratchy, nearly raw from not speaking for so long.

He seemingly rolls my words around in his head for a second, running his finger along his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Out?" He tests the word looking heavenward as if trying to process this. I roll my eyes and sigh in irritation, shifting my feet impatiently.

"Out where?" He makes a few random facial expressions, before settling on his famous look.

Leaning forward, I utter, "I don't see how that is any of your business." I walk forward, and attempt to pass him, but he catches my arm, and pulls me towards him. He sneers down at me, and I squint my eyes up at him.

"You're just going to walk away from me while I'm talking to you?" He breathes deeply, his eyes squint closed, but for an entirely different reason. He's tired, and frustrated...with me.

My heart can't take his closeness, not right now. I just gave my heart a pep talk. My heart needs to listen, no matter how redundant it may seem.

"Why are you leaving?"

"I don't belong in your bed, Edward or in your home. I don't belong with you. We share a kid, fine, but that's it. Let's leave it at that." I bellow the words, needing to get them all out so that I can leave. I just need space. I'm feeling suffocated around him.

 _You suffocate when you're away from him too Bella._

God, if he'd just given me a few hours alone to really think maybe then I wouldn't be so hard on him. He doesn't see that this is hard on me too. I've made so many wrong decisions in my life, for once I just want to do something right.

Edward tugs my arm higher, bringing my face closer, as he leans down, glaring with hot flaming rage in his dark eyes.

"You don't get to do this, Bella! You don't get to just walk away from me!"

"Why not?" I wrench my arm out of his grasp.

 _I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry!_

Edward stares at me with the eyes of a desperate man. He shakes his head from side to side, his jaw clenching violently. "I can't watch you walk out of my life again." He says in an impossibly low voice, thick with anguish, in a gritty way that lets me know that he's speaking through clenched teeth.

He knows. He knows why I'm leaving, and he hates the idea of me talking myself into never coming back.

"I just need to think Edward."

"Think about what?" He snaps. "Being with me? Is it that hard of a decision?"

 _Yes!_

With my hands cupping both sides of my face, I not only question his presence, but also my fragile sanity. It's my go to. It's as if I'm waiting for the moment that something triggers my crazy. The thing that will turn me against my loved ones. The thing that will turn me into Renee.

Edward tilts his head up, praying for patience. "Why are you doing this?" I'm not sure if he's even talking to me at this point. Either way, I chose not to answer him. I wrap my arms around my body protectively. I feel too vulnerable, too exposed.

Edward suddenly grabs me, and pulls me into his arms. Seconds later, his mouth is on me, taking, and giving, rough, and gentle, furious, and passionate. The way every woman deserves to be kissed by the man they love.

I can't bite back the moan that escapes me as he wraps his arms around me, and pulls me closer. He swallows my moans, and groans in response. I grip the lapel of his suit jacket, pulling him closer, molding our mouths firmly onto one another. Nothing can separate us; our bodies are practically one, a united front, perfect in form.

My vibrating phone brings me back to the here and now, and my eyes widen. _You've got to stop this Bella!_

I shove away from Edward, but he reaches forward and grabs for me. I slap him right across the face as hot liquid tears fill my eyes. _Why did you have to go and kiss me? Why?_

Pressing both hands to my chest, I practically sob the words that eat at me daily. "Can't you see I'm hurting? I hurt, Edward." I shout at him, stomping my foot like a petulant child. "You can't just kiss it all away! Why do you think that's all it takes for me to be yours? Maybe in the beginning, yeah, but now?" I let a tear fall, and duck my head, shaking it from side to side. "I'm still hurting." I whisper.

It may not show, but it's true. I've tried to distract myself from the pain by building new friendships, working more often, and window shopping for Lily, but the pain is always there. It is just hidden under layers of pain. All the thick perfectly placed layers of my emotions. Every time Edward is around, my carefully placed layers fall apart leaving me bare, bringing my pain to the surface.

I'm so tired of being hurt. I have been hurt my entire life by people who claim to love me, and I just bare it without mumbling a word. I take the pain, and I move on, never really dealing with it. This is no different. I don't know how I'm supposed to get over this. I have no clue what will become of us if I can't even release the anger that I have towards him.

"Bella…" His tight voice almost brings me to my knees.

God, I'm selfish. How had I not seen it before? Or had I ignored it. He's in just as much pain as I am. I shake my head, feeling stupid, feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of Edward in pain. I don't want to cause him pain. I'd rather die than be the cause of his misery.

But I'm desperate for him to understand that this is not normal. How strongly we feel for each other, it just isn't normal. I don't want to get strung along, lost in him, only to be left devastated again. How will I survive it again? How? I have no clue. That's why it's better to leave now since I have made some progress. Going back now will ruin all of that.

He reaches forward for me, and I shove his chest, releasing the anger I never had a chance to deal with.

 _Let me go!_ I silently beg of him. His presence utterly confuses me to an almost maddening point.

Edward grasps my shoulders, pulling me close until we are at eye level. He holds me practically in the air while his chest heaves. _"I fucking love you!"_ He shouts at me.

"Put me down!"

"Not until you tell me that you love me, and you want to work this out."

"You really are a bastard! You think you can bully me? Have you lost your fucking mind?" Now I'm growing angry because he's trying to control me once again.

" _YES!_ I have lost my fucking mind! The moment that I met you."

"Just put me down" I try to kick my legs but they're stiff because of how he's holding me.

"Tell me the truth!"

"When I tell you, it will be on my own terms Edward. My terms!"

He releases me. "Fine!" Just that single word cuts through every bit of progress I thought I had made. I'm right back to that place where I was all those months ago when I left him. He backed away, and I walked. His face is begging me not to walk away, not to leave, and I'm utterly confused again.

He shouldn't have to beg for this. Not when it's real, and true. Nothing in my life has ever been more certain than my feelings for Edward. My _love_ for Edward. Why do I continue to fight this?

He's just taken my choice right out from underneath me. He has made the decision for me. He made me choose him, and at that moment, I realize that it is the right choice. I'd chose him over and over again if it came down to it.

"Edward." I whisper. He looks at me with an utterly defeated look on his face. I never want to see that look again. _"I love you!"_ I say, and I mean it. Edward freezes, and holds his breath, staring at me. "I just thought I needed time to-"

Before I can finish the sentence, he crashes his lips against mine, wrapping his arms around my waist, molding my body to his. Our kiss is slow and languid, but the depth of the kiss is what pieces my heart back together. Edward thrusts every bit of love his body contains into the kiss, giving me his all.

He pulls back, and cups my cheek letting his warm breath escape his parted lips. His eyes are slanted almost closed, and there's a beautiful smile on his lips. The open mouth kind that shows his perfect teeth. I reach up and kiss him once more, because I need to. I just need one more kiss. It's been too long, and I've been suffering.

"You're too beautiful." He whispers to me. I blink up at him, having not expected those words. He brings his hands to my face, wiping away my tears.

I look down, and smile nervously, before a light laugh and sniffle escapes. "You're sort of beautiful too."

I slowly look up at him, cautiously, knowing he hates when I say that. I smile, and bite my bottom lip with a raised eyebrow, waiting for him to respond.

He purses his lips, and looks away from me, shaking his head.

Then he does that sexy as fuck smile where his cheeks rise, and his eyes squint closed, and my heart melts. I melt.

My smile grows as does his. "You keep smiling. It's only making you more beautiful." I tell him.

"Yeah, well, it's because you make me so damn happy." He says in a deep, throaty voice. "Never thought I'd be this happy." He rests his forehead against mine, and sighs. "Don't leave me." His small voice is so soft, it almost brings me to my knees.

"I won't." At this point I don't think I could leave if I tried.

"Glad to know you're compliant. I thought I was going to have to strap you to my bed for the rest of your life."

I playfully nudge him. "Don't pretend you're not still entertaining the idea." I rub my puffy eyes, probably making them worse. They burn from all the crying I did only seconds ago, and my throat is unbelievably dry.

He grabs me around my waist, and stares down at me with a small smile playing on his lips. "You know me so well."

"Do I?"

He nods. "I told you. You're my best friend. You know me better than anyone."

That can't be true. We've spent more time apart than together.

"What's that face for?"

I shrug. "I don't know much about you."

"You know everything." Is his brilliant response. I scoff.

"I know the weird, or random inconsequential bullshit that you toss around. So, no Edward, I really don't know anything important about you."

"Well..." He trails off. "Whose fault is that love?" He brings my hand up and kisses my palm.

With my free hand, I poke him, and retort, "It's your fault Mr. Cullen." I'm serious. He needs to be more open. What am I saying? I need to open up too. Edward's chest puffs in silent laughter, shaking his head at me.

He raises one eyebrow, and shoves his hands into his pockets, leaning back slightly, before speaking. "Of course it is."I can hear the sarcasm in his voice, and I can't help but smile. He purses his lips, and his brows furrow as his eyes fall on my stomach. "Are you growing at all?" He inquires, his voice, and face bemused. I roll my eyes.

"Yes Edward. See!" I lift my shirt, and turn to the side.

He eyes me incredulously. "Barely. Is that normal? Shouldn't you be much bigger by now? Your breasts look amazing, but you're still so tiny. Are you eating enough?"

I sigh in aggravation. "Yes Edward, I do eat. Very often actually." I fold my arms across my chest.

"Have you eaten since we got back from my parents' house?" Edward tilts his head to the side, looking a bit smug because he somehow knows that I haven't.

"Not yet." I respond quickly. I just woke up for god sakes.

He reaches for my hand, and tugs me towards the kitchen before I even have time to respond. "Are you hungry?"

"Lily is starved." I rub my belly, and follow behind him. "She wants Chicken Alfredo."

Edward laughs, and glances at my belly. "Of course she does."

X

After we eat the amazing dinner Edward cooked, we decide to sit down and talk. We're sitting on the couch, my feet underneath me comfortably as I lean against it facing him. He rests his arm against the back; the other lightly taps my feet as if he's keeping time with the song coming through the speakers just low enough for us to talk.

"I wanted to take you back to the hotel. I haven't been to the Suite since before my birthday. "He raises an eyebrow.

"Why? I never want to go back there after-" I clear my throat, and he frowns, with furrowed eyebrows.

"After what?" He questions. His tapping stops and he is clearly focused on what I'd just said...or didn't say.

I sigh, and roll my neck because I don't want to talk about this. We've already had a pretty emotional day.

"I know how you found me." I tell him, and watch the crease in his brow deepen. "Tanya picked me out of the crowd, and you thought, why not?"

The confusion disappears from Edward's face, and is replaced by uncontrollable rage. "So, no Edward. I _don't_ want to go back to a hotel where you have baited countless women into having a threesome with you and your wife."

Edward sighs, and his anger is replaced by guilt, and frustration.

"Bella it wasn't-"

"It wasn't like that?" I interject, folding my arms across my chest. "Then what was it like?"

"I was going to say that it wasn't like that _with you_."

"How so?" I quickly relay my question with a harsh bite, my patience wearing thin.

Edward sighs heavily, and his lashes cast low against his cheeks, as he traces lines on my calf.

"I hadn't been interested in being with Tanya sexually anymore. I wasn't even interested that night. It was just a part of her plan to re-kindle what little relationship we had left. Yes, she pointed you out to me, but she did not pick you. She does not get to pick, Bella. _I chose you_."

"What you're telling me is that I was some sort of conquest from the very beginning?"

"It looks that way, and honestly it was all I could think about, but I really just wanted to help you out. You appeared to be having a rough night, and the look in your eyes captured my undivided attention. That is something that doesn't happen to me very often. You bewitched me, and like a drug, I was hooked." His eyes momentarily downcast, and he screws his face up a bit before his green gaze flashes back up to me as he nods while speaking. "You were right. Women were disposal pleasure to me, but you...you were never that."

A moment of silence fills the air between us as we allow our thoughts to roam freely.

I sigh. "It's still weird." I never held it against him because it was in the past, but I never dealt with how that made me feel either. The fact that he never even thought to tell me is something that I also never dealt with. We weren't together then so there was no reason to dwell on it. "Tanya told me. She came to my job."

His hand clenches into a fist, resting on my calf. "I fucking warned her, I...I firmly told her all of the ways I _could_ and _would_ destroy the very fabric of her delicate little existence if she ever so much as breathed in your general direction."

"She was crying."

"Bella. Love." He shifts in his seat, giving me his full attention. His head tilts down and his eyebrows lower which serve as a silent gesture of the strong nature of his seriousness. "I don't give a fuck about Tanya. The only woman that I care about is you. So when I made the promise that I would destroy her, I fucking meant every word of it. It was my way of protecting you from my past."

Edward grabs my ankles, and pulls my feet out from under me. He places my feet on his lap, and gently begins to massage them. Edwards's actions are instinctive, as if he's been doing this his entire life. His level of comfort with me being in his home is relaxing, and makes me feel at home.

Edward's hands knead my feet with expert precision, and I barely contain a moan from escaping my parted lips.

 _Oh, God. That feels wonderful!_

"You do understand why I never want to go back there, right?" I ask him. "You...you were going to ask me to participate in adultery."

"That was never my intention with you. You're not like the others."

"I'm really supposed to believe that I'm special?" After everything that's happened to us? After everything we've done everything we've been through?

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. I had no intention of walking into the bathroom naked until I heard you moaning in the shower, and then..." He says, and my head snaps up to look at him.

"And then, what?" _No, tell me he's just joking. Please god, please_! I'm mortified that he heard me.

He looks down, shaking his head. "I couldn't stay away." He looks back up at me and smiles that crooked smile that I love. "Not after that."

His words cause an embarrassing heat to overtake my body. I flush crimson, and there's no hiding it. I duck my head in shame.

"You can't get embarrassed now. What is it that you said?" He looks up thoughtfully, even though I can tell that he already knows exactly what it was that I had said. "Have you no shame?" Then he tickles my feet, and I squirm away from him. "Then you surprised the fuck out of me by pushing back the curtains to reveal the sexiest body I have ever seen in my life. You were a goddess, all sleek, and wet. I had to fuck you or I would have lost my fucking mind. Which I did as soon as you left. I wanted more of you. No matter how many times I have you, I still want more."

"You're awfully greedy, Woody."

"Never claimed otherwise sweetheart, and with you, I can't help myself."

He begins to alternately squeeze and softly release my calf, in a massaging gesture. He bites his bottom lip, and squeezes again, before moving his hands up the back of my legs.

"Edward." I squeak out when his hands reach the underside of my thighs. I tense up, and he stops, his eyes flash with silent questions.

He releases his bottom lip, and his head drops as he shakes it. "I'm sorry Bella, I..." He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "I really can't help it."

"It's okay, Edward!" I reach for his hand, and I grasp it to mine. "Let's just take it one step at a time."

He nods as he slowly creeps forward, his eyes set intently on mine. His eyes tell me exactly all of the ways he wishes to pleasure me. His eyes show me promises that he can't keep, and they tell me that dirty thoughts are at the forefront of his mind. His eyes are hungry, no trace of delicacy, or softness. Only desire. I am desired by this powerful man. Shouldn't that make me feel powerful? I should be strong enough to resist him...but do I want to?

I take my bottom lip into my mouth, and eye his full lips. His licks his lips, and I lose control, feeling the thick sexual tension between us. I lunge forward, wrapping my arms around his neck. When our lips finally meet a spark lights between us, spreading heat throughout my body like wildfire.

He holds me to him, positioning me in a way so that I can easily straddle him. He wraps his arms around me, holding me close to his chest. I grind down on him and he hisses. I do it again, and he growls, pulling away from me, placing his hands on my hips.

"Do that again, and I will bend you over this couch and fuck you."

I giggle, and lean back, locking my hands together behind his head.

"Where's your control when it comes to sex?" I ask with a huge smile on my face.

"It doesn't exist with you. Certainly not when you're sitting on my dick, and I can smell your arousal."

I lean forward and kiss his lips, smiling proudly. "I don't have much control where you're concerned either." I kiss him again. I just can't stop kissing him. He's like a drug, and I am ridiculously addicted.

Edward smiles at me, before leaning forward to claim my lips in a smacking kiss. "We're quite a pair." He says, his voice deep and gruff.

"We're a match made in heaven."

X

"I'm so sorry, Bella I-" It's Victoria. My brain cuts off her tired apologies and excuses, explaining her behavior at the club the other night. I just...I didn't want to hear it.

"It's fine. I'm fine. "I tell her, and listen to her blow out a sigh of relief.

"Now that that's covered, we can talk about dinner."

I hesitate a moment, before speaking. "I'm actually with my ex right now, and he's cooking dinner for me. Lasagna, my favorite."

"You'll have heartburn." Victoria points out and I roll my eyes.

"It'll be worth it. I love his lasagna."

"What about breakfast?" Victoria asks, and I shake my head.

"I'll probably be with him all day tomorrow. He wants to go shopping for Lily."

"Oh." She mutters slightly under her breath. "Maybe some other time." She says in a way that makes me think there won't be another time. I wouldn't care much either way.

X

"Bella?" I hear my name being called, but I can't find the source. I hear the smack of a kiss several times before I actually feel it. Edward is kissing my belly. "Wake up, Love. I need to leave, but I wanted to tell you good morning first."

"Hmm?" I mumble my eyes still closed, and lazy with sleep. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going for a run. I'll be back before you wake up again."

I turn over onto my side and ball up tightly into a fetal position to warm myself. Edward kisses my shoulder, and rises from the bed. The cold air hits my back, and lets me know that his presence is no longer in the room.

I wake up a few hours later sprawled across Edward's bed in only his white T-shirt and a really loose pair of boxers that were pretty pointless to put on in the first place. I'm lying here dreamily, dazed, and comfortably, warm, and cozy in his huge bed.

My arms spread out, feeling the soft rumpled sheets beneath me. A sleepy smile forms on my lips, as I recount how gentlemanly Edward had been last night. Not once did he pursue me sexually, and before he even touched me, he asked if it was okay. He wanted to cuddle, and I'd be an idiot to refuse that.

Edward's strong arms wrapped around me, shielding me from the pain of the world. His warmth helped me to have the best sleep I have had in months. I never could get much sleep, but when I had first met Edward that had changed. Each time we broke up, my sleep pattern became more and more fucked up, as my body had been accustomed to a warm presence pressed up against my back, or a firm head lying between my breasts.

Last night, I awoke to his light snoring which he admitted only happens when he is really tired. It made me wonder if he'd been having the same sleeping problems that I've been having. I felt bad for causing us such grief, and found myself wrapping my arms and legs around his body, cuddling close to his back. He grabbed my leg, pulling it over his and kept his hand there, making sure that we were joined for the rest of the night.

It dawns on me then that I have no idea what time it is. I peek out towards the night stand at the clock and see that it's nine o clock. What time did Edward leave this morning?

I roll over and snuggle into the cover on Edwards's side of the bed. I can smell him fresh on the sheets, but his side is void of the warmth and heat his body provides.

Where are you? –B

I stretch my arms above my head as a yawn burst from my lips.

My phone dings. It's Edward.

I have to rush to a meeting, but I'll be back soon. -E

What meeting? I thought you were going for a run and then we were shopping for Lily. – B

I came back, but you were sound asleep. - E

I guess I was really tired. – B

You looked so peaceful and beautiful; I didn't want to wake you up. - E

What about shopping for Lily? - B

My card is on the night stand. Start without me." -E

I don't think I should be using your card. -B

It's for Lily. -E

His reminder brings a smile to my face, and I swiftly reply.

Okay Fine. Don't complain if I spend too much. -B

Never. Enjoy yourself. I'll meet up with you when I can. -E

Okay. See you later, Woody. Enjoy your meeting. – B

Not likely. I can never sit through a meeting when you're on my mind. -E

I roll my eyes, but secretly I love his attention. I don't want to keep him from his job though. That's not okay.

I laugh as I type my reply. Go away! -B

I love you too. -E

With a beaming smile, my thoughts swirl with optimism. Maybe we can really do this. We can really be a family.

X

After eating lunch at a local diner, I decide that I have had enough shopping and it's time I head back to Edward's. Luckily his driver, Ben has been at my disposal so I don't have to walk with all of my shopping bags.

We don't talk much beyond pleasantries, but I can tell that he prefers it that way. He's content with driving in silence as he taps on the steering wheel along with the music coming through the speakers of the car.

I inspect him quickly, noting that he is not the same driver from Edward's birthday party. "What happened to the other guy? The blonde?"

"Austin?" He looks at me through the rearview mirror, with a raised eyebrow in question. I shrug and nod at the same time. "Fired." He answers simply. I'm sure it's because of me, but I don't push for information.

We arrive at Edward's, and that's when it hits me that I don't have a key. I stare into space with wide eyes as I work on solutions in my head.

Ben finally takes pity on me. "Mr. Cullen's housekeeper should be there."

I smile at Ben, nodding in silent thanks as he tilts his head at me before pulling away. I make my way up and knock on the door. Mrs. Pierce answers the door, and pulls me into a hug. She cups my face.

"Bella dear, how are you?" She looks down at my forming belly, and silently asks to feel. I nod, and then tell her how I've been. I then ask a few 'is this normal' type of questions which she laughs at.

"Make yourself comfortable. Would you like me to get you anything?" She asks, and I quickly wave her off.

"No. I'm just going to go upstairs. I don't want to be in your way."

"You won't. Come and join me in the kitchen. I can make a sandwich for you." I nod my head even though I just ate. I can't refuse her. Plus, I'm sure Edward has put on her on watch to make sure that I'm eating.

Fuck! It hits me then that I left my bags in the car. I send a quick text to Edward.

Accidently left the bags in the car with Ben. -B

I'll bring them up. Don't worry. -E

A knock at the door sends my head flying up. He could've told me that he was right outside. I rush for the door. "I've got it!" I shout through the house.

I wrench the door open, smiling happily at the prospect of seeing Edward. I can't believe that it's only two in the afternoon and I already miss him like crazy.

My heart falls to the pit of my stomach when I realize it's not him. It's...Victoria? This visit would have me less wary if she wasn't dressed like a hooker.

Her eyebrows furrow when she sees me standing there. "What are you doing here?" she asks.

I fold my arms across my chest, and survey her entire outfit. "I was going to ask you that very same question."

She laughs. "This is a joke right?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm dying to hear the punch line."

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know he was the same guy." She says shaking her head in disbelief, but there's a well-hidden smile playing on her lips.

"Same guy?"

"Edward invited me here, Bella. He's the brother I was telling you about. Is he here?"

"Excuse me?" If this isn't one of the most offending conversations of my life.

"Bella, I'm supposed to wait for him. Then, we can get this all cleared up. Are you going to let me in?"

" _Fuck no!_ I'm not letting you in."

Her head tilts to the side thoughtfully. "Maybe he meant for me to meet him at his hotel."

My heart falls into my stomach, crashing into a bottomless abyss. This... This is why I walked away from him. Edward's ability to knock me off of my feet, and turn my world upside down with his unpredictable behavior. This is why I can never get my hopes up when it comes to making things work out with him. He does whatever he wants not caring who he tramples on in the process. He takes, and takes, and takes, and I honestly have nothing more to give.

"Maybe he did. Maybe he did." I mumble rocking from side to side with my arms folded across my chest. Honestly, I'm mad enough to reach out and smack the shit out of her, but I'm in such a state of shock, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm having a ridiculous number of thoughts, and the main one is telling me to get the fuck out of here, and never look back.

But then she says, "That's where we met last week." And like in those cartoons, a light bulb appears over my head. _This bitch is scheming_. Edward just told me that he hasn't been to his suite since before his birthday.

Now it's time to investigate. Most women are born with the innate ability, and I don't mean to brag on my detective skills, but I'm damn good. Once one piece of the puzzle forms in my head, every dot connects, and every possibility becomes clear to me.

"Did he call you? Text you?" I ask with an attitude to rival all attitudes. I'm not in the mood for the games Edward's ex-lovers like to play. "When did you speak to him?" I raise an inquisitive eyebrow, fold my arms across my chest, and lean forward, patiently awaiting her bullshit answer.

"He called this morning."

"When?" I ask through clenched teeth. She is so lucky I'm pregnant, or she'd be body slammed by now. "When did he call _exactly?_ "

"When he woke up this morning." She gives me a duh look, to which I sneer at.

Bitch you are skating on really thin ice.

"Just let me in Bella. If Edward doesn't want me here, then he'll kick me out. This isn't your house."

"That's exactly the same reason why I'm not letting you in."

She sighs exasperatedly, and shifts her feet impatiently.

"What time did he call you?" I ask her for a second time and question her story again in my head to see if it makes sense, and realize that this is the deciding factor.

"It was at nine." She lies dead to my face as I knew she would. Edward never called her, and she knows it. If I wanted to be smug, I'd ask her to show me her phone, but she'd probably make up a lie. She'd tell me she accidentally deleted it, or her phone isn't showing incoming calls, or her phone is dead, some idiotic lie that will make me want to strangle her.

I smirk at her, shaking my head in silent laughter. " _You're a lying bitch!_ " I tell her.

She has the audacity to look shocked, and maybe even a little hurt by my words. "Excuse me?"

I tilt my head to the side regarding her with animosity as something else becomes perfectly clear to me. It's as if all the missing pieces of the puzzle are coming together, and all arrows point to this spineless, scheming hoebag.

"You knew the entire time didn't you? You knew who I was? What I was to Edward? You knew 'the brother' and my ex were the same person." My face is soft, and patronizing as if I was speaking to a child. I shake my head at the look she tries to pull. Bitch, you are far from innocent. I want to smack that look off of her slimy face.

"I-I..." she stutters, and I laugh. This is golden.

"I-I...what bitch? You thought you would come over here, and I'd just what?" I scoff. "You thought I'd actually let you into Edward's home? Were you going to lay on his bed in your hooker wear?"

She licks her lips, and stands up straight and tall, trying to keep her dignity. She has none left. I wish she'd stop trying.

"Yes, Bella! He'd want me when he saw me dressed like this." She motions to her attire, and I smirk at her. She does not seem to like that shit. Not one bit actually.

Victoria turns her nose up at me as if she has the right to be disgusted. She folds her arms over her chest. "He'd forget about you in a heartbeat after seeing me again." She sneers the words at me gruffly, letting her embarrassment lead her down a pathetic spiraling path.

"I highly doubt that, but by all means. When he gets here, try that." I give her a thumbs up. "See how far that gets you." I take a step back, and prepare to close the door in her face.

"You're just going to take his lying cheating ass back? After all the bitching I had to sit and listen to for weeks. You're one weak ass woman."

"Says the woman standing outside the front door of the man that lured her into a threesome with his wife. Also the very same woman that is dressed like a hooker, _lying_ in order to get into his home in order to what? Drug and rape him to produce his babies?" I say it as a joke, and actually laugh until I notice that her face has paled, and I feel like I just hit the lotto. _OMG! That is exactly what she had planned!_ "Ding ding ding! Did I just fuck up your plans?" I pout at her, and she gives me that same look from the night at the club, which reminds me of another theory that's been playing in the back of my mind since she mentioned his hotel. Tanya said that she'd picked these women like a card out of a hat, at random. They had no specific look, style, or background to link them together whatsoever. She said it was about variety. The fun is in not having the same woman twice. Not living a boring life while stuck in a loveless marriage.

If they never had the same woman twice, how many women have there actually been? There could be hundreds of them staring me in the face on a daily basis, and I wouldn't know it. Would they know me?

I once said that women would need a support group of some kind to get over a guy like Edward. Not a guy like Edward. But Edward, specifically.

 _Support group. Women. His women_. I suck in a sharp breath as shit seemingly slaps me right across the face, lighting my brain up with a million different thoughts at one time. A million different light bulbs, different things connecting dots, puzzles, people, and places.

I often wondered how Victoria knew things about me that I'd never told her. I have wondered why she always wanted to know my whereabouts. I wondered why she wanted to befriend me in the first place. Now it all makes sense. Just like Heidi used Tanya to get to Edward, Victoria used me. Did she really think I'd let her come in? How would she manage to get rid of me?

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Edward's booming voice instantly breaks through my thoughts. I snap out of my daze, to the present time, and catch sight of Edward's face. He looks positively homicidal.

I don't particularly want to be around for any sort of argument he has with her, so I decide to leave. It's in my best interest anyway. How many more of these bitches are going to come out of hiding to fuck up our little world? Some of these women may be crazy, as in mentally unstable, and Edward is their goal. They will do anything to get to Edward. Even stooping as low as to befriend an enemy.

For fucks sake, I can't even make friends! He's probably fucked half of the women in this city!

All of a sudden, I feel sick, and realize that I have tuned out quite a bit of Edward's shouting fit.

Without a word to either of them, I shove past Victoria.

"Bella, where the fuck do you think you're going?" He shouts angrily, but there's an edge of fear in his voice that I hate hearing. Edward is supposed to be fearless, confident, self-assured. I cause him to be vulnerable, to appear weak. I'm his weakness.

I stop in my tracks at that thought because it dawns on me that he is also my weakness. However, together we are strong. I mean when we are _really together_ , not second guessing each other's motives, not hiding behind lies, not fighting with ourselves to forget one another. When we are just Edward and Bella, we are a force to be reckoned with. While we've been separated, these bitches have been plotting. Had I been within Edward's reach, he would have had a clearer head, he would have kept his focus, and he would have foreseen things like this and stopped them.

When we first got together, he was so on top of things. He knew, he planned, and he prevented everything even before it happened.

"Don't fucking yell at me Edward!" I turn to face him, then shove past him to get into Victoria's face. I am shaking with anger. It's seeping out of my pores, fuming out of my ears, lighting up my insides and distorting my vision until all I can see is a red haze. "You are going to leave this property immediately, and you're never going to show your face here again. Fuck with Edward again and I will hunt you down like a dog, and I will personally _Fuck. You. Up!_ "

She smirks at me, which only fuels the flame within me. Only God knows the amount of adrenaline pumping through my body like a whooshing current, driving me to lose sight of my own bodily functions.

"You don't scare me, Bella!" Before the words completely leave her mouth, I punch her in the face. I hear a crackling noise upon impact, and revel in it, not caring one bit that I may have damaged my hand. I don't even feel it. I feel like I am pumped up, almost how it feels to be high. I hope I broke the bitch's nose.

I blow out a puff of air, inwardly smiling in satisfaction when I hear her screams as she steps back clutching her nose. I shake my hand, and stand straight, watching her freak out. Edward is a silent wall behind me, but I can feel his presence. He is probably very shocked by what's going on, but honestly I've wanted to punch her in the face since she opened her mouth.

Victoria gawks at me, her wide eyes full of astonishment. "I don't want to see your minions around here either! So spread the word!"

Still clutching her nose in her hands, Victoria exclaims, "You bitch! I'm going to have you arrested."

I dart forward with every intention of murdering this bitch with my bare hands. Her shrill voice is enough to enrage me all over again. How fucking dare her? She still thinks she's the victim in this situation.

"And in turn you will be arrested for trespassing. Bella has every right to defend herself." Edward retorts while trying to pull me away from her, and into the house.

Victoria's burning gaze lands on me and her eyes hold unconcealed hatred. "She has a right to defend herself? Are you insane?" Victoria is in hysterics, and I'm still bursting with energy from the adrenaline rush surging through me.

"This is her home, and you have threatened her safety. She has asked you to leave multiple times." Edward says, and I just continue shaking my hand which sort of hurts from hitting her face.

I almost miss the fact that he called this my home, but when it hits me, I realize I may not hate that so much. I mean besides the fact that he is going to annoy the shit out of me every day, I can't deny how much I enjoy being around him. Plus I love all of the space, and security his home provides. Where am I going to find such a nice place on my own for Lily? Somewhere safe for her?

I'm brought back out of my daze when I feel Edward cradling my small hand in his big one. I look around and realize Victoria is nowhere to be found. We're back inside, and the door is closed.

He guides me to the kitchen, and hoists me up on the counter. "You're going to need to ice this." He kisses my hand, holding it to his lips as he stares at me under lashes, and thick eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine. Where are my bags?" I ask him.

"Are we not going to talk about what just happened?" Edward furrows his brows at me, and I silently wonder if he will ever exhaust that particular facial expression when it comes to me. I slide my hand from his grasp, and shrug.

"My hand is fine." I try to push off of the counter, but he presses his body into mine, holding me in place.

His face comes within kissing distance, and his eyes search mine. "I'm going to take care of you first. We're going to ice your hand, and then you are going to explain to me why Victoria was here, and what you meant when you said 'her minions'.

He doesn't know!

Then it dawns on me who may be behind this so called support group. The very same woman that tried to get me to go against Edward so that she could carry out some plan to take him down. The very same plan that I had never told him about.

"Yeah." I drag the words out while I'm deep in thought. "I have something to tell you."

* * *

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	33. Chapter 33

**AN: EFK you took on a challenge when you agreed to edit my little story. You were aware of just how bad my grammar was, and instead of making me feel bad about it, you patiently corrected me, and helped me to slowly stop making the same mistakes over and over. It is because of you that I have a little more confidence in my writing ability, and I thank you for that. Without you, and my good friend Anarodfranco's support, I'm not sure I would have continued writing after realizing how poorly I wrote, or how annoying my mistakes were to read. You two encouraged me to continue and to better myself as a writer.**

 **Thank you all so much for your support. When I say that I am thankful for each and everyone of you, I mean it. You didn't have to stick through this entire story, yet you did, and I couldn't be happier. Thank you all so so much! :)**

 **Just a heads up...this chapter is pretty long but mostly because of lemons. The chapter is set up in a way that makes it almost impossible to void lemons so if you dislike them I apologize, but the lemons are separated by to flashbacks so it's pretty much intertwined into the story. This is a filler chapter, but the next couple of chapters wont be I promise. Things will happen!**

 **We are nearing the end of my little story. I know I've said that like ten times, but I'm so attached to this couple, and to this story. I don't want you guys to miss a thing so I try to write every detail of the story they have playing in my head. I will try to guess but I will probably be wrong, either way my guess is we have 5 more really long chapters. Like 9000+ words in each chapter. That is my guess and I'll try to stick to it.**

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Bella Pov

Neck kisses are my weakness. Scratch that. Edward's neck kisses are my weakness.

He holds the side of my neck firmly in place while he kisses, and licks down my neck to the crease, then down my collarbone, sending shivers down my spine. His kisses are literally like kryptonite, but also my heroin, my craving, my addiction. He makes my soul cry out for more with each butterfly kiss.

He kisses just under my ear, and I gasp, licking my lips in an attempt to calm my breathing to an acceptable level. I'm panting and heaving, waiting, and anticipating. Every nip and flick of his tongue against my skin causes more and more chaos between my legs, and pleasure to rocket through my body. I want him more than I have ever wanted anything in my entire life.

I'm trying hard to show restraint, because I can tell he is taking things slow, he wants to be tender, and gentle, whereas I want him to thrust his cock so deep into me that I see stars. I want him so deep that our souls connect. I want him so deep that our inhales, exhales and moans become one. Altogether, we kiss, lick, touch, caress, and it's the most erotic thing I have ever experienced.

He nips along my jaw, and the underside of my chin, whispering how much he loves me. The featherlike brushes with each word he whispers seemingly course through my entire being.

God, I love this man. My heart could burst from my chest right now.

He continues back down my neck with light kisses, while I grip onto his shoulders for support to stay seated upright. My eyes close, and my mouth widens as a moan of pleasure escapes my parted lips.

"You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." His voice is low and raspy, with sex intertwined in each word. I gasp slightly from the mixture of sensations surrounding me. His touch, his kiss, his words…

Edward's mouth lightly trails kisses back up my neck to my chin, back to my lips, pushing me to lie back. Then he pulls back and I almost have a heart attack. I make a move to sit up again, but he leans back down kissing me until my head hits the pillow.

He pulls away and slowly runs his hand down my stomach, lower towards my sex. I writhe beneath him, and his eyes flick to mine and he opens his mouth to speak in that low sexy voice that I love. "Just lie back, and let me make you come."

His hand finally reaches my sex, and he gently rubs a finger around my clit, slow, lazy circles, working me into a frenzy.

"Oh Yes!" I throw my head back and moan.

I feel rather than see Edward squeeze my breasts in his hands. I yelp from the pleasurable pain. He rolls my nipples between his fingers, and then leans forward, watching my face as he does, and gently bites the tip of my nipple, grazing it with his teeth, before slowly releasing it.

"Oh my god!" I moan again, when he does the same thing to the other nipple.

"It's not God who is making you feel this good baby. I am." Edward plants hot kisses down my stomach, leading to my dripping center. I don't think he'll be down there long because I'm already close, but I know his mouth will bring me to the peak of pleasurable delight.

His lips burn like fire down my skin bringing my nipples to rock hard buds, he moves down to my navel and s his tongue teases around it.

"Oh god!" I pant heavily, and my breathing kicks up to a dangerous level.

"When I make you come, I want to hear my name falling from those pretty lips. Understood?" I hear him, but I can't focus on anything while he's blowing on my center.

He stops, and in an instant his hands are gone. My eyes fly open to see him biting his bottom lip staring at my sex with the wildest, hungriest look I have ever seen.

"Don't you dare stop!" I chastise him. I'm a very pregnant woman here, and I need sex. I need it now!

"I need to hear that you and I have an understanding." He says his eyes finally find mine. I backtrack, trying to remember what it is that he could possibly be talking about.

He runs his nose gently across my thigh, and I feel his breath against my center, and I gasp. "I said…" He groans against my skin, nipping at my thigh gently. "When I make you come…" Nip.

I throw my head back and hiss because he's so close to where I want him. I clutch the sheets at my sides, and writhe beneath him sensually panting, and mentally cursing.

"It should be my name falling from those pretty lips." He repeats himself, and I can't do anything but nod, staring at him with wide eyes that hold an immense amount of fire and desire. "Good." He says, and then dives in, going straight for my clit.

I reach down and hold the back of his head while he swirls his tongue around my clit. "Oh…Oh…Oh Edward." I moan out, loving the jolt that courses through my veins with every flick of his tongue against my sensitive clit. "Oh God, I love it when you do that!" My body begins to quiver, and shake around Edward. "That feels so good baby. Please don't stop! Make me come."

Edward holds onto my legs, keeping them firmly open against the bed. He looks up and watches my face to see which of his ministrations elicits the most intense response so that he can be sure to pay special attention to that spot. He lets his tongue stroke up and down each side of my folds: lapping at my juices, moaning against my clit as he gently sucks it into his mouth.

I watch as the usually sparkling green in his eyes darken almost to black when I reach the point that my hips are bucking up to his face. "That's right, baby. Come for me." Somehow he always knows when I am about to explode.

He closes his eyes, and buries his face deeper, letting his tongue work my clit till I feel the familiar coil inside of me snap as ripples of pleasure surge through my body. Wave after wave crashes through me, and my legs shake uncontrollably.

"Ohh Fuuuuck!" I shout as I finally tread the path of utter bliss and ecstasy. He tries to continue to lick, but I push at his head, because I'm too sensitive to take any more.

"You taste so good. I could spend all day down here." He says to me, placing a kiss on my inner thigh.

I try to control my breathing once again, trying to come down from this high but it doesn't work because he doesn't give me a moments peace before his mouth is back on me. Warm, full and extremely sensual lips travel over my body and elicit sounds that I'm not even aware exist.

He plants slow languid kisses up my body, licking, sucking, nipping, and I love every second of it. Feather like kisses move across my body like a brush trailing warmth in its wake, all across my hip bone, up my round belly to first one nipple and then to the other.

His knowledge of my body astounds me. He knows just where to touch, where to kiss, where to bite to make me come apart beneath him in a quivering fit.

When he reaches my neck, I know that I am going to lose my mind again because he has a way of tearing down my defenses with a kiss to my neck. He knows it's one of my weaknesses among a long list of things also involving Edward's lips.

"Edward." I whimper, closing my eyes to enjoy the paramount of pleasure rushing through me. His tongue strokes around my ear, nibbling on the lobe, before releasing it ever so gently causing me to shudder.

"Tell me what you want, baby." Edward whispers, and his hot breath sends sparks flowing like electricity through my blood. Then he kisses just under my ear, and my heart sings.

"I'm dying here." I tell him, and he chuckles lowly, planting open mouth kisses all over my face. I giggle, and scrunch my face up because this is us, this is what our love is like, what love is supposed to feel like.

Edward has awakened me like this practically every morning for the past six weeks with kisses to my stomach, my neck, and my face, before leaving me for his morning run. It has been great, and I have loved every second of living with him.

Six weeks ago, I would have slapped myself for even thinking the words, but now it's a reality. Edward packed all of my shit the weekend after we got back together, and moved me in without my consent. I was at work when I received the call from Jasper.

 ** _Flashback_**

"He WHAT?" I screeched, not caring about the many people around me. I feel a tap on my shoulder, but I ignore it, holding a finger up in a silent, 'one-minute' gesture. "Jas, you're kidding right?"

Jas laughs and I hear Alice shout out in the background. "He did Bella!"

"Fuck me! Ask Alice what in the hell is wrong with her brother? I specifically told him that I wanted to wait until Lily is born."

"Obviously, he's not a patient man." Jasper laughs again.

"That's the thing that kills me, Jas. He is very patient. He's just being an ass." I say, and feel a tap on my shoulder again. "One second." I mumble to the person, not bothering to look to see who it is.

"Well he took all of your things, sweets. There's nothing I can do." Jas says in a resigned tone, but I know that he wants me to tell him that I'm okay with this. If I'm not okay with it, he's not okay with it, and he'll find a way to fix the situation. Alice would probably read more into the situation, which is why he's acting indifferently, but I know the truth.

"It's okay. I'll talk to him about it, and then we can be roomies again." I tell him in an excited tone, just as there's another tap. "Just one goddamn minute, Jeez!"

"Actually Bells, I think you should stay. I mean you two are having a baby together right?" He asks, and I blink wide-eyed. I pull the phone back to look at the screen. Yeah this is definitely my Jas on the phone, but this doesn't sound like him. Jas is my rock, my strength, he always has been. To both me and Rose, actually. Since Rose left, we've been joined at the hip, but now…

"What's this really about Jas? I know you better than anyone. Did you ask him to get my things so that you can move in with Alice?"

"Damn she's good!" I hear Alice in the background, and I roll my eyes, as there's yet another tap. I don't even bother acknowledging the person this time because I'm getting a little irritated at the moment.

"No, I didn't ask him to get your things. I also didn't try to stop him, Bella because I think it's time."

"You think it's 'time?'" I deadpan. "Time for what Jas?"

"Time for you to stop being stubborn and accept your relationship with Edward." Jas says, and I stare at the wall shocked for the second time in this conversation. This is definitely about Alice. Jeez, Alice and her brother are master manipulators. I wonder which parent they got that trait from? I don't even have to dwell on the thought to figure out which one.

"Jas, you want to move in with Alice, don't you?" I ask him. He knows I like to be straight forward. His roundabout way of telling me to get lost isn't lessening the blow.

"Of course I do, sweets. But you know that's not what this is about. You know why we have to do this." Jas says, and now I realize the meaning behind his words.

We are holding each other back from the people we really love. It's not done consciously, but it's still effectively keeping both of us at a safe distance from a real relationship. Not that we're holding out for each other, but we're once again leaning on each other, not taking risks because of each other, remaining comfortable because you just can't go wrong with routine.

"I understand, Jas." I reply, and can practically hear him sigh in relief.

"You had him sweating over here Bells." I hear Alice say, but I don't reply. I think I'm a little pissed at her, and I shouldn't be.

 _ **End of Flashback**_

This is for the best; I remember thinking that over and over. Not just the moving in with Edward part, but the being fired from my job part because I snapped on Mike for continually tapping me while I was trying to have a conversation with one of my best friends.

It really has been for the best, though. I no longer work which Edward is thrilled about, and I am technically homeless. Both events happened the same day because of him, and he isn't the least bit sorry for it.

I remember we almost didn't even make it to that point because of a certain confession that I had to make earlier that week. I wasn't sure how he would take it, but somehow I persuaded him into believing that I would never have gone through with it. I wouldn't have. Not just because of the dream, but because I love him. I couldn't possibly hurt him even when he hurts me and thoughts of revenge plague my mind. I never want to cause Edward pain.

I was glad that even though I had only confessed my love for him twenty-four hours prior, he still felt my love and knew that it was real. Otherwise, I'm sure he would never trust me again after what I had told him.

 ** _Flashback_**

"You did WHAT?" His booming voice echoed through the house, and I flinch away from the sound. He begins to pace, then the clenching fists start, then the jaw. He points at me. "You have been helping my ex fuck me over?

"Fuck you over? Edward, no! I-"

"That is what you just told me, Bella! You just said that you two plotted against me, and you think that because you said no to her, now she is plotting with the other women that I have had dealings with. Is that what you are telling me?"

"Edward-" I call, closing my eyes, to exhale a calming breath.

"Is it, Bella?" He raises his voice impossibly higher which pisses me off. I am not his child and I have told him this repeatedly. He will not yell at me.

"Yes!" I shout. "Yes! But I told you. I didn't go through with it. I never went through with it."

"Well thank fuck for that! She would have fucked me in court, Bella." He says, and I stare at him blankly, and confused. He registers the look on my face and comes over and rests both palms on my thighs, staring into my eyes. Even though he's angry with me, the love that he feels shines brightly through all of it. "I have photos, Bella. It is my way of…"He searches for the right word, but instantly I already know.

"Blackmail." I finish, thinking that now this makes sense. Tanya wanted to get into his house while he was tied up to bully him into spilling the beans about where he held the evidence against her. Or my dream was close to the mark, and she was going to have Jacob help her threaten him by using me. He would tell them anything if they threatened to hurt me. I know that for sure.

"Yes, but they are not just photos." He thought I'd be pissed that he kept photos of his ex-wife, but weirdly I'm not. I roll my eyes, and fold my arms across my chest in a silent gesture for him to continue. I could care less about the photos.

"Tanya had an affair the entire first year of our marriage while I did a lot of traveling, and worked on business ventures. I was trying to stay busy, and keep away from my new bride whom I severely hated. On top of that, I came back to find out that Tanya was heavily into drugs. I never told anyone, but I got her help, and she has been clean ever since. The bottom line is that I have pictures of her meeting up with different men, as well as a few of her caught in very compromising situations."

"And she knew about these photos?"

Edward looks away guiltily. "No, she does not know about those. Only the ones that I took of her when we met couples at the club. We would of course wife swap, but most of the time we fucked in the same room, and I have photos."

"You cheated too. How could you use those?" This is so confusing, and a bit unsettling. I could never imagine Edward fucking another woman, let alone watch him do it.

"Yes, but the prenup is about her extramarital affairs, not mine. She does not have a legal leg to stand on, and I made sure of that. In a way she did me a favor, cheating on me before our wedding. If I had not made her sign the prenup, she would be in control of half of my company right now."

"How did you get the photos of her while on business trips?" I don't want to talk about this, but somehow question after question keeps popping into my head. I have to know, and I have no clue why the need to know is overriding my judgment. I shouldn't hear any of this. This is his past, and it disgusts me. I want to forget it all.

"I had her followed by a PI friend of mine because I have never been able to trust her. She is a decent person considering the life I have lived, but she is devious, and conniving. The blame is mine, I am aware, and I do not make excuses for it. I know that Tanya is the way that she is because of me."

Thoughts continue to swirl around in my brain, and I have no clue as to why I am so interested in all of this. "So you didn't use the pictures in court?" I ask him, and he shakes his head no.

I already knew this because he said that she got the house. How does she get the house, and money, but not her company? It is her family's company.

"I wanted as speedy a divorce as possible, so that I could get back to you. Plus, I was the one that asked for the divorce. Those pictures were in case she ever asked. If she were to ask for a divorce, then she could gain fifty percent control of not only her father's company, but mine as well. The pictures were my insurance policy, and you almost helped her get away with it." The dangerous edge to his voice showed me the emotionless cold-hearted side of Edward that I never want to see again. This business man does not fuck around when it comes to his company.

"How was I to know?" I question with a frown and a creased brow.

"You do not fraternize with the enemy, Bella. God damn it!" He abruptly turns and grips his hair. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Obviously, I wasn't." I mumble, and he turns back to face me with a dirty glare set on me.

 _I was too busy trying not to crash and burn because of my aching heart._ I don't tell him this though. It doesn't really matter at this point.

"You think this is funny?" He shouts and I sigh. I didn't mean to make light of the situation, but it's done and over with. I didn't help her, so that should squash this completely. "It is not funny, Bella. This means she is after more than just the photos. I thought she was over all of that shit." He mumbles the last part to himself, but then walks back over to me. "It was not just about the divorce, Bella. Tanya despises my very existence."

"You broke her heart." It's not a question, because I know the answer.

He rolls his eyes, and folds his arms across his chest in deep thought. His bulging arms almost distract me, but I stay focused on the matter at hand. I have to tell him about the others.

I open my mouth to speak, and he regards me with a deep frown line creasing his brow. He's remorseful about how things in his life turned out. I can see it in his kind eyes. Him giving Tanya whatever she wanted, minus her company was just one of the many steps he has taken to right his many wrongs.

"What about the others? Did you break their hearts too?" I look down at my hands nervously, thinking that I could have easily been like those women. Had things turned out differently, and Edward had let me go the way he'd dismissed all of them, I'd been pining for him too, and probably help plot his execution. I understand their pain, but it doesn't make it right. Nothing does.

"I never wanted them again. Apparently women do not take too kindly to being thrown away like trash." He shrugs, and I roll my eyes because of course they don't. "I always treated them with respect, and I expected the same. When we were done, we were done. I expected each of them to respect my wishes. Some could not."

"Some left their husbands for you." I remind him. He had to know this would keep happening. If it happened more than once, that's reason for pause.

"Heidi was an experiment gone wrong. Never trust anyone, not even a friend. That's the lesson I learned the hard way." He thinks that she is the only one that I know about. He doesn't realize that I have met some of the others. I didn't realize it at the time, but now it makes sense. They were all in love with Edward at one point in time.

"I met some of the others." I tell him, and his breath catches on a sharp intake of breath. His eyes widen and he takes a step back from me. "It wasn't on purpose, Edward. I'm not plotting against you or anything. I didn't know that Victoria was one of them, and when we broke up she sought me out, and we became friends." I watch Edward clench his fist so tightly that his knuckles whiten. "She invited me to a club with her friends, and I met Lauren, Leah, and Jane." I just wait for a reaction as I say the names, and I'm not disappointed by the look of utter horror on his face. Then horror turns to uncontrollable rage.

"You knew this whole time didn't you? You knew they were plotting against me. You know more don't you?" Edward stalks towards me, his voice low, and dangerous, his eyes slanted skeptically.

"NO!" I shout. "I didn't know any of this. I was thrust into this shit because of you, and you want to blame me? You never once thought to tell me that there was a club of women that you treated like shit, waiting for you to fuck up so they could bring you down. God!" I drop my head into my hands. "These are just speculations, Edward." I shake my head. "You have no idea what they could really be up to."

"That is how I know that you know more. Tell me." He grips my chin in his hand, and I whip my head away, smacking his hand. I glare at him. He's pissed at me like I'm the one that fucked these women over.

"I think Victoria was here to drug you, possibly fuck your unconscious body to get pregnant." Then something occurs to me. "Edward?" I smack his chest with wide eyes as the thought smacks me across the face. "Do you remember having sex with Heidi?"

My question throws him for a loop. He scratches the back of his head, and lowers his eyebrows. "Yes."

"So you weren't unconscious?" I ask, sighing in relief even though Alice's theory that he was drunk, and Heidi took advantage of him is tossed out of the window. That kind of hurt!

"I was drunk yes, but I remember most of what happened with Heidi." His voice is low, and soft. I can tell that he'd really rather talk about any and everything other than this.

"I just thought there was a connection there…" I trail off not sure what the fuck these bitches are thinking. I shake my head at him, deep in thought. "So why do you still have the pictures f since you didn't use them?"

"In case I ever need to shock her into silence. Her parents have slowly begun to interact with her again. Say she plots against me. I still have leverage."

He was pissed at me after that, and I could tell that he was having trouble believing me when I told him that I had finally told him everything that had happened, and everything that I knew. Eventually he got over it, and began his personal mission of destruction. He was on a rampage for the entire week, shredding through the women he knew were in contact with me. I soon realized how much power Edward holds. He said he would destroy lives, and he meant it.

 ** _End of Flashback_**

Edward's mouth engulfs me with one of his loving kisses. The kind that seemingly worships me. The one where our tongues duel; the earth-shattering kisses that leave my knees weak, my heart beating fiercely and my chest out of breath as he holds me by the curve of my neck to deeply explore my mouth.

He pulls back, and I take a calming breath, but I don't dare open my eyes. I know what look will grace his beautiful face and I'm not prepared. I bite down on my bottom lip just imagining the look on his face.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers, running the pad of his thumb across my lip, pulling it out from between my teeth.

I open my eyes and gasp at the luminosity of his green gaze. It really is like looking at the back of the moon only to find that it shines brightly too. The impact of his gaze has always been the highlight of our encounters. When you love a man as much as I love him, it's important to see the passion is shared. It's the reason I am so comfortable around him. It's because his eyes withhold nothing. His eyes hold the raw emotion of his undying love for me.

Edward looks at me like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. When he looks in my eyes, I feel desired. He doesn't see my flaws or imperfections, and the ones that he does see, he loves me despite them.

That look brings a level of strength and boldness out of me. The hunger that he feels for me is just as strong inside of me for him. I want to make him feel good.

"I want to taste you." I tell him, licking my lips slowly, letting him know that this is really what I want.

I love the thickness of his cock, there is no feeling more powerful than to have my lips wrapped around his cock and feel him swelling inside of my mouth until my lips are stretched as wide as they can go.

I hear Edward inhale a sharp breath as I flatten my tongue, stroking the back of his cock. I run my tongue around tasting his exquisite flavor, then part my lips and let his cock slide down my throat as far as it can go. I feel him pulse and swell even larger as I continue to stroke and suck him.

I slowly crawl up his body, and place my legs on each side of his hips and impale myself on his awaiting cock, letting it stretch me open.

"Ahh."I cry out as pleasure rocks through me.

I lean forward and kiss him sloppily, panting in his mouth as I start to ease my hips up and down on him in a slow short rhythm.

Edward puts his hands on my ass and starts to guide me how he wants. Incredible heat seems to pulsate from my core and rise up my body making my nipples even harder than they were.

I throw my head back, and moan, rising higher and slamming down on his cock so hard I grasp my breasts with both hands to keep them from bouncing painfully with each thrust.

Edward pulls my hands away, sits up, and takes my nipple into his mouth. I cry out in sheer ecstasy as he bends his knees and begins to pound into me so rigorously, I can't breathe.

"Holy...Fucking... shit!" The words are shouted before I can contain myself. He feels so good, so deep. My eyes lull into the back of my head, I shudder and fall forward onto his chest. As I start to orgasm, my legs clutch around his hips to keep me steady as the burst of pleasure shoots through me over and over as I spasm around him, mewing softly.

I glance over at Edwards's biceps to see bruising claw marks.

"I marked you." I run my index finger over the nail marks, and then poke my lips out to kiss the spot tenderly.

When he doesn't respond I glance up to see him staring down at me, his lips slowly curve into a crooked smile.

"I mark you all the time." He responds, and then he kisses my forehead, andpushes my hair back until his hand is cupping the back of my head. I reach up and meet his lips with a soft kiss.

"This was an accident." I giggle, glancing back down at them.

I feel him shrug, and I glance back up, biting the corner of my lip when my eyes meet his.

"I don't feel a thing." He kisses me again. "Except this." He shifts his hips and that's when I realize that he's still inside of me.

"Feels nice." I kiss his chest, smiling against his pecs.

"Nice?" He shifts his hips again and I moan. "Just nice?" He grinds, and I stifle a guttural groan. I feel him swelling inside of me.

"Wonderful, marvelous, magnificent." I respond quickly. "Just don't stop doing that."

He rolls us over in one fluid motion, careful not to slip out of me. Once he's on top, and back in control, he lifts one of my legs and kisses my ankle. I gasp sharply when he drives into me at a painfully slow pace. He slowly glides in and out of my wet core, pleasuring me with his precise movements.

He releases my leg and bends to kiss me deeply still maintaining slow measured strokes, devouring my lips and caressing his tongue against mine. I hungrily return his passionate kisses as I can already feel the need to orgasm burning inside of me again.

I wrap my legs around his hips urging him deeper inside of me. I gasp slightly and my eyes fall closed when I feel him rise higher to make longer deeper strokes knowing how wonderful it feels to have each magnificent inch of him slide in as deep as he can.

"Holy fucking hell, baby. You feel so damn good." He lets out a strangled groan, when I wrap my legs tighter around him and lift my hips. He's so deep at this angle. I cry out, thrilled by the pleasure each drive of his hips brings to me.

Edward's lips cover mine, kissing me passionately, reverently, and I still want more.

"More." I beg of him. I need more. I grip his back, gasping when he slowly pulls completely out of me, before pistoning so deep inside of me, I lose my senses, and my breath catches in my throat. I feel so overwhelmed by the sensation; I can't help but dig my nails into his skin and hold on for the ride.

"You want more, baby?"

I writhe beneath him, panting, and shivering, loving the feel of him deep inside of me.

We move in sync intimately as Edward stares deep into my eyes, gingerly kissing my lips every so often.

He slowly drives forward, circles deeply and withdraws lazily, over and over again. I don't know how much more I can take. "Do that again! That feels so good."

He kisses my shoulder, my chest, and my neck up to my chin, before claiming my lips.

I gasp on a lazy grind, and he pulls back to look at my face.

"Open your eyes beautiful." he whispers, biting on my earlobe, as he sexes me so good I feel like I could explode. "Do you like how this feels, baby?"

I try to answer, but he grinds again, and I am unable to form words. "God, Yes!" I final manage after he patiently waits.

He continues to thrust into me, slowly, making love to me in the softest way he knows how.

I squeeze my legs, and lift them even higher causing him to hit places deep inside that I never thought existed. He growls loudly, pulls out quickly, and roughly thrusts back inside of me.

He kisses me tenderly stopping all movement. I lift my hips, grind against him, groaning in frustration. I don't want him to stop.

I nip his tongue. "Please."

He grins down at me, and thrusts forward filling me to the hilt, holding still. "Tell me what you want, and it's yours."

Edward slowly withdraws, before ramming back into me. I throw my head back, and arch from the bed. He wraps his hand around my neck, and then slowly trails his hand down to squeeze my breast.

"Tell me what you want, baby." He whispers in a deep voice, before biting down on my nipple, eliciting a moan from my lips. I feel my entire body burst into flames just from his light touches. My eyes are closed, so I'm left in suspense, not knowing where he's going to touch next, or what he's going to do. The anticipation of each touch is almost too much to bear, and I'm slowly losing my mind.

"I want you." I feel him continue to lazily thrust into me, slowly, dangerously so, and I feel every bit of his thick cock at each long, and divinely sensual stroke. I'm being pleasured. I'm on a rocket ship somewhere, blissed out of my mind, high on a cloud of lust so thick I don't know when either of us will come down.

He's not torturing me like he sometimes does; he's making love to me, slow and tender love. I can feel his love in every stroke, every touch, every kiss, and the pleasure is indescribable.

The wracking shudder that courses through my body has me clenched around Edward's arousal, shaking wildly against him as I moan my release into his mouth.

It's not long before he thrusts deep and stills inside of me, jerking as he fills me with his hot release. He holds himself deep inside, pulsating and empties into me. He clenches his eyes closed while paying loving attention to my lips, moaning into my mouth.

Edward's head somehow ends up nuzzled between my breasts as he breathes heavily. It seems as if every inch of me is touching him, engulfed in his warmth and loving presence. I'm filled with contentment as I lay wrapped around him. Our hearts beat rapidly and both of us gasp for breath lightly as we try to calm our speeding hearts. He sits up abruptly and plants a smacking kiss on my lips.

He squeezes my breast. "I love your pregnant body, baby. I'm going to keep you pregnant." He kisses me and I giggle, reaching up to cup his face in both hands as I deepen the kiss. He makes me so fucking happy.

"You're insane." I tell him when I pull away still giddy from our love making. I'm completely relaxed now. He's fucked all of my stress, worry, and fear away.

"You make me this way. It's how I love you." He kisses me again, and I smile through the kiss feeling my heart swell.

"Insanely so." I agree with him.

Edward's eyes lock with mine, and the love that shines through his beautiful face is enough to bring tears to my eyes. "I'm out of my mind in love with you, baby." He whispers, and being the sappy pregnant woman I am these days, I let a tear escape as a smile spreads across my face.

I cup his face lovingly staring at him. He lowers his forehead to mine. "I'm out of my mind in love with you too."

X

Bella Pov

Tonight is what Alice likes to call, 'Cullen couples game night' and apparently, Edward and I are the hosts. I say apparently because we were not aware that such a thing existed or that we were the hosts of it. People just showed up with party trays and games as I look on with my mouth open. Edward is in no better shape. The poor guy hasn't let the angry expression slip from his face since his mom and dad walked in twenty minutes ago.

Once everyone is settled in the living room, Edward graces them with his presence. I stand back just watching my man, laughing internally because I know that this is not how he planned our night to go.

Edward walks into the middle of the room surrounded by his family members with his head swung low, and his brows knit together. He scratches the back of his head, looks up, and lets his eyes sweep past each person.

"In the future," he begins, "A phone call will be needed for entry. Every one of you knew what you were doing by sending Esme here first. You all are aware of my inability to say no to her. However if for any reason this were to ever happen again, no matter what Bella says, you all will be left out on your asses. I arranged a special night with my queen which you have just interrupted. Thank you very much for your inconsideration, especially Alice, much appreciated!" Edward's eyes land on Alice's and she rolls her eyes.

"You two have been at it for over a month now." Alice says, and Esme isn't far behind with her own personal protest.

"No one has seen or heard from either of you." Esme pipes in.

"We miss you." Rose says looking at me with pursed lips. Alice and Esme nod in agreement. Edward sighs.

"Excuse me for selfishly keeping Bella to myself for the past few weeks. I just officially got her back, and sharing had never occurred to me. My apologies." He tips his head, looking around with a look that suggests he is everything but apologetic. He eyes everyone n the room expectantly, and I almost come apart with laughter when no one makes a move or speaks. I hope he didn't think his speech would get them to leave.

I shake my head smiling as I watch Edward's brow lift slightly as he becomes irritated. "You all may leave now." He says.

"We came all this way," Esme protests first, and then the chorus from the others begins.

"We're staying, "Rose says, and she looks over at me and winks. I laugh at them as they all continue to protest. All except Carlisle. He sits there with his arms folded across his chest, watching his family go back and forth.

"Okay, okay." Edward raises his voice, and looks at me where I stand directly across from him on the opposite end of the living room. He holds a hand out towards me, and with the softest voice he asks. "It's completely up to you, baby."

I shrug one shoulder. "Game night sounds fun."

Alice smiles and stands as Edward stalks towards me. He stops in front of me and places his hands on my hips, pulling me to him so that he can plant a kiss on my cheek.

"You're mine tonight." He whispers in my ear. "No interruptions, no stopping. Just you coming over and over and over again." He pulls me closer until I am completely enveloped in his arms. He kisses my neck, and I shudder.

"Stop it." I whisper chastisingly eventhough I am giddy as ever.

He pulls back, and turns to face his family to see everyone practically gawking at us.

Alice is the first to snap. "Okay so, the first game is the newlywed game...well sort of. I made this up, okay, so just play along. It's to see how well you know your partner."

Alice passes around small white boards and a marker for each person. Edward takes a seat on the lounger, and places me on his lap.

"Okay, so basically I'll ask a question and you both will answer it by flipping your board." Alice looks over at how Edward and I are sitting. "He's going to cheat."

Edward scoffs. "Let's just get this over with."

Alice glares at him, but quickly looks down at a bunch of cards. "This is a good one. When was your first kiss?"

I frown at the question, and look back at Edward to see he also has a frown. Of course we both remember, but it looks as though Esme and Carlisle aren't so lucky.

"Now Alice, how the hell is that fair? I married your mother over thirty years ago." Carlisle says his voice carries through the room.

"Yes dear! Who can remember that far back?" Esme joins Carlisle's protest.

"Just take a guess. You both may remember the same day. That's really all that matters. You both have to have the same answer."

Carlisle and Esme look at each other, and Carlisle leans forward and kisses Esme before he turns his attention to the board and begins to write. I see the lovesick look on Esme's face as she's still reveling in the kiss she shared with her husband as she watches him write. That's what I want. I want eternal love. Thirty years from now, I still want to be as madly in love with Edward as I'm today.

"You don't remember?" Edward asks, snapping me out of my inner musings. I glance down at my board, and then at him.

"How could I forget?" I say, and he purses his lips as his frown line deepens. I write down my answer, and wait for Alice to speak. She claps her hands together after her eyes roam the room.

"Okay. Jas, we can go first. I put September 4th at four in the morning after we had talked for hours." She smiles at him, and he grins, and flips his board. He wrote September 4th. She rushes over and smacks a kiss on his lips.

"We had to remember the exact day?" Emmett asks, scratching his head. Alice nods. "Shit." I hear him mumble, turn over his board, and write down something. When he's finished, he looks over and pouts at Rosalie sadly. She pats the top of his head, and laughs softly. I throw my head back on Edward's shoulder and watch their interaction.

"Your turn mom." Alice points, taking a seat next to Jasper.

She flips her board around, as does Carlisle. Alice gapes at their boards. They both put November eighth.

"What the hell?" Alice stands, upset by their display. Edward holds me tighter as he laughs loudly with his head pressed against my back.

Carlisle and Esme laugh and wipe off their boards smiling up at Alice.

"Well dear I guess that's a point for us." Esme raises her hand, and Carlisle gives her a high five before pulling her close to kiss her temple. He's such an ass to everyone but his wife. It amazes me. Then, I think about Edward and I shake my head. He's kind of the same way.

"That's cheating, come on." Emmett shouts, and I laugh because Emmett is fucking huge and he's pouting like a child.

"No, you said we just had to have the same answer." Carlisle points out, and Alice exhales in frustration.

"Yeah, but you both have to have the right answer." She folds her arms across her chest glaring at her parents.

"Who's to say that today wasn't our first kiss?" Esme says, and everyone in the room just eyes her as if she's crazy. "What?" Her eyes meet each of us. "That was our first kiss since we arrived here. You should be clearer with the questions."

"See! There you all have it. No one's cheating. Move along." Carlisle says dismissively. Oh, they are good. I am going to have to watch them carefully. I'm a sore loser, and I can see they are our competition.

"Whatever!" Alice rolls her eyes with an obvious attitude. She turns her back to her parents looking down at Rose, and Emmett.

Rose flips her board proudly, but Emmett closes his eyes, and slowly turns the board. His eyes snap open, and he glances down at Rose's board.

"Well I'll be damned. September twenty-first was a wild guess babe; I'm just letting you know. "He leans over and kisses her.

"Wait one minute. You guys' first kiss was that day at brunch?" Esme asks and they both nod.

"Okay you two love birds." Alice turns to us. "Flip it over." I flip my board proudly, and glance back to look at Edward's board. I gape at him, mouth wide open. He snatches my board from my hands, and points at it.

"You are wrong, sweetheart." He says to me, but I continue to gape. Is he fucking kidding me? He considers that our first kiss? I smack his shoulder, and then point my finger in his face.

"You're fucking wrong. That doesn't count." I shout at him, and hit him again. He restrains my arms and pulls me close. I struggle, wanting to hit him again.

"What doesn't count?" Esme questions and I look up to see everyone looking at us quizzically.

That small little thank you kiss he pecked on my lips our first night together should not be considered our first kiss under any circumstances. I hated the thought of that singular thank you kiss. I remember feeling cheap and used afterwards, I wonder if that's how he left all his women.

 _Snap out of it Bella! He doesn't have women. You are his woman. His one and only._

"Our first kiss was May twenty-third in my hotel room." Edward says, breaking me out of my inner mulling. I roll my eyes at the nerve of him. How can he count that? Why does he count that?

"Why doesn't that count?" Esme and Alice ask at the same time. "What day did you write down?"

I show them my board more clearly. "Edward's birthday?" Alice asks, giving me a weird look. "Really?"

"That can't be right." Esme mutters lowly, but I hear anyway.

"It was our first real kiss. It doesn't matter now does it because we are losing."

I wack Edward with the board, and he laughs, and tickles my side. I squirm, but he holds me close and whispers, "I'm sorry, baby. I know how much you hate losing." He kisses the side of my face, and I poke out my bottom lip in a full and proper pout.

We continue like that for thirty minutes or so, and it's a tie between Edward and me, and his parents for first place. Alice and Jasper are a close second, and sadly Emmett and Rose are last but they have known each other the least amount of time so it's understandable.

"Remember when we blanked at the blank." Alice says looking around at us. Emmett shudders and makes a disgusted face.

"Alice you do know those two are our parents, and they are fucking gross?" Edward asks, and I laugh.

"Why would you ask that? You know they don't give a shit about freaking us out." Emmett points an accusatory finger at his parents who are in hysterics. It's good to see Carlisle finally loosen up a bit.

"Oh grow up will ya, son. We're all adults here." Carlisle responds, grabbing Esme by the waist and pulling her closer to his side while she laughs.

"Everyone write your answer." Alice prompts us. I try to write, but Edward keeps peeking at my board.

"Remember when we fucked in the treehouse in my parents' back yard?" He whispers, and I nudge him with my elbow, trying to stop my lips from curving into a smile.

"Stop."

"Remember when we fucked at the club in the bathroom?" He whispers, and I turn to glare at him.

"It wasn't my proudest moment, and I try hard as hell to forget it."

"Remember when we ate lunch at the Thai restaurant, and the kid next to us asked if you were his mommy?" Edward asks, and then falls to the side laughing, almost taking me down with him. Everyone looks over at us, and my futile attempts at holding back my smile are thrown out the window.

"Oh great! They're cheating. "Emmett says, and I laugh.

"We are not!" Edward sobers quickly.

"Okay. This time Em, Rose, you go first." Alice says, and they flip the board at the same time.

"Remember when we tangoed at the beach." Alice reads Emmett's board. "Fucked at the beach." Alice reads Rose's board.

"You're so vulgar, babe. My fucking parents are in the room." Emmett says, and Rose shrugs.

"Your mom didn't feel bad when she told us you were conceived the night she had her very first O."

"Thanks." Edward says to Alice, and I fall back in a fit of giggles while he rubs my belly. "Thanks a lot."

Alice shakes her head with a big smile on her face. Laughing silently she points to her parents. "Mom, Dad, go easy on us."

They flip their boards. "Remember when we made love on the Isle Esme." Alice reads Esme's card, then Carlisle's. "Sex on your island."

"Our second honeymoon." Esme whispers staring lovingly up at Carlisle who leans down passionately kissing her. They are so cute! Or maybe this is my reaction to seeing parental figures in love. My parents were never like this.

"Okay, I'm just going to go ahead and say it. You're both fucking gross." Emmett says through his laughter.

"Alright you two." Alice holds a hand out towards us. I bite the corner of my lip because I doubt Edward and I wrote the same thing.

I flip my board, and Alice smiles. "You two are such saps."

I look back at his board, and then to his eyes which are dancing with unadulterated love for me. He aims to kiss my forehead but I throw myself at him, kissing his lips fiercely.

"What does it say?" Jasper asks from his seat, but I don't turn to acknowledge any of them.

"Remember when we first heard Lily's heartbeat at the doctor's office." Alice relays to him what our board says. "Which isn't even the question..." She mumbles. "But go on."

"How did you know I would write that?" I ask Edward.

"Something about the way that you said our club act wasn't your proudest moment. I know your proudest moment. We're both proud of this life that we have created." Edward places a palm on my belly, leans forward and kisses me softly.

"I really fucking love you right now," I tell him, smiling into his kiss.

"I love you more."

"Get a room! "Emmett says, and Edward shoots a glare across the room. Then he abruptly stands with my body in his arms.

"I will." He walks off towards the stairs.

"What the fuck Edward? We have two more games to play!" Alice shouts as he carries me up the stairs.

"I have shared enough of Bella with you all for today."

"Fucking selfish!" Alice shouts, but it's too late to hear more because Edward already has me in our bedroom, on the bed. The only thing that I can focus on at the moment is Edward's mouth on my neck.

X

I always wondered if Renee's room door locked from the inside or the outside. Sometimes when I'd come home from school, she'd be out of her room. She'd see me, but almost completely look through me as if I wasn't standing there.

Renee wasn't always so bad; it just seemed she was getting progressively worse, until she could barely function like a normal person. Her fits were insane, and scary, and I always prayed she wouldn't hurt Daddy. I'd take my dad's place in death because without him, there wasn't much to live for.

Renee escaped from the room, and the hallway became her playground as she ran away from Charlie. They crashed into things, and struggled around. Her screams filled the entire house which was my cue to lock the door and wait for my dad to knock. He'd rub my hair and tell me everything was okay. He'd assure me that he was okay, and then maybe I could again talk him into getting Renee help.

I waited so long, but not once did the ramifications of my actions kick in. Not once did I question the instructions of my father. He knew best, right? He'd protected me my entire life. He told me to wait for his knock...so I did.

Waiting for something that would never ever come. That's what I'd done. I could have swallowed my fear, and opened the door, and then maybe I could have saved him.

It's quiet. Too quiet. Quieter than it's been in a while. "Daddy?" I call out, but there's no answer. "Daddy?" I call again. No answer.

No no no no no! He always answers me. Something's wrong. "Daddy!" I scream.

I inch towards the door with every intention of opening it. I know daddy won't like this, but I have to make sure that he's okay. I unlock the door and twist the knob slowly.

Please let Daddy be okay. I silently pray to God. Please please please! I open the door and...nothing. There's nothing but silence.

"Bella, baby!" I feel the ground beneath me shake, and I stare down in horror. "Bella!" My whole body is being shaken. "Wake up, baby!" I feel my eyes flutter open, and I glance around in the darkness. I glance over in time to see Edward throwing on a shirt.

"What's wrong? "I sit up straight, and glance over at the clock. It's after two in the morning. Too early for his morning run.

"It's Rose."

 **Thank you all for reading. I know it's a bit of a filler chapter, but there will be quite a few time jumps going on over the next few chapters, and that's where all the good stuff is.**

 **If you haven't already, please join my facebook group Twilightsavedme.**

 **I know that I haven't posted the therapy sessions for Bella yet, but I didn't want to confuse anyone so I am waiting a bit before posting them, and just incorporating most of it into chapters.**

 **Last thing before you go...you should all know about my collaboration with Ms. Chocaholic , or Roxie as I call her. We are working on a few stories together coming soon. I promise to complete a few of my stories by then so that we aren't waiting months for updates. Our name on this site is Savedbychocolatesandtwilight in case you're curious.**

 **Anyone worried about the bit of information about Tanya, and Heidi? Anybody already knew the real reason behind Tanya wanting to get into his home?**

 **Please drop a review. I will try to answer all questions. :)**


	34. Chapter 34

_This story was beta'd by the lovely EFK. Thank you so much much Donna. :)_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers._

Bella Pov

Autopilot is when your body is acting on its own, moving, doing things, going places without it registering in your brain. That's how I feel right now. I feel like I'm just going through the motions.

Emmett sat waiting on the arm of the couch with his phone to his ear. "Fucking ridiculous!" He shouts, then looks up having heard our footsteps. He hangs up on whomever he was speaking to, and runs both hands down his face in a scrubbing motion.

"Do you fucking know how long a person has to be missing before the cops intervene?" Emmett sounds drained, and beaten down. I'm not used to hearing him sound so gloomy. He's just like Esme and Alice in the sense that he is always chipper.

Emmett looks to Edward and me as if waiting for an answer or some sign that we had indeed heard what he had said, but I can't think. I barely register his words as I take a seat on the couch rubbing my huge belly. There's a knock on the door, and I hear it open but I can't look up. For whatever reason, I'm stuck in my own head with worry.

"She's not at any of her usual spots. Sweets, she's not even at Royce's apartment. Do you know where she could be?" Jasper asks from across the way, but I can't look up, or even acknowledge his presence.

Last time we found Rose, she was practically dead, and now this is happening again only a few months later.

I bite my bottom lip harshly to stop my trembling lip. I will not cry. I will not fucking cry!

"Baby..." I hear Edward's soothing voice, and that's when I break down.

"I've got her." I hear Jas before I see him. He's kneeling in front of me with his hands on my knees. "We will find her, Sweets I promise. This time she gets help." He drops his head. "You told me not to listen to my parents. You told me they wouldn't help her. I didn't listen, I did it anyways, and I'm sorry. This is my fault."

"It's not." I whisper with closed eyes as tears run down my face soaking my shirt. "This has to stop. We can't keep worrying like this."

I break out into a sob, ducking my head slightly as I cup my face in my hands.

I thought she was doing better. I thought...doesn't matter what I thought. She's obviously not better!

I feel rather than see Edward behind me before I feel his hand lightly warm my body all over with his comforting touch.

He leans over my shoulder and kisses the side of my face gingerly before pulling back, and rubbing my arm again.

"We will find her." Jasper assures me, but I can't be certain that we'll find her in great shape and that's why I'm worried.

With a heavy sigh, I straighten my back, and wipe away my tears. "I think I know where she is."

X

"Why would she be here?" Jasper asks without actually turning to face me as we walk down the aisles of the church I used to take her to all of the time. We'd come into the church, and pray for better days for the both of us. We always wanted better for each other back then, but then drugs got in the way, and Rose changed. "Rose isn't exactly the religious type."

I smile at the thought of how Rose first reacted when I told her that I was coming here to pray.

"She isn't, you're right. She came for me, but she sort of liked talking through her issues." I lift one shoulder in a shrug as we continue forward. "So she kept coming back."

"And you know that she's here?" Emmett asks as he tries to walk around me once we reach the front of the church. "Where is she?"

I walk ahead of everyone again, leading them around two sets of columns and through an enormous archway towards a door. I am not sure if she is actually behind this door, or even in this building, but this is a good place to start. Surprisingly, we have not been approached yet, and the cathedral was open.

"This doesn't look safe, Bella." Edward pipes in, touching my arm, trying to pull my hand away from the door.

I roll my eyes, and turn to face him motioning to our surroundings. "It's a church." I make a face at him, conveying how stupid I think he's being. "And I am with three very buff guys capable of protecting me."

He sighs exasperatedly and then moves me out of the way. "I will open it."

I hold my hands up in silent surrender, letting him get in front of me. "Fine." I mumble lowly in irritation.

Edward opens the door slowly peeks in, then pushes it wide, before turning back to us to speak. "She's here."

Emmett shoves past us both into the room to get to Rose who is sitting up against the wall with her legs curled up, her chin resting on her knees as she cries.

"Rose!" Emmett falls to his knees in front of her, grabbing her into a forceful hug. "Baby girl you promised." He whispers, and she cries harder.

"I tried. I tried." She mumbles through her tears, her arms slowly wrap around Emmett's neck as she looks up at him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Emmett drops his forehead to hers, and holds her close. "You're not going to do this alone. Not this time. Not ever again. I'm going to help you through this, baby."

Rose cries in his arms, gripping on to him for dear life as he soothingly rubs her back up and down.

"I love you, Rosie." Emmett says to her which only makes her cry harder, and louder.

I feel as though we are invading their intimate moment, and apparently Edward has the same thought because he wraps an arm around my waist and ushers me out of the room with Jasper not far behind.

"I can't let Emmett pay for her to go to rehab. It's not his responsibility." Jasper mumbles to himself as soon as the door is closed.

"Of course it's not." Edward agrees, and my head snaps up to look at him. It's not so much what he said that has me upset, but it's the way he says it. I've never known Edward to be judgmental necessarily, but I can tell that his father struggles with this particular trait.

"I'm going to take care of it, Edward. Don't worry." Jasper utters, his tone fretful, and cold as he places a hand to his forehead with a look of trepidation.

"I am not worried, Jasper. You are a man of your word. I get that."

"What is this really about?" I interject, feeling as though I may have missed a prior conversation between these two.

Neither of them speaks to me, nor glances at me, as Jasper spins in the opposite direction, still rubbing his forehead, and Edward is practically glaring at his back.

"Jas can't afford what Rose needs, and you know it." I walk towards Edward and jab my finger in his chest, but he still doesn't look at me. "This is not Jasper's fault, Edward."

"This is no one's fault." I hear from behind me, and I quickly spin in the direction of the voice of my long time best friend. "No one but me, guys."

"Rose doesn't need this shit!" Emmett shouts at us, and I stand straight where I am, feeling chastised. "And you shut the fuck up Edward, because this has nothing to do with you." Emmett points an angry finger in Edwards's direction, and seemingly grows angrier at the sight of Edwards's defiant jaw.

"I am only trying to help." Edward lifts his chin, and squares his shoulders.

"You have your own life, and your own shit to worry about Edward. I'm warning you right fucking now bro...stay the fuck out of my business."

"Sure Em. As you wish."

X

Two months of barely seeing or hearing from either of my best friends has crucially dampened my mood. Lately, I have been a major bitch to Edward, and it's as if I subconsciously unload my shit on him because I know he'll take it...and he has. He's taken it very well actually.

We argue about any and everything nowadays, because I just can't shake the fact that he has alienated me from Jasper and Rose and there's been quite a bit of tension in the Cullen family lately. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas at the Cullens were fucking brutal. I can't help but think if only Edward had kept his opinion to himself things would be how they normally were. I understand his reasoning, but he has judged Rose too harshly. He thinks Rose is just like all of the other women his brother has dated, which isn't true. Rose isn't using Emmett for his money or his name, because her parents make a decent living, however I can see how it may look that way.

"What's your excuse for me Edward? I'm the same. I come from the same streets as Rose, worked the same jobs over the past few years."

"You're also not taking drugs, Bella. You're missing the point." Edward says dismissively, waving his hand in the air.

"Doesn't matter, Edward. You're wrong. You're so wrong about her."

"So she's not taking drugs? She doesn't steal from those closest to her? She's not using my brother?" Edward says vehemently, letting me know just how invested he is in his own opinion. He's thought about this a lot over time, and it's only gotten worse.

"She's trying, Edward. She deserves more credit than you give her."

"Credit? You want me to give her credit for ruining my brother's life? "Now he's just a dick."Did you know that she stole from Esme?"

"Yes Edward, she told me. She gave it back though."

"Because Emmett caught her. He caught her. She wouldn't have given the jewelry back otherwise."

"She gave it back because she felt guilty. Emmett found her afterward. She was already going to return it."

"Is that the bullshit story she told you?" Edward mock laughs at me, and scoffs obnoxiously.

I stare at him for a long time in utter disbelief at his attitude. He's a jackass, and honestly I don't want to deal with it.

"I'm done with this conversation." I stalk off towards the steps, but I'm stopped when a strong pair of arms wrap around me.

I feel Edwards's breath feathering against my neck, before he gently places a few kisses there. He's trying to distract me, and I won't stand for it.

"I don't want to fight with you baby."

"You made it a fight." I tell him, trying to keep my voice steady and even.

Edward chuckles lightly. "Really? I made it a fight? I don't think so sweetheart."

"Stop touching me! I'm mad at you." I try to wiggle out of his embrace, but my attempts are futile.

"You want to be mad at me, but you're really not." He kisses my neck, momentarily distracted, giving me a chance to move out of his hold.

I swiftly turn to face him glaring at the smug asshole before me.

I fold my arms across my chest purposefully slow as I eye him angrily. "How are you going to tell me how I feel?"

"Come on baby. You're pregnant. Your mood swings are all over the place. You'll be jumping on my dick later tonight and we both know it. I can't take you seriously."

That does it. I reach over and launch a pillow at his head watching it smack his face. He could've stopped the pillow from hitting him but he didn't. I launch two more pillows before releasing a throaty growl of frustration.

"You are such a dick sometimes." With that I turn and walk up the stairs.

"Come here, Bella." He demands, and even though his tone almost causes my body to react, I continue forward. I've already walked too far away to turn back around, plus I'd just be feeding into his need to control me.

When I don't follow his order, I feel him follow behind me, but I don't acknowledge him.

I walk into our bedroom, and slam the door in his face, locking it.

"Unlock the door, Bella." Edward twists the knob, and jerks it roughly. "Unlock the goddamn door."

"I'm not sleeping in the same room with you." I shout at him.

"Bella, open this fucking door." He says with warning intertwined in his words.

"Or what? What will you do from behind the door? Nothing. You can go and sleep on the couch."

"I'm going to say this one more time, and I swear if you don't open this door there will be hell to pay."

I ignore him, and prance off into the bathroom to do my nightly routine. Minutes later, I hear a distinctive crashing sound, and Edward's loud cursing fills my ears as the sound echoes through the large bathroom.

Edward steps into my line of sight and I watch him through the mirror all masculine and sexy as he strolls towards me. He grabs my hips roughly and spins me around to face him. He grabs my chin lifting my head a bit to look me dead in the eyes.

"Did you have to break down the door?" I ask the dramatic man standing before me. I turn my face away from his to avoid his piercing gaze.

"I have a very defiant woman on my hands." He says and roughly jerks my chin in his hand. "And you know how I get when I can't see you." He leans closer, his breath washes across my face. "Or put my hands on you."

"Is that supposed to answer my question?"

"Bella, this is not how we deal with our problems anymore. You promised to stop shutting me out. You know I can't stand when you do that. I can't handle you when you do shit like this." His dark eyes hold a distraught expression.

"Handle? You have to handle me? Is that your new way of saying control?"

"No, I-"

"Fuck you, Edward! You can't handle me, because I refuse to be handled. Now get out."

"I'll be sleeping in my own bed right next to my beautiful girlfriend." He massages circles on my sides, pulling my body flush against his and my breath catches in my throat.

"Fine." I say grimly, shoving my way around him and out of the room.

"Where the fuck are you going?" I feel him behind me, but again I ignore him.

"Don't you have someone else to bother?" I ask him when I reach the guestroom. He stops at the threshold with his hands braced on the door frame as if stopped by a supernatural force.

"There's only you, Bella. You're my love, my life, my best friend. When I let you into my heart there wasn't room for anyone else besides Lily."

I see right through his ways, straight to the man attempting to manipulate me into falling into his bed with my legs open. I don't doubt his words one bit, it's the reason behind his little confession that has me on guard.

"I need space, Edward. You're smothering me."

I can instantly tell that Edward dislikes my confession, but it's true. If I want to be mad, he should just let me be mad.

"You are determined to fight. No matter what I say you are not going to let me pleasure you tonight. You're really going to punish us both for an argument that has nothing to do with either of us."

"Yet you keep butting into it! You're the reason that this is affecting us! It's affecting your entire family!"

With outstretched arms in a sign of defeat, Edward shouts, "What do you want from me, Bella?"

"I want you to stay out of it Edward. Whatever Emmett and Rose do is their business, and if they let Jasper help, then great, but if they don't you need to leave it alone."

"Can't do it, sweetheart. Emmett is my brother." He raises his voice again.

"Rose is my best friend!" I shout back at him raising my voice higher than his.

"It's not the same Bella, and you know it."

"Why? Because you think Emmett doesn't benefit?" I ask, and he just stares.

Edward turns his head slightly, and I can easily see the ticking in his jaw as he clenches his fists to stop himself from engaging in a shouting match with me. He is controlling himself I've observed. Good, because one of us needs to stay in control, and it won't be me. I'm too pissed right now.

"Bella..." He warns through grinding teeth.

"No, Edward. Shut the fuck up! You're brother benefits from this because Rose is the love of his life. Would you not do the same for me?" He thinks about this for the longest time, and then sighs heavily, but doesn't speak.

"Fine! I don't care where you sleep." He walks away, and I stand there stunned, listening for his movement around the house downstairs. He's definitely going to get a drink or two.

X

I feel arms wrap around me, and I'm instantly floating in the air. Then there's a comfortable bed beneath me, feels like I'm lying on a massive amount of feathers. I groan, and roll over, blinking my eyes in the dark, only to be met with the loving green eyes of my annoying boyfriend.

"You're lucky you're cute." I mumble, rolling over so that I can't see his face.

He presses his front to my back, wrapping his arms around me, rubbing my belly lightly. "Just cute?" He questions my choice of words.

"Just cute." I confirm. His chest vibrates with laughter, and he kisses the side of my face.

"Goodnight love."

"Mhm."

X

I wake the next morning on my own, and sadly without Edward's good morning kisses, I am a very groggy pregnant woman.

I roll over to face Edward's side of the bed, as the trivial argument Edward and I had last night comes rushing back to me. How can it be that I love Edward with all of my heart, but I can't stand him? I'm convinced he's the most infuriating man in the world.

My eyes land on a sheet of paper with a note in Edwards's careful handwriting, and a single red rose. My mouth instantly curves into a megawatt smile before even reading what his note says.

I shift around in the bed, ruffling the covers as I attempt to get comfortable. I settle in, and grab the letter to read. In perfect penmanship I read the words 'I'm sorry,' and my smiles grows to an almost painful point.

How can two simple words make me so eternally joyful, as though I've waited my entire life for them?

"I'm sorry too, baby." I whisper to the air, clutching the note as if it carries sentimental words of undying love.

"You're up." I hear from behind me, and I quickly turn, startled by Edward's presence almost falling off of the bed.

"You scared me." I palm my speeding heart needing a few calming breaths.

Edward grins and then licks his lips, shoving his hands in his pockets before slowly stalking toward me. "I was just leaving."

"You're off to work already?" I ask him, staring up into his eyes as he hovers above me. I reach up and pull his tie, bringing his lips to mine. "I fucking love you in a suit." I can't resist him in a suit either.

Edward kisses me once more before doing the sweetest thing ever. He tenderly ran his knuckles down my cheek staring deep into my eyes.

"I love the way that you look in the morning. You glow. You're unbelievably beautiful." He says and with a lot of effort I contain my eye roll. I do not glow, however that's a very sweet thing to say.

I wrap my arms around his neck, pull him down for a kiss, and moan against his lips, deepening the kiss. Edward groans as he straightens up, lifting me off of the bed and into his arms. I wrap my legs firmly around him, and feel him hard and thick against me.

Edward growls lowly from deep in his chest, then pulls away from the kiss nuzzling his nose in the crease of my neck. "You're right."

I pull back quickly, and look at him completely stunned by his words.

"What?" This can't be real life. He's apologized, and now he is admitting that he was wrong, and I was right.

"Don't look so surprised. I'm capable of admitting when I'm wrong."

With wide eyes full of admiration, I stare at him, only now seeing how remorseful he is.

"You're so full of surprises. You never do what I think you're going to do and you're so unpredictable, it's scary." I tell him dejectedly, trying to appear unaffected but failing miserably. Can an unpredictable person actually be someone to count on? With Edward's track record...how can I really trust him?

"You should never be scared of me, baby. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"Edward, just when I think you're going to make a left turn, you swiftly swerve to the right in a complete mind-blowing fashion. You do whatever you want, whenever you want without notice. Now tell me if I did that to you-"

"You did do that! In the beginning. That's why I kept tabs on you."

"That's another thing. You don't respect personal space. That's why it feels so unnatural for you to stay out of your brother's business."

"Bella, sweetheart I really need to get to work. Are you going to keep picking a fight with me? I already told you that you were right. Leave it at that."

I drop my arms from his neck, and almost fall, but he ends up supporting my weight by getting a better grip on my ass.

I glare at him. "Put me down!"

He throws his head back in exasperation. "Baby, don't be like that." He shakes his head, with a look of annoyance on his face.

"Don't be like what? Like myself?"

"That's definitely not what I fucking mean and you know it." He slowly places me back on the bed, and I step in front of him, shoving a finger into his chest.

"Just go to work, Edward."

He shakes his head no, and grins down at me. "Kiss me."

I fold my arms across my chest, glaring up at him. "I don't fucking think so."

He sighs exasperatedly, and shoves his hands into his pockets. "Because you are mad for no reason. Do you even remember what this argument is about?"

I growl in frustration, and shove away from him angrily only to be yanked back against a hard solid chest.

"Let go of me, Edward." I frown up at him, and try to wiggle out of his hold.

He doesn't release my arm not even a little bit, as he stares down at me with narrowed eyes.

With a low and husky "Sit." He says to me like I'm a dog as he finally releases my arm.

I open my mouth to give him a verbal lashing when he speaks again. "Baby, please have a seat."

"I have nothing to say to you." The defiant teenager speaks for me.

Edwards's eyes grow dark, and fierce to a scary point, the look has my mouth falling agape.

With an eerily low voice that makes me tremble in both visibly, and nonvisibly places, he growls.

"Bella..."

Eventhough he has rattled me a bit with his intensity, I still stand my ground. "Edward. You have been a pain in my ass for weeks now, and it's only gotten worse as of late." I poke his chest, trying to shove him a step away from me but it's ineffective.

"Well baby, you haven't exactly been a ray of sunshine to be around either."

I watch as Edward ever so slowly loosens his tie, taking impossible steps closer to me. "I have a very busy schedule today for which I am rearranging my time to sort you out. Now baby, I am giving you a choice to sit on the bed instead of placing you there myself. Isn't that what you wanted? A choice?"

"Choice? That's not a choice."

He takes another threatening step and I am forced to take a seat. Then he crouches down before me, gripping my thigh.

His brow creases, and a troubled look appears on his face.

"What's really bothering you? The main thing that has you pissed off? I need to know because lately you're all over the place and I want to make it better...make us better."

"I..." I open my mouth to speak but he cups my jaw effectively shutting me up.

"I like arguing with you, baby. It still gets my dick hard, but you get too serious, and I can't keep up. Listen, I love you. I really do, but there's obviously a problem." He loosens his cuff links, still eyeing me.

"I love you too. I just can't stand you as a person."

He grins at me, and squeezes my thighs. "You love me the way that I am Bella, no need to try and deny it."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever."

Edward shakes his head, amused by my behavior. I hate that my attitude doesn't affect him. "How are your sessions going?" He pats my thigh, staring intently at me with low brows.

"My sessions? You choose now to ask about my sessions?"

"I used to ask you all the time, and then I noticed that look on your face-"He wags his index finger, motion around my face.

With confusion etched on my face, I scrunch my nose up and narrow my eyes at him. "What look?" I interrupt him, peeved that we are actually having this conversation.

"That fucking look you get like you're about to bitch at someone and not in the normal way. I mean the stand on a table; pour drinks on someone kind of look, sort of like what you're giving me right now. You do it very often when I knowingly bring up something you don't want to talk about."

I wait a beat processing his words, before squinting my eyes at him. "I do not bitch at people."

Edward's head drops, and he sighs heavily, before lifting his head and pinning me with a look of pure irritation.

"Bella, I need you to listen to me. Stop being so damn defensive, and listen to me. I am sorry for how things have been between your friends and me lately, but that is going to change. I'm going to fix it today,"

I sigh in relief, and a slow smile spreads across my lips. "Now, I need you to do something for me. I need to know that you are okay, and that the sessions are helping you to heal. If not, we go somewhere else, either way the snapping stops today, baby. I can't fucking take it. If I'm an asshole call me out on it, tell me I'm a fucking asshole and I will fix it." He raises both eyebrows looking up into my eyes all business like. He's serious about this, and I can admire his willingness to fix it before we are even really broken. It shows that he really wants us to work out.

I know how much he hates it when I'm mad at him, so I know that's one of the main reason for this conversation.

Edward pushes my hair out of my face, and in a soft voice he whispers, "I will do anything to keep that beautiful smile on your face." He leans forward and pecks my lips.

I smile, biting the corner of my bottom lip as I blink at him. He lightly pinches, and then lifts my chin. The intensity of his gaze burned through me, melting away all of my anger. I swallow hard when he begins to speak.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You are treasured, baby. You and Lily are my life, my everything. Without you I wouldn't have that. I wouldn't know happiness, so when I say that I treasure you...and our relationship, I mean it. I need us to work out. Tell me. What do I have to do to make you happy?"

I drop my head unable to look at the perfect man before me. I feel like such a bitch right now that I'm ashamed of myself. All he's done is spoil me, pleasure me, and keep me happy. Everything he does is to make me happy, and I love that about him. I love him. So, I tell him.

"I love you, baby."

 **Another chapter will be up by the weekend :)**


	35. Chapter 35

_This story is beta'd by Edwardsfirstkiss. Thank you soo much! :)_

 _I do not own Twilight. These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers._

Bella Pov

I hate surprises. Really. Not knowing is pretty much a fear of mine. I've told this to Edward on many occasions, and he only laughs, and points out the fact that it seems that I have a problem with control as well. Apparently, now I need to go to one of Esme's seminars to deal with both my anger and control issues. Whatever.

I hate surprise gifts just as much as being surprised when things are sprung on me. However surprise gifts from Edward are so much worse because I never have a say so on how much he has spent. He likes to point out that it is his money and he can spend as much of it on me as he wants. I disagree. Just because the money is there doesn't mean he has to spend it. He especially doesn't have to spend any on me.

It's okay when he spends thousands of dollars on Lily, I'm fine with that, although I know she will have him wrapped around her little finger, and the word, 'No' will no longer be a word in his vocabulary when it comes to her.

I was happy with one of his surprises a few weeks ago when he hired a team under my watchful eye, to complete the nursery. That was okay because it wasn't technically for me.

Anytime he buys something for me I blank, and second guess his reason for the sudden purchase.

That's why when he bought me a car for Christmas I was thankful, but completely blown away, with only one word ringing through my brain.

 _ **Flashback**_

"Why?" I asked him repeatedly trying to hold back my tears. I know that my voice was shaky and uneven as I stared stunned at the car with the big red bow. I was thankful. Shocked, but thankful none the less.

"Bella, you wanted it." He replies in a self-evident way that causes my lips to close instantly with no reply. It didn't stop my meandering thoughts from giving me a self-inflicted headache.

"Edward..." I trail off, thinking of how I have never owned anything and now I have a perfectly operating vehicle at my disposal. "You can't just...buy me a car. You can't-"

"I can, and I did. Complain, and I'll do more than buy you a car." He says, and I turn on him, shaking my head at this crazy man.

"You bought me a car." I remind him, stunned once again, and he grins down at me. No matter how hard I try, holding back my own smile was impossible.

He shrugs, and reaches out; grabbing me around the waist and pulling my body flush against his. "You wanted the car."

I mentioned the Audi to Alice in passing, never for one second thinking she would mention my love of the car to Edward.

"I want a lot of shit, Edward. You can't just go buying things when the urge strikes you."

"I never want you to have a problem getting where you need to go when my daughter gets here. Yes, Ben is always at your disposal, but sometimes he's not around. I want to make sure that you and Lily are both well taken care of."

"I know...and I love it. Thank you. It's just-you know how much I hate surprises." I trace invisible patterns on his suit jacket, watching my finger as it swirls to avoid his eyes.

I feel his shoulders shake and I glance up, but don't lift my head, eyeing him with pursed lips. Is he laughing at me?

"I'm expected to not buy you things because you hate surprises? I'll buy whatever I want. I'll lavish you with expensive clothes, and shoes, and have diamonds adorn every finger on your dainty little hand if I want to."

I laugh at the absurdity of it all, and shake my head at him. "You're insane."

Edward smiles down at me, cupping my face in his palm. I nuzzle my face closer, and carefully place my hand atop his on my cheek, staring lovingly up and into his eyes.

"I love how soft your face gets when I surprise you." He whispers, bringing his face down close to ghost his lips across mine. "I'd do just about anything to make you look at me like that for the rest of our life...to keep that look on your face."

He kisses the breath right out of me, and pulls back to search my eyes when they frantically flash open in search for a reason as to why he stopped kissing me.

"It's exactly the way that I feel every moment I'm with you. I'm in awe of you, your spirit, and your light that shines through all of my darkness. I want you to smile at me forever because it lets me know that I just might be giving back a piece of the joy that you have brought into my life."

I lean forward into his embrace, and rest my head on his chest lightly squeezing him closer to me.

God, I really love this man. I love him with everything in me.

He runs his hand up and down my back, and kisses my forehead before whispering. "I love you, baby. Merry Christmas."

 _ **End of flashback**_

Today there would be no surprises. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I agreed to this. I even thought I was choosing the lesser of two evils. Now, as I stare at myself in the floor length mirror I curse the agreement.

My balloon belly is making it extremely difficult to pick out sexy lingerie for my man. No matter how hard I try, I can't see past it. I mean, it's just there...all in the way...blocking all of my usual sexy.

I turn to the side, and really examine myself, huffing in annoyance as I glance down at my belly. That's when I let myself remember that I have this belly for a reason, and I couldn't be happier.

I rub gentle circles around my belly, and feel Lily kick in response.

"I know you're in there sweetheart." I speak quietly to my belly, smiling at the thought of how soon she'll be in my arms.

That's when there is a knock on the dressing room door. I freeze, stop all movement, I think I even stop breathing as my eyes bug out of my head. The door handle jiggles, and I freak out further.

"Don't you dare!" I raise my voice a bit so that he can hear me. I hear him lightly chuckle, and try the door handle again.

"I need to see you." He says in a very stern, very seductive voice that stops me dead in my tracks. When I come to, I take a breath, and relax. No way in hell am I letting him see me like this. I'm proud of my belly; however it is making it impossible to not feel self-conscious. I just don't feel sexy.

"No." Is my brilliant reply to him, even though I know the guy does not understand the meaning of that word.

"We had a deal Bella! You agreed that if I didn't buy you a Valentine's Day gift, you would model lingerie for me, and the gift would be for the both of us." He reminds me, sounding like he's enjoying this a little too much.

"I agreed to that before I saw how I looked in them. There's nothing sexy about me in lingerie Edward, trust me." I begin to remove the racy bra and panties set, when the door opens.

Edward steps around the door, closes it, and when he gets a good look at me he grins wickedly before stalking towards me.

He stops short, and lets his eyes roam down my body, he nods and smiles in approval, lacing his hands together behind his back. Then he begins to circle me, making subtle little noises and I'm once again made to feel like I'm his prey.

He stops and eyes me, soaking in every bit of flesh that his darkened eyes capture like snapshots. He licks his lips, and lets his eyes settle on mine.

"We're definitely buying this one." The corner of his mouth tilts upward into a half smile, displaying that delicious curve of his mouth just begging to be licked and tasted.

I burn with desire for this man no matter where we are, and with just one look, he has me panting like a whore. It takes me back to the days when I had no right to feel such lust for him...back to when he was married, and this was wrong. That was in the past now. A time when I mistook love for lust, and downplayed my feelings for him, for the sake of not getting hurt.

"Look at me!" I motion down my body in a very obvious way, trying to make him see that my beach ball belly is far from sexy.

"I am."Is his only reply before he takes three slow careful steps toward me, closing the distance.

"Stop right there Edward. I know that look."I hold my arms out as if to shield myself, knowing it's no use. If Edward wants me, he will have me...whenever, wherever.

He backs me up against the wall opposite the door of the dressing room, and traps me with his arms.

"You have no idea the amount of energy I am expending to keep my hands off of you. The amount of restraint I am exercising to stop myself from ripping this material clear off of your body. I have already calculated the number of seconds it will take me to have you completely naked and underneath me."

"Edward..."I breathe out, well at least I try to breathe, but it ends up sounding more like a whimper.

"Eight seconds."He says in.a low raspy voice, thick with arousal, and full of promise, or challenge...I'm not sure.

"Stop." I press lightly against his chest, wanting to pull him closer, but needing to push him away.

He catches my hand as I attempt to pull it away from his chest. He holds my hand in his and palms his impressive bulge through his pants.

"This..." He begins with a warning snarl. that shoots excitement straight through my veins. He will never stop the rush or thrill behavior; he will always throw me off guard I'm convinced. "Is what you do to me. What you have always done to me since the very first moment I saw you." He grins down at me, before gripping the back of my head, and pressing his lips to mine in a very hard kiss, taking my breath away.

His hands roam down both arms to my waist, and he yanks the flimsy material from my body, pulling it to the right under my ass and I begin to pant heavily in anticipation of his touch.

He pulls back to look into my eyes as he crouches down slowly inching the panties down as he goes. Then he runs his nose along my thigh. I moan...loudly, and squirm under his sensual ministration.

Edward comes back up my body and kisses the breath right out of me again, swallowing my moans, letting his tongue roam, stroke and caress.

"You have to be quiet, love." He whispers before placing his hands back on me.

"Edward, no." I didn't realize he was trying to do more than make out, and strip me out of the lingerie.

He shh's me, grinning widely as his fingers inch toward where I want him the most. I catch his wrist, and try to move his hand away because if he touches me there, I will give in.

"You don't get to tell me when and where I can have you. You, your body, your pleasure..."He skims his lips against mine. "Are. Mine." He whispers seductively, and I shiver.

"We're in a dressing room, Edward. "I whisper-shout around his lips, and feel his hand finally touch my sensitive bundle, gently rubbing my clit. I jump from the contact, and my head lulls back, hitting the wall with a thud as a trapped breath ceases in my throat.

He attacks my neck, kissing and sucking to the point where he's sure to leave hickeys. A growl erupts from his throat as he pushes me further into the wall. He grips my sides in his strong hands, and stares deeply into my eyes.

"Now, before I lift you up, and fuck you against this wall, I need to know that you are going to control yourself."

I nod slowly, and willingly submit my body over to him. I realize that I am being rewarded for my obedience when I feel him kneeling between my legs with one placed over his shoulder.

Edward takes his time tasting me, slow lazy licks, and swirls of his tongue as he savors my flavor. He moans, and grips my body firmly to him as his tongue shoves deeper into my pussy.

"Edward!" I whine his name meaning to say more but nothing but the plea comes out. I need more. I need more of him. I don't want to come without him deep inside of me.

"What do you need love?" He answers my plea catching my hot gaze.

"More." Always more.

X

When we returned home from our shopping excursion, Edward ran a bath for us, realizing just how badly we both need to relax. We've been up all morning shopping for each other, shopping for Lily, shopping for the house. It's tiring and my entire body can you use a soak.

I walk into the bathroom in time to see Edward crouched down testing the water completely naked. I take those mere seconds to admire all that is Edward. He is absolutely too sexy to comprehend and I can't help but stare at every deeply defined muscle of his body, and every tight firm inch of his ass.

Edward senses my presence, turns and smiles for long seconds, and just stares at me before holding a hand out. I graciously accept his hand watching as he stands, and pulls me into his arms.

For a second there I was confused because he wasn't quite hugging me just holding me. Then, he begins to move and I giggle because he's humming a song and rocking softly to the unfamiliar tune. I laugh at his playfulness knowing just how rare it is. Not that he's always serious; it's just that we don't spend a lot of our time goofing around as we once did in the carefree period of our relationship. Before everything got so screwy.

"What're we doing?" I ask through my laughter, trying to control myself, because Edward is pretending to take this dance seriously but I can't do it. It's ridiculous, not only because of my lackluster dancing skills, but also because he's naked, I'm clothed and we're both sliding across the tile floor like idiots.

Edward makes his signature face. One eyebrow low, with an, 'isn't it obvious?' expression that causes me to laugh harder.

His head dips a bit to kiss my jaw lightly, and I giggle from the feel of his lips ghosting across my face.

"What are you humming?" I ask, pulling back slightly to get a better look at his face. He is in a very good mood.

His voice is low when he mumbles, "Van Morrison," against my pulse point. I arch my neck to give him better access. He stops humming long enough to reply before jumping right back into the song. "She give me love love love love." He whispers against my collar bone, and I shudder. "Crazy love." He looks up when he says this, staring deep into my eyes. Because I'm stunned into silence by his loving embrace, the air around us, his sweet gesture, and his amazing voice; I'm lost in him, swimming in him, drowning in him.

I smile up at him, and when he mirrors my smile, I bite down on my lip looking away nervously.

"That smile." He whispers softly, reaches up and taps the corner of my lips, still holding onto his joyous smile.

"What about it?" I ask sheepishly, which is a tad out of character for me, but the look on his face has me feeling beyond self-conscious.

Edward tilts his head to the side a bit, regarding me with a look of astonishment. He does this look better than anyone I know. He has looked at me like that from the very beginning.

"You really don't know." His eyes narrow with the question, and I roll my eyes at him as he begins to remove my sundress.

"What don't I know?" I ask breathlessly as his hands skate across my panties, pulling them down.

Now, I'm completely naked standing before Edward who is staring at me like I am the most precious thing to him. In moments like this, when his eyes are on me, I feel desire course through me. It takes all of my willpower to keep from jumping him.

Edward takes a few steps back. "You are..."His eyes meet mine with enough force and intensity to knock me over. "Breathtaking."

"I am..." I mock him, holding my arms out to my sides. "Naked."I continue, dropping my arms instantly for the full effect.

"So am I."He grins a dazzling smile, glancing down at himself before his eyes reach me again. With his head still bowed, he burns me with his heated gaze, and takes his bottom lip between his teeth, and his eyebrows lower causing a dreamy look.

"Yea but you look..." I motion to all that perfection standing there before him. He is sex personified. He is all male hotness wrapped in one. "You look like that."

He scoffs, and pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue, raising his eyebrows. Then he sighs, and holds his arms out. "Come here." He says, and I obey. No sense in angering him when he is in such a great mood.

I slowly allow my hands to roam freely up his chest, and kiss right above his heart. He envelopes me in his arms, letting one hand trail towards my ass, the other trails up my back to grip the back of my neck. It's an awkward position due to my belly, but he still manages by turning me slightly to the side.

After he pecks my lips a few times he jerks back with creased brows as if remembering something. He looks back, towards the tub, and then back at me.

"You have a way of making me forget where I am, and what the hell I'm doing."He begrudgingly expresses a thought, but it's not real. He wanted me to know his thought, probably because it happens often.

I shake my head at him, and lean forward sweetly peck his lips.

"Come sweetheart. The water is getting cold." He pulls me towards the tub, and he steps in, before helping me to stand in front of him. Then he inches down, and I follow suit with his helping hand poised at my back.

I settle back against his chest close my eyes and sigh. "This is nice." I moan.

I feel Edwards arms wrap around me, and hold me close. He kisses the side of my face, and then lightly squeezes my shoulders.

"Any excuse to have you naked and wet against me..."He trails off and lightly kisses a path down toward my neck.

"Right." I giggle, and he bites my earlobe, tugging it between his teeth. I gasp.

"Right." He breathes against my ear, and I shiver. Of course Edward knows that I'm not cold, he knows me well enough to know that he is on the right track to having me spread open before him. He knows just how to get a reaction out of my body, and I never disappoint.

"Did you enjoy yourself today?" He asks me.

"You were with me, so yeah I did." I turn my head to kiss his bicep. "I'll be glad when the nursery is finished."

"Stop worrying, baby. It will be finished in time. Trust me."

"I do trust you, and I'm not worried, I just...want everything to be... perfect." I seek out each word carefully in my brain before speaking them aloud.

"It will be. I promise."

We sit in comfortable silence for awhile, with Edward just holding me close to his chest.

Seconds later he speaks, breaking through our silent moment.

"I want you to do something for me." Edward's voice is all of a sudden too serious.

"Hmm." Is my lazy reply as I lean deeper into him and tilt my head to look up at him.

His voice is soft when he speaks. "I want you to tell me about your mother."

I freeze, and my eyes instantly fly open dreading this conversation.

"What's there to talk about? She's dead."I try to sound dejected, and hide my slight panic.

"Is she?" Edward asks, and that's when every one of my muscle tense up completely in fear. What does he know?

I clear my throat. "Do you really want to talk about this today of all days?" I ask.

"I need to know everything there is to know about you. But I don't want to read about it, or find out something and have it not be the real story. I want to hear the truth from you."

"You know, don't you?" He doesn't respond. "How do you know?"

He takes in a long deep breath before speaking. "My dad is running for office, and he's thoroughly dug up things that I myself personally wanted to one day hear from you. So that is why I have never pushed. I explained that to him, but by then it was too late."

"Carlisle investigated me? What did he think? That I was a criminal? I bet he still thinks that? God!" I'm exasperated by the lengths Edward's father is willing to go to get what he wants, and I hate that he has taught Edward to be just as ruthless. "How do you deal with the pressure?" My voice is much lower, calmer even, when I speak this time. I'm just tired of the looks Carlisle gives me, and the judgemental glances he shoots at Rose every chance he gets. Jasper is the only exception; Carlisle doesn't give him a hard time.

"Are you going to make this a fight, Bella? If you tell me now, I'll be prepared."

With a heavy sigh, I decide to back off a bit. It has been an exceptional day and I would hate it to end in a fight.

"I just wonder how you manage to not fold under pressure. Carlisle doesn't exactly make it easy on you."

"He has always been that way. I like to think he just can't help who he is."

That doesn't answer my question at all, but still I nod in understanding. I assume that is his way of saying that he is used to Carlisle's ways.

"Why did he do it?"

"He likes to know. Not knowing kills him." Edward defends him, and I freak out further, almost hop out of the tub. He senses my annoyance and squeezes me tightly. "Bella..." He breathes, then plants a soft kiss underneath my ear. "This isn't about me, or Carlisle..." He trails off, pressing a hot kiss to that spot again. "I deserve to know. I have told you everything there is to know about me. It needs to go both ways, love."

With a shaky breath, I force out the words, spilling everything to him. I tell him more than I have told my therapist, and the weight of it seems to lift from my shoulders as I speak.

"Your nightmares." Edward seems to put everything together in his head. He squeezes me close when I don't respond to him. "Bella, it's not your fault. How can you say that? Think that?"

"Because it's my fault that he's dead."

My voice breaks as tears prick the back of my eyes. Edward's arms tighten around me holding me, comforting me. I'm trembling so badly that I can barely keep still.

"No baby." He squeezes me again, and that's when the tears fall. "That is not true."

"I should have opened the door. I should have helped him."

I'm crying now, full on tears which is unusual for me. I have gotten good at pushing my past away to the back of my mind. It's my secret, my shame my part in everything that happened the day my father died.

"I killed him. I'm the reason that he's dead."

Somehow Edward turns me in his arms to face him. His eyes are so soft, so tender, it causes more tears to fall from my eyes.

"No baby." He cups my face in his hands, and drops his forehead down to rest on mine. "I can't let you think that." He whispers, and a pain shoots right through me. "You didn't do this." His voice breaks this time, and he squeezes his eyes tightly together. "You didn't-"

"Stop." I breathe out, rolling my forehead against his before pulling away to look at him. "I did this. I could have saved him. All I had to do was open the door, and...face her. I shouldn't have been afraid of her. I let fear keep me from my father. Keep me from saving him. I should have saved him." A sob wrecks through my chest.

"You can't hold on to this guilt, you know that. Baby, you can't blame yourself. You did not kill him."

"Then why do I feel responsible?" I shout at him through my tears, crying, feeling an overwhelming stab in my chest. "Why do I feel like this?" Edward pulls me to his body resting my head on his chest, holding me close as I sob uncontrollably.

Edward holds me while I cry for what seems like hours, but I know it's only been a few minutes, and our bath water is running cold.

"I don't want to be afraid." I confess in a hushed whisper after long minutes of silence pass.

"What are you afraid of?" He asks in a voice that matches my own.

"Renee."

"Your mother." It's not a question, but I still nod affirming. "You have no reason to be afraid of her."

"I'm not afraid of her. I'm afraid of being her. Turning into her."

Edward is quiet for a while, before he says. "I share the same fear." He pauses. "I don't want to be like Carlisle."

I sniff, and grin thinking that we are just as much alike as we are different. "You're not going to be your mother Bella, and I'm not going to be my father." He holds me tighter, and I bury my face deeper into the curve of his neck. "Look at us. At what we're building together. You're not Renee, sweetheart."

"I know." I whisper, and again we are silent for long seconds.

"You need to let me love you, Bella. All of you. Forever." His words tear through me, as I am filled with elation. He said forever.

"You have to promise to do the same." I turn my head to the side, and kiss his neck.

He pulls back, and cups my face gently in his hands staring deeply into my eyes as he slowly leans forward. "I will let you love all of me forever." He says, his breath soft against my temple before he places a lingering kiss there. "I promise."


	36. Chapter 36

**Really short chapter guys I'm sorry. I promised longer chapters and will deliver soon. Hopefully this is the last short chapter other than the possible epilogues. We are so close to the end, but I know the next couple of chapters will have you wondering how the hell is this the end...and I like that response, and will be looking forward to reading the reviews. ;)**

 **Someone mentioned that it seems I switch the plot often in the story...its not true I promise. Donna can vouch that the story is going according the outline. I have known the way this would end from the very beginning, before I started the story...its the getting there thats the challenge.**

 **I still haven't completely figured out how to incorporate Bella's sessions into the story without confusion. Everytime I write a flash back it seems theres a bit of confusion, and I don't want that. I will figure it, but if any of you have an idea that could help me pleaseeee feel free to tell me. I was going to post them on the fb group but alot of people were concerned because they don't have a facebook, and I don't want anyone to be left out because something read in the sessions may bring more understanding of the characters, and of particular situations...we will just have to wait and see how it goes.**

 **There probably won't be another chapter til after the holidays sooo...Merry Christmas everyone! :) Hope you all enjoy this short chapter, and will stick with me through to the end. :)**

 _ **This story is beta'd by Edwardsfirstkiss. Thank you not only for being a beta, a supporter, a cheerleader, a mentor but a friend. :)**_

 _I do not own Twilight. These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers._

EPOV

I'm sitting in a chair and the air around me is cold, frigid, and thick with tension. I am waiting not so patiently, with my elbows braced on my nervously bouncing legs, one hand behind my neck. I rub the spot trying to relieve some of the tension but failing miserably.

When I can no longer tolerate the sounds of my tapping foot or the low murmurs around me, I quickly shoot out of my seat in pursuit of the nurse's station.

"Son? Edward?" I hear my mom call as she follows behind me, but I don't stop. I'm losing my fucking patience with this hospital. It's been way too long since I've heard anything from anyone, and I want to know what the hell is going on.

"How can I help-"The nurse starts to ask, but I cut her off.

"I need to know what is going on. My girlfriend was taken through those doors…" I shake away my sleeve on my arm to glance at my watch. "Eighteen minutes ago." I finish with a dangerous bite to my voice. "No one has come out to tell me what is going on. I was told to have a seat, and I have been patient. However, if I don't hear news of how my girlfriend and daughter are doing _right fucking now_ , I am going to barge through those doors and see for myself."

"Sir, we have regulations on patient privacy. We can't give out any information regarding your girlfriend." She replies with wide, fearful eyes, and she has a reason to be because I am fucking losing my mind here.

I open my mouth to yell at the young nurse that obviously doesn't understand the mental state that I am in, when my mom replies for me.

"Dear, we just need to know if my son was forgotten in the process. He should be with her during labor. She wouldn't want to be alone and my son is upset that she's alone at the moment. So if you could please help us out?"

She looks between us, and nods. "I'll see what I can do. Have a seat."

"I'll wait here until you tell me which room she's in." I tell her sternly, hoping she understands just how serious I am.

"Edward." Esme calls in a reprimanding tone. "Let's give her a few minutes."

Esme wraps one arm around my waist, hugging close, comforting me in the way that only a mother can as she slowly walks me back to the group. No one has made a move whatsoever, and everyone is just as stagnant as they were when Esme and I left.

"Did they say anything?" Jasper asks, and Esme replies for me again. Because I'm so stuck in my own swirl of thoughts, I can't form words to tell him how utterly fucked up I think it is that no one is letting me see my girls.

I ease into my seat, scrubbing both hands down my face slowly as a block in my chest prohibits calm breaths. I feel lifeless, and I know it's because my life is on the other side of that door, and fuck if I'm not scared out of my mind, going crazy with worry.

I feel a rather large hand on my shoulder, and realize it's not my mother. I look up, and see my father standing there, and so is the doctor. I practically jump out of my skin trying to get out of the seat.

"You have got to tell me something, Doc." I tell him, and he just nods, and starts towards the doors I saw him take Bella through.

"Come. You can see her now." I don't have to be told twice. I rush to follow him through the door, and that's when things are shoved at me, and directions are shouted, as a whirlwind of things happens all at once. I feel as though I am spinning, and I am panicking because everyone seems so frantic, and I still have yet to see Bella.

Once I scrub in, I listen to the chatter around me which seems like a foreign language because my mind just will not focus on any words spoken to or around me. I need Bella.

I'm moved down a long hall to a very cold room with bright lights, and stark white walls, and I assume that I am in an operating room. _What the fuck?_ Bella and I had planned on a natural childbirth, not this. Something must be wrong. I start to freak out, forgetting all of my techniques for control when I see her. Half of her body is shielded from me, but her eyes are what I'd been searching for. Her eyes will assure me that she is okay, and I will be able to stop losing my control, stop losing my mind, and be the rock that she needs me to be.

She is on an operating table and her arms are restrained, but she has a joyful look in her eyes, not bothered, completely worry free. She catches my worried glance, and grins at me. It warms my heart, and kicks it into overdrive.

"How are you doing, baby?" I run my hand down her cheek, and beam down at her angelic face.

"I'm not sure yet. Ask me in about ten minutes." Her voice is more melodic than usual, and I know it's because she is in such a great mood, but her eyes are anxious. Not fearful, not worried, she's anxious to see Lily. It's written all over her face. She'll do anything; endure anything to finally have Lily in her arms.

"You're doing great, sweetheart." I tell her, squeezing her hand reassuringly even though I have no idea what the doctor is doing to the lower half of her body. I know what a c- section is but hadn't researched it because I just assumed that we would be able to have a normal birth. We were not prepared for this, and nobody has explained why this is necessary.

"You're going to feel a bit of pressure now, Bella. It's normal." Doc says, but Bella is a bit loopy, so she only lovingly smiles up at me.

"Edward, I can't wait to hold her." She says to me, and I smile down at her as a tear rolls down my cheek.

"Soon, I promise." I push her hair back from her face and just admire all that is Bella. I am so thankful for this woman. All that she has put up with, and sacrificed and all that she's given me, I could never repay her, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to make her happy if she only will let me.

"How are you? Earlier you looked…" She trails off and I answer for her.

"Pissed?" I ask, and she stifles laughter. "It was because I didn't know what the fuck was going on."

I can see it flash through her eyes before she actually opens her mouth to mock me. She's in a teasing mood.

"Oh, mister control freak doesn't know what's going on; it must be the end of the world." She smiles at me, and I sigh, shaking my head at my beautiful little annoying girlfriend. "I'm having a C-section."

"I gathered. I just want to know why."

Bella opens her mouth to speak, but then a flurry of different things happens all at once. I hear the cry of my baby girl, the doctor says things, and the pediatrician replies, and moves about the room, but I am only focused on my daughter. I can barely see her, but I can instantly see that she has my crazy head of hair.

I smile, and glance down at Bella to see her eyes are unfocused. Then, I notice how pale her face has become, and my smile drops instantly as I breathe out her name to which she doesn't reply. In a daze, her name softly flows from my lips, but I know that she can't hear me because somehow I am once again being dragged away from her, with no explanation as to why.

This time, I don't sit. I pace a hole in the hallway of the hospital, trying to muster up my sanity so that I don't cause mayhem and end up being arrested. That would only further piss me off, and I don't think I can spend multiple days away from both of my girls.

"Edward, what's going on?" I hear Esme, but I don't look up to see or speak to her. I continue to pace the floor. "Son?" She calls, and I grip the hair at the back of my head with both hands, and bend back at the waist before looking down at Esme. I shake my head.

"I have no fucking clue what's going on. She had to have a C-section, and-"I suck in a deep breath. "I need to see them."

"Just breathe Edward. We are all here for the both of you." She tells me, and I nod because I know it is true.

Then the air shifts around us, tension leaves my shoulders and I hear audible breaths being sucked in around me. No one will breathe easily until we have received answers, but seeing the doctor is a step closer to those answers.

I meet him half way to the door he'd exited as he headed towards my family. He smiles reassuringly before speaking. "Mr. Cullen-"

"How are my girls, Doc?" I cut him off edging closer to him.

"Isabella is asleep at the moment and your daughter is healthy. She is six pounds and seven ounces."

"I want to see them." I exclaim, close to shouting at him for wasting my time speaking when I could have my daughter in my arms.

"Bella is asleep, but you can go in." He says, and I hear rather than see chairs shuffling as our family stands up to quickly follow.

"Just immediate family." He says, and still everyone except for my father continues forward. "Two at a time, please."

"I'm Grandma." Esme says and walks forward without waiting for anyone else to protest.

"Follow me."

The doctor walks us through the double doors and down a hallway until we reach another door. The doctor pushes the door open and allows us to enter.

I rush to the side of Bella's bed. I inspect her entire body, letting my worried eyes roam every inch of her tangled up in the white sheets, hooked up to different machines as they monitor her.

I can hear my mother speaking to the doctor, but I zone them out focusing only on the love of my life. I run a hand down her face, missing the light from earlier, and the rose color of her cheeks. I miss her lively spirit, her fire, I need it to live...to breathe.

I bend down to speak into her ear. "I love you so much, Bella."

I see her eyelids flutter and I stand straight to get a better look at her. Her eyes lock with mine, and she looks a little frightened, her eyes are wide, and wondering. She opens her mouth to speak, but I stop her.

"I want you to rest, baby. I swear I will be here when you wake up. "I tell her, kissing her forehead. I let my lips linger there, and close my eyes tightly just reveling in the comfort her presence brings to me.

"I-" I hear her try to speak, but I place a finger over my lips and shhh her.

"Rest love." I say, and she nods; her eyes slowly blinking closed.

X

Bella wakes up sometime during the night, and is just as surprised as the nurses were when they saw me cuddled up to her side in the hospital bed next to her. She cups my face, and my eyes open; my smile has been permanent since Lily was born and I knew that Bella was going to be fine. When I realize she's awake, life is blown back into my body. Her features are darkened because there isn't much light in the room, but I can still make out the smile on her face.

"Are you allowed to do this?" She whispers, lovingly stroking my cheek. I turn my head and kiss her waiting palm, before taking her hand into mine, and kissing each of her fingertips.

"Don't know...don't care." I mumble against her fingertips, continuing as if she'd said nothing.

I feel her shake with laughter. "Was I out for long?" She asks, trying to sit up, but I stop her.

I nod, answering her question, before asking a question of my own. "Are you in pain? They haven't given you pain meds in awhile, ylou must be-"

"I'm fine." She effectively cuts me off, smiling as if to hide her pain. I know why she's unwilling to take the pain meds...well actually there are two reasons, and one of them is absolutely insane. I wonder which reason is flashing through her mind right now. She didn't have to say it, but I know her well enough to guess.

"Baby, she'll be here when you wake up in a few hours." I respond to her unspoken thought. I want her to rest up, and recover completely.

"Pain meds will put me to sleep for hours, Edward. I want to stop dreaming about her, and see her in person. I-" She stops short, and takes a breath. "Edward, did I tell you that my nightmares stopped?"

This news causes me to sit up, and stare intently into her eyes, reassuring her that it is okay to finish. "It's because of Lily, I'm convinced."

"Lily stopped your mind from reverting to a traumatic time in your life during your unconscious state?" I don't mean to sound like an asshole. I am really curious to know how she came to this conclusion, and how she knows that they are completely gone. If I remember correctly, just three weeks ago, she woke up screaming, and I held her until she fell back asleep. Within three weeks she's come up with a reason behind the absence of her nightmares.

"Yes. I have been having dreams of holding her instead. I need to see her. "Bella says, and something about the way in which she says it causes me to jump out of bed. "Edward." Her tone is chastising, but her eyes are amused.

"What?" I ask, as I try to maneuver around all of the machines she's hooked up to. I'd actually like to see my baby girl as well. I held her earlier, but I'd like her to sleep in the room with us so that I can hold her as long as I please.

"Where are you going?" She asks, and I shoot her my best "Isn't it obvious" look to which she rolls her eyes. She hates when I do that, but I can't help it. When people ask stupid questions they don't deserve a reply.

"That my love, was a silly question." I tell her, as I stretch, feeling a bit of relief in my back and shoulders. That bed is not one bit comfortable. I hope Bella is able to leave soon because I can't keep sleeping in this awful bed. But then again, I can't sleep without her body on mine so I'm effectively screwed.

"I didn't mean right now. "She says, and even in the dark I can outline the rise of her cheekbones into a glorious smile.

From my position at the end of the bed, I lean over her feet, resting my fists on either side of her knees atop the cover.

"Do you want her?" I ask a simple question, but because she's a woman, my woman, I know a simple answer will not be as easy to get in return. She ponders my question. "Yes or no sweetheart."

"I-" She stutters, but I see her head nod, which is all the indication that I need. "They aren't going to give her to you right now. What time is it anyway?" Her eyes search the room for a clock.

"Baby, if you want her, I'll go get her now. No one can stop me. I'm her father." I say proudly, and she rolls her eyes, laughing at me.

"Have you seen her?" Bella asks, and I nod, thinking this is absurd. She's attempting to distract me. She must think I'll cause a frenzy to get to my daughter...and she's right.

"Yes, I have. She's beautiful...just like her mother." I tell her, and watch as her face brightens the dark room. I can't help but smile back, because fuck, my woman is gorgeous. I round the bed, and bring my face down to hers, kissing her passionately. I feel her hand on my shoulder, and the wire connected there sort of freaks me out so I back away not wanting to set something off, or hurt her.

"I'll be back with Lily." I tell her as I exit the room, off to retrieve my daughter.

The next day, Bella's room is filled by family waiting with arms ready to snatch Lily up the first chance they can get. It's been hard to get around my mother though; she will not let anyone hold her too long without playing the 'I'm grandma' card. This card apparently can even be used against Bella and me, which we both find utterly amusing.

At one point, Jasper is holding Lily for the first time, and as I look on I am reminded of an earlier conversation that I had with Bella. I lean down to whisper in her ear.

"I agree with you." I tell her, leaning away to catch her expression. Her facial expression doesn't disappoint. She's so fucking beautiful, but this look quakes through my insides. She's not even trying to be cute or adorable, which only makes her that much more attractive. For a second, I forget the conversation I was gearing up for, as well as the fact that our family is in the room.

The urge to kiss her is overwhelming, almost too much to push aside; The longing...the craving that I have for her, her lips, her taste, her skin, it's a hunger that can never be quenched, never be pushed aside. Therefore, denying my lips the gentle touch of sweetness that is dotted in her kisses is out of the question.

She can see the hunger in my eyes, in my face; in my posture...women can always tell. However with Bella, it's different. She sees through me. She doesn't just see a man sitting before prey as other women do. She knows that this look is for her only, and my insatiable behavior is due to the fact that our connection is far beyond physical desire. Far beyond explanation. Far beyond mere attraction. We are soulmates; two halves of one whole.

Bella bites the corner of her bottom lip, letting me know that she knows exactly where my mind has veered. "Agree with what?" she brings me back to the present...the here and now, as I so desperately needed to be reminded that our family was still in the room.

I nod my head in Jasper's direction to see him handing Lily off to my father.

"You wanted Jasper as her godfather. I agree, and have no qualms with your decision."

Her eyebrows shoot up, and she beams brightly at me.

Whatever it takes to keep her looking at me like that...I'll do it.

I sort of miss what Bella says when she asks Jasper to be Lily's godfather, but I zone in when he mentions that one day soon he would also be her uncle.

Then the congratulations begin, and I freeze. He asked Alice to marry him? He asked my sister to marry him without talking to me about it? Isn't it too soon? It's too soon. It's too fucking soon. He was just in love with Bella not six months ago, and now he's engaged to my sister?

I am not happy with the direction my family members are taking, and it's time I do something about it.

X

BPOV

It feels good to be home. That is the first thought that I have as I walk through the front door of the home that I share with Edward with our newborn baby girl.

I can't stop grinning. My face is permanently stuck in this smile, this all consuming happiness that I feel is almost too great to fathom. Is this really my life? How can I possibly deserve this amount of happiness? I can't afford to think like this for too long, because I know for sure that after all that I have been through, I deserve happiness. I also know that I need to keep my spirits high in order to be the best mother that I can possibly be to Lily.

Edward takes her into the living room, where I have seated myself to check through my phone messages. The light keeps blinking which is annoying, and now that I have a chance to check it, I have taken it.

"Are you hungry baby?" I ask Edward, as he flops down next to me.

"No sweetheart." He speaks softly , but somehow it still rattles Lily. She awakes with a cry, and Edward is instantly on alert. My stomach growls seconds later as I put the phone to my ear to listen to the first voicemail.

I watch as Edward's face turns distraught as he glances between his girls trying to figure out which of us to tend to first. I help him out.

"I'm fine Edward, really. Can you change her?" I ask him, clicking away on my phone to delete a message that I barely listened to, but could tell it was a solicitor.

"Of course." He takes Lily, grabs her bag, and makes his way up the stairs.

I smile as I watch him with her, cooing, and kissing her face, her small frame in his big strong arms; I almost lose focus, and miss an important message.

"Miss Swan, this is David Rogers. I'm calling with information involving your mother..."

 **Have you ladies read my collaboration story with Roxie girl yet? If not, you should all give it quick read see if it's your cup of tea. If you love angst, then definitely go and read it. SavedbyChocolatesandTwilight is the profile name...mouth full I know. The name of our first story is Unrequited!**

 **Also if you have not joined Cheatward's Spot yet you are missing out. Log into your facebook,and join like today ASAP! Amazing recs, discussions, fun with friends, I promise you will not regret it. Lastly of course we changed my group name on facebook to SavedbyC &TFanfiction, so while you're joining Cheatward's Spot, join SBC&TF while you're at it. **

**Fanfiction Recs:**

 **Knock Me Up Please- gabby1016**

 **Blood Masters**

 **Ready For you-Lost in Fanfiction**

 **In A Split Second** - **BitterHarpy**

 **Earn Me- lla Rose**

 **Sorry if I hot the authros wrong I'm quickly typing this up at work on my phone so don't shoot me lol PM me and I promise to get the names right :)**


	37. Chapter 37

There are a few concerns about the last chapter, why Bella had to have a c section, and why Edward was rushed out of the operating room. I will try my best to explain in the next chapter. I can see how I left it open to interpretation, or suggested at things so that you could draw your own conclusions. I will do better in the future, I promise. Also there will be a few time jumps coming soon, this most recent chapter had a time jump, but not too much seeing as it was just Valentines Day. The next couple of chapters will be full of them as in multiple months, and even years passing. Oh last thing, I wanted Bella's melt down in the tub to lead into this cliffy to start the next chapter, so it may seem a little clusterfucked, but hopefully it'll make since soon.

If you have ANY questions please do not hesitate to ask. I'll answer in the review section so that everyone can see in case they someone else has the same question. Thank You for your understanding and support everyone! :)


	38. Chapter 38

**Thank you all for sticking with me throughout this story. Your reviews and kind words have kept me going! :)**

 **If any of you are ever looking for a beta extraordinaire look no further. My referral is based off experience. EdwardsFirstKiss is the best I assure you.**

 _Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers._

Bella POV

I'd wished death upon my mother multiple times over the years, but never could I have imagined how much pain I would feel when I actually heard the news of her death.

Memories flood my mind at an alarming rate as events of my life come rushing back to me all at once. I remember not being able to breathe, like I was under water drowning with no way out. I remember thinking, there's no way that I can erase this from my memory. The image of my mom being pinned to the floor by cops, her arms jerked behind her back as she stared at me from across the room. Her eyes set on mine with all of the fiery hatred she'd had to mildly contain for over a decade. She had a right at that moment to hate me. I could not fault her. Because she knew the truth. She's the only one that knows the truth, and now it's burried along with her.

If someone had asked me a few weeks ago how I felt about my mother's death, it's quite possible that I would have had no answer. But now when I think back on my conversation with Mr. Rogers who explained that my mother's death was is under investigation, I know that I am deeply saddened by her sudden death. Mr. Rogers stated that Renee was getting better, so there was no reason to believe that she would commit suicide...but I know better. Renee had tried to harm herself on many occasions, and when Charlie would think she'd gotten better, that's when we would find her slitting her wrist, or catch her making a noose. Renee should have gotten help a long time ago. This is what is most disturbing to me.

I went through a phase of being angry because my dad had not gotten her help sooner. Maybe then they would both still be alive to meet their granddaughter if he had.

Completing the paperwork made everything about the situation that much more real, yet I ignored the pain because I had to be strong in case a court appearance was necessary. I was happy to later find out that I did not have to be present if the investigation went to court in front of a jury, which was a relief. I didn't think I could sit through it, and I was glad that I didn't have to.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Alice asks as she runs toward me looking just as worried as ever. I roll my eyes at her dramatic act, and continue down the stairs.

"I'm just getting a glass of water, Alice."

"Is this a special kind of water? One that I myself couldn't fix for you?"

"No, but I'm tired of lying in that bed. Tired of you and Edward, and just everyone treating me like a porcelain doll." I know the real reason they are all treating me this way. Edward won't admit it, but I know it's because of my mother. They think with any sudden stressor, I will lose it. Not in a dangerous way, but one that will send me spiraling into depression, one that they are eager to protect me from.

Apparently, Carlisle knew more than I was willing to openly confess. He still didn't know how I was responsible for my father's death in more ways than one, but he knew too much. I have no idea how he knew so much, especially since the only other two people that knew the whole story were dead. Carlisle had to have personally talked to Renee to recall such events.

Carlisle knew the truth, and now so did the entire family. Edward was...surprisingly not upset that I had lied to him throughout our entire relationship. He had a right to be mad that I'd told him that my mother was dead when really she was in a mental institute.

It didn't matter that I was a huge liar. The fact remained that my mother was now dead and the Cullens just wanted to be there for me. Edward had been with me every step of the way, caring for me,. loving me, and he will never know how thankful I am for his comfort, even when I didn't think that I needed it.

I thought I was okay, I mean...I never really got to know Renee, but she was still my mother and no matter what I loved her. This was no reason to burst into tears at the mere thought of my mother being gone. Apparently, everyone saw this as a problem, and even after we buried my mom they were still waiting for me to blow up. It's been six weeks, and still they seem to be on standby.

Today however is a little different. I actually have the flu, and Alice is helping out with Lily. She's been a big help, and she doesn't deserve my attitude.

"I just want a glass of water." I tell her, but with a heavy sigh I start back up the stairs to my room.

"I will bring it. You stay in bed." Alice helps me back into bed like I'm a child, and then backs out of the door. "By the way, a guy called your cell earlier. His name was Webber I think." She stands in the doorway with an expectant look on her face.

"Oh. That's my therapist." I tell her, reaching over to pick up my phone. I hadn't realized that I'd missed a phone call.

She walks back into the room with her eyes downcast in deep thought. "Have you not been seeing him? He said something about your mom."

"He talked to you? He's not supposed to do that."

Alice rushes to the bed with her arms outstretched. "I'm sorry. It's completely my fault, sweetie. I pushed. But it's not my business."

"You're right. It's not." I reach back and fluff my pillow, waiting for her to exit. She doesn't.

"I just worry about you Bella. I want you to be okay. You're like a sister to me."

I stare up at her, carefully analyzing her words. It seems Alice is a lot more like her father than I liked to admit. It made me feel uneasy, and often times it makes me question her every motive. It's not that I don't like her. I just don't really trust her.

"I appreciate it, Alice, really I do. But you have got to chill out. I'm not going to lose it."

"Bella, if my mom died I'd lose it, and I would definitely seek help. Are you saying you're a better woman than I am?"

"I'm not saying that at all. I'm telling you not to worry okay? I have dealt with my mother's death in my own way. She's gone, and I've made peace with that fact."

"If you say so. I believe you." She starts back towards the door. "I'll get you that glass. You rest up sweetie."

* * *

X

Later that same week when Edward realized that Jasper and Alice had practically moved in, he asked for them to babysit while he took me out on a date. It had been so long since I'd actually stepped foot outside of the house, and even I could admit to going stir crazy.

I really just wanted to spend time with my amazing boyfriend. It has been so long since we have had sex, and now that we are cleared from my doctor, I'm ready to go for it.

Edward's hand is in my hair, and he tugs me close, bending down so our faces are a breath away. "You look amazing baby." He places a smacking kiss on my lips, and pulls back but still our lips brush softly as he whispers. "And you taste..." He kisses me again. "Like honey. You are so sweet." He slowly unleashes his sexy grin.

He then kisses my lips softly as his hand slides from my hair to the side of my face, staring at me like I'm the most important thing in his world.

"I love you. "I whisper against his lips, and he moans in response. That's all it takes for me to react. I wrap my arms around his neck, and moan into his mouth, loving the way that our bodies feel pressed close together.

"Mmmm,. Baby..." His voice is a warning, "if we don't stop right now we're going to miss our reservations."

"Screw the reservations!"

"Slow down." He tells me, and again it's a warning, but I don't hear it. I want him.

I can tell the exact moment that Edward's control slips. Within seconds he has ripped my panties from my body while releasing a loud growl from deep in his chest as he backs me up until my legs hit the bed.

"Get on the bed." His voice is pure sex and authority. I wouldn't dare disobey him. I want this too badly.

Edward lifts my dress up to my hips, and lies atop me but between my legs, kissing me feverishly. I wrap my legs tightly around his waist, needing him closer.

"You have on too many clothes." I tell him, reaching up to unbutton his dress shirt. I hear Edward chuckle softly before his lips attach to my neck and his hands move up my hips, pushing my dress further up. Just as his finger runs along my drenched sex, the door flies open revealing Alice and my baby girl.

"Fucking Alice," Edward groans in frustration dropping his forehead to my chest.

I slap his arm. "Language." I chastise him to which he lifts his head and bites my boob through my dress.

"Stop it!" I giggle, squirming away from him.

"Mom and dad are coming over to see Lily." She announces. "And aren't you guys late."

"We are very aware, Alice thank you." He shifts away from me, standing and turning to face his sister, as I fix my dress. "Give her to me." Edward reaches for Lily, and Alice backs away.

"No. I'm holding her. You two are supposed to be gone. This is our night together." She pokes her lip out, pouting shamelessly and takes another step away.

"Alice!" Edward says in a warning tone, to which she rolls her eyes and huffs at him.

"Fine, but hurry up. I was just about to change her." She says before handing Lily off to Edward.

He holds her and kisses her cheek softly, and gently rocks her in his arms humming as he makes his way out of the bedroom.

I look on silently, not even realizing that a big goofy smile had made its way to my face.

"Oh what are you smiling at?" Alice has a bit of an attitude now that Edward has taken Lily.

"Him. He's so cute with her. "I tell Alice with my eyes still trained in the direction Edward went.

"He's obsessed. That would be more accurate."

"He is not!" I turn my attention to her frowning at her teasing remarks.

"He is! How many times a day does he come home just to hold Lily?" She asks, and I roll my eyes, brushing the idea off.

"He misses his girls. So what? We miss him just as much."

Alice tilts her head to the side, eyeing me sadly, and a little sympathetically. "I think it's really strange how you both rationalize each other's faults. You both think the other is normal, when really you both are nut cases."

"Shut up." I roll my eyes at her, and reach for my clutch to go with my little black dress that dips low in the back.

"I'm serious. You two should consider therapy together so someone can further prove what I'm trying to tell you." She actually begins to laugh at her own conclusion. I want to tell her to go away but I know it's useless, and I don't bother telling her that she's wrong because she's slowly begun to follow me out of the room. Edward and I really are late, and I was promised an amazing steak dinner tonight. Decidedly, I now wanted to make the reservation.

* * *

X

"Okay, okay, okay." Rosalie says in a rush, drinking down her margarita. "Tell me why you had to have a C-section Bee? Sweetie, I practiced breathing exercises with you. We weren't prepared for you to go under the knife."

It had been a rough three months without much contact with Rose. She went away to rehab right after the New year. Her goal was to be clean. That was also her new year's resolution, and I couldn't be prouder of her, especially after all she has been through.

Now that she's back and she's clean, we're both looking for jobs, helping each other as we used to. Now we're out for margaritas after a long day of job hunting.

"Lily's heart, they uh, they couldn't find the heart beat, or it was dropping drastically. I can't remember much. I was loopy for the most part, drugged out of my mind. But the crazy part is that they found fibroids and attempted to remove them but I lost a lot of blood and blacked out."

She makes a face, a sad one, before taking a huge sip from her drink. "You're so brave Bella. "She puts her glass down, grabs my hand and squeezes. "You have a baby!"

"I do. And I love her so so much." I tell Rose, who has only seen Lily once since she's been born.

"I do too. And I'm so proud of you. You have the most beautiful baby girl."

* * *

X

Bella Pov

Notes have always been our thing. Edward and me. From the very beginning, he has chased me with his notes.

His first note was his way of asking me to stay in his hotel room by telling me to make myself comfortable, and every note since then has been the same...except today. No these notes are demands and instructions. He obviously has plans for us tonight and who am I to foil them.

The first note led me to the bathroom, explaining the soft music, the many lit candles and rose petals. The bath was drawn, but Edward was no where in sight. After I enjoyed my soothing soak, I went into the closet we share and noticed there was a note attached to a silk robe hung in the closet that says, 'For you my love.' I also see a new dress next to the robe with another note saying, 'be dressed by 6.'

I smile down at the notes, then back at the dress, shaking my head at my crazy man. I take the time to look the dress over. It's a black bondage dress with a front cutout that accentuates my full breasts. Thanks to Lily, they will look fantastic in this dress.

I bound back into the room and see that someone has placed a very racy black and gold lingerie piece on the bed surrounded by a circlet of red roses.

After all of this, I should have known that I was missing something. Today wasn't my birthday, and Valentine's Day was weeks ago. What had I missed? Was it sweet hearts day? I'm sure Edward used any excuse to buy something for me knowing how much I hate presents.

I almost call him to ask what has he has planned but decide against it. I don't want to ruin anything by being overly curious. He's given me instructions, and surprisingly, I am looking forward to seeing what tonight at six will bring.

After blow drying my hair, I dress comfortable for a day spent playing with Lily, and watching soap operas on the couch in the living room. Instead, my plans are trampled by Esme.

"Bella dear, let's go. Ali Cat has Lily, and you and I are going out for a bit." Esme calls from the bottom of the steps.

I was just as much of a coward as everyone else in the Cullen family. I'm afraid to tell her no, and not because she's intimidating but because she's so unbelievably sweet. I swear I love the woman to death. I just hate upsetting her and tend to do whatever she says.

That's why I let her rope me into a trip to the spa and a day full of shopping. Esme assured me that the entire day was taken care of. Edward wanted me to relax before our date.

I was able to get a full body massage, and it was my first one ever. I never knew a massage could feel so good. Edward massages my feet all the time which is very relaxing, and arousing- but, this was different...this was like my entire body was soft, and I just felt good. I feel so good. Even now while shopping with Esme. It's like a full body high that just has my body humming. I could definitely see another spa day in my future.

* * *

X

When six finally rolled around, Edward made his way to me looking good enough to eat. I greet him with a smile, my hands instantly smooth up his suit to rest on his shoulders.

"Why do you look so fucking good in a suit? I just want to rip your clothes off." My very appreciative eyes slowly roam down his body, only to have my chin jerked upward with his index finger.

He bends his neck and the second his lips touch mine, my entire body catches on fire. Edward's arms move to my back squeezing me close as his pleasure filled groan fills my mouth. His hands make their way down my back to the hem of my dress, as his tongue flicks, and caresses mine so lovingly my head begins to swim.

His hands roam under my dress to my bare ass, and he growls. "No panties?" He whispers against my parted lips, before diving back into a kiss. "Did you see the lingerie on the bed this morning?" His lips barely leave mine as he speaks, and I gasp rather loudly when the tip of his tongue brushes against my bottom lip.

"I thought you would appreciate my initiative." I breathe out in a pant, my brain muddled by all of his hot kisses.

"Oh I do." He groans, taking the chance to squeeze each ass cheek in his strong hands.

"You didn't answer my question." I point out to him, pulling away from our kiss before I actually do rip his clothes off of him. He raises a brow in question, and I feel him squeeze my ass again. He makes an hmm noise as if forgetting the question. "Why do you look so good in a suit?"

"Ahh, yes you did ask me that ridiculous question to which I shut you up with a kiss. One that I desperately needed." He kisses my smiling lips, and I giggle. He exhales into the kiss squeezing me so tightly I can feel the hard planes of his chest through our clothing. "I missed you today."

He is used to seeing both Lily and me at least once during the day. He takes a lunch, and comes home. Sometimes he also takes a break around four just to come home for a second. Sometimes he finishes up work here at home in his office, but the fact still remains that he cannot spend the entire day without seeing us and before today, I didn't think it was possible.

"I missed you too." I kiss his jaw, and I swear I feel him shudder. I always liked how much Edward was affected by me. It made our relationship that much more real. The fact that he is just as affected by me in a dress, me in his arms, me kissing him as I am by him. He doesn't try to hide the fact from me. "What do you have planned tonight for us tonight my love? Esme is still here, so I assume we are going out."

He nods in the affirmative, smiling down at me, before capturing my chin with his index and thumb finger, as he softly runs his thumb across my bottom lip. "What is all this about anyway?"

Edward's smile widens, but it's a dangerous smile that lights me up inside out. "Well, a year ago today someone very special stumbled into my hotel lobby at nearly midnight looking like every man's fantasy."

I throw my head back in laughter. "Yeah right! Ha! I was fucking disgusting and smelled like shit."

"You were beautiful, and special from that moment on. I could feel it. The moment you placed your dainty little hand in my hand you were mine, and nothing and no one can change that fact."

"You're quite the sweet talker." I admonish him, and he grins, before licking his lips. "So this is all to celebrate that ridiculous meet up at your hotel."

"To celebrate the day I found my soulmate and to celebrate the end of my suffering."

I almost laugh at his admission. "You're so amazing. How did I get so lucky?"

"I ask myself that very same question every day."

"You're not lucky, you're stuck. You're stuck and you have no clue how to get rid of me."

"I'm not stuck. I am madly in love with you, Isabella Marie Swan." With that admission he kisses me long, and hard thrusting every bit of love into the kiss.

"Thank you." I whisper softly, not able to look up into his sparkling green eyes. "Thank you for loving me."

Edward lifts my hand, and kisses the back of it. "You don't have to thank me, love. Just promise me forever."

"I think I can do that." I reach up and kiss him again, moaning because this love thing is a rush that can't be controlled. My entire mind body and soul belongs to this man.

"I have something for you." He tells me, taking a step back, then another, but his eyes remain on me. He turns and grabs something from the dresser. I hadn't even noticed the boxes there. "Come here."

I do as he says, stopping right in front of him, my eyes on him, and not the box. God I hope whatever is in that box didn't cost him a small fortune.

"My beautiful girl." He grins in his usual panty dropping way as his eyes sweep across my face. He lifts my arm by the elbow and my hand instinctively rests on his shoulder. He kisses me tenderly, once, twice, only pulling away to give me the box. He glances down at it; his eyes quickly flick back to mine. "Open it."

"Okay." I whisper,. and slowly lift the lid. There lies a pair of platinum one karat diamond studded earrings, and they are so beautiful. "Edward." I breathe. "They're beautiful."

"There's more, love." He passes me a longer box this time, and nods his head towards the box when I make no move to open it.

"You didn't have to do this." I tell him, and he just rolls his eyes, and shoves his hands deep into his pockets.

He licks his lips, and pulls a hand out of his pocket to run his hand down his chin before speaking. "I want to show you how special you are to me."

"I get that. And I love the gifts. The entire day has been...amazing. I'm so relaxed, thank you." I'm so thankful for the entire day but this is too much.

"I want you to have nice things, and I need to be the one to give them to you. Don't fight me on this. You won't win." He says with conviction and I know it to be true. We have had multiple conversations just like this one after he bought me the Audi for Christmas. He always has his way.

"I know," I practically whine. "I'm sorry. I'm very grateful." I open the box, and my hand flies to my mouth at the amount of diamonds that I see on the necklace before me. It's a platinum Victoria's bow pendant full of diamonds that causes my heart to stop in my chest. These aren't cheap gifts. I lift my head to look at him in awe. The entire day has been spectacular thanks to him. I actually feel bad for not realizing today was technically our anniversary if you could call it that.

"Thank you, I love it." I reach up to place a big wet kiss on his smiling lips. "I didn't get you anything."

"Tonight, you will be my present..." He kisses my lips softly. "My dessert..." he kisses me again. "Mine to enjoy all night." he whispers against my lips, and I sigh, practically melting like butter in his arms. "Turn around." he tells me, and I quickly obey. He takes the box from my hand and clasps the necklace in place around my neck. I finger it delicately against my chest smiling down at it. It's gorgeous.

Edward grasps my other hand and pulls me out of the bedroom door and down the stairs waving goodbye to a smiling Esme as we exit the front door.

* * *

X

Edward arranged for Ben to drop us off at the dock, and I noticed that there was one lone boat waiting in the water. I turn to Edward my mouth dropped open in surprise but a smile slowly creeps to my face.

"Tell me you did not rent a boat."

"Okay. I did not rent a boat." He repeats my statement, and I release a huge sigh of relief. "This is our boat."

My head snaps in his direction. "As in, my boyfriend owns a boat?"

"We own a boat baby. This is our boat. I bought it for us. Look at the name." He points out the name, and I squint my eyes to see it better.

"The Lily." I whisper and my words are carried away in the wind.

Edward steps behind me, and wraps me in his arms ushering me forward. The air around us is crisp and salty, with a light breeze that fans my body just perfectly. My face is heated, and aching from gawking out of sheer astonishment, and the breeze helps to ground me to this moment.

He really owns a boat. A rather large boat at that.

Just as we step into the cabin, my nose is assaulted by the fantastic aroma of fresh seafood. My stomach growls from the onslaught of delicious smells that accosts me all at once.

"Smells great. I assume we are having dinner here." I turn slowly in his arms to face him, and he instantly ducks his head burying his face in my neck.

"We are." He mumbles against the skin of my neck, peppering soft kisses anywhere he can reach without lifting his head completely as he grips my hips firmly in his hold molding our bodies together as one. "You smell so good baby." He sniffs me and I giggle, my head tilted back as I attempt to pull away from him. "Don't pull away from me love. You know what that does to me."

"Well then don't sniff me. It's weird, and makes me uncomfortable." I tell him, to which he pulls back slightly with his hands raised higher on my back.

"Uncomfortable?" he rolls his eyes, dismissing the thought altogether in a way that lets me know that he thinks I am being ridiculous. "Bella, I can sniff you anytime I want. You belong to me. Never forget that."

I open my mouth ready to smack him with a witty come back when my stomach growls again but this time it's much louder.

Edward's eyes flick down to my stomach with an amused glint in his vibrant green eyes before they flick back up to my face. "I need to feed you."

"What am I? A dog? You don't need to feed me. I can feed myself."

Edward narrows his eyes at me, but the wicked curve of his perfect lips let's me know that he is about to tease me. "So you don't want the seafood, is that it?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course I can see shrimp and lobster in my very near future."

"Is that right?" He shifts feet, and his hold on me shifts as well. His hands slide to mine, as he lifts both, kissing the knuckles on each hand. "Come." He pulls me along with him up around a set of rounding stairs to the deck, where a table is set for two, and a man waits patiently.

I take a second to admire my surroundings, the stretch of water that can be seen for miles, the open sky with bright stars twinkling in the night. The evening has just taken a very magical turn, and oddly enough I feel like a story book princess. Deep down, I'm sure I'm more like the wicked witch with my background, and the life I've lived.

With all of my attention on the beauty of my surroundings, I almost miss the soft misty voice of Dusty Springfield being played through the speakers overhead.

"Edward, this is..."I can't contain my excitement. "Amazing. You are-" I quickly turn to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Amazing. You're so amazing, you know that?"

He purses his lips tightly, but a small grin is visible. "You're so good to me." I press my face into his chest holding him close, feeling his heart beat rapidly through his shirt. Seconds later we are gently swaying to the music, and that's when I realize that I'm crying. They are tears of joy, but still. I'm crying. I'm reeling over that fact alone. I can't believe I got so lucky as to meet a man that puts my wants and needs before his own. Someone that only wants to see me happy. Someone that loves me for me, flaws and all.

Again, our moment is interrupted by my growling stomach, and this time we both laugh.

"Okay. I can take a hint. My girl needs to eat. "He smooths my hair out of my face, and gazes down at me lovingly, taking my hand in his again. He stops in front of the table, and pulls out a chair, holding a hand out to help me slide into my seat.

Once I'm seated, I look up at him, smiling at how beautiful he is with his face partially lit by the moonlight, and the dimly lit deck lights.

He reaches for my hand, again kissing my knuckles, his lips linger for long seconds and his eyes close tightly, a crease appearing between his eyes. He can't seem to keep his hands or lips off of me and I am loving the attention. He doesn't release my hand, not even when he pulls his chair close to mine.

Seconds later a male voice announces that our appetizers are being served. I glance over at Edward silently wondering what he ordered for me. He smiles wickedly having read my thoughts.

"I made sure to have your favorite." He says, and my questioning stare turns into a joyous smile.

I turn my attention to the two servers placing our plates in front of us, and a bottle of wine in the center of the table.

I take one bite of shrimp and crispy basil on bruschetta and instantly float away to heaven. It's that good. I watch as Edward takes a bite of his salad and I roll my eyes at the health fanatic, and because he knows me so well, he looks up and winks at me.

"How is it?" He asks, glancing down at my nearly empty plate. "How was it?" He teases, grinning sinfully at me.

"So very good thank you. Do you want one?" I hold my fork towards him giving him my last piece, and he closes his lips around it taking the bite that I offer.

"Delicious." He says while gazing at me. I watch in fascination as his strong chiseled jaw flexes as he chews.

Why is this sexy to me? Why am I still staring?

Edward swallows his bite and licks his lips grinning as he stares at me with hooded eyes full of hidden implications.

"Why are you staring at me?" He asks me, tilting his head a bit and narrowing his eyes, but the smile doesn't leave his face.

"You started it." I quickly reply in my best childish voice. "But if you must know, I was staring because I think you are devastatingly handsome. It hurts to look at you sometimes."

His grin widens, and he drops his gaze to the table. I see his shoulders shake a bit and I know instantly that he's laughing. He looks back up at me, and resumes staring.

"Why are you staring at me?" I flip his own question on him to see how he likes it.

His smile drops minimally and his brows dip low on his face. "I can't help myself." Then he shrugs. "You're a very stunning woman. My very stunning woman." He reaches out and takes my hand in his. "And I have the right to stare at my woman whenever I please."

"Good answer." I smile, and watch in amazement as his eyes twinkle with the flickering candle light. "Your eyes still twinkle." I tell him in a sort of reminiscent voice.

His eyebrows knit together, as he tilts his head to the side in a silent question.

"In your baby pictures, remember? I asked if your eyes still twinkled like that." I tell him, and he blinks at me a few times either having not expected this turn of conversation, or he can't recall the particular conversation. "They still do."

"Is that so?" He questions, his hungry eyes drinking me in. Then he slowly leans across the table to graze his lips against mine. "Enough about my eyes. Let's talk about your sexy lips." He whispers as he kisses me again with unrestrained hunger. I feel a presence near us, and I'm sure it's the waiter, but he is careful not to interrupt us.

I pull away feeling slightly embarrassed, and I look up to see the next course being placed in front of us. Edward's plate holds grilled salmon and broccoli, while mine holds whole lobster, steamed potatoes and mixed vegetables.

We playfully tease each other, share food, and have an easy flow of conversation; both feeling heavy hearted at the thought of Lily. We haven't even been away from her for a full two hours and we miss her madly.

After dinner, we walk hand and hand towards the rear of the boat to look out over the water underneath the shallow moonlight. We watch as the silver highlighted waves crash against each other swaying in an almost poetic way.

I look up to tell him how beautiful this all is but I find him staring at me. "It's beautiful." I gaze up at the sky as I speak,

"I agree." He says, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me flush against him. He kisses my cheek and I flush. "Happy Anniversary, baby. I'm looking forward to the next hundred or so."

At this, I laugh, but only for a bit when I realize he's serious. "Hundred? You aspire to live that long?"

"Maybe. Do you not? I live a pretty healthy life. Anything is possible. And with the way that technology is advancing..." He trails off.

I shrug and sigh, realizing that he isn't joking. "Well if you want to live that long, so do I. We can have matching fanny packs."

Edward pinches my side, and I giggle, squirming away. "I can't live without you so you have no choice."

"Let's hope my body understands your controlling streak."

"Oh we are well acquainted, Miss Swan. "He says teasing me with a playful smile.

"I bet you are." I lightly nudge him, laughing quietly to myself before repeating, "I bet you are."

* * *

X

"They're coming!" I tell everyone, moving around the room telling our friends and family to hide. Edward went to play golf with his dad today serving as a distraction while Alice, Esme and I set everything up for his surprise party. Now he's here and we are all ready to put a huge smile on his face.

"SURPRISE!"

The look on Edward's face when he opened the door to face all of his closest friends and family was the highlight of my day. He surely was not expecting any of this; in fact I'm sure he didn't want anyone to make a big deal. He told me so. This morning, I served him breakfast in bed, and Lily and I spent the entire morning laying around while flipping through the channels on TV.

Then, we gave him his presents- a new watch which I proudly can now afford on my own thanks to my new job. I also bought Edward a new robe, and a framed picture of our little family just days after Lily was born. Edward was content with just that, and he told me this was the best birthday he's ever had.

But the party was still on, and his stunned smiling face was enough to satisfy me for the rest of my life. His face lit up like a Christmas tree, it was mesmerizing.

As soon as he saw me, he grabbed me up in his arms and hugged me close.

"I can't believe you did this." He said into my ear, and then he tilted me back slightly to look into my eyes.

"Alice and Esme helped." I tell him, and his brows drop as he studies me.

"Can I steal him away for a second Bella?" It's Esme who's speaking from behind Edward, and I nod pulling back to face Carlisle. He gives me a one- armed hug and thrusts a bottle of Scotch into my hands.

I turn the bottle around in my hand inspecting it. "Great! I hope it doesn't expire." I joke, and when I look up I see the serious look on his face.

"It's Scotch, Bella. It doesn't expire, it's-" He begins, having not caught my joke.

"I know Carlisle. I was only kidding."

"Oh." He replies, looking away from me, and I see his eyes lock across the room. I turn to see what he's looking at, and note that Edward is cradling Lily in his arms, smothering her chubby little cheeks with kisses.

I catch myself smiling as I am practically pulled into the bubble I often try to keep my little family in. I glance up to see Carlisle is also smiling as he looks on at his son and granddaughter. However he may feel about me seemingly has no effect on his granddaughter which makes me exceedingly glad.

My eyes move around the room where happy guests are mingling with wine glasses in their hands, and eating finger food, but mostly everyone crowds around Lily.

As my eyes scan the room, two figures stick out from the patio just beyond the living room. I stare on in stunned silence watching as Emmett kneels on one knee in front of my best friend. "Holy Fuck!" I mumble, my hand quickly flies to my mouth as my eyes widen.

Rose does the same; she's just as surprised as I am. Seconds later, he stands and she throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Did he just...?

My thought is confirmed when Emmett rushes in with Rose clutched to his side. He bellows excitedly, "She said yes!"

It takes everyone in the room only seconds to figure it out what he is saying, but once they catch on to his meaning, they errupt in applause, shouting congratulations, myself included.

Everyone is seemingly excited for Emmett and Rose, but when I glance around for my boyfriend, I realize that he is not at all happy, nor is he attempting to hide his displeasure.

* * *

 **What do you all think Edward is going to do about this? Does he reaction surprise you even a little bit? At least he's consistent. Lol. I hope you liked the chapter. :) Only a few more to go!**

 **I'm not sure if any of you follow my story 'Rough Around The Edges' but since this chapter was late posting I will also be posting that chapter now instead of waiting until later tonight as a small thanks/apology.**

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	39. Chapter 39

Hello Ladies. I'm sorry that I haven't updated anything in a while but I have been battling a cold and it has been so hard to write anything because I'm so tired all the time. I literally sleep every chance I get now that I'm pregnant which sucks because I'm so used to barely sleeping at all. Seriously though, thank you all for sticking around to read eventhough this is a really short chapter compared to most of the others.

Thank you EFK for editting this chapter. You're absolutely amazing! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

* * *

Bella Pov

Something is going on with Edward. I'm not sure exactly what it is but he has not been himself lately.

The first thing I noticed was the late hours he worked. Then I noticed his breaks at home were dwindling to nothing.

He said that he was putting things in place so that soon he wouldn't have to work so much, but when I asked what that meant he couldn't give me a straight answer...or rather he wouldn't give me one. He didn't want me to know what he was up to.

So one day I took my morning walk with Lily strapped in her stroller to the hotel that Edward and I had met in over a year ago. He usually works in the office here because this hotel is the closest to home. If he's not here, then he is in a meeting in the conference hall further downtown.

I would know exactly where he was if he answered my text, but of course he hasn't responded which is out of character for him. Usually, he's the one bothering me every two seconds, checking up on Lily and me.

I check my phone one last time to see if he replied but he hasn't so I continue forward. As I approach those once very intimidating revolving doors, I chance a glance at the tall building, trying to calm my nerves. I promised myself that I would never return here. I meant that... yet here I am.

I decide to use the door next to the revolving one, and just as I reach them, out of the corner of my eye, I see Victoria leave the revolving door.

I stand there; my eyes linger on her profile for long seconds before she notices me. When she spots me she slowly removes her shades, and her eyes fly to the stroller.

"Oh my god, is that her? Is that Lily? "She steps closer, hunching over, and I take a step back, cautious with my lasting thoughts of Victoria being an evil bitch. I don't want her anywhere near my daughter. "She's gotten so big. Time is moving so fast. She's what nine months now?"

"Are you keeping tabs on us? Is that something you and your band of stalkers do all day? Do you follow Edward too? Is that why you're here today?"

Just as I say that, Edward walks through the revolving door with a familiar looking man on his heels. I stare trying to figure out who he is.

Edward shakes hands with the man, and turns to see me standing there with question marks written all over my face.

He walks past Victoria, and stares at me in his normal way, causing my heart to speed up. He hugs me close with his arm arm around my waist and presses his lips to my ear.

"What are you doing here?" He asks softly, genuine curiosity in his tone. Then his eyes move to Lily, he smiles and moves away from me to her. He kisses her cheek, and sticks his index finger in her hand playing with her. She giggles, and shakes his finger around causing his face to beam with happiness.

He looks up at me waiting for my answer, but I don't really have one.

I ignore him, and turn back to Victoria who is watching Edward with a smile on her face. Behind her the man waits patiently with a hand at her hip.

When he sees he has my attention, he reaches a hand forward, "Bella." He says, and my eyes widen.

I glance back at Edward, because honestly I can't remember this man's name.

The guy chuckles, "Riley." He points to himself, and still I come up blank. "We met at Edward's birthday party. I'm an old college buddy. I just moved to the city a few months ago." Then he motions to Victoria. "And this lovely woman here is my fiancé, Vic-"

"I know who she is." I grit out through clenched teeth.

His smile drops, and he clears his throat, looking from Edward back to me. Victoria is watching me with big doe eyes, and I want to slap her. She is not innocent whatsoever, but she is playing the hell out of the role.

I feel Edward move next to me with the stroller now facing the couple. He places a calming hand on my back.

"They came here, Bella, because they want to use our hall for their reception and our restaurant for their wedding rehearsal, and engagement party in a few weeks." Edward explains, and that's when it really sinks in that Victoria is getting married.

She flashes her ring at me, and smiles up at Riley. I glance at the ring, but quickly look away feeling a little jealous. Everyone around me is getting engaged, and none of them have been together as long as Edward and I have. What is Edward waiting for?

"Congratulations." I force myself to say, trying not to show how jealous I am. I didn't even realize that marriage was something that I wanted, but now it's all I can think about.

"Thank you. We are very happy." Riley says his eyes still locked with hers.

She looks away, and shoots me a small smile before walking up to me, and pulling me away from Edward to talk in private.

"Bella, I really am sorry for what I did. I was in a very bad place, and-it's no excuse I know, but I can assure you that it will never happen again. You two are very happy together, and so are we." She glances over at Riley who has begun to make faces at a giggling Lily.

"What about the other women? Your followers."

"Bella they weren't my followers. They were Heidi's followers. She was very charming and even I believed her reasoning, so you have to forgive the other women. We all believed her when she said that Edward was better off without you, and that he would want us again if you were out of the picture. " Now it all makes sense. At Edward's birthday last year when Heidi confronted me she'd said Edward would come back to 'us.' I assumed she meant he would come back to his fucked up threesome relationship with Heidi and Tanya. Now I know there were many more women included in the equation.

She glances back at Edward then at me. "I can see for myself that that wasn't true at all, and I am sorry for the stunt I pulled."

"I already forgave you. As you well know, I have a problem holding grudges." I tell her and she nods, because I think in our months becoming friends she'd noticed that particular trait.

"You should know that the women have all gone their separate ways. Jane had her baby, and she is very happy with her boyfriend, Todd. Leah and her ex-husband reunited after realizing they both made mistakes, and they want to try and work it out. Jane and Leah were never really into it as much as the others. They just liked having friends who had a common enemy. In a way we all resented Edward for never wanting us again, but some got over it more quickly than others. Lauren still hasn't quite gotten over it but hopefully she will realize she needs to move on from this obsession. She sees that none of us are willing to pursue Edward, or harm him in any way."

"Because you all have someone else to move on to and to be happy with. So what-am I expected to wait until each woman finds a new man to become the object of their obsession?"

"I didn't say that Bella. "She sighs exasperatedly, rolling her eyes to show her displeasure at my obvious attitude. She did this often when she thought I was being childish or stupid as if she's ages older than me and my petulance was almost offensive to her.

It's apparent to me now that we were never actually friends. She has not one respectful bone in her body. How can you be my friend and not have respect for me or my feelings?

"I want nothing but the best for you and Edward; the girls all feel the same. They can tell you themselves at my wedding."

With a tilt of my head I eye her with suspicion. "I don't know that I believe a word of what you're saying."

"I have no reason to lie whatsoever. Edward's happy..." She looks back at him, and I pull her arm to get her attention back on me.

"Don't look at him." I demand. She only smiles with pride, and it just serves as a way to further upset me. "I don't trust you anywhere near my boyfriend. I don't trust any of you, regardless of what you've just told me. I'm sure there are more women in your little support group that feel the way that Lauren does. I'm not stupid."

"Of course Bella. I'm sure there are other women-but I don't know who they are. If you expected me to be the voice of reason to those women-I can't. I only know whom I have already introduced you to."

I feel a hand wrap around me, and I look up and into Edward's twinkling green eyes as he pulls me close to his side and kisses my temple.

"See you around Bella." I hear Victoria say, but I don't spare her a glance. My eyes remain on my loving boyfriend.

He glances away, and shakes Riley's hand. "We'll catch up later, Ry. I have a meeting to get to."

Riley nods, and places his arm around Victoria's shoulder. She waves goodbye to Lily as they walk away.

Edward pushes the stroller with one hand, the other firmly on my backside as we enter his hotel.

I snuggle into his side a bit more and I feel him sigh. "I have a meeting that I am already late for. Can I take my two favorite girls out for lunch when I'm finished?"

"Sure." I shrug. I'm not going to turn down a single second he offers to spend with us. Especially with how busy he's been lately.

He stops at a door and turns to me.

"My assistant Alec will unlock my office for you. I will try to make this meeting quick." He kisses me soundly, and takes a step back. He twists the knob, and holds a hand out for me to walk in with Lily.

Once inside, I walk down a short hall, and there sits a tall marble desk, and a short middle-aged woman standing behind it talking into a headset.

She watches me as I approach with a smile on her face.

"You must be Bella. I have heard so much about you." She walks around the desk and leans over to get a look at Lily. "Oh she is too adorable. Look at those cute little cheeks." She coos and Lily giggles in response. She loves attention. "Come this way Bella. Alec will set you up in Mr. Cullen's office. He shouldn't be in his meeting very long."

She walks beside the stroller leading me away from her desk and down another hallway.

"By the way, my name is Elizabeth." She offers a smile and I return her friendly gesture. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"How long have you been working for Edward?" I ask, making light conversation.

"Eight years now. "She replies as she pushes open a glass door revealing a young man, small in stature but big in presence and in the way he carries himself. He has brown hair and slanted blue eyes.

"Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee while you wait on Mr. Cullen?" Edward's assistant asks with the clap of his hands and a barely hospitable smile.

"No thank you." Is my quick response. He nods his head to Elizabeth in dismissal, as he turns to usher me through another glass door revealing a spacious office with floor to ceiling windows facing the space needle.

I push forward until I can fully see out and over the city. My eyes widen. Edward has an amazing view; I bet he feels like God from up here.

"Is Edward's meeting downstairs?" I ask Alec, not turning back to face him, even as I await his response.

"Yes. Mr. Cullen is meeting just downstairs. He shouldn't be longer than ten minutes."

I turn then and nod, pursing my lips at the sight of his bare office. There are pictures of Lily and me everywhere, but other than that he doesn't have many personal touches here like in his office at home.

"If you require anything feel free to buzz me." My eyes meet his and I nod, receiving the first genuine smile from him since we met.

"Thank you Alec."

"My pleasure Miss Swan." He bows out of the office, leaving me to my very confused thoughts.

Miss Swan. Mrs. Cullen. Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen. God, I know it's just a last name, but it has begun to mean so much to me.

I lift Lily from her seat, and hold her in my arms while I continue to admire Edward's office.

At that moment my phone begins to ring, and I answer it quickly when I see who is calling.

"Jaz!" I answer excitedly. He's been on vacation with Alice for nearly three weeks and I have missed him.

"It's good to hear your voice Sweetness. How's my god-daughter? Is she crawling?"

"Yes and she's a quick little bugger too." I laugh, and he joins in.

I glance at Lily and her entire face smiles at me. I tap her nose, and she shakes her head because she hates when I do that. She also hates when I touch her hair, or when I put on her cute little headbands. She pulls them right off her head.

"When I get home it'll be time to teach her how to walk."

"She's already pulling herself up on things. I say she'll be walking by Christmas. Will you and Alice be back by Thanksgiving?"

"Of course. We wouldn't dare miss Esme's fabulous cooking."

"What possessed you two to take such a long trip anyway?" It was a sudden trip right after Jasper quit his job as the restaurant manager at the Hilton.

The line goes silent for long seconds before he finally speaks. "Can you promise to keep a secret?"

I roll my eyes as if he can see me. "Of course Jaz."

Silence again. Then he takes a deep breath and the words freely fall from his lips. "We eloped!"

"YOU WHAT?!" I raise my voice so loud Lily jumps in my arms and begins to cry.

"Keep your voice down. You're making my godchild cry." Jasper teases. I almost jump through the phone at him because this is no joking manner. I hold Lily close to my chest and shh her, rocking her gently to sleep.

"Tell me you're kidding." I whisper-shout.

"I'm not."

"Why? Why would you do that? Why would you take that away from us Jaz? Your friends...your family...we should have been there."

"It was just for us Bella. We'll have a bigger one soon for everyone else." He tries to ease my worries but he can't.

I feel as though Alice pushed and pushed until Jaz gave in. This is not the sort of thing Jaz would do. He doesn't rush into anything. Ever since he met her it seems that's all he does now.

"That sounds like a line out of Alice's book. Is she letting you read the teleprompter as we speak?"

He huffs. "Bella-"

"Don't Bella me Jaz. She's controlling you."

"And what is Edward doing? Giving you free will? Or did he knock you up so that he would forever be able to control your life?"

"Jaz, that's not even-"

"And why hasn't he proposed yet?" Jasper asks over me as if I didn't speak. He asks the one question I have dwelled on for months now with no solid answer.

"That's a great question Jaz." I attempt to hold back my tears, but a sniffle alerts him to my current state.

"Bella..." he sighs wearily.

"Why don't you ask him when you see him?" I snap, letting tears fall down my face for an unknown reason. God, help me! Why am I crying?

There's a pause in our conversation, and I turn my phone just to see if he hung up, but then I hear him release a heavy sigh. "Why don't you ask him?"

I have no real reply to Jasper's question. How can I ask him that? It's not proper...but then again, neither am I. Since when do I care about decorum?

"You're right. You're right Jaz. I gotta go." I tell him.

"Okay..."

"Oh and Jaz?" I stop him from hanging up.

"Yeah." He calls out.

"Congratulations. I love you and I love Alice despite my reaction to the news. You have to know that. I'm happy for you both."

X

I paced Edward's office floor bouncing a little to rock Lily to sleep, but also in an attempt to clear my mind. She was quickly out like a light, but I continued to hold her staring down at my beautiful Angel. She was created from the love her parents shared, the love we still have for each other. I want to cement that love and share it with the entire world... but it seems one marriage was enough for Edward. How is that fair to me?

It's not.

That's why I throw open Edward's office door, march past a confused Alec and a stunned Elizabeth. I push Lily in her stroller back down toward the elevator in pursuit of Edward's conference room.

It's time we had a chat.

X

As soon as the elevator doors open I am blessed with the glorious sight of my handsome boyfriend. There he stands a mere three feet away from me talking to a group of well-dressed business men. They are all crowded around him literally hanging onto every word he speaks.

I take a second to admire his physique and realize that I can't be the only one that notices his amazingly well-built shape.

Taking a glance around the hotel lobby, I find that I am right. He has quite a few female admirers and it only serves to piss me off.

He is mine!

I march up to him and as if he felt my presence he glances up and smiles at me. His face falls quickly having noticed my expression and he pushes through the throng of businessmen to get to me. They all turn their heads to watch as I approach Edward but I ignore them; I am a woman on a mission.

"What the hell is up?" I shout holding my arms outstretched only to drop them at my side exaggeratedly.

His brows deeply furrow, confusion etched in his beautiful features.

"Will you just marry me already?" I shout, and watch his business partners exchange glances.

Edward's lips part and he looks away as he begins to inwardly chuckle at my outburst. It slowly turns into a real laugh and I can tell because his eyes squint and that damning curve at the corner of his lips make an appearance. He's so god damn sexy and I am so unbelievably pissed.

I poke his chest and his eyes snap back to mine.

My eyes fall to his chest as I speak, "Stop being sexy right now Woody; I'm serious."

He's still grinning and the tender yet playful look in his soulful eyes causes a dreamy effect that all but turns my insides to mush. I can't help but stare into their depths.

"Is it not something you want for us?" I ask him, quieting my voice when I notice we have the attention of the entire lobby.

"Baby..." He says soothingly and reaches for my hand.

"Do you not want this? Do you not want me? Is that it?" I try to keep my voice steady but I fail because my emotions are beyond out of whack at the moment.

"You are crazy if you think that." He smiles and it's a heart-stopping smile that I find myself getting lost in. "You're my beautiful girl. Why wouldn't I want you baby? I love you."

I drop my head and my shoulders sag as tears begin to fall down my face. They're not sad tears, but they aren't necessarily happy tears either.

"So why won't you marry me?" I mumble.

Edward lifts my chin, and stares deep into my brown eyes.

"I have every intention of making you my wife." He gives me a dead serious look and lifts both brows for emphasis. "You are mine forever," Then his lips are on mine kissing me adoringly.

Then he pulls away and shakes his head grinning wickedly. "And if you would have just waited until tonight like a good girl..." He trails off reaching into the front pocket of his suit jacket.

"What is that?" I ask as he produces a velvety ring box. I squeal, and cover my face with my hands. "Is that a-" I place a hand on my forehead and one on my chest.

I take deep labored breaths to calm myself, but it's impossible. Especially as I watch Edward drop to one knee before me in his busy lobby overflowing with customers both checking in and out. I glance up and see that people are also watching from the second level looking down at us over the railing.

"I don't know what I expect from a woman who throws tantrums in hotel lobbies and angry fits in hotel restaurants. If you were the kind of woman to do things conventionally you wouldn't be the woman that I fell madly in love with.

You have always been a special woman to me Bella and I found that you have a spirit about you that is like nothing I have experienced before. From the first moment we met your soul clutched to mine and I knew regardless of mistakes and obstacles you were mine, body and soul. You my love... you are it for me."

I feel him softly rub the back of my hand with his thumb as he gazes up at me with that same look he's always given me. The look of absolute wonder mixed with the love within his heart.

"Will you honor your promise of loving me eternally by accepting my hand in marriage?"

The love reflected in his eyes shines bright and mirrors the love bursting through my heart.

Covering my mouth with both hands to hold back the embarrassing sob threatening to burst through my parted lips. While frantically nodding my head I breathe out, "Yes."

I watch Edward unfurl a brilliant smile as he slowly stands to his feet and sweeps me into his arms. The room erupts in applause but all I can hear is Edward's heavy breathing as he rains kisses all over my face.

I clutch my arms around his neck as he twirls me around in his arms. We are once again in our happy bubble, safe from the outside world.

X

We spent the rest of the afternoon eating at our favorite Thai restaurant just down the street from Edward's hotel.

In that time I had admitted that I felt as though he has been pulling away from me lately and how it has made me crazy.

"I'm not used to you being away from home so often. I know it's selfish of me seeing as I mostly work at nights and you work during the day."

Edward grabs my hand from across the table and leans forward. "I haven't been pulling away from you Bella. I have been... busy. Soon it will all make sense and I will be home more often I promise."

"What are you busy planning?"

He inhales and looks away contemplating something, but then he looks at me and purses his lips. "I have gifted a few of my hotels to Jasper in hopes that he will use this as a tool to excel and make a great life for my sister."

I'm stunned into silence, but recover quickly. This is once again Alice's work and at this point I am exhausted by even the idea of pretending to be okay with Alice's behavior.

"All because you, your brother and father have spent years spoiling her to death." I tell him and watch his brows pull together. "God forbid she would have to stand by her husband and actually work to build a life with him."

I instantly feel a tinge of regret for my harsh words. He doesn't deserve my attitude right now, especially not after how special he has made my day.

He looks down, his eyes scanning the table as his mind races at trying to understand my way of thinking. The thing is there's no way for him to understand because honestly I have trouble processing my feelings for Alice. We have a sort of love-hate relationship.

"Bella, I did exactly what you told me to do. I fixed the rift between us and even made him a business partner. He needs to be able to take care of my sister just as I am able to take care of you and Lily."

"I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what you did, because there's not. You did a very selfless thing and I am sure they are very thankful for your generosity." I tell him as I lightly bounce Lily on my leg. She looks up at me and giggles and then looks at her dad and scrunches her face up in an adorably huge smile that matches his.

I can't stay angry with her around, she won't allow it. I can tell by the smile on Edward's face that he feels the same way. I watch as he stares at her, and then he reaches across the table and grabs her little hand. She instinctively clutches his finger in her hand and tries to bring it to her mouth but she can't.

I shake my head at her, silently praying her mouth isn't bothering her. She doesn't fuss about it much but I can tell that she has a few teeth coming in.

I hear Edward sigh and I slowly look up meeting his gaze. "What's the problem Bella?"

"There's no problem. I just wish you would put the same effort into a relationship with Rose."

"There is nothing I can do or say that will make Emmett or you see my side of things so I have decided to let it go."

"But you're not friendly to her and I can tell it bothers your brother. It bothers me too Edward. You don't speak to her and you haven't even apologized."

"I will not apologize for being truthful and standing by my opinion."

With pursed lips I stare at him for long seconds trying to think of a way to make him understand.

"You look at Rose the way your father looks at me." I tell him, and feel a weight lift off my shoulders. We never talk about this... but it's an issue. One that needs to be solved.

We don't speak for a long time, we just stare at each other; neither of us having the right words to say.

"Okay." He says out of the blue. "If it means that much to you-"

"It does."

He nods and takes a deep breath. "I will try. It's not a mood Bella. I can't just turn it on and off as I please. It has been embedded in me to protect. I feel that Rose is a threat and I can't just turn that off. Her behavior over the past year has been questionable. It will be hard, but for you..." He nods his head at me and again I see the brilliant twinkle in his eyes. He looks at me beneath thick lashes with a beautiful smile on his face. "Anything."

Grinning in both triumph and gratitude I reply, "That's all I ask."

* * *

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	40. Chapter 40

This is the end guys (: Thank you all so much for your support throughout this entire story. The drama is over, now it's time they have their HEA!

Lots of flashbacks and time jumps, so if you're confused just tell me in your review and I'll clarify! I would hate to leave holes in the story especially in the end.

Thanks again guys!

Also, I can't forget about Donna! She worked so hard on this chapter with me and honestly it wouldn't have been a good chapter at all without her input as well as her awesome beta skills. Thank you so much EFK! (:

* * *

Bella Pov

The nightmares are gone... long gone, but the events of my past still lingers in my memory. Listening to Renee's maniacal laugh quickly turn to hysteric crying at the sight of Charlie's unmoving body. I can still see the moment of clarity in her eyes, the one moment of brief sanity her possessed mind allowed. The pain in her eyes as she stared at the man she loved, her anxious eyes darting around the room as if just realizing what was transpiring. Then the look of fear followed by panic as the police forced her into handcuffs all because she was incoherent and had trouble cooperating when they told her to drop her weapon. She was in shock, she was in pain, and she could not register the truth that lay before her. Then, when her gaze fell on me, all I could see was her rage. She hated everything that I stood for. I was supposed to be dead by her hands and the love of her life was still supposed to be here, alive and well. He was supposed to love her, not sacrifice his life for mine. He wasn't supposed to die. It was supposed to be me, and sometimes I wish it had been me so I wouldn't have to live with the haunting memory of her and the very past I have worked hard to overcome.

All parties involved in the hell of my early years are gone, yet some days I can't shake the idea that Renee's shadow hangs over me. The last thing I want is for her illness to become mine. The last thing I want is to put my children through what I endured. Edward could handle himself as my father could- even better- I know this, however I don't want him to love me in the midst of that sort of situation. It's not healthy nor is it fair.

These are my latest thoughts of inadequacy that had only peeked through a few times in my life. I had a glimpse of it on my wedding day, but I pushed it off as nerves, happy to have had Jasper to walk me down the aisle towards the love of my life and into my future.

 ** _Flashback March 2019_**

 _"You ready Sweets?" Jasper asks, bringing my mind back to the present. My body and mind had somehow disconnected and all I could see was Edward standing at the end of the aisle waiting for me. I could barely comprehend anything else._

 _My eyes zone in on Jasper's face and I focus on him for a second, and nod before my gaze fixes back to Edward._

 _"I have never been more ready." I say and watch as Edward winks at me. I giggle because it's a bit out of character for him. My man never winks... never! "Let's do this."_

 _I loop my arm in his and slowly blink as my eyes adjust to the light of the outdoors and we step through the open door that leads me to Edward... to my future._

 _I'm halfway down the aisle before I realize that I'm only steps away from him. I'm nervous but mostly because of all of the eyes on me. But then I focus on Edward and the eyes suddenly don't matter. I feel as though like a magnet I am drawn to him, practically dragging Jasper as I rush to reach him, I'm ready for this... ready for him... ready for our life._

 _I hear giggling near the front of the room and both mine and Edward's eyes shift to our two-year-old daughter in Carlisle's arms and our nine-month-old son, Charlie in Esme's lap._

 _My face breaks into a smile, and my eyes clash with Edward's noting that he too has a bright smile on his face. I swoon all over again, just with that one smile. He's over the moon excited and I'm right there with him._

 _Jasper places my hand in Edward's large palm and speaks after the minister says something that I miss because I am so lost in Edward's eyes. The very same eyes I fell in love with even before I knew his name. I never could admit it to him but his eyes are what first attracted me. I could spend hours gazing at them. It's not just about the uniquely distinct coloring that I was drawn to, but also the shape. The slant of Edward's eyes makes him look slightly mysterious and edgy. At the time, he looked unobtainable, and god-like. I was the shiny new toy, the thing that intrigued him... that's what I had once thought. He's proven over and over that I was more than that... I am more than that to him. He loves me! The crazy girl that throws temper tantrums, and things out of anger. The wacky girl that stands on dining room tables and shouts to a room full of people trying to enjoy their lunches. I am the girl that interrupts board meetings to demand to know why her boyfriend has yet to propose. I am the girl that fought him every step of the way... yet he kept coming back, no matter how hard I pushed. Now, he's about to become my husband. My husband!_

 _I smile like an idiot the entire ceremony, having the statements repeated multiple times because I've often lost my train of thought when I get lost in his eyes. He hasn't made it any better by trying to be supportive, because he smiled and that was just as big of a distraction as his eyes. The minister's words were soft murmurs, drowned out by the rapid beat of my heart in my eardrums._

 _When it was time for Edward to say his vows, he stole my breath away with another one of his charming smiles as he took both of my hands and squeezed._

 _"Bella, my love..._

 _You are special to me. I_ _knew from the first moment I saw you that you were a rare gem. I had to be careful because I did not know what it was like to care for someone other than myself. I did not know what it was like to be in love. To be consumed by passion and overwhelmed with just a touch._

 _I still remember the spark in my hand when you placed your soft hand in mine. The way you looked up at me with those big brown eyes..."_

 _He reaches forward and runs his finger under my eye wiping away a tear. Then he cups my cheek before continuing._

 _"Every moment with you has been special to me and the feeling you give me with just a look or touch cannot be replicated or forced. It is just as indescribable now as it was then._

 _And now, here we are today and I almost can't believe that you're mine... and that you are vowing to be mine forever."_

 _He smiles at me and I return it, sniffling as I attempt to hold back the sob in my throat._

 _"But I see my vows not as promises but as privileges: I get to laugh with you and cry with you; care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk with you; build with you and live with you. I get to cherish you, and try in every way to be worthy of you._

 _I will be faithful and supportive and always make our family's love and happiness my priority. I will always be honest with you, kind, patient and forgiving. I will try to not be your boss, but your partner in all things. I vow to remind you daily of your beauty and worth. I will respect you, your dreams and opinions._

 _But most of all, I will be true and loyal to you. With my whole heart, I take you as my wife, acknowledging and accepting your faults and strengths, as you do mine. You are my equal, my love... for always."_

 _He pulls both of my hands to his lips and kisses them, his eyes closing for the briefest second before locking back on mine. At that point, the tears spring down my face and holding back is no longer an option. I reach up with both hands and grab his face, kissing him even before we are told to do so. I can't help myself. I have waited all morning to kiss him and his words and actions have made it impossible to keep my hands and lips off of him._

 _I feel a tap on my shoulder and ignore it a few times, even among the clearing of throats around us. It's our wedding, and if we want to kiss, we will._

 _Eventually, I pull back and have the grace to look sheepishly at the minister, asking him to continue._

 _He grins at me, "Now Bella will say her vows."_

 _I stare at Edward for a long moment, mesmerized by him and completely forget the vows I'd memorized. It was at that moment that I realized the rehearsed lines were not what I was meant to say. I wanted to speak from the heart as he had... so I do._

 _"Edward..." I take a small breath and squeeze his hands._

 _"Baby, do you know that I still remember the color of your tie from the day we met. I still remember the look in your eyes when our eyes first made contact and how time stopped around me... I became lost in your presence._

 _Since meeting you, I have come to believe that dreams do come true. You are more than I could ever have dreamed or imagined. You are the light in dark places; you are the strength to my every weakness, the calm to my storm."_

 _I look down smiling at the thought of each time I have blown up and he has remained calm._

 _When I look up, Edward flashes my smile and my heart leaps in my chest. He is so heartbreakingly handsome, and he looks so fucking delicious in his tux, it takes everything in me to keep me from kissing him again._

 _I take a deep breath calming myself._

 _"I promise to be your lover, companion and friend. Your partner in parenthood. Your ally in conflict._

 _I will be yours in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph. I will dream with you, celebrate with you and walk beside you through whatever our lives may bring._

 _Woody you are my person—my love and my life, today and always."_

 ** _End of Flashback_**

On our wedding day, Edward took my hands in his and gave me the strength I needed to let go of my past. I had a family to care for; a life so perfect that I could have never dreamed it true. I had to be strong for him, Lily and Charlie. There was no way I could ever hurt or mentally abandon them.

Lily and Charlie are these small beings that are half of each their parents. No matter what, I would overcome the fear and shower them with love. They would have two loving parents, and I would make sure of that.

Edward as well as my new psychiatrist helped with the thoughts I frequently had. We all agreed that the thoughts were just my fears speaking to me and that I wasn't crazy because fear is normal.

It didn't matter much seeing as I would happily take the thoughts over the nightmares any day. The nightmares served as a reminder of a past I couldn't let go. The thoughts however are a fear of what the future holds, a fear of how I would deal with such things.

I'd done well for years, coping with my mother's voice in my head telling me how terrible of a mother I am. I have ignored the voice and focused on being better at everything, better for my kids.

Time has flown by quickly and my kids are up and running around the house shouting for our attention at five and three years old.

Charlie is this talkative little ball of energy, fully equipped to argue his point at any cost. He is very honest and literal with no filter. The kid will just say or repeat anything.

Lily is pretty much a mini-me with a bit of bossiness which I'm sure she gets from Edward. She is just as feisty as I am, and often has a power struggle with Alice and Jasper's daughter, Emma who is three now.

We found that their rushed wedding was due to Alice being very much pregnant. They tried their best to hide it and it worked. We had no idea she was pregnant until after they returned from their honeymoon of two months. At that point, she was six months pregnant and still such a tiny little thing.

Soon after Alice and Jasper returned in November, we put our heads together to help plan Emmett and Rose's wedding for April. They wanted something small and intimate, and that's exactly what they had. It was beautiful and Rose was the epitome of a blushing bride which sort of surprised me.

After that, it was a crazy blur of months passing and overlapping as both Alice and I dealt with our respective pregnancies. Alice gave birth to her first child- Emma- in February, only a little over a month before Rose and Emmett's wedding. I gave birth to baby number 2- Charlie- in May which gave me 10 months to prepare for my wedding in March the following year.

It was weird finding out that I was three months pregnant with Charlie the day that I practically forced Edward to propose to me. Every time I tell the story, I blame my outburst on my hormones but everyone knows the truth. I am a wacky woman, and I do wacky shit, pregnant or not.

I had found out that I was pregnant,which happened to be only weeks before Jasper and Alice returned from their was just as busy as ever getting Jasper set up with his new responsibilities as the owner of three major hotels.

Jasper was overwhelmed, but exceedingly grateful for the responsibilities. He was more than ready to take on the workload but he was wary. Jasper knew that the proper way to this position was by working his way up, so he felt a bit guilty. Edward quickly reminded Jasper of how he'd gotten into the business, which effectively squashed Jasper's anxiety. Edward explained how grateful he was to have Jasper because he now had more time to spend at home with his family.

Edward was also busy helping his long time friend, Riley get settled in town and ready for his and Victoria's wedding.

Their wedding was set in March the year before mine at a time when I had been very much pregnant with Charlie. I had felt I looked like a whale at eight months pregnant and looking as if I would pop at any moment. I felt out of place and self-conscious because of all the model thin beautiful women who had been in attendance, most of whom were vying for my -then fiance- now husband's attention.

It was annoying and awkward for me to have to stand in the same room with Victoria and all of the other women Edward had been with in one way or another and I didn't like the looks he was getting.

"Mine." I wanted to growl at them all, but I knew it would only cause unnecessary drama. Plus, I was sitting there with Edward's engagement ring on my finger, our one-year-old daughter, Lily sitting next to me and my belly round and swollen with his second child, his son, Charlie. You would think it would be made clear to these women, but of course they're either not too bright, or easily ignore the facts.

I was surprised to see Heidi and Jake there, both angry for closely related reasons. Apparently, Jake wouldn't allow Heidi around Edward if he wasn't around, and she didn't want Jake hovering. The reason for that was clear to everyone. The woman still wanted Edward and she's too blind to see how much her husband loves her.

The shock of the day was the unexpected wedding vows spoken by Riley who had yet to drop a tear or even crack a smile the entire ceremony.

He turned to everyone and asked that they pull the envelope from underneath their seat. Inside of the envelope were many pictures of Victoria in compromising positions with multiple men over the past seven months. That would mean that she cheated throughout their entire engagement and probably most of their relationship.

Riley wasn't sad and his anger vanished as he watched the look of horror cross her face. Her father had to catch her mother before she hit the ground. She was so distraught by the pictures, she'd fainted.

I studied the pictures after the ordeal noting that I recognized one guy who was in many of the pictures. It was the guy I had met at the club when I was pregnant with Lily. His name was James if I remember correctly.

Riley called the wedding off as he left Victoria at the alter crying her eyes out. As Riley reached the back of the hall where Edward stood, they exchanged a hug and pat on the back. At that moment I realized that Edward had set this up. How he knew she was cheating and obtained the pictures is a mystery to me but I couldn't help but shake my head at my controlling man. He couldn't let his closest friend marry such a horrible woman- he'd said as much after our initial conversation on the matter.

"There won't be a wedding." He had insisted, and he was right.

XXX

December 2022

Present

Today is Christmas morning and we all agreed to stay at The Cullen home so presents could be opened as early as possible. It's what the kids wanted; it's what the grandparents wanted so it's what everyone agreed to.

We also agreed that there would be no talk of business during the holidays. Carlisle had a nasty habit of bringing it up, which always had an effect on the cheery Christmas spirit.

In the midst of opening gifts Ben- Edward's driver, his wife Angela and their two girls joined us. Through the years Angela and I have gotten close, I was even one of her bridesmaids.

 ** _Flashback July 2018_**

 _I have a love-hate relationship with exercise. More so hate than love, because I'm just not used to it. I have gone on runs with Edward a few times, and I used to go on long walks with Lily in her stroller, but over time I just stopped. I became so lazy with my second pregnancy it's ridiculous now that I think about it. Now that my bundle of joy is two months old, I need to get up and work out. My wedding is just around the corner and I have to look good for my honeymoon._

 _I was in the middle of fussing over the weights in a particular machine designed to tone both my legs and abs and the darn thing was stuck; it was pissing me off._

 _I cursed the wretched machine and even smacked the seat as I stood to move on as if that would do anything. Just then, a tall woman with light brown hair with streaks of honey and warm brown eyes approached me with a small smile trying to hide her laughter._

 _I sighed and turned to fully face her, ready to defend myself because I could clearly see that her cropped shirt read 'Weber's Total Fitness.'_

 _She toweled off her forehead and eyed the machine quizzically before pointing._

 _"Is this thing giving you a hard time?"_

 _"Actually yes, and I'm ready to kick it over but I know it won't accomplish much."_

 _She laughs and runs the towel down her neck wiping away her sweat. That's when I notice how unbelievably toned she is, even her long tanned legs were beefy. I self-consciously looked down at my body full of curves and sighed. I look good, I know I do because Edward still gets a hard on and threatens to stick a baby in me every chance he gets. However, if I looked like this woman, I would be killer in lingerie and swimsuits which is what I'm aiming for._

 _She notices that I am eyeing her ridiculously perky breasts and abs and follows my gaze. I tilt my head to the side still eyeing her._

 _"How do I get my body to look like that?" I ask her, pointing at her, envious of her perfectly cut abs._

 _"You're speaking as if you don't already look amazing, but I can show you how to get abs. Hey, we can work out together." She says with enthusiasm, holding out her hand. "I'm Angela."_

 _"Bella."I shake her offered hand. "Are you a trainer? You should definitely be a trainer." My eyes never leave her stomach. I wonder how long it took for those muscles to develop._

 _"I actually own the place, but I have trainers here if you want. I'm not great at it." She almost looks disappointed in herself, and she really shouldn't. She owns a gym and has the body of an Olympic track star._

 _"I'm not a trainer either- as you can see." I mumble the last part and she laughs with kind eyes. I can tell that she is a genuine person just from her laugh. "I wouldn't be much of a work-out partner."_

 _"Oh come on. Everyone has to start somewhere, and honestly you look amazing." Her eyes sweep my body._

 _"I've had two kids."_

 _"Oh, me too! How great is that!" She says, her eyes lighting up._

 _It was rhetorical but I reply anyway, my smile phony, my eyes wide as I mumble, "Great..."_

 _She continues, ignoring my sarcasm, "Hailey is three and Hannah is one."_

 _"Wow! I hope I look as good as you do when my son turns one."_

 _"How old is he?" Her eyes are big and bright waiting patiently for my reply._

 _"Only two months old."_

 _"Congratulations! How exciting!"_

 _I smile, trying to match her level of excitement. "I'm preparing for my wedding in March. Do you think you can help me?"_

 _"Of course!" Her eyes flick to the machine I was about to beat up only minutes ago. "You picked the perfect machine for your targeted areas." She nods her approval. "Now, let me show you how to use this thing."_

 ** _End of Flashback_**

After meeting Angela, we became the best of friends and I invited her everywhere. We went shopping, out to lunch, our girls had playdates, and we bonded so much that she became family.

I first noticed her interest in Ben one afternoon when he picked us up from the gym. She kept staring ahead, barely paying attention to our conversation. Then I noticed Ben glancing at her through the rearview mirror. When their eyes would lock she would look away smiling in that girlie yet shy way that she has about her. He would avert his gaze back to the road, his smile wide and still very much visible in the mirror.

For weeks they never spoke beyond pleasantries, only stealing glances through the mirror and it drove me crazy. She was entirely too shy to ask him out, and he probably thought it was highly inappropriate to ask her since he only ever saw her when he was working.

So, I took a page from my fiance's book and I became a meddler. I invited Angela and her girls over for dinner and Edward invited Ben effectively sticking them in a room together where they were forced to talk. They were both newly single, For Angela, it had been eight or so months, for Ben it had been a little over a year, so it was time. They instantly hit it off, and the rest is history.

Angela and I hugged and she shoved a few gifts into the seat before sitting next to me, pulling her youngest daughter Hannah into her lap.

"Mommy, I want to see Santa." Hannah points to Emmett in the Santa suit across the room passing out gifts to everyone surrounding him.

"Go ahead sweetie." Angela put her on her feet and she timidly walked over to where Charlie, Lily, Emma, Hunter- Emmett and Rosalie's three-year- old son and Hannah's big sister Hailey were seated attentively waiting for another gift to be placed in front of them to open.

Angela stood from her seat and stealthily poked in a few of her gifts for the girls so that they wouldn't feel left out.

When she sat next to me again I nudged her shoulder. "They have gifts from us too, Ang. You're all family you know."

"I know." She squeezed my hand. "I only let them open a few at home otherwise they would have thrown a fit when we tried to leave to come here."

She glances over at Jasper and Alice seated closest to the craziness and she pointed. "Alice looks ready to pop."

"I said the same." Rose pipes in over our shoulder. "Whatever you do, don't mention the terrible state of her feet. I don't know which bothers her most... the swelling, or the fact that she can't see them anymore."

At this we all laugh, and as if sensing that we are talking about her, Alice glances at us and sticks out her tongue. I stick mine out to her and I am caught by my five-year-old daughter.

"Mommy!" Lily says, chastising me. My eyes snap to her standing in front of me hand on her hip, her face set in disapproval. She shakes her head at me. "Gram-ma says that is not lady-like."

I raise both hands in surrender, but laughter fills the room around me. I see the box near her feet, where my feisty daughter must have dropped it to tell me off.

"Do you need help opening that?" I point to the box.

"I have it Mommy. Just sit there and keep looking beautiful." Edward calls from behind me. He kisses my temple and motions for Lily to come to him.

He helps her open the box, and I peer over at them. "What did you get?"

Lily's sharp intake of breath lets me know that she finally got to the Disney Frozen training skates.

She rushes over to me, her whole body buzzing with excitement. "Mommy look!" She brought the skates so close to my face I thought she'd hit me.

"I see." I say through my laughter pulling them back to an acceptable level. "Pretty."

She runs off to show everyone her skates, including Santa who I'm sure she knows is her uncle Emmett.

XXX

Later in the day, Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Ben and Carlisle decided to show all of the kids how to maneuver the training skates. They each had gotten a pair for Christmas and were eager to learn.

Soon after they got the hang of it, they were racing each other and playing tag with the old men.

Of course the men grew tired way before the kids, and they each plopped down on the ground watching as the kids continued to play.

"They have been at it for two hours now." Emmett says, before gulping down a bottle of water.

"We're out of shape." Ben says, before reaching back toward Angela hoping for a bottle of water.

"Speak for yourself Cheney." Edward says as he stands, his hands on his hips, his eyes scanning the kids spread out before us.

Ben laughs it off and Angela strokes his chest, probably stroking his ego as well.

"Who wants cookies?" Esme shouts through the open door, the smell of fresh baked cookies swelling through the air.

Of course the three biggest kids alive- Edward, Emmett and Jasper- rush through the open doors first, never mind the fact that each of them has kids of their own.

XXX

Once we all had our share of Christmas cookies, we sat around while the kids played with their other various toys.

We all heard a commotion near the patio door near the kitchen and quickly went towards the noise.

It was Edward and Emmett tumbling onto the grass play-fighting. More than likely the two idiots are wrestling for Esme's last freshly baked Christmas cookie.

"Go Daddy! Kick his ass!" Lily shouts.

I turn in the direction of my child's voice and pull her away.

"That's not a nice thing to say, Lily. Where did you hear that?"

"From you." She says, pointing at me, her face contorted as if to show that I'm crazy for not remembering. Of course I don't remember telling anyone to kick ass, but it's possible.

I roll my eyes, and sigh. "Don't say it again okay. Those are grown up words."

She nods, and her eyes turn sad. "I'm sorry Mommy. Please don't take my toys."

"Why would Mommy take away your toys?" Edward says, coming virtually out of nowhere. He kneels in front of Lily looking between us for an explanation.

"I'm not taking them. I had only taken them away one time when she was in a fight at school. "I explained.

Edward furrows his brows. "I told Lily to kick her ass. The kid is an asshole."

I try not to laugh, because it's true the little girl was a bully and an asshole. "We can't teach her to fight or use bad language."

"I am only teaching her to defend herself. Nothing more." He looks at Lily. "Baby girl knows that fighting and starting trouble is wrong." Edward raises his hand. "High-five." She hits his hand, and he grabs it pulling her towards him for a kiss on the cheek.

"So what do you call what you and Emmett were doing earlier?" I ask, my arms folded over my chest as I watch him tie Charlie's shoelaces.

"Emmett and I were just fucking around." He shrugs.

"Ooh, Mommy, can I fuck around with Daddy and Uncle Emmett too?" Lily asks her hand raised, eyes wide with excitement.

The room is silent for seconds before everyone erupts in laughter.

XXX

April 2024

Two Years Later

It was now spring and we were all invited to Riley's wedding. It had officially been six years since his disaster of a wedding with Victoria and now he was marrying the love of his life and my old co-worker-Bree Tanner. She would now be welcomed into the family as Mrs. Bree Biers and we couldn't be happier. We quickly settled our differences realizing we didn't have much reason not to like each other. Bree was simply jealous at how the hosts always gave me the best sections at the restaurant. It was surely something we could easily get over.

During the father-daughter dance at their wedding the DJ asked that others join them in their dance. Edward quickly grabs our seven-year-old daughter for a dance. She steps onto his feet and they beautifully glide across the floor while I watch with tearful eyes.

"It's the hormones." Angela says from beside me rubbing my protruding belly. Baby number three! Damn Edward and his super sperm! We were blessed with another baby boy that we would soon meet and name Masen.

"I know." I reply to her, trying to be stealthy as I dab at my eyes. "He's such a good man... such a good father."

"Children do something to a good man. It changes them in the best ways."

"He was already the best kind of man, protective, loving, caring... now he's-" I suck in a shuttering breath. "He's so much more."

"Ben's the same. He took my girls in like they were his own and loved them unconditionally. He's my more." She says.

"I like that." I nod. "Edward is my more."

"You two have come a long way from what I've read in the book that you refuse to publish." She nudges me, and I smirk.

"It's for me, not for the world." I tell her and she nods as if understanding the words I'm not saying. "I see you haven't commented on the beginning of my little story."

"I didn't want to bring it up..." She turns to me. "This book can really sell sweetie. Let me work my magic. No one has to know that it's based on a true story."

"Making sales off of my personal pain just seems wrong."

"It shouldn't. You overcame so much. Your mother's illness, your father's death... the shit with Rose affected you more than you like to admit. You spent quite a few chapters on it."

My eyes scan the crowd until they set on Rose. She sees me and winks, just as Emmett grabs her hands pulling her onto his lap.

"She's much better now, and that's all that matters. She's clean, she's the general manager of one of Jasper's hotels, she's married, has a child, a stable home... everything I always wanted for her, everything we used to pray for."

"And Jas? I swear I had no clue you two had a thing? You two act like brother and sister."

I can't believe she inferred that from what I wrote. I left out so many of our private moments out of respect for my over-possessive husband.

"It wasn't a thing and please never call it that in front of Edward. He only got over it a couple of years ago. "I tell Ange and she laughs, shaking her head.

"That man of yours is one possessive ass."

"That he is."

We are silent for a while just as Edward, Charlie and Lily are approaching us Angela speaks in hushed tones before walking away. "Let me know if you change your mind."

"Hey baby." Edward puts a hand around my waist pulling me towards him for a light kiss on the lips which quickly escalates into more.

"Yuck!" I hear both Lily and Charlie say before stalking away from us with their arms folded across their chests.

"Yuck?! Now we're yuck?"

Edward grins. "Those are your kids."

XXX

February 2027

Three Years Later

Today I realized just how great of a father my husband is. I knew he was amazing, he succeeds at everything, but today he did something so sweet that it surprised me.

I told Edward about Lily's father daughter dance which is fast approaching and he said that he would ask her if she wanted to go. What I didn't expect was for him to set up our backyard just to ask her to the dance. There were flickering lights hanging from the patio, with an abundance of white and pink rose petals along the stairs leading to the table set for two with a sign that read, "Will you go to the daddy/daughter dance with me?" Atop the table there sat a vase occupied with lilies and a floating candle, a pink corsage and two cupcakes.

I was so surprised when I saw how much effort my amazing husband had put into making this special for Lily. My love for him grows daily, but this... this shows how much he loves Lily. He has set the standard very high for any man looking to date his little girl in the future.

I stayed back watching from the side of the house as he walked her down the stairs of the patio with a hand covering her eyes. She was her usual self, her attitude seeping through, and I could just bet that she was asking a million and one questions. Her father has never once changed so I'm sure his answers are just as vague as ever. He never gives anything away if he can help it.

He finally reaches the table and removes his hand from her eyes. She slowly blinks them open and they widen, scanning the little world he created for her. She turned and looked at the steps, turned again with a wide smile and looked in my direction, she turned again and glanced at the table, her eyes finally finding the banner and she screams with excitement.

She is so much like me it's insane. The girl knows just how to outdo me when it comes to being over the top. She cups her hands over her cheeks and looks over at her father who is down on one knee with her corsage in hand.

I see his lips moving and she is so deliriously happy she bounces in place.

I blink back tears and look away from them to see that Esme and Alice aresnapping pictures. I was so engrossed in their little world I didn't even realize Esme and Alice were beside me. They too have tears in their eyes and I understand because it's unbelievably heartwarming.

"I can't believe Edward of all men thought of this. Jasper is the sweet one." Alice says and I roll my eyes because she has no idea how sweet her brother can be.

All of a sudden Lily screams again and jumps into her father's arms as he stands to hold her in a hug. I let them have a moment before I can't take it anymore. I rush over and join them in a hug. Seconds later, I feel an arm around me and look down to see Charlie hugging me. I pull him into our hug and bend to kiss the top of his head.

"Mom look at all this." Lily says excitedly, a big smile on her face as she motions at everything around us. "Grandma, do you see this?" She's so happy with her dad's surprise she can barely contain herself.

"Did you say yes?" I ask her and she just gives me a look.

"Would you say no?" She puts a hand on her hip and raises an eyebrow.

I laugh and so does Edward, his arm slowly slinking around my waist.

Lily throws herself at Edward again shoving her face against him. "This is so cool daddy, thank you. Can I eat the cupcake now?"

"Of course sweetheart." He releases her and she moves away to eat the cupcake.

Edward picks up his cupcake and licks the icing. I stick my tongue out to taste the icing just as he quickly pulls it out of reach.

"If you want a taste, ask for it." He says chastising me with a raised eyebrow and a wicked curve to his beautiful lips.

My mind quickly turns dirty and I try to contain it but then the curve in his lips twists into a deadly smile, 'my smile' and I can't help it, I kiss him. I taste the small lick of icing when his tongue touches mine swirling around, allowing me the taste I hadn't yet asked for.

"Grandma, they're at it again." My feisty ten-year- old breaks through my foggy mind bringing me back to the present and I pull away. "I'm gonna go before they kiss again."

We do kiss again but quickly pull apart and I glance over at Lily prancing away just as I feel a tap on my nose. I blink and open my eyes knowing without a doubt someone has just placed icing on my face.

I glance at his cupcake. "Can I have a bite?" I ask him and he takes a step take shaking his head no with both eyebrows raised. Now he looks guilty.

"Give me the damned cupcake Edward." I take a step and he backs away again. "Fine." I fold my arms across my chest and turn away from him pretending to be upset.

I feel him come close so I turn back to him. Just as he's tapping my nose to wipe away the icing, I make a grab for his cupcake and smear it across his face. He freezes in place, his arm still raised to where he was wiping off my nose, his eyes closed, his nose scrunched up to show his displeasure.

I burst into laughter and so does Charlie, Esme and Alice.

"What's all this?" Carlisle asks, coming up to us with my two-year-old son, Masen on his hip. He sees the predicament Edward and I are in and joins in the laughter because no one can stop long enough to explain. "Looks a lot like your wedding."

I look at Edward and the flashback of his handsome face after I smashed a chunk of cake into his face. He had not been expecting it and made a similar facial expression.

Through my laughter I must have missed him coming close to me. I feel him grab me around the waist holding me steady as he rubs his face against mine smearing crumbs and icing all over my face.

"Stop! Edward stop!" I squeal, and squeak, laughing so hard I can't breathe all while trying to push him away.

He ends his assault with his lips against mine, forceful and heated, his hand against my cheek holding my face in place.

When he finally pulls away, his eyes are on fire, and the intensity of them burn through me like hot lava. We are nose to nose inhaling and exhaling each other even as we both attempt to slow our breathing.

He holds one finger up to my face and I bite down on my bottom lip in anticipation of his words.

"You'll pay for that." He says in a low gritty voice.

I blink up at him. "I'm looking forward to it."

XXX

August 2027

We have learned how to placate Alice's demanding behavior. We set a schedule so no one is ever blindsided by her overwhelming personality and overbearing ways.

Everyone has adjusted well, except me. I don't feel I should have to placate or appease her. If I don't want to do something, I don't want to do it. Edward is the same way, but it seems that having kids has softened his resolve a bit. He has a lot more patience than I do, and it's proven when Alice is around.

I tolerate Alice. I have no problem with her whatsoever, and I love her dearly, but she's annoying it's true, and I think she knows it but doesn't care one bit. I have always tolerated Alice because Edward learned to tolerate Rose and Jasper for me. He always had a set opinion of them but whatever issues he had in the past have been squashed. They are family... we are family, and nothing changes that.

That's also why we all let Alice rope us into a monthly Couples night without much of a fight.

All of the kids usually stay to themselves occupied with games and movies as we argue with our spouses for not knowing us as well as they should.

I whack Edward over the head with my small whiteboard. "What?"

"Noooo! Starburst. It was like Starburst, not fucking hot tamales. "I explain before whacking him again.

"I thought our first kiss was hot, like a hot tamale. Have you ever had a fucking hot tamale, Bella?"

I make a sound of frustration and shake my head at him. "Our first kiss was like Starburst! Starburst!"

I turn in my seat and fold my arms across my chest. We were doing so well up until the last two questions. Now we are in third place behind Riley and Bree, and of course the cheating couple- Esme and Carlisle.

"What's the question again?" Emmett asked as it was his turn to answer.

"Which of the following types of candy describes your first kiss? Starburst, milk dud, Hot Tamales, Good and Plenty, or Nerds."

"Definitely Good and Plenty." Emmett turns to his wife and she rolls her eyes and whacks him with the whiteboard.

"Just once I'd like to win Emmett. Just once." Rose says exasperatedly. "I said Starburst."

"God! You fucking women with your storybook fantasy world! Starburst?!" He squints at her in question. "Fucking Starburst?! What does that even mean?"

"It means there were bursts of electricity." I say just as Alice says, "Fireworks."

"Sparks." Angela says finishing the thought.

"You all are insane." Emmett sits back in his seat thoroughly pissed. "That question is so unrealistic; toss it out."He waves his hand dismissively.

Alice rolls her eyes and moves on to the next couple, her parents. They of course answer with Starburst and I want to whack Edward all over again for getting it wrong but I'm calmed by his soothing hand rubbing my baby bump. I was only five months pregnant, but with each baby I seemed to show sooner and sooner. Seems baby Ava is also the most active baby that I have had. Just as I have that thought, I feel her kick, and I stealthily move Edward's hand over the spot so that he can feel it.

His lips form an 'o' in confusion then when he feels it, he looks at me and smiles before leaning over to kiss my cheek.

"Now to the hubby question. Who was interested in marriage first, you or hubby? Angela, you first, Hun." Alice says, oblivious to the moment Edward and I just shared.

"Definitely Ben. He kept bringing it up, and then one day, he proposed. It was still a total surprise." Angela explained. Ben flipped his board, and in big letters it read, "Me." They kissed, happy about their win.

Next were Riley and Bree. "I think it was me." She squeaked nervously and glanced at Riley. "I don't think he gave it much thought until we basically started living together. By the third date, I was ready." She explained, and all of the women awed collectively.

Riley flipped his board and on it read, "Bree." Bree squealed with delight and kissed him.

Next were Alice and Jasper. Alice stared at him for a long second before shrugging. "Pretty sure I thought of it first and you know why." She winked. He leaned forward and kissed her before flipping his board.

"Didn't take me long." He replied, shrugging just as she had.

"Bella, your turn."

"I proposed to him so..." I glance at Edward to see him shaking his head. "What the fuck Edward?! Yes, I did propose to you!"

"No you didn't. You demanded to know why I hadn't proposed. It's not the same."

"But I thought of it first."

"Bella, sweetheart, my love..." He stares into my eyes. "I'd bought that ring during our second separation before I knew if you would take me back or not, before you moved in with me, before Lily, before that day at the hotel."

I give him a skeptical look, but after staring into his eyes I see that he is telling the truth.

I avert my gaze to my lap trying to remember that far back but I come up blank.

"That was so long ago." I whisper, my thoughts muddled by the realization. "We weren't even together then... technically."

"Didn't matter. I knew if I got you back, I would get you down the aisle before you changed your mind about me... but you weren't ready. I could tell."

"I wasn't ready." I whisper and blink up at him. "I guess you thought of it first."

"Of course." He says like the cocky bastard that he is and sits back, his hands behind his head, a smirk set on his beautiful face. "So you were wrong."

I sigh exasperatedly and roll my eyes. "I admit that I was wrong. Are you happy?"

He doesn't reply nor glance at me, his gaze flicks to Alice but the smirk never leaves his face. He seems to love the fact that I was wrong and he is silently gloating.

"Move along."

XXX

February 2030

3 Years Later

"Bella!" I hear Edward call my name from our bedroom. I drop the shirt I was in the middle of folding back into the basket before making my way to him in our bedroom. He has Ava, our three-year- old daughter sprawled across his chest fast asleep.

Edward looks up from the television and rubs his eyes with his index finger and thumb. He looks a bit perturbed, and a little upset.

"What's wrong?" I ask, walking up to him, running a hand through Ava's thick bronze locks.

Edward sighs heavily. "Charlie saw you smoking."

My eyes widen on their own accord displaying my shock. I had planned to play it cool when he finally found out that I had picked up my smoking habit again but it was now too late for that. I am caught completely by surprise.

"When?"

Edward raises his brows making him look so much older than his forty plus years of age because of the wrinkle in his forehead. He is still the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life but this face looks so much more like his father's.

"Does it matter?" He asks, agitation evident in his voice.

With a sigh, I reply. "Of course it matters, but fuck Edward... what did he say?"

"I saw him mimicking you with a rolled up piece of paper. When I asked why he was doing it, he said he wanted to be like mommy."

"Oh god!"

Edward gently lays Ava down on the bed and turns to me. He grabs me around the waist pulling me until I am right in front of him. He slowly lifts his head, and the look on his face is one of disappointment.

"You said you weren't smoking anymore."

"I hadn't smoked because I've been popping out kids for the better part of thirteen years." There's a defensive edge to my voice I admit it's unnecessary but I hate it when he looks at me like this. "We said we weren't having any more kids, Edward."

"So you decide to revisit a bad habit?"

"You make it sound so bad! Yes, okay, sometimes I have a little cigarette. No big deal."

"In front of the kids?" He's not shouting but he might as well be. His implications are loud and clear.

"Never. I have no idea when he could have seen me. I'm discreet."

"Discreet." He mumbles, with the slow lift of both brows one at a time in disbelief. His eyes roam over my body, settling on the curve of my hips to my thighs. Then his eyebrows lower on his face and he looks up giving me a seriously sad look, almost pouting.

"Promise me you will make a conscious effort to stop smoking." He finally says with a sigh, lowering his head to my stomach.

I lift his head and hold him firmly in my hands looking into the deep green eyes of my love.

"I'll stop, I promise. I love you, okay. I love our life; I have just been stressed lately."

He nods once and turns his head to kiss my palm. "I want us to live long enough to enjoy the life we've built together."

He stands slowly and my hands fall from his face to his chest as my eyes slowly rise to meet his.

"I want that too." His eyes search my face and he bites down on his bottom lip. I feel his hard length between us straining through his pants and I instantly know the turn of his thoughts. He glances back toward the bed where Ava lies still sound asleep before looking back at me. "I'm going to lay Ava in her bed, and when I come back I want you naked and waiting for me."

I smile and nod breathlessly, "I can do that."

"Good girl." He says with one hand in my hair, the other wrapped tightly around my waist. Bringing his face down close to mine he slowly brushes his lips across my own.

"My love..." He whispers, his voice tender and so warm I swear he still melts my insides.

This time he kisses me softly before applying pressure. He pulls back again and gives me that look that he's mastered to perfection. It's the one of absolute awe and wonder.

"You are so beautiful it hurts." The back of his hand runs down my cheek slowly, before he slowly inches down again pressing his lips to mine.

A deep moan bubbles up in my throat and I melt into his strong arms feeling extremely weak with wanting.

My body burns for my husband, and it's all I can do not to push him down onto the bed and beg him to make love to me. He drives me insane when he begins to suck my bottom lip. This time I can't help but moan, pressing my body closer to him as he ever so thoroughly claims my mouth with his feverish kisses. I am slightly delirious and panting for him when he whispers against my lips, "I want you."

He grips my hips and shifts his showing me just how much he wants me. That singular move brings me back to the present and I push at his chest trying to get him to back away. I succeed, but he comes close once more for another lingering kiss that serves as a prelude for more to come.

I half-heartedly shove him again, still with my tongue in his mouth unable to pull myself away from him. Edward groans knowing that he has to pull away and put our baby girl in her bed before this can escalate any further.

He pulls away and holds a finger to my face. "No clothes Bella, I'm serious."

"Yes sir. "I grin at him and my eyes close as he moves down again to quickly peck my lips before turning away.

He reaches for Ava, holding her against his chest before leaving the room. When he comes back into our bedroom, he shuts and locks the door, turning just as his eyes gaze upon my naked body on the bed.

He hurriedly pulls his shirt over his head, and removes his pants and shoes tossing them carelessly around the room.

I laugh as his boxers go flying over my head and a sock lands on our headboard.

He jumps into bed, and makes his way between my legs, kissing and licking up my chest toward my neck. I giggle some more, missing our time together. Yes we are still very sexually active, but we haven't had time like this for each other in a long time.

Four kids, housework, and Edward's job take up a large portion of our time leaving us with less carefree time to just be how we have always been together. Just Edward and Bella.

He ghosts kisses across my collarbone, and up the side of my neck to my face. I grab his face in my hands tilting my head to give him better access.

Once he reaches my lips I am all for anything he says or does, and I am burning for any semblance of pleasure.

"Let's make baby number five." He whispers against my lips and my eyes snap open and widen as his words sink in.

"WHAT!" I screech, wondering if he's serious or not. I push away at his chest and stare him down. "Are you serious?"

"Deadly." He replies before leaning down to kiss me. "I want more kids." He says it with a shrug and my eyes widen further if at all possible. "Our home is full and I love it. I want more." He practically growls the last part, his lips pressed to my ear and I shiver beneath him as my eyes flutter closed.

"You're still such a greedy man." I whisper, practically panting the words. He presses a wet smacking kiss against my lips.

"I'll show you just how greedy I can be." He grinds his hips against me and I moan. "I warned you of my greed when we met."He whispers against my neck, ghosting kisses along my heated skin.

"Edward..." I gasp, when he runs a finger over my hardened nipple before pinching it causing my back to arch from the bed.

He pulls back and stares down at me while he twists my nipples. My lips part on a moan and my eyes involuntarily squint up at him. When I lick my lips he groans and its a rumbling sound from deep in his chest.

Without much warning he shifts his hips and his dick slips between my legs running along my clit. I visibly shudder from the movement and he mumbles a few curse words under his breath.

"I'm greedy for this, baby. Greedy for you." He groans, and comes down on top of me, his hands finding and clasping with mine. This time when he pulls his hips back, his dick aligns with my entrance and I'm so wet and greedy for him my body opens with ease. He pushes into me and it's like the first time all over again.

With his body covering mine he stares into my eyes and I can see all of the love that he has for me reflected in his eyes.

God, I love this man and I couldn't imagine my life without him. We have endured all kinds of hell to be together and nothing has detered our love.

Pain was my constant; it was the one thing I knew would never fade from my life. Edward has given me hope that I can cling to him and our family as my constant...I can cling to love.

* * *

That's it guys! I hope you all have enjoyed the story because I have enjoyed writing it! :)


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